Round 4 (2009) Titans v Eels

Pistol · May 10, 2009

Forum 7s - Round 3 2009
GOLD COAST TITANS v PARRAMATTA EELS

-v-

Game Thread:
* Please note - This is a game thread only, therefore only game posts can be made here (Teams, Articles).
* Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
* Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.

Naming Teams:
* 5v5 (+ 2 reserves for visiting team, 3 reserves for home team)
* No 'TBA' or changing players named
* Captains must stick with original teams named

ALL THE RULES & REGULATIONS: http://f7s.leagueunlimited.com/rules.php

FULL TIME: Wednesday 20th May 2009 at 9pm (Syd time)
REFEREE: Pistol
Venue: Skilled Park

**The Referee Blows Game On!**

CLICK HERE FOR OFFICIAL WORD COUNTER

bartman · May 10, 2009

The F7s Eels arrive at Skilled Park quite early, keen to familiarise themselves with their surroundings ahead of this clash with last season's F7s premiers. Here's to a good game for one and all!

Parramatta Power
Goleel
Dean
Hallatia
fanaticeel
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eloquentEEL (c)
bartman (c)

Parramatta_Power · May 11, 2009

Parramatta Power enters on to the pitch for the first time... Confident in his own ability. Clearly aware of the fact this will be his first ever game. His never-say-die attitude and the support of his experienced team-mates is his motivation to succeed in the world of Forum 7's.

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Rationalization(Danger: High Levels of Destruction)

Call it Rationalization, call it culling clubs to ensure a prosperous League, call it a better move for Rugby League but you will be far from the real truth: systematic wipe-out of hundreds of thousands of fans from the game. Thats right. The number says it all. Its a disease for league rather than a way to ensure a viable base of teams. Havent we learnt from the days of the Super League and the corresponding couple of seasons or are we too ignorant from what is really going on here In my opinion, this is fitting into the hands of the very people that way to see this occur 12 fateful Years ago. News.

Now Im not a man of hate and surely not a man of War especially when its a civil one and right now its turning into one. Looking out our forum, we are seeing an unfortunate group of members(mostly Outsiders of NSW) wanting to see to what the News Ltd media is calling the inevitable. Rugby Leagues true to heart have effectively joined the side of the bastards who nearly removed competitive footy from this nation we call home. Obviously they buy the narratives of the Paper that say: Parramattas in 24 Mil Debt and Manly is on its final legs without seeing the obvious. They dont see its typical agenda-based stir-up by scum journalists such as Rebecca Wilson who cant keep her mouth and knees shut. The women thinks herself as the top Journo in Rugby League today. Id rather trust George Bush.

These League Fans have not woken up. Nor will never read in the many papers owned by News that these clubs each represent a slice and part of Sydney. They each have a loyal following that span in some cases 4-5 Generations and yet they continue to ignore this fact that would have been highly noted in the papers if they werent filled with such media bias it makes me want to dance in the middle of the street for it to start raining. What about the fact that all these clubs play a huge role in the local community. Clubs like Parramatta and the Bulldogs each fund their local swimming clubs and use their hard earned cash to start program for kids and adults. Lets understand that once these clubs are given the flick, there goes most of these vital sets of syllabuses for the locals who in some cases such as the CBJDRL who depend on essential funding from the Bulldogs to ensure that Rugby League remains dominant in that area and the sport continues to prosper where it first picked up. Lets not be ignorant here. Once we leave these footholds or turf that took decades to conquer AFL WILL COME RUNNING IN WITH THEIR PURSE IN HAND. Even though AFL is restricted to a total of 2,929 juniors in Western Sydney, an open space will become a location for a host of junior clubs just waiting to poach the next possible Andrew Johns, Steve Walters or even Noa Nudruku and with the plans the AFL are coming up with such as Scholarships for NSW Teenagers and Apprenticeships for future Trade Laborers(which is an every expanding market) the threat is a slight but growing threat.

Put simply this, Rationalization will just exacerbate some of many headaches already created by the Super League War, AFLs attempted expansion in Sydney and of course the Current Economic Upheaval which is severely effecting everyone(thank you very much U.S. Reserve Bank). I dont think its not a matter of but when we loose a Sydney-based club either to debts or relocation. I dont buy that. If we seriously up the progressive anti that we have kicked off with good promotional commercials and add more emphasis on clubs getting more members eventually clubs will no longer have to suck the life out of their League Clubs. We have seen a rise of 5% in memberships in the past season and that is expected to increase by another 2%-3% if we are lucky. If we continue with our current team format, well hang to fans and keep our strongholds and footholds in the Harbor City. We keep it tight, we keep it right. Just remember this: Goliath may have been 10 feet tall but a sweet rock to the head and the big fellah was down lets make sure we do the same to AFLs Expansion.
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746 Words between Lines

bartman · May 15, 2009

Out: fanaticeel
In: bartman

Titanic · May 18, 2009

The Gold Coast TITANS v Eels

Well rested after the bye weekend and looking forward to another great tussle with the Eels, asking for no quarter and giving none, here come the Titans:

The Run-on Team
2 Tittoolate
6 tits&tans
7 Titan Uranus
11 Titanic
13 TITs ANonymouS

The Bench
1 Amadean
8 bgdc
12 Coaster

Dean · May 19, 2009

Dean takes the field a day early, screaming "Don't tell me I've had enough".

Channel Hopping makes me thirsty.

Where the hell is that remote? Oh, there it is.

ZZZZT VB, the official beer of the nr

ZZZZT Stewart allegedly sexually assaulted the young woman after a booze filled launch

ZZZZT the VB test match in

ZZZZT on you, got a feeling down deep in my soul that I just cant lose, cause Im on my way. So hard to see, that blokes like you

ZZZZT ...appears that there are serious alcohol related problems in Rugby Lea

ZZZZT neighbour, coming over for a drink

ZZZZT they sometimes go to the uh, strip tease, but its okay, Im not jealous. He can do whatever he wants, I mean, I dont care

ZZZZT these players have been going to seminars on how to treat women since the Coffs Harbour scand

ZZZZT ...THE girlfriend

ZZZZT just not working

ZZZZT Smith kicks off and the second half is underway, oh it sails out on the

ZZZZT tually, Ive never had a boyfriend. No Ive just, always preferred girls

ZZZZT Watmough allegedly verbally abused the sponsors daughter before slapping

ZZZZT THE tragedy

ZZZZT Inglis is through, hes pinned his ears back, Slater on the outside, Oh thats fantastic footba

ZZZZT a tits and ass man, Im a tits and ass man

ZZZZT wouldnt camp there if I were you. Theres drop bears. Drop bears?

ZZZZT clusive video footage of Brett Seymour stumbling through Cronullas stree

ZZZZT bending back towards the, oh, its hit the upright

ZZZZT a big ad, expensive ad, this ad better sell some bloody beer

ZZZZT always gamble responsib

ZZZZT players need to realise that they cant

ZZZZT revealed that the ARL gave each player a thousand dollar drink vouch

ZZZZT on the VB replay

ZZZZT sponsors may turn away, in a time where rugby league just cant afford

ZZZZT ficial beer of the nrl

ZZZZT need to realise that they have a responsibility to the ga

ZZZZT for the love of beer

ZZZZT thats a terrible decision, two referees on the field and they still cant get it righ

ZZZZT Paul, are those snags ready yet. In a minute love

ZZZZT very clever. I like a man whose man enough to wear pink, come meet my friends. Sure, cheers for the fashion tip fel

ZZZZT Bundy rum, the official rum of the nr

ZZZZT howd you blokes finish up the other night then, Tyson, go get your old man a beer would ya

ZZZZT the Bundy rum fine form awards

ZZZZT form the attitude to alcohol long before they ever have a drink themselves, from their most important role mod

ZZZZT its about time these block heads realised that theyre role models. Thousands of kids look up to these blok

ZZZZT push me, and then just touch me, till I can get my satisfact

ZZZZT premium light. Some drink it because their responsible. Others just love the tast

ZZZZT what a feeling, please believe in, I cant have it all now Im dancing for my

ZZZZT a hard earned thirst needs a big cold

ZZZZT satisfaction

ZZZZT the best cold beer is

ZZZZT satisfac

ZZZZT Inglis is away again, no ones gonna stop him

ZZZZT allegations involving Footy Show personalit

ZZZZT a tits and ass man

ZZZZT plosive four corners report

ZZZZT league is rotten to the core

ZZZZT group sex in New Zealand while team mates watc

ZZZZT tits and ass man, Im a tits and ass man, Im a tits and ass

ZZZZT amazing, this is why rugby league is the greatest gam

ZZZZT .

Games not what it used to be. Darl, get us a beer would ya. Hurry up and make yourself useful woman.

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615 words.

bartman · May 20, 2009

Out: Hallatia
In: eloquentEEL

Goleel · May 20, 2009

Gol dusts off the old jersey, shakes out the moths and rips off the names of the old sponsors that have since gone under, as he lines up for the Eels.

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Curious About the Cap

The Parramatta Eels are facing a salary cap crisis. The combination of backloaded contracts to underperforming players and overpaying to secure promising young talent has put them in a dire financial position. Surely the club has known for at least twelve months now of the trouble they were getting themselves in to, yet only when it reaches crisis point (or becomes a good story for the Daily Telegraph) is the rugby league loving public informed. I have an idea to change that.

Make player salaries public knowledge.

No league fan can deny they would love this juicy information. Internet forums and talkback radio across the country would suffer meltdown as every fan threw in their two cents about who was (or wasnt) worth what. The media would get great mileage out of the information, and could fill out print space with speculative articles for months. Long time pub gossip could be confirmed, you could prove players do stay at the Broncos for less, or that Canberra has to pay often ridiculous overs for average first grade talent. The numbers would be right there.

It would add another dimension to preseason speculation, as fans weigh up who they can afford from the market, and who they would have to let go to get them. Every would-be CEO in the stands could have a reasonably informed opinion, and the hecklers out there would have brand new material to yell from the sidelines. It would help the general publics knowledge of how the cap works, with direct exposure to the technicalities of match payments, the second tier cap and deferred payments that are only mentioned now when breaches occur.

The greatest benefit would be accountability. Mismanaged clubs would have nowhere to hide from their player recruitment mistakes. Underperforming players would be exposed to angry fans demanding they play to their wage. Fans would be well aware of why a club is not active in the recruitment market, and the salary cap could no longer be used by clubs as a crutch to explain their retention policies. Suspicions may be raised over star players earnings that could expose salary cap cheating earlier than an NRL investigation (this would also have the downside of baseless accusations of cheating whenever a player shows loyalty to a club by taking a pay cut, but no idea is perfect).

The player market could benefit from salaries and salary cap situations becoming public knowledge. Player managers will no longer be able to hold clubs to ransom, a CEO is far less likely to believe another team is offering player X $350,000 when he can easily see they dont have room for that in their cap next year, or if that would be double what the nearest player in that position earns. Greedy players will be given a reality check when they see the money their manager has promised they can earn is out of line with the rest of the league. Naive players would be more aware of what they should, or could, earn, and will not be exploited by clubs. The end result would be less overpayment of players, which could help keep the game alive in difficult financial times, and keep the expectations of players realistic.

There would be downsides. Jealousy between players both in their own and opposing sides would surely develop, and with that the possibility that teams are ripped apart from the inside. Knowing what a club can afford, managers may try and bleed a club dry, or threaten to shop their player to a side they know has the cap space to afford him, even if they have no interest in signing them. Player holdouts, a blight on American sports, could become common as players on modest deals refuse to play until they are compensated more adequately. Knowing exactly how much players are earning could lead to resentment from fans, or make the players targets of conmen or scammers.

Despite those negative points, I believe this is a great idea. Informing the fans would spark debate, increase club accountability and increase the publics knowledge of the game and its workings. If it can reduce player managers power in negotiation, it would save the game millions of dollars. Every single league fan would be curious about these figures, and while curiosity killed the cat, it could add a whole new life to rugby league.

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734 between the lines.

bartman · May 20, 2009

Posting by proxy for eloquentEEL, coming straight out of the locker room, stopping only to drop his tracksuit on the bench...

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Rugby League Community College :: Rugby League Administration

Rugby league is well into the professional era. As footy becomes big news and big business, the Rugby League Community College is helping league administrators reach the same standards as the sport they administrate.

Are our courses right for you? Our analysis shows that 67% of league administrators are embarrassingly under qualified. On your organisational chart, take a look at the two blokes either side of you. At least one of them will be an ex-footy player with no formal education since high school. If both of them fall into this category, then hand this guide over to them. If only one of them answers to Hey, Boofhead! or if you had to look up organisation, chart or organisational chart then read on.

Accounting

Pre-requisite: Creative Writing

Salary cap. Salary cap. Salary cap. Thinking outside the square is mandatory. The ability to count... optional. Need we say more?

Human Resources

Pre-requisite: Understanding Footballers

Covering the basics, this course introduces concepts such as team dynamics and player behaviour management. Learning objectives cover team bonding (and staying out of trouble) off the field, in order to fire on the field.

It can be a very fine line at times and hence our motto for this course: Keep 'em lean and keep 'em keen. Keep 'em mean but keep 'em clean!

Public Relations

Pre-requisite: Human Resources

On the basis of prevention is better than cure it is highly recommended that our Human Resources course is completed as a pre-requisite or co-requisite. However, even with the best intentions, incidents do happen. Learn how to create a network of journalists who you can either hush up or who will at least attempt to put a positive spin on your story, rather than sticking the knife in... your back...... and twisting.

Marketing

Pre-requisite: Public Relations

You won't learn how to edit a player out of a television commercial, but you will learn to think twice (or thrice, or however many times it takes to make you change your mind) before ever basing marketing campaigns around individual players (past or present) ever again.

We encourage you to take our Public Relations course along with Marketing as you will have many opportunities with an attentive media (after yet another off-field scandal) and therefore plenty of chances to prove once and for all that there is no such thing as bad publicity.

Apart from that, please bring some fresh ideas so that we can ... er... work through them with you.

Supply Chain Management

Pre-requisite: Anything except Ethics 101

In order to make sure that you have the best possible team in a tight competition, it needs to be run like a warehouse. Learn when to stockpile certain positions, when to front or back end load your contracts. Discover how to identify damaged goods and how to write them off. Find out how to identify and pre-order junior talent, imported from other teams in bulk if possible.

A refresher version is available for those that completed this course several years ago. Removal of the anti-tampering deadline and increased global competition for player talent are two factors that have significantly changed the rules of the game.

Finance

Pre-requisite: Problem Solving

Global economic crisis. Pokie machine taxes (in NSW). Multi-million dollar losses. It is time for your CFO to start getting more creative.

Strategy

Pre-requisites: All of the above

Different strategies exist and they carry all sorts of different implications. Whether you decide you want to:

win at all costs,
stick to family values and follow the rules at all costs,
carry a high profile at all costs, or
maintain a low profile at all costs;

the common denominator is that it all costs.

It is therefore imperative that you learn how to assess whether your strategy aligns with that of your major sponsor (otherwise you will need to find a major sponsor that aligns with your strategy and good luck running with that idea during a recession) and that it also aligns with your playing roster (a little easier to change over the course of a couple of seasons).

For those selecting strategy #1, an extra credit assignment will ensure your bean counters can make the cap fit (at least as close as they can get it) and that your marketing team can then sell it to the auditor.

Best of luck to all 2009 students... you'll need it!

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747 words between the lines

Tittoolate · May 20, 2009

Tittoolate for the Titans gallops onto the pitch, looking for friction to warm his old bones.

738 words.

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It wasnt always like this....

Blokes. It probably has not missed your steely gaze that rugby league is under attack again. From the inside, again (still?). Apparently, and you might find this beggars belief, the game is populated by drug-taking, grog-swilling, sexual-abusing, millionaire morons. Or multi-millionaire morons. Multi-millionaire morons who actually have an impact on our kids. DAMMIT. Makes me feel a bit crook, thinking I laughed at the Fatty, ah, footy show. I mean hows a bloke supposed to know?

I had an initial theory that this was all a NSW plot to bring the rest of us down to cockroach level, but if Steve Menzies and Ben Kennedy were decent blokes then I guess geography isnt the determinant. So, being a rugby league fan I did the honourable thing and gave up thinking. As did the author of todays article in League HQ, calling for a ban on cheerleaders. Really? It is all the girls fault? Dont you just feel great when society blames the victims?

It wasnt always like this.

The roots of rugby league run deep in the Queensland countryside. One of the nations rugby heroes, Duncan Thompson, calls to us through the pages of the games history. Lets contrast and compare, class, the Johns duo with Thompson.

Duncan Fulton Thompson MBE, born in Warwick in 1895, came from hardy Queensland stock. He played league at the highest level during the period 1913-25 except for the war years. Speaking of that, he bolted on his folks in 1916 so he could sign up. Duncan joined the Toowoomba regiment (49th Battalion) and was shipped off to Ypres in France. The 49th saw action right throughout the Northern desert and Western Europe campaigns including the famous battle to free Villers-Bretonneux on 25 April 1918.

Thompson was wounded on 5 April 1918 and by January 1919 he was home again, minus a lung courtesy of a German rifle bullet. History is silent on whether he and a bunch of his mates sexually abused any French girls, but Im guessing that wasnt his style.

Duncan was told hed never play sport again, due to his lung (or lack thereof). With characteristic Queensland flair he took the advice with a large pinch of salt and dived back into sport. In 1919, the same year as he was repatriated, Duncan played League for Queensland and Australia. Ok, Im willing to accept that there were not a million capable players hanging around at that time, the war being in full swing until November that year, but regardless this was herculean.

Not satisfied in proving the prognosis wrong, he helped Valleys win the cricket Shield in 1919-20, again played league for Australia against the old enemy in 1920. He helped Norths in Sydney win their Pennants in 21 and 22 and then toured England with the Kangaroos. The Poms visited us in 1924-5 and again Duncan was capped, with his brother Colin.

Im out on a limb here but what odds that neither was a coke-head or wannabe porno star?

18 June 1924 saw a staggering 10,000 fans land in Toowoomba to see the Clydesdales play England. Consider that, at that stage, Toowoomba boasted 30,000 inhabitants. Inspiration tells me that there was stuff-all to do on the Downs for entertainment. Eight minutes into the game and we were up 10 to nil. The game went to and fro with Toowoomba and the Poms trading points right down to the wire when at 5pm the referee blew up the game Toowoomba had held out the visitors 23-20. And indeed, the Clydesdales were undefeated that year.

Duncans leadership of the Galloping Clydesdales help put Toowoomba on the map as the Worlds League Capital. Not finished, the Downs Fox coached Toowoomba to multiple state victories in the 50s. Heart, courage, loyalty, respect, honour, sacrifice. Those sentiments can be applied to one-lung Thompson MBE without fear of rebuke.

As a kid my mates and I played with a Duncan Thompson footy. Frankly I thought nothing of the name, just figured it was from the eponymous sports store. And now the gut-wrenching tales that unfold in the media make me think back to a bunch of skinny kids in a cold Toowoomba winter kicking a bit of puffed up leather - bearing the name of a true hero. We didnt know it, but we were graced to grow up then. What's the legacy of todays icons?

tits&tans · May 20, 2009

tits&tans for the Titans canters onto the pitch, being unable to find a stable for his mount nor finding any mention in the Rule Book about not playing on horseback ....

749 below the stars (OWC)

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Camels and Horses

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT] For years, we have heard the same, tired pundits ranting and raving about the same old thing.

Is sport turning into an organized religion or is religion becoming an organized sport?

On Tuesday, this matter was settled once and for all. Two of mankinds oldest communal impulses were on full display in all their glorious splendor, as the Knights did battle with the Immortals.

Billed as the Desert Storm Cup, organizers hoped the game would act as a road-map of understanding and would foster trust and cooperation between these historically antagonistic sides. In addition, it was hoped that it would allow those on the pitch and in the stands to celebrate their shared origins.

Never before, in all my years as a League player, coach, fan or commentator have I ever observed such a bizarre and horrifying spectacle. Somehow though, it did seem reminiscent of something.

The game was slow to start, as each team sought a rhythm. Just before the break, the Knights suddenly split themselves into two groups. This seemed like a smart strategy until one group refused to siten to anyone but their captain, and the other group only followed the coach, claiming him to be the supreme temporal authority on earth. This authority then told his team to revolve around the ball and any player that refused was sent for an early shower.

Things then got violent when a number of the Knights significant others were burnt at the stake for waving their hands and softly muttering. The fire trucks were called in and fans lined up for a plate of Shish-kebab Sheila.

The Knights captain paused the game as he questioned the refs timekeeping claiming that, in fact, the game had actually started 9 months ago. He also protested that wearing a mouth guard was against the original intention of the game, and all those violating this rule should be sent off.

Whilst all this mayhem was happening at one end of the stadium, it wasnt all happiness and light at the other. The Immortals had seized upon the notion that their team was the only true team, and all others should be permanently removed from sight. Fortunately, this plan was never implemented due to a lack of swords. Even being the chosen team didnt prevent them from inexplicably dividing into two camps. However, this was where the Immortals unity shone through, as the two groups were united in their absolute adherence to their game plan, a strategy memo written 1000 years previously. The few dissenters to this were soon dispatched.

Looking refreshed, and playing from opposite ends, both sides looked fiercely determined to triumph in the second half. In unison and at great volume, the coach and the captain of the Knights argued that, actually, the other end of the pitch was rightfully theirs and that they should be allowed to reclaim it. This led to a number of bold plays as the Knights attacked and attempted to retake their land.

The captain of the Immortals then upped the ref to explain that their game plan mandated that half of their team cover up and get indoors. Its all strategy, he argued. So off they went.

With about 15 minutes left, there was a commotion inside the Immortals half, as their fullback was sent flying and knocked senseless by a geyser of viscous black liquid. Oil! This seemed to rejuvenate the Knights spirit, and led to repeated incursions into Immortal territory. The stadium could sense their renewed determination, and with the Immortals only having half their squad on field, it looked like things were heading towards total annihilation.

The Immortals coach could be seen scratching his head and seemed to have no reply to this ferocious onslaught. Then, as if hit by divine inspiration, he began to organise sporadic individual forays deep into the Knights half. What a success! These brave souls hit their targets again and again.

The game was reaching a climactic end, yet there was an uneasy feeling beginning to rustle through the stand. There were scuffles breaking out down by the pitch, and soon all became clear. The Knights fans were handing out unflattering caricatures of the Immortals coach. Understandably, this caused hell amongst the players and fans and lead to a full-blown intifada. So entrenched did this riot seem, that minutes before the final whistle the referee had no choice but to call the match off.

And so it ended

or did it?

Titanic · May 20, 2009

Titanic for the Titans sprints on to the field looking nervously towards the big screen in case of a penalty for obstruction. (750 OWC)
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The proofs in the pudding

"It's ironic that in Round 2 we made a mistake and put our hand up - the NRL then took two points (off us). In Round 10, the NRL make a mistake and put their hand up - and we still lose two points....Tony Greenberg (Bulldogs CEO).

Our intrepid, and for the time being unnamed, scribe has recently returned from a bold undercover assignment. This covert operation has been in place since those halcyon days in 1998 when the NRL emerged as the love-child from the unholy marriage of the red-necked ARL and mousse-gelled Super League.

The identity of our mole remains tightly protected as LeagueUnlimiteds lawyers are carefully examining the draft report. Anticipation is running high and yet there is an air of trepidation at the potentially calamitous repercussions of this extraordinary piece of investigative reporting.

Needless to say, F7s Match, in keeping with our glossy, hard-hitting, headline-grabbing reputation, has obtained a copy of the aforementioned article. Throwing caution to the wind, our editors have put transparency before personal safety and are publishing the entire, unedited text in the belief that the public has a right to know a right to know every wart, et al.

To avoid any unnecessary discomfort to the families and friends of the individuals involved, names have been withheld; however, F7s Match is offering $1,000 cash to any reader/s who supply all the names in order of appearance.

NRL decision-making laid bare (AAP May 2009)

At last weeks NRL secret CEO summit, held behind closed doors at Moore Parks Fox Studios, an undisclosed source witnessed a series of sessions resulting in this exposé

It all began on day one, in a conference room containing five NRL club CEOs.

Inside that hushed oak-paneled room, featuring a mahogany conference table and more flat screen televisions than NASA Control, hung a piñata on a string. Placed below it was a long-handled jumbo cricket bat leaning on a short aluminum step-ladder.

Before long, one of the CEOs removed himself from the conference table, ventured over to the step-ladder, picked up the bat and started to climb towards the piñata. However, as soon as he put a foot on the bottom rung, a powerful, nearly crippling surge of electricity sizzled through the plush cushions and into the unsuspecting backsides of the other CEOs.

After some time had passed, another of the CEOs surreptitiously made the attempt to approach the piñata, with the same dramatic result - all the other CEOs were subjected to a high voltage jolt. Pretty soon, when a third CEO tried to mount the steps, the remaining CEOs leapt up as one and crash-tackled him to ensure that they didnt have to deal with another cruel shock.

Stranger things transpired on day two of the conference.

One of the original five CEOs from day one was unable to attend and he was replaced with a new one. The new CEO saw the piñata and proceeded to climb the steps. To his surprise and horror, all of the other CEOs attacked him.

After another attempt at the stairs and having beaten back another attack from his fellow CEOs, the recent arrival seemed to realise that if he tried to climb the steps, then he would be assaulted.

After a lengthy luncheon interval, another of the original five CEOs was replaced with a new one. The newcomer made a beeline straight to the steps and was immediately smashed to the ground. The previous newcomer took part, seemingly with relish.

More mind-boggling antics unfolded on day three.

At the morning session a third original member of the CEOs clique was replaced by another new one, then a fourth after the 10am coffee break, then the fifth and final original CEO was subbed after lunch. Every time the newest CEO took to the steps, he was uncompromisingly attacked by the other attendees.

Our reporter observed that as the meeting continued a progressively higher percentage of the CEOs administering the beatings had no idea why they were not permitted to climb the steps or why they were participating in the bashing of the most recent arrivals at all. Once all the original CEOs had been replaced, none of the remaining CEOs had been subjected to the near-lethal electric shock.

Nevertheless, no CEO ever again approached the steps or tried to smash the piñata. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done.

And that, my friends, is how NRL policies are made.

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Titan Uranus · May 20, 2009

Titan Uranus for the Titans skips and dances merrily on to the pitch, thinking just how perfect the world is right now and wishing that everyone could be as happy as he is

748 words from the OWC

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The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is something that we all crave and strive for; the founders of America enshrined its pursuit in the nations declaration of independence. Yet few of us can manage to attain it for a lasting period.

Often it is because both happiness and sadness are transient as the works of the ancient philosopher Boethius put it whilst talking about fortune: "Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don't complain when you are cast back down into the depths. Good times pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it is also our hope." Well thats how it was put in top Manchester music movie 24 Hour Party People.

So if our team is winning, whether it is in a game, over a period of weeks, or even longer we should make the most of it as it wont last forever. Likewise if our team is down on its luck there is the solace that it cannot last forever. But all this we know.

There are other kinds of pleasures to be had. Your team might not be doing so well but your local rivals could be doing even worse. This makes many a fan happy on a regular basis. Not as regularly as it happens for German league fans who have their own word for it: schadenfreude.

It is always good to be able to take pleasure in anothers happiness but this may be harder said than done. A toad is not going to be happy for a cockroach should they win the State of Origin, and no one is going to be happy when Manly are doing well.

It does happen in some circumstances but usually across boundaries, boundaries of both geography and class.

Plenty of league fans have a favourite team in both the NRL and the ESL, with one taking priority over the other. So while the Brisbane Broncos maybe your preferred team you can still find joy in the success of Wigan, or vice-versa, (hello Pistol). This is being able to be happy for others across borders.

As for reaching across class boundaries this has nothing to do with royalty and such, rather than ability. For example, as the sole Kiwi representative in the NRL the Warriors will derive support from all corners of the nation. Therefore, while a native of an Orca-free Wellington may be forced to support the Warriors in the NRL it doesnt mean that he or she cant find joy in the successes of a smaller, local team. The reason for this is that although they are from the same country they are not direct competitors. This scenario is played out elsewhere on a smaller, civic level.

So we have other ways to derive pleasure other than the obvious of your team doing well but this happiness is still transient. We need another way to maximise the joy we get out of the game.

We need to go one step further; we need to be able to find joy in the success of others, even if it is gained at our expense. For example if our team loses a game but does so to a team that displays great skill and finesse we can learn to appreciate the ability of our opposition and get some sense enjoyment from that.

Now we pretty much have all the happiness bases covered and can seemingly continue to a lead a life fulfilled.

This last step is perhaps a step too far. If your team loses to another for whatever reason, to be asked to recognise their superiority is galling to say the least, no matter how good they are.

Losing is meant to hurt, if it doesnt then it shows you have no strong attachment to your team. I say we should not to find ways to negate this pain but to embrace it, even wallow in it.

This will make the successes taste sweeter but that is not the main reason for it. To really have a fulfilling life you need to be able to run the gamut of emotions and experience a variety of feelings. If one felt only happiness after every match then there wouldnt really be any point to following the games.

So, while Ill continue to pursue happiness Ill not shy away from the pain of loss but take it on the chin, and get ready to rise once more on the wheel of fortune once more.

Titanic · May 20, 2009

Subbing Amadean for TITs ANonymouS due to pressing work commitments.

bartman · May 20, 2009

Bartman taking the final hit up for the Eels...

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Shooting le Blancs?

Theres no doubting that over the years Matthew Johns had made a positive contribution to rugby league, and to its image and appeal amongst the broader community. But after recent revelations of his off-field behaviour, the jury of wider public opinion is now undecided about how to view this enigmatic rugby league personality.

As a player Johns was talented but his individual career never reached the dizzying heights enjoyed by others of his era. He gained relatively few rep honours for a player whose eleven-season career included the split competition of 1997, representing New South Wales only four times, and Australia on nine occasions, including the 1995 World Cup tournament held in the UK. On a team level Johns was part of the Newcastle Knights team that brought home the clubs initial premiership victory in 1997 before playing a year with Wigan, and ending his career with a season for the Cronulla Sharks in 2002.

Some rugby league fans are too young to have witnessed Matthew Johns play, and will instead remember him most for having a freakishly talented younger brother - and of course for his media career. The ability to speak in public and have confidence with the media is a rare commodity among our rugby league players, and when someone appears on the scene who is handy with a quote and can handle themselves well on the camera, then a lucrative role in the rugby league media looms as a possible post-career option. Through in a dose of humour and public rapport, and that option becomes a semi-charmed retirement plan.

At least it did for the rare comedic talent that was Matthew Johns. He created the Reg Reagan character as a hark back to prevalent attitudes of the 70s among working class rugby league fans, complete with facets that anyone who was a fan of the game at the time would remember with nostalgia. Touches from the past such as the ciggie packet under the t-shirt sleeve, the love of once iconic KB lager, and the footy shorts worn as casual wear endeared the character to his expanding audiences, and by the time of Johns final season as a player black t-shirts with printed slogan Bring back the biff were in vogue among old and new fans of the game.

But Matthew Johns had a lot more going for him off the field than a knack for character humour. In his commentary duties he displayed a skill for analysis that some of his fellow commentators like Paul Vautin could only dream of. This ability to cut to the core of on-field action and make useful contributions, plus having the calm composure to add a touch of seriousness to panel shows such as Boots And All when required, mixed together with the popular appeal of his comedy efforts such as Reg cemented Matthew Johns as a central cog in the Footy Show panel through most of this decade.

But one could argue that ever since the much publicised Bulldogs incident in Coffs Harbour, the game of rugby league has come under greater public and moral scrutiny. And elements of the game such as the Footy Show and its unique approach to humour came under the same scrutiny and wider pressure from outside the game to conform to social mores. While Johns continued his attempts at humour through characters such as Trent the Flight Steward, and Percy le Blanc (this years retired referee) and Elton Johns (the lost Johns brother), it seemed that even on the humour side things were heading downhill after the dizzy heights of Reg Reagan. As the game stumbled through off-field saga after saga this year, critics and Footy Show fans alike were wondering were they ever going to see a laugh again?

If this piece reads a bit like an obituary, then I guess in a sense it is? We have seen Matthew Johns own off-field actions in a hotel room in Christchurch at the start of his final playing season become the ammunition for his post-playing career to be shot down by the scrutiny and weight of that public opinion.

Just as rugby league can stand accused of shooting blanks over the years when addressing the behaviour and culture of players in terms of alcohol and respect for women, so too a seven-years younger Matthew Johns managed to unknowingly shoot a "Percy le Blanc" in Christchurch that would derail his own future media career.

- - - - -

750 words between the lines

Reference:
Some career details verified through: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Johns

Amadean · May 20, 2009

Amadean supersubbing for the Titans with 747 words below the bar

***************************************

Perception Filters

As a redhead obsessed by flame, Ive always held a particular affinity for Redheads matches. The idea that a gently savage strike would awaken a womanly flame from a reeking ball of phosphor is oddly alluring. The individuality of every identical strike speaks softly of a range of sweet sin, from ember cigarettes to bubbled plastics.

In this it is always the womans face who speaks softest and strongest; an elusive djinn of advertising. Where a neon sign promising Live Girls Inside is blatant and crude (although presumably better than the alternative), the Redheads flame-haired seductress is subtle and smooth.

This is obviously complete bullcrap.

In my short career as an advertising copywriter Ive been tasked with creating the words that would in turn reflect images of desire for those who read them. Ive promoted life insurance, envisaged casinos, woven real estate projects, caressed financial advisors, invested historical theme parks and spent many hours with horrible indigestion bought on by self-loathing.

To write well in advertising/image-management/public relations is never necessary. This isnt a craft with vestiges of nobility, such as woodworking, medical care or public sanitation. No, advertising requires an abandonment of self; to cynically see the dreams of potential consumers and to transform the image of whichever bland corporate enterprise to match. To move a box full of igniting twigs into line with adolescent lust isnt an art, but depravity. Its a horrible bloody job that doesnt pay nearly as well as it ought.

This brings me naturally to New Zealand footy.

If you watch Lord of the Rings, Kiwiland is a gorgeous vista of sweeping moors and jagged fjords. If you watch official promotions the country is 100% Pure, although this fails to explain Once Were Warriors. If you watch the Americas Cup coverage, you may believe New Zealand matters. If you watch the Warriors NRL team play, youd think no-one in the country has ever met each other before.

Perception management is key to to much about the Kiwis. As the joke goes, theyre well balanced people because theyve a chip on each shoulder. In other words, as a nation they know that they dance the curve of meaninglessness and are constantly terrified the world should find out how unimportant they are. The irony being that any person who spends time in New Zealand, or even just knows a few Kiwis, holds the nation in deservedly high regard. Yet, the nation perceives itself as slighted and constantly tries to overcome such imaginary insults.

It comes across clearly in their League. The Warriors are a team of highly talented players who are determined to not let any of those Aussie b@rstards take them lightly. All well and good so far, Queensland have made a successful State of Origin career out of being underdogs. Unfortunately, where the Maroons use their constant underestimation to gel a winning team, the Warriors view the game as a one-on-one contest between themselves and the bloke directly in front of them.

Sure, it makes them an entertaining team to watch, with last-gasp passes and tough running spicing up every match. Better than any other team in the comp, the Warriors embody so much of what is fun and fascinating about League: hard men with great skills. Unfortunately, their shoulder-chip perception dogs them all the way to failure.

The prop who threw the behind-the-back pass, or the winger who tackled three guys over the sideline, always seem to perceive only the one-on-one victories, never the set piece. In their eyes the triumph of having done over their Aussie opposite number always glows brighter than the exultation of a great win. In the same way that Oils Aint Oils, so for the Warriors Wins Aint Wins: the humiliated fury of a single bamboozled opposition team member is worth more than the dejected stupor of a defeated opposition team.

Of course, occasionally it works out for the Warriors and the prodigious talent of their players can carry them through, with 2002 being the shining example. Yet even at the height of their success, stubbornly blind individuality of purpose lost them 30 points in the Grand Final. After a solid team-like first half from the Warriors, the arrogance of the Roosters finally got up New Zealand noses and they began, again, to try to prove a point, only to end up playing like Kiwis.

A letter:

Dear Sheep-Shaggers,

us Aussie honestly respect youse blokes. Hows about trying to respect yourselves?

Cheers fellas,

Australia

Pistol · May 20, 2009

Thar she blows

Titanic · May 20, 2009

Great hustle team... 5v5 will make for an excellent game thanks Eels... over to you Mr. Referee.

bartman · May 20, 2009

Well done to both teams for a 5v5 game. Best of luck to all!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Johns

Titanic · May 25, 2009

Titanic: Hey Bartman! Knock, knock, anybody home? I've been away on business and wonder if anybody wants to come out and play?
Bartman: G'day mate. I was wondering where you'd been. Sure, I'll just run and get the footy before mum sees us. Anybody else comin'?
Titanic: I saw some of the guys down the park, about eight of 'em I think.
Bartman: Too good, we can play 5 on 5. Meet cha down the back.
Titanic: Cool, hurriup before dad gets home. You know he goes off like a rocket if I haven't done me homework.
Bartman: More like a pistol, I reckon. Comin' right now.

(the two lads sneak around the corner, passing a decrepit old ball between each other and stepping every tree on the way, suddenly... )

The aforementioned Pistol: Alright you two, stop right there! How many times do I have to tell you "one game a week is more than enough"! Now get back home before I get angry.

And then mutters to himself... bloody kids, one day they'll understand that they need to balance their games with a little homework. I'll bet they haven't even started their F7's for this week.

Round 4 (2009) Titans v Eels

Coach

Immortal

Juniors

Immortal

First Grade

Juniors

Immortal

Juniors

Immortal

Juniors

Juniors

First Grade

Juniors

First Grade

Immortal

Juniors

Coach

First Grade

Immortal

First Grade