Melon's Matchups RND 12 Chooks -V- Static Electricity
Fresh from the absolute jousting lesson handed down to the "Oh my god...we're losing the plot" Naughts, and even fresher from a week's rest and a 21st Birthday bash at "The Mouth's" parent's place up north, the Chooks are heading down to the former Nation's Capital, to try and erase the horrid memories of last season there against Static Electricity. Has the week off done the Champs any good?? Lets delve into the situation....
1. Anthony Minichiello V Billy Slater - Enough is Enough!!!! The upcoming selections for ****e of Origin have clearly pointed to "favourites" being picked in custodial positions. Means the in-form "Moth" will probably miss out on fullback to "Lancelot Link", which spells one thing.....ANGRY MOTH!!!! He will be looking to take out his frustrations this week, so watch your cardigans!!! The pour kid thats going to cop it is potential rookie of the year "Melrose Place". Can forget about prior "brilliant" performances at centre, as now he's at the back and facing the dusty-winged wrath, its a whole new ball game. Its like jumping off Heather Locklear and onto some B Grade porn starlette.
2. Shannon Hegarty V Marcus Bai - Fuel the Tempo!!! "Latino Heat" really hitting his sequined strides, and is playing out of his skin scoring some great tries and really muscling up in defense. And what better way to fuel the Merkin chinned one, than a run in with the fiesty "Sexual". A cracker of a power matchup, with the highlights package between these two bettered only by the Hot Chocolate soundtrack. Question is does "Sexual" believe in miracles? He'll need several...
3. Justin Hodges V Matt Geyer - Following the celebrations this week for his 21st birthday, "The Mouth" heads sounth to get this party started. Has come of age in years as well as on the field as THE premier centre in the game today. Will be frothing at the gob and be looking to bust some chops. Speaking of chops, he faces the loose footed man "St. Mary's". On again off again relationship with injuries, he'll be heeding the words of "The Mouth" which will signal the realisation that his calling is back home, in the Jim Beam cup. Not only out of work, but out of his league.
4. Ryan Cross V Steven Bell - "Quentin" fresh from being "on notice", responded beautifully to the call, with a much improved defensive effort against ex-rep pretenders "Sir Turnstiles" and "Dropsies". Did the kid the world of good and the confidence boost was almost as evident as the intraveinously administered calcium one. Faces the continual struggler "Ding-a-ling". Always fighting to penetrate the line, the only ringing this week will be one of the neck nature. Namely his own...
5. Todd Byrne V Semi Tadulala - Much controversy regarding the position of "Carpet" with his possible demise since the arrival of "Texas Ranger". But true to his great form, the little doer has welcomed the Texan's arrival and has accepted the challenge. Surely will rise to the occassion, and has tasked himself to do better and secure his position as the front "runner" for the wing spot. Faces the up and coming "Trailer". This bullnosed unit gets a chance to shine for the Static Electricity, and is known to haul ass. But with the added incentive to "Carpet", the only thing he'll be hauling is his own ass, as he trails in a cloud of Olympic Park dust.
6. Brad Fittler V Scott Hill - "The Messiah" following a couple of quieter performances as a result of a few miracles, needs to rise to the occassion and ensure the fading memories of last year at Olympic Park are forever erased with a commanding performance. And like true champions, he will lift in this big game and deliver his deciples to the promised land...Crown Casino after a big win. His opponent is the injury struggling "Benny". Once surrounded by busty models in cheap site gags, the only action this guy's seen recently is the impending love triangle with former Static coach and halfback now at the Guppies. Remains to be seen if he will make the move, but its quite possible he could scuttle his way north next year to be with his life long loves.
7. Brett Finch V Matt Orford - A bit of a comeback the last outing from "Budgie" has seen the silencing of his critics with a solid methodical performance. He's up for it again this week with in-form "Orfull". The big O, has been leading his chargers well around the park and has been in everything, controlling all their attacking opportunities with good success. But the little runt only goes well when his forward sgive him the much needed room, and if the Chooks pack shuts his down, like his name, he'll go pretty "Orfull".
8. Jason Cayless V Robbie Kearns - A big challenge for "Captain Caveman" this week. Will need to swing the club freely and get ontop of his opponent, "Williams", who is contention for a ****e of Origin spot. Again living proof that not all reps are selected on performances or consistant form. Its a bit like claiming your a rock star, when you really sound like Kylie on mandrax. Actually the best thing this dud's done would have to be K. The only time he's ever dropped his bundle and not squandered possesion.
9. Craig Wing V Cameron Smith - Twice last week "Cleo" was "tested" by the incumbent rep hooker "Butterarse". Twice "Cleo" out pointed him. As Tina once said..."Simply the Best". On the other side of the equation, a little battler with a tackle count of 47 last week against the Heels. But like his move to Hollywood, "Daddo" will try and try but face facts when like all those auditions, he isnt quite upto the role against the model material of "Cleo".
10. Peter Cusack V Mitchell Sargent - It seems another "on notice" boy in "Yak" responded well last week off the bench. The tradesman seems to revel off the bench and produces a little bit more spark in attack and starch in defense when the opportunity to get the Sydchromes in order before having to use them presents itself. Will do well this week, as he faces none other that the man that sees nothing, knows nothing...."Schultz". Will need to keep up with them or could be facing the next couple of weeks out of the comfort of Stalag 13 and bumbling his way to the Russian Front. "Hooooogaaannnnn!!"
11. Adrian Morley V Peter Robinson - Man of the Match last week, as "Pommie Backpacker" finally got the load in the pack right, and unleashed Hell on all things 44DD and Naught. Raged on through the night reminiscing of home with the ring of "Pommie...Pommie...Pommie" clearly pounding in his ears. Will be fired up to produce the same this week and the guy charged with containing the Pint Buster is "Crusoe". A little lost at sea against the soft Heels, looks like this week could end up stranded.
12. Craig Fitzgibbon V Stephen Kearney - The first man to be picked in any rep side today is "Moondoggie". Just when you think he cant go better, Mr. 120% finds a few more percentile points. Huge appetite for metres and his kicking has him up there with the best in the battle for the X-Box. Who's the poor dote he faces theis week?...."merkin he"?? no unfortunately he Can't.
13. Luke Ricketson V Kirk Reynoldson - Another Chook that enrolled in "The Mouth's" Anger Management class of late is "Stud for life". Has benefitted from the course with a little more agro in his game, which keeps the opposition guessing. I can feel a line break coming on!! His opponent this week is the old Trekie, "Captain". Looking for Warp 9, but the only thing warped will be his torso as he gets continually hammered by tricoloured Klingons.
The Bench
14. Venus V Mullet
15. Jr Ewing V The Hitman
16. The Rock V Danger Will
17. Dud Kiwi Batsman V Barry
A reverse decision this week. I cant see it any other way.
Chooks by 20.
Fresh from the absolute jousting lesson handed down to the "Oh my god...we're losing the plot" Naughts, and even fresher from a week's rest and a 21st Birthday bash at "The Mouth's" parent's place up north, the Chooks are heading down to the former Nation's Capital, to try and erase the horrid memories of last season there against Static Electricity. Has the week off done the Champs any good?? Lets delve into the situation....
1. Anthony Minichiello V Billy Slater - Enough is Enough!!!! The upcoming selections for ****e of Origin have clearly pointed to "favourites" being picked in custodial positions. Means the in-form "Moth" will probably miss out on fullback to "Lancelot Link", which spells one thing.....ANGRY MOTH!!!! He will be looking to take out his frustrations this week, so watch your cardigans!!! The pour kid thats going to cop it is potential rookie of the year "Melrose Place". Can forget about prior "brilliant" performances at centre, as now he's at the back and facing the dusty-winged wrath, its a whole new ball game. Its like jumping off Heather Locklear and onto some B Grade porn starlette.
2. Shannon Hegarty V Marcus Bai - Fuel the Tempo!!! "Latino Heat" really hitting his sequined strides, and is playing out of his skin scoring some great tries and really muscling up in defense. And what better way to fuel the Merkin chinned one, than a run in with the fiesty "Sexual". A cracker of a power matchup, with the highlights package between these two bettered only by the Hot Chocolate soundtrack. Question is does "Sexual" believe in miracles? He'll need several...
3. Justin Hodges V Matt Geyer - Following the celebrations this week for his 21st birthday, "The Mouth" heads sounth to get this party started. Has come of age in years as well as on the field as THE premier centre in the game today. Will be frothing at the gob and be looking to bust some chops. Speaking of chops, he faces the loose footed man "St. Mary's". On again off again relationship with injuries, he'll be heeding the words of "The Mouth" which will signal the realisation that his calling is back home, in the Jim Beam cup. Not only out of work, but out of his league.
4. Ryan Cross V Steven Bell - "Quentin" fresh from being "on notice", responded beautifully to the call, with a much improved defensive effort against ex-rep pretenders "Sir Turnstiles" and "Dropsies". Did the kid the world of good and the confidence boost was almost as evident as the intraveinously administered calcium one. Faces the continual struggler "Ding-a-ling". Always fighting to penetrate the line, the only ringing this week will be one of the neck nature. Namely his own...
5. Todd Byrne V Semi Tadulala - Much controversy regarding the position of "Carpet" with his possible demise since the arrival of "Texas Ranger". But true to his great form, the little doer has welcomed the Texan's arrival and has accepted the challenge. Surely will rise to the occassion, and has tasked himself to do better and secure his position as the front "runner" for the wing spot. Faces the up and coming "Trailer". This bullnosed unit gets a chance to shine for the Static Electricity, and is known to haul ass. But with the added incentive to "Carpet", the only thing he'll be hauling is his own ass, as he trails in a cloud of Olympic Park dust.
6. Brad Fittler V Scott Hill - "The Messiah" following a couple of quieter performances as a result of a few miracles, needs to rise to the occassion and ensure the fading memories of last year at Olympic Park are forever erased with a commanding performance. And like true champions, he will lift in this big game and deliver his deciples to the promised land...Crown Casino after a big win. His opponent is the injury struggling "Benny". Once surrounded by busty models in cheap site gags, the only action this guy's seen recently is the impending love triangle with former Static coach and halfback now at the Guppies. Remains to be seen if he will make the move, but its quite possible he could scuttle his way north next year to be with his life long loves.
7. Brett Finch V Matt Orford - A bit of a comeback the last outing from "Budgie" has seen the silencing of his critics with a solid methodical performance. He's up for it again this week with in-form "Orfull". The big O, has been leading his chargers well around the park and has been in everything, controlling all their attacking opportunities with good success. But the little runt only goes well when his forward sgive him the much needed room, and if the Chooks pack shuts his down, like his name, he'll go pretty "Orfull".
8. Jason Cayless V Robbie Kearns - A big challenge for "Captain Caveman" this week. Will need to swing the club freely and get ontop of his opponent, "Williams", who is contention for a ****e of Origin spot. Again living proof that not all reps are selected on performances or consistant form. Its a bit like claiming your a rock star, when you really sound like Kylie on mandrax. Actually the best thing this dud's done would have to be K. The only time he's ever dropped his bundle and not squandered possesion.
9. Craig Wing V Cameron Smith - Twice last week "Cleo" was "tested" by the incumbent rep hooker "Butterarse". Twice "Cleo" out pointed him. As Tina once said..."Simply the Best". On the other side of the equation, a little battler with a tackle count of 47 last week against the Heels. But like his move to Hollywood, "Daddo" will try and try but face facts when like all those auditions, he isnt quite upto the role against the model material of "Cleo".
10. Peter Cusack V Mitchell Sargent - It seems another "on notice" boy in "Yak" responded well last week off the bench. The tradesman seems to revel off the bench and produces a little bit more spark in attack and starch in defense when the opportunity to get the Sydchromes in order before having to use them presents itself. Will do well this week, as he faces none other that the man that sees nothing, knows nothing...."Schultz". Will need to keep up with them or could be facing the next couple of weeks out of the comfort of Stalag 13 and bumbling his way to the Russian Front. "Hooooogaaannnnn!!"
11. Adrian Morley V Peter Robinson - Man of the Match last week, as "Pommie Backpacker" finally got the load in the pack right, and unleashed Hell on all things 44DD and Naught. Raged on through the night reminiscing of home with the ring of "Pommie...Pommie...Pommie" clearly pounding in his ears. Will be fired up to produce the same this week and the guy charged with containing the Pint Buster is "Crusoe". A little lost at sea against the soft Heels, looks like this week could end up stranded.
12. Craig Fitzgibbon V Stephen Kearney - The first man to be picked in any rep side today is "Moondoggie". Just when you think he cant go better, Mr. 120% finds a few more percentile points. Huge appetite for metres and his kicking has him up there with the best in the battle for the X-Box. Who's the poor dote he faces theis week?...."merkin he"?? no unfortunately he Can't.
13. Luke Ricketson V Kirk Reynoldson - Another Chook that enrolled in "The Mouth's" Anger Management class of late is "Stud for life". Has benefitted from the course with a little more agro in his game, which keeps the opposition guessing. I can feel a line break coming on!! His opponent this week is the old Trekie, "Captain". Looking for Warp 9, but the only thing warped will be his torso as he gets continually hammered by tricoloured Klingons.
The Bench
14. Venus V Mullet
15. Jr Ewing V The Hitman
16. The Rock V Danger Will
17. Dud Kiwi Batsman V Barry
A reverse decision this week. I cant see it any other way.
Chooks by 20.
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