WWE - Dire Straits

[Misanthrope]

McMahon Family Found Guilty of Massive Tax Evasion

In news that has rocked the wrestling world, police swarmed WWE HQ in Connecticut today brandishing warrants for the arrest of Vincent McMahon, his wife Linda McMahon, and his daughter, Stephanie. It is believe his son, Paul 'Triple H' Levesque, was also taken into custody.

The IRS has revealed that the family behind World Wrestling Entertainment have been under investigation for massive tax fraud for the past three years - an investigation that culminated in today's raid on WWE HQ and the resulting arrests.

With wrestling's stock in the United States already at something of an all time low, the news is utterly devastating for the WWE.

The company is currently in the hands of the IRS, who are already searching for buyers to take over the company and recoup some of what the McMahons owe. Cost-cutting measures have already lead to several high profile contracts being torn up; including those of The Rock, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, and Randy Orton.

How the company rebounds from this is a mystery. Stay tuned.

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The Challenge

I start control of the WWE with zero dollars in the bank.

I start the game without the following names:
Brock Lesnar
Chris Jericho
Jerry Lawler
John Cena
John Laurinitis
Kevin Nash
Linda McMahon
Mr. McMahon
Randy Orton
Rey Mysterio
Ric Flair
Sean Waltman
Shawn Michaels
Sheamus
Stephanie McMahon
Steve Austin
The Rock
Triple H
Undertaker

I cannot rehire any of the above until at least one year of game time have elapsed. I can never rehire a McMahon (including Triple H) as they are in jail.

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Wish me luck.

 

[Misanthrope]

Update:

To make things even more of a challenge, I've cut any worker on more than $100,000 a month. This means I've lost:

Alberto del Rio
Big Show
Booker T
Christian
CM Punk
Kane
The Miz

I've also set myself the rule that I cannot hire anybody asking more than $100,000 a year and must immediately release anybody who exceeds that.

----

Yikes!

 

[Misanthrope]

"I don't care how 'impossible' you think it is! You're going to fix this company or you're going to be out of a job".

The vein in Jack Darabont's forehead throbs when he's angry. By the way it's dancing and grooving right now, he looks furious.

Jack is the man who the IRS (in their infinite wisdom) have put in charge of things here while they search for a buyer. He knows sweet f**k all about the business, but he knows enough to know that a wrestling show without stars is going to tank.

And a wrestling show that tanks isn't going to sell for very much. The IRS can't recoup their precious money if the WWE goes under.

Who am I? You could say I'm Mr. Fix It. I've been brought in to try and sort this mess out. And it's a real f**king mess.

Our top drawcards are all gone. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, and Ryback are the sole vestigates of the main event scene from the past 12 months. The upper midcard has been cleared out as well save for a few up and comers who are - thankfully - still very much on the up.

And Jack wants me to fix things.

We have zero balance and he's telling me we cannot afford to offer a worker more than $100,000 a month. I had to beg and plead to get him to that figure.

"We need stars!" he shouts, "We need to put asses in seats! Don't you TV folk have a saying? 'The show must go on', right?"

Right. It's just hard to sell a show without the faces that brought you to the game.

Time to test Jack's generosity and put some names on the roster...

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WWE Hires for June
Elijah Burke
Goldust
John Morrison
Lance Storm
Senshi/Low Ki
MVP
Rob Van Dam
Scott Steiner
Shelton Benjamin
Tommy Dreamer
Stevie Richards
Rhino
Homicide
Kevin Steen
Charlie Haas
Colt Cabana
Douglas Williams
AR Fox
Dragon Kid
Jack Evans
La Sombra
Masato Yoshino
Samuray Del Sol
Matt & Nick Jackson
Sami Callihan
Diamond Dallas Page

----

"Do we really need so many?" Jack balks at the bill.

"John Cena, CM Punk, The Undertaker, Alberto del Rio, The Big Show, Kane, and a half dozen others are on the market today," I remind him.

"Given that TNA have signed Chavo Guerrero and Matt Hardy after we released them - what do you think they're going to do with those kind of players on the table?"

He gulps. He's beginning to realise just how f**ked we are.