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Lame jokes

Coaster

Bench
Messages
3,162
Why did little Suzie fall off the swing?

She had no arms.



----


Knock knock
Who's there?

. Not Suzie
 

elbusto

Coach
Messages
15,803
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
Everyone chuckles, and the vendor makes the dog. The Buddhist hands him a twenty, the vendor pockets it & moves on to the next customer. The Buddhist complains, “Hey where’s my change.” And the Vendor replies, “Ah, change comes from within.”
 

elbusto

Coach
Messages
15,803
A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!” The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “hey, aren’t you that rope I just kicked out?” And the rope replied “no, I’m a frayed knot.”
 

elbusto

Coach
Messages
15,803
tried to catch some fog. I mist.
•When chemists die, they barium.
•Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
•A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
•I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
•How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
•I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
•This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
•I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
•I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
•They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
•This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
•I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
•A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
•When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
•What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
•I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
•Broken pencils are pointless.
•What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
•England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
•I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
•I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
•I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
•Velcro – what a rip off!
•Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
 

Red Bear

Referee
Messages
20,882
Two guys in a bar. First guy say "I'll have some H2O." Second guy says "I'll have some H2O, too." He takes a sip and dies
 

Rhino_NQ

Immortal
Messages
33,045
was watching tv last night and saw an ad that had a starving African kid covered in flies that was available for adoption and I jumped straight on the phone.

Works so much better then the fly traps you can get at bunnings
 

elbusto

Coach
Messages
15,803
A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
 

Jason Maher

Immortal
Messages
35,977
Q: How do you fit 4 elephants into a red Mini?
A: 2 in the front, 2 in the back.

Q: How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: There's a set of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if 2 elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's 2 sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if 3 elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's 3 sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if 4 elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's a red Mini parked outside.
 

soc123_au

Moderator
Staff member
Messages
18,459
How do you know if there is an Elephant in your bed?


He is the one with the E on his pyjamas
 

soc123_au

Moderator
Staff member
Messages
18,459
What is the difference between an apple & an orange?

A biscuit, cause motorbikes dont have doors.
 

Jason Maher

Immortal
Messages
35,977
Latest new release book titles:

The Yellow River - I.P. Daly

A Shot in the Night - A. Gunn

Russian Escape - Ima Nickinoff

10 Years in the Saddle - Major Bumsaw

Over the Edge of the Grand Canyon - Hugo First

The Art of Sitting - Stan Dupp

The Runaway Bride - Sheila B. Gone

The Wonder of Spaceflight - Astra Naught
 

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