Discussion in 'Health, Fitness and Well Being' started by Patorick, Feb 20, 2017.
How can a therapist help a client with borderline personality disorder acquire a sense of self?
Answered by Julie Gurner (A doc of psychology) on April the 6th 2018.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often suffer from an unstable sense of self (technically called “identity diffusion”)…there are a lot of reasons for that, but this is how a therapist can help them - if the therapist is properly trained.
I say that, because often times, patients with BPD will go to therapists *for years* with no results - and honestly, it’s usually because the therapist is not trained in DBT or specialty treatments that truly help these individuals, and they should be referring them to people who do have this training.
Here’s 4 Things We Do (in a vague way - every person is different).
1. We help Define Boundaries. Boundaries are rough for people with BPD, and often very difficult to adjust to…but boundaries help people to know where they end, and the other person begins. We start here because without knowing this line, it’s often confusing to define who you are. Therapists might start out drawing the boundaries by using the therapeutic relationship with you as a model…but the hope is, that you’ll learn to draw boundaries in your own life outside of the office.
2. We give you Emotional Regulation Skills. We teach you how to regulate your emotions that can be so intense and seemingly unmanageable. While that is challenging, mastering it gives people a sense of confidence. Emotions don’t have to control them anymore - they control their emotions. That’s very powerful.
3. We help to Build Self-Esteem. How do you know that you are worthy of respect or who you are if you have no self-esteem? We help you to see yourself as stable (see emotional regulation skills), well-defined regardless of others (boundaries), and start to develop who you are…and that person is usually really cool.
4. We help you to define yourself, not allow others to create that definition. People with BPD often come from unstable backgrounds where they based who they were from other people’s reaction to them. By taking that power back, it creates an entirely new dynamic of interacting with other people…a stable sense of self that translates to all environments.
People with BPD aren’t “bad clients,” they just have problems not every therapist is equipped to deal with. Look for a therapist with DBT training, and find the good ones! While this isn’t everything, obviously, it gives you a good insight into how we help a client with BPD acquire a sense of self.
I'm honestly not sure. From what I have read from this my perspective is that he has issues with social skills and co-existing in a team environment. Getting along, being friendly and showing respect. On the field and off the field. For the coach to come out and say that these issues have been ongoing suggest a long-term pattern of negative attitude and behavior.
Whether these are personality disorder issues or mental health challenges, the main thing is that we as a club give him the support, space and time that he needs to get himself feeling safe and happy. It's just a game. No one is perfect. We all have issues. When his football career comes to an end Hastings has to find something else to do and the club (and Hastings himself) has a responsibility to help him as much as they can with this. His welfare is important as is every other players. His feelings are important. So are the feelings of everyone else involved with this.
As a club they are hurting mentally and physically. Losing is not fun. We have to respect that and show our unconditional support to everyone associated to the team with peace, love and understanding. Be mindful of how difficult it is to compete at the NRL level of rugby league and to be more grateful of the success when it does start happening again.
Can someone with BPD have periods of months in which they isolate and do not want to talk to anyone?
Answered by Marie Laigneau on the 14th of May 2018.
In the life of BPD people, there will be times when the pain is too much to bear.
We’re then faced with two choices:
1. Deny those feelings at all costs - blaming others and the world, escaping through substances / alcohol, doing crazy things to take our mind off our problems.
2. Attempt to deal with those feelings - which will generate frightening pain, sometimes pain so great that depression and withdrawal is inevitable and even necessary to the healing process.
I am not talking about everyone’s experience here, but I have a very good idea of what it means to choose 1. or 2. - In fact, I chose 1) for the major part of my life, until I attempted to tackle the problem and fell into depression (2). From then on, it has been up and down, with periods when I would feel better, and other cascading events leading me back into the rabbit hole.
Is social withdrawal the right strategy? Probably not, but for me it has felt like a necessity during these months of healing / recovering. Interactions with other people had become very painful in themselves. I had to stay on my own to heal the massive wounds that I had opened, and this was my way of protecting myself. My friends, despite themselves, were reminding me of everything that was wrong with my life, and how fragile and broken I was. I was afraid that they’d see me as weak, scary or broken, and deeply I felt terrible shame for it. I was also concerned that they would give up on me if they really saw me at my worst, because at the core of it, I thought I was unlovable and worthless.
I reconnected with the world one step at a time. A little bit of going out, here and there. Inviting friends for a coffee, going out for a walk. Slowly, very slowly did I come back to life, but it took months to be able to stand the presence of others without wanting to scream inside, to scream so loudly that I would have scared the hell out of them. So be patient with this person. Be patient but persevere. Show them that while they might feel that they are drowning, you are there and you will stay there. Whatever happens, no matter how much time they need, you will not go anywhere. You will be their rock, because you love them.
This is the best thing you can do for someone who’ve decided to face these intolerable feelings.
So how is it going you doing OK?
I have borderline Angryman.
I like children and animals, adults not so much.
Hey. Good question Mr Angry. Thank you for asking. I'm relatively ok all things considered. As good as someone with BPD can be.
My life is very busy. Up and down each day. Every day is a challenge dealing with negative thought patterns and unstable relationships with myself and others. Handling honest direct criticism and not taking everything deeply personally. Accepting people for the flawed beings that they are. Myself as well.
Yoga and soccer (indoor and outdoor) helps so much with this. Breathing and meditation as well. Being grateful for everything in my life. Actively practicing gratitude for everything that is around me. The clothes that I wear, the food that I eat, the water that I drink and the fresh air that I breathe. All the little things like that you can sometimes take for granted.
Waking up each morning and facing the day with a positive selfless mindset. Not easy on cold morning but once you get the hot shower, coffee and breakfast on you are right. Getting dressed, grooming yourself and showing up each day ready to work. And play. And volunteer wherever I can be of help to those around me. Being there for other people as well, making time for them. No matter what mentally might get in the way.
I did ask.
the sun will tomorrow too.
Being blocked 101
Answered by Jessica LeBoeuf (Personal Trainer) on May 28, 2017
Don't take it personal.
It's never about you.
It is always about what the other person is going through.
Remember everyone has feelings.
If this person blocked you it is likely because there is currently a lot of emotion there right now.
Everyone copes differently.
“To heal a wound you need to stop touching it.”
It's natural to want to block someone in every aspect especially when feeling overwhelmed and hurt. Blocking can be used as a coping mechanism.
It protects the wound.
Lastly, have compassion.
Don't hold a grudge.
We're all just people trying to live life to the fullest while taking some stops along the way.
Remember people come and go. Be thankful for all that person taught you.
Don't hate, become indifferent.
My further thoughts:
This is especially difficult for me with BPD. Letting go is very difficult in this sort of situation even if you are only on a friendship level. Several people have blocked and unfriended me on Facebook (some of whom I was once very close with). That is initially very upsetting and confusing to me but it is their right too do this. You have to accept this. It has happened and nothing you can say or do will change this. Trying to contact them again through a mutual friend will only make this worse.
It is not about you. This about them. They are in control of the situation. They feel safer and better this way. They do not owe you an explanation. This not about you or what you want. It is about them and their personal space.
You are wasting your time trying to stay in touch with people who block you out. As cute and cuddly as they may be, they do not want to stay in touch with you. They care about your well being as a person but the friendship or relationship has ended and you have to accept that. In some cases it is brutal and unkind but you still have to radically accept it and move along.
The quicker you do this the more time you will have for people who do like you and are friendly toward you. People who are really there for you, your close family and friends.
"There is people that find joy in other people's suffering and that's more indicative of what's inside them than what's inside me or anybody else. And that's always going to be them unless they change. I don't live my life based on the opinions of somebody else."
Separate names with a comma.