2014 FFB Awards Night

[Misanthrope]

There's a big crowd on hand at SeeJay's Blumpkins & Pancakes in downtown Seattle to attend the annual FFB Awards, with this year's competition hotter than ever with the addition of two new awards.

Our host for the evening is Ms. Anne Thrope, the 'thick' (as LESStar would put it) alt of Misanthrope looking pretty magnificent in her combination poncho/assless chaps.

"Welcome!" she bellows around a mouthful of turkey leg, "And let's get started with the first award of the evening - Best Alt!"

Her chins glisten with grease and a suspicious milky white substance as she reads out our nominees.

Best Alt Account - 2014

Drew-Star
Drew-Sta
MsAnneThrope
Warrior Poet
AdemKungl
Martin Bella's Love Handles

​

------

We'll also announce nominees for one of the awards that doesn't come with a shiny banner.

Best FFB Bitchfight - 2014

Different King of Rabbit v Muzby
Madunit v Bulldogs Force
Everybody v Bulldogs Force
Parra Pride v KeepingTheFaith
Drew-Sta v Bulldogs Force
​

"I don't know about you," chimes in Rolf Harris from the peanut gallery, "But this Bulldogs Force sounds almost as hated as us at a child's birthday party!"

"I'll say," agrees Gary Glitter, "He sounds like a real class act".

Their dates for the evening, not yet old enough to talk, gurgle wordlessly in what might be agreement.

 

[muzby]

**sniff** i don't care if i win or lose, it's an honour just to be nominated for a golden hippo

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

I won't be nominated for anything...

 

[Drew-Sta]

Best. Awards. Ever...

 

[soc123_au]

Yay. Awards night. My c**k is hardening with anticipation.

 

[afinalsin666]

I didn't vote because i fell off for ages, but i wait with bated breath.

 

[Alba]

*sweats with anticipation*

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

 

[Misanthrope]

Ms. Anne Thrope jiggles and wiggles as she returns to the stage to hand out the first of the awards, the best FFB Bitchfight of 2014.

"And the winner is..."

A pregnant pause falls over the audience.

"Take it off!" soc123_au shouts, and is rewarded with a saucy wink for his troubles. Ms. Anne winking looks suspiciously like a butthole blinking.

"... Everybody versus Bulldogs Force!"

A Bulldogs Force effigy is lowered from the roof in honour of the occasion, and the audience are encouraged to reach underneath their chairs where they find batons, 2x4's with nails in them, hammers, knives, and various other implements of mayhem.

An orgy of destruction ensues.

----

Once the clean up is complete, everybody's favourite alt, Twizzle, comes up to present the award for Best Alt Account.

"The winner is... Drew-Star!"

​

Drew-Sta looks crestfallen at his snubbing, and is seen pounding a frustrated fist into his leather bound bible while shouting to the sky about being hard done by.

Warrior Poet, for his part, goes back to having sex with Dutchy's sloppy seconds.

Word is, Hoggmaster gets third go at it.

Drew-Star, represented by a blur with a question mark for a head, gratefully accepts the award.

"I am the one true Drew," he shouts down at his doppelganger, "And 2015 will be the year that my Star rises!"

------

Next up is the prestigious award for Best Overseas Firker, won the last two years by Misanthrope. He'll have stiff competition this year as a result of SeeJay & Hoggmaster's arrivals, Dutchy's flight to the Orient, and sensesmaybenumbed waxing in awesomeness.

That means growing, folks; although I wouldn't be surprised if senses also waxed...

Best Overseas Firker - 2014​

sensesmaybenumbed
Misanthrope
Dutchy
SeeJay
Hoggmaster
madunit

​

----

In addition, we'll also announce nominees for the Best Thread of 2014.

Best Thread - 2014​

​

Superthread
Wine Thread
NWO v WCW QuickTopic
Travel Thread
Funny Pics
Ultrathread
BM's Retirement Thread

​

 

[Twizzle]

Where is the red carpet

 

[butchmcdick]

What's Lindsay Lohan's crotch got to do with this

 

[God-King Dean]

"Take it off!" soc123_au shouts, and is rewarded with a saucy wink for his troubles. Ms. Anne winking looks suspiciously like a butthole blinking.

:lol:

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Wine Thread wins or we riot!

 

[soc123_au]

I forgot about Goldenrods thread. Can I change my vote?

 

[Drew_Star]

Oh happy day!

 

[Drew-Sta]

:lol:

 

[Misanthrope]

Battling man flu. No guarantee of more tonight, but I'll try.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Man up princess

 

[Misanthrope]

You've obviously never had man flu

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Many times, but your inability to find your HDD containing LU's favourite wrestling matches makes me less sympathetic to your plight...