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Some more Haribo Gummi Bear reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_2?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=2&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending
I have to hand it to Haribo - they must really take to heart the saying that "there is no such thing as bad publicity" because over 100 reviews of cosmically-tuned flatulence and diarrhea of Biblical proportions usually doesn't lend itself to purchases by Joe Consumer.
The 5-Star review is my silent applause to Haribo for allowing me to not only enjoy the pain and suffering of my fellow man, but also to give credit to a company that can obviously take a joke. Considering I've had Montezuma's Revenge twice from visiting foreign countries, I share the sentiments of "Oh God, please let me die now!!!!" The last go around with this also included "Please just let me throw up and get this over with", until AFTER I threw up the first time... and the second time... and the third time. It's amazing when you think there can't possibly be anything left in either your bowels or your stomach except bile and air, your body pulls a fast one and introduces you to a whole new level of hell until you lie quivering on the floor begging for the sweet release of water boarding.
Haribo - you've one a life-long customer. Just not of your sugarless gummy bears...
I purchased these from the bulk section from my local grocery store. I've been convinced for months that what happened was the result of contaminated bulk section candy. Clearly, I was incorrect! My boyfriend and I spent the entire night, sleepless, taking turns at the toilet. It was a bonding experience that I wouldn't recommend.
I've just ordered these to give to my sister for her 30th birthday. Now, don't immediately assume that I hate her, in fact I love her. This is actually the perfect gift because Haribo Gummy Bears are her FAVORITE candy, and my sister has suffered from dysfunctional bowels for as long as I can remember. She has to take a double dose of Milk of Magnesia every night, but that still doesn't really help her go. At all. She usually has little rabbit turds once a week. So I'm really hoping that these will help her out.
Thanks Haribo!
Pop a few suckers in your mouth and let the fun begin!! If you want to renovate your home by removing a few walls this is the candy for you. Eat 10 and aim your butt on the wall you want gone, Remove pants and wait 5 minutes. I promise you the wall will be blown down to the studs. Eat 10 more and the studs will be gone too.
For clogged sinks forget calling the plumber!! Consume some and sit in the sink. PRESTO clog will be gone!! No plunger needed.
If your partner refuses to buy new furniture give him a few and lock the bathroom door. He will be at Rooms To Go in a matter of seconds.
Also works well for power-washing jobs and cleaning gutters.
I was encouraged to write this review by my friends with whom I have been sharing my experiences with this product on Facebook because of the viral reviews.
My story begins a few years ago after I have gastric bypass surgery. Yes, I was "voluptuous" woman. One of the things I was warned about in my required pre-op nutrition class as that if I eat too much sugar, I will have something called "dumping syndrome" (ironic considering the rest of this story) which involves my pancreas (being stupid) not knowing that my stomach is the size of my thumb so it disperses enough insulin as if I have my full-sized big girl stomach. This is no bueno because I am then on insulin overload which causes vomiting, the shakes, sweating, and overall begging for about an hour to the deity of the day to make it stop. Once it is over, I then immediately crash into a coma-esque sleep for 14 - 16 hours. So yeah, you learn not to eff around with sugars/starches in your diet. You learn to look for sugar-free stuff or lower sugar stuff and do portion control.
In my house we have a rule: I have the upstairs "Poo Chamber of Fabulous Lady Secrets" and my husband has the downstairs "Poo Chamber of Things That Can Not Be Unseen and Library of Scientific Marvels." The upstairs hallway bathroom is neutral ground and for tinkling purposes only and is the one we direct neighbors to should we not clean our bathrooms in time for company. Accepted breaches in this protocol are for the middle of the night needs we don't want to wake each other up for because one of us is a light sleeper and we have 3 dogs who share our king size bed (so animal heaven forbid we disturb their slumber), when I have bodily functions I do not want my husband to hear, or when I don't want to use my toilet because there is no heat in there and I can not perform on a cold seat. It is also for the insomnia moments when you know you're going to be in there for a while so you can catch up on the latest trashy mags/Entertainment magazine/Facebook. These are very important facts. Keep them in mind.
I only have a minimal sweet tooth so I saw these things and my brain went mmmmmm Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears. I had several of the white ones (no, I'm not racist - I just like the pineapple flavor the best). I nommed a handful of these approximately 6 hours prior to slumber.
Approximately 10:30 PM, I awake with a rumbly in my tumbly. It is in fact so loud that my husband, who is a former SONAR tech in the Navy, was immediately awoken and was like 'What in the hell is that?". I politely excused myself, grabbed every single magazine I hadn't caught up on, my iPad (and charger), and went to the hall bathroom, turning on the fan just in case there were sounds that could not be unheard.
What then transpired was an entire evening of gastronomic distress the likes of which I would never wish on anyone except child abusers, rapists, and serial killers. After going through a stack of 20 or so magazines in the hallway restroom over a period of approximately 4 hours with approximately 30 seconds between contractions, I then had to move downstairs to the completely unwanted but totally needed husband's restroom. I unleashed a whole can of Febreeze prior to my move and took an extra one with me for the trip to the spouse's chamber.
It is now approximately 3 AM. I need to be up for work at 6 AM. Just like the Energizer battery I am still going......each spasm worse and worse. This was like pilates while going through unmedicated childbirth (I have three kids - I know what I'm talking about) while performing a rectal exorcism.
My husband comes downstairs at 5:15 as he is leaving for work and finds me near passed out on his toilet. He is obviously very concerned for my life at this point as I had told him when we got together that the day I ever use his toilet is the day I am near death. Luckily, I had Febreezed on a regular schedule so he was not put off by the stench of my body completely emptying itself out. After several courtesy flushes, he helped me to the couch, got me a thing of purple drink (I was not ready for soda or carbonation yet) and then said he hoped I made it to work but to call him if I needed him to come home.
Like a champ, I took a shower AND made it to work early no less. No way was I going to let these little white effers make me use a valuable PTO day.
So, in summary, I will break down the event/product into the following scores:
Taste: 5 stars - oh so delicious
Digestion - whilst digesting, also a 5. No noticeable issues.
Post-digestion: As Grumpy Cat would say, "It Was Awful". Zero stars.
Subliminal advertisement for Cottonelle Wipes to help my hiney hole heal over 3 days: 5 stars. Good on you, Haribo
Being able to order said Cottonelle Wipes off Amazon whilst the event occurred: 5 stars.
All I can say now is eat these at your own risk and do not say I didn't warn you.
First of all they taste good. comparable to the original sugar version. The artificial sugar in these will have an effect on your bowels. If you at more than a handful....here are some tips.
1.)Have baby wipes available. Forget about toilet paper, you need some moist cleansing here. If you don't have baby wipes available then make sure your toilet paper is thick or heavy duty. That 1 ply just isn't going to cut it. You don't want your hand poking through thats gross. In fact you may just need to take a shower afterwards....
2.)If your in a public restroom, opt for the handicap stall. They usually have handles in there and those can help you "bear down" as these gummis are streaming out of you
3.) beware of the splash. Know that the force with which these gummis exit your system is going to cause some splashing in the toilet. Nothing worse that toilet water splashing up at you. Not sure how to avoid that but at least you wont be surprised.
4.) don't plan on doing much for the rest of the day. you may have to make several trips to the bathroom. Just accept it, put on your PJs and lay in the fetal position on the bathroom floor.
Also if your making rummy bears (soaking gummy bears in rum/vodka) remember alcohol is a diuertic (makes you pee) these bears are a laxative (makes you poo). so drink lots of water or else you may just shrivel up and dehydrate like a dried prune
THESE ARE GREAT IF YOU WANT TO SPEW LAVA FROM YOUR INSIDES FOR HOURS AFTER THE MINUTE JOY FOUND BY NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT LESS THAN 50
Alright, now I know what I can serve at a Party. Adult Party. Imagine everyone downing these Freaks of Nature and while Drunk. I aint serving them in my own home. Maybe take them to work and just leave the bag and open, as people like to take my candy without asking. As Mr. Burns would say " EXCELLENT "
I washed a bag of these down with a whole gallon of Tuscan whole milk and now my backside is haunted. it looks like some kind of messed up Turkish remake of "Ghostbusters".
http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_2?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=2&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending
