Half-Time Oranges - St George Illawarra Dragons Edition

[Rife]

Half-Time Oranges - St George Illawarra Dragons Edition

Australia's Most-Trusted St George Illawarra Dragons News Source

 

[This Year?]

It's Friday and no announcement, oranges please!

 

[Rife]

CEO Tenure turns 17, earns driver's licence

by Johnny Sins
14 October 2017

KOGARAH - It seems like only yesterday the CEO Tenure held his first press conference on a Friday afternoon in April 2000. Now, the CEO Tenure has grown up and earned his driver's licence.

The CEO Tenure's proud parents - the 1977 NSWRL Grand Final and the 1979 NSWRL Grand Final - are amazed at how time has flown for their beloved son, who his mother affectionately calls "Warren Buffet" because of his business nous, intellect and astute investment decisions.

"He was so innocent in those early days of 2003 when he appointed the youngest non-playing coach in premiership history," said the CEO Tenure's mother.

Sources indicate the CEO Tenure has gone through many phases as he has grown up including his 'youthful innocence' phase, his 'we no longer have two head coaches' phase, his 'let's not re-sign the coach who helped us win our first premiership in 31 years' phase, his 'don't worry the water boy will be an excellent replacement' phase, his 'let's have five home grounds' phase, and another phase of neglect.

"You know, I just don't think we'll ever be able to let our little CEO Tenure go," said his mother.

"Yeah, well, knowing him, he'll still be living with us until he's 30 and begging for cash from us until he's at least 40," responded the CEO Tenure's father.

His parents want the best for the 17-year old and have suggested he apply to Harvard Business School.

Half-Time Oranges can confirm his parents were last seen wondering why there are so many empty Crown Lager beer bottles in the recycling bin.

 

[jak]

its going to be a long off season.

 

[Rife]

Median age of Dragon’s board of directors falls to 98, study finds

by Rocco Siffredi
19 October 2017

Great Lakes, NSW – The median age of the St George Illawarra Dragon’s board of directors has dropped to 98 years old, a new study shows.

The drastic change in the median age took a hit after 126-year-old Herbert Grover Mrytle died unexpectedly while ordering peking duck at the St George Leagues Club.

The next oldest board member is Clarence Eugene, a 119-year-old working closely with CEO Peter Doust on the next chook raffle.

Eugene was supposed to be medically retired five decades ago, although sources say he wrote such a moving letter to the Dragon’s board that his vocation was saved.

“He wrote, ‘these shrivelled, wrinkled hands have cupped the shrivelled, wrinkled balls of over one hundred board members,” recalled Bernard Edward, Eugene’s physician and long-time friend. “I will continue to serve the Dragon’s brand until death, like my pappy, and his grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-grand-pappy before him. Do not strip me of this honour, good sirs.’”

“Nobody knew what to say to that,” Edward said. “So Clarence has been on the board ever since.”

Half-Time Oranges can confirm Doust and Clarence were last seen in deep discussions on whether to raffle three or four chooks next Sunday.

 

[Life's Good]

Median age of Dragon’s board of directors falls to 98, study finds

by Rocco Siffredi
19 October 2017

Great Lakes, NSW – The median age of the St George Illawarra Dragon’s board of directors has dropped to 98 years old, a new study shows.

The drastic change in the median age took a hit after 126-year-old Herbert Grover Mrytle died unexpectedly while ordering peking duck at the St George Leagues Club.

The next oldest board member is Clarence Eugene, a 119-year-old working closely with CEO Peter Doust on the next chook raffle.

Eugene was supposed to be medically retired five decades ago, although sources say he wrote such a moving letter to the Dragon’s board that his vocation was saved.

“He wrote, ‘these shrivelled, wrinkled hands have cupped the shrivelled, wrinkled balls of over one hundred board members,” recalled Bernard Edward, Eugene’s physician and long-time friend. “I will continue to serve the Dragon’s brand until death, like my pappy, and his grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-grand-pappy before him. Do not strip me of this honour, good sirs.’”

“Nobody knew what to say to that,” Edward said. “So Clarence has been on the board ever since.”

Half-Time Oranges can confirm Doust and Clarence were last seen in deep discussions on whether to raffle three or four chooks next Sunday.

Your journalist has also acted in some classic movies. Multi talented for sure....

 

[grouch]

Median age of Dragon’s board of directors falls to 98, study finds

by Rocco Siffredi
19 October 2017

Great Lakes, NSW – The median age of the St George Illawarra Dragon’s board of directors has dropped to 98 years old, a new study shows.

The drastic change in the median age took a hit after 126-year-old Herbert Grover Mrytle died unexpectedly while ordering peking duck at the St George Leagues Club.

The next oldest board member is Clarence Eugene, a 119-year-old working closely with CEO Peter Doust on the next chook raffle.

Eugene was supposed to be medically retired five decades ago, although sources say he wrote such a moving letter to the Dragon’s board that his vocation was saved.

“He wrote, ‘these shrivelled, wrinkled hands have cupped the shrivelled, wrinkled balls of over one hundred board members,” recalled Bernard Edward, Eugene’s physician and long-time friend. “I will continue to serve the Dragon’s brand until death, like my pappy, and his grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-pappy before him, and his grand-grand-grand-pappy before him. Do not strip me of this honour, good sirs.’”

“Nobody knew what to say to that,” Edward said. “So Clarence has been on the board ever since.”

Half-Time Oranges can confirm Doust and Clarence were last seen in deep discussions on whether to raffle three or four chooks next Sunday.

While Clarence's hands are shrivelled and wrinkled I can confirm that the cupping experience is not entirely unpleasant. I'm glad the old duck is sticking around

 

[Slackboy72]

Another alt account for OV? See you next year peoples when the mods clean out the trash.

 

[gitano]

Another alt account for OV? See you next year peoples when the mods clean out the trash.

It's a mess

 

[Rife]

Dragons to bring back WWII-era uniforms in lieu of WWII-era victory

by Peter North
6 November 2017

WOLLONGONG – The St George Illawarra Dragons have announced plans to bring back WWII-era uniforms in lieu of WWII-era victory, Half-Time Oranges can confirm.

The decision would improve morale and save the Dragons money, a spokesperson for the club said. It would also allow the Dragons to potentially recycle old uniforms for decades.

“Nah. Yeah. With this system, we could keep this up for a long time,” co-assistant coach Dean Young said. “Yeah. Nah. Like, players can wear these snazzy things a few years, then bam! We swap em for 1980s-era Steelers scarlet. Saves us, like, two or even three thousand dollars.”

Players were spotted wearing the Dragons 1941 Premiership winning uniform around Wollongong at pre-season training this week, leading Dragons board members and rugby league journalists alike to praise the club for potentially adopting a new playing kit that would not get the Dragons any closer to victory in the 2018 NRL season.

Board members and journalists at the Dragons have praised the idea as an ‘original’ and a ‘completely relevant’ change of pace.

“Um, y’know, um, everything looked better back then,” co-assistant coach Ben Hornby told Half-Time Oranges. “Um, and that’s the heart of the matter. If looks could kill, y’know, the Dragons back then would’ve been unstoppable?!”

Other possible plans include replacing the cotton and polyester jerseys with the older, heavier, 100% cotton jerseys with collars that will help opposition teams tackle the Dragons easier, and at pre-season training swapping the synthetic waterproof Steedens with leather-encased WWII-era rugby balls which are prone to water-logging.

Half-Time Oranges attempted to contact Dragons head coach Paul McGregor for comment on the matter but were informed he was “painting the gym” [sic].

 

[Life's Good]

I’m looking forward to the upcoming article by Lexington Steele.

 

[_Johnsy]

He's certainly no CDF.