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Guys happy new year, its good to be back in the game. I left the game in droves but 2016 looks filled with starch over substance.
I was down at Pratten park yesterday in front of a dozen fans watching watching Western Suburbs 3rd grade graft out 130 in 80 overs. It was tedious but it was gripping at the same time. Tedious in that the coach instructed a style of play that sent the 12 fans into a coma, however gripping as it reminded me of some of rugby leagues most failed projects over the last 14 years.
Entry was free at Pratten so I couldn't complain. The same could not be said for several dubious NRL campaigners tactics over the years. So I reached for my scrapbook and recoiled some of the worst tactics of the 21st century.
The sort of tactics which made me turn in my self imposed football grave. The sort of efforts that will eventually bring crowds down to the level of grade cricket at Pratten Park.
guys I think it is important to rate from 1 (worst) to 7 (least worst) these tactics of the last 14 years of football
A. TAYLOR BALL
Jason Taylor arrived to much fanfare a returning hero to from his days as a Wests Magpies hero. Kicked out of the SCG and punched into next year by David Falongo taylor had long given the drink away.
He started more sober activities like meditation and church. Here he started hatching a game plan that would strip the Tigers of their flair and frustrating woes. Taylor left training sessions several times in a rage when the ball flew one then 1 pass wide of the ruck. At the height of his rage he desperately rang Triple M radio to question his teams mentality as they ran the ball on the last tackle twice against the Raiders.
However his masterpiece soon came to fruition. After weeks to near perfection a cold and desolate CTOWN night was all Taylor needed when Wests went down 2-0 to the Cowboys in a flawless Taylor ball display. With the Tigers 2 behind the crowd started rallying behind the time in a frenetic final 5 minutes. However Taylor was seen giving the team a standing ovation when they grubbered for touch with 4 minutes left to avios the off chance of a counter attack Taylor left the ground that night smiling like a cheshire cat and was heard to watch replays of the game until 5am.
Wests had made 0 errors, missed 4 tackles, put up 26 mid field bombs and failed to trouble the scorers but from a Taylor ball perspective it scored 10 out of 10.
B. ANDO's AMNESIA
When The Bullfrog left his Belmore Kennel many thought they had seen the last of a man from another era. Ando was still writing letters when email came in.
After sum wretched winters spent commentating on the Netball for the ABC he hatched a plan to reinvent rugby League.
His one marker policy hatched during calls of the Sydney Sandpipers and Adelaide Vixens defensive structure. He noted their dilligence towards the one marker policy and its effectiveness.
The bullfrogs policy saw him dismissed in record time. However for a short period he did revive the careers for 6 weeks of some of Rugby Leagues slowest numbers 9s including Robert Mears, Darren Senter, Corey Hughes and Cherry Mescia.
C. LAMBS LAMENT
Terry Lamb was already talking about his brewery truck ambitions midways through his first year as a head coach. Craig Field, Matt Seers and Mcguinnes had already sped off the rails and Terry Hill was as wide a barn door out in the centres. Lamb noted fellow bad boy John Hopoate had yet to digress, and needed something urgently to quell the quiet.
The plan involved getting men into tackles, holding the player upright and letting John's fickled finger of fate do the rest. Lamb trialed the tactics at training and even in un-televised trial games. It even survived the first 4 rounds as John became more and more ravenous.
When players reviewed the tapes on Monday Morning it caused much debate, Lamb pausing the tape at times to add to the hilarity. Who would be Hoppa's next victim? Sadly the Cowboys ended the party and John and Terry jetted off into the sunset with infamy for the rest of time.
D. FREDDIES FOOLS GOLD
Freddie talked about the chill out couch he invited players onto in his Chook Pen head quarters. Life was good for the care free new head coach. However Freddie got carried away with the chill out factor. Soon enough it became a place to have a quiet beer, and soon enough after that a rum and coke or three.
Even when the Chooks had a rare quite night on an away trip he made sure he was the last one home, even if that meant knocking on the wrong door. The tropics were the best trips, Auckland was a hum dinger, Freddie fumed when Gold Coast were drawn only at home. He planned his seasons around these benders.
Freddie got so excited he started booking hotels for "away trips" against fellow Sydney rivals, 10 minutes up the road. He simply couldn’t resist a return to Panther nightclub and planned a 3 night stay. This particualar hang over was so bad Freddie woke up in a confused state and started one of footballs bravest runners Braith Anasta at fullback one frigid Friday Night at Penrith. Freddie could be seen in fits of laugher as Braith was smashed from pillar to post, a punishment for not obeying "no blokes home before 4am rule the night before"
E. RICKYS ROULETTE WHEEL
Ricky;s Roulette wheel involves a number of spins, he has his chips on most numbers. These chips might be stale and crusty but they taste great to the average joe.
Now Ricky has not had 1 particular tactic that led to his demise. That would be doing the man a dis service to reduce it to that simplicity. Sure he has had dour game plans, ref persecutions, demise by media and all that hoopla but beneath that you have to admire the mans survival instincts.
Like a starving man lost in the desert without food for a month, Ricky knows his way around, NO it takes more then 1 tactic to survive 10 straight years without a winning record.
Ricky sits down at the start of each year and sets out a clear crieteria. He searches with a fine tooth comb for the most desperate club in the game at the time. He calls the club a shambles, tells them the rebuild will take 7 years, promises a clear out and he sign on the dotted line.
When the heat came at Cronulla, Easts and Parramatta Ricky was always one step ahead, Spinning his wheel of fortune all the way back to the Nations Capital.
Ricky is seen spending most nights playing with clip art on his old apple mac. Here he tips the NRL ladder upside down and sees 6 straight Top 4 finishes. He smirks as he plans his next voyage, he has circled The Gold coast and the Tigers, the next tea to fall foul of the 7 year plan.
--------------------------------------------------------
guys its good to be back on board.
ill be at ctown next week taking notes on the wests and sharks trial game.
for anyone that wants to say hello ill be having the $3 lunch and free keno ticket on offer between 1pm and 1.115 pm at wests leagues.
I was down at Pratten park yesterday in front of a dozen fans watching watching Western Suburbs 3rd grade graft out 130 in 80 overs. It was tedious but it was gripping at the same time. Tedious in that the coach instructed a style of play that sent the 12 fans into a coma, however gripping as it reminded me of some of rugby leagues most failed projects over the last 14 years.
Entry was free at Pratten so I couldn't complain. The same could not be said for several dubious NRL campaigners tactics over the years. So I reached for my scrapbook and recoiled some of the worst tactics of the 21st century.
The sort of tactics which made me turn in my self imposed football grave. The sort of efforts that will eventually bring crowds down to the level of grade cricket at Pratten Park.
guys I think it is important to rate from 1 (worst) to 7 (least worst) these tactics of the last 14 years of football
A. TAYLOR BALL
Jason Taylor arrived to much fanfare a returning hero to from his days as a Wests Magpies hero. Kicked out of the SCG and punched into next year by David Falongo taylor had long given the drink away.
He started more sober activities like meditation and church. Here he started hatching a game plan that would strip the Tigers of their flair and frustrating woes. Taylor left training sessions several times in a rage when the ball flew one then 1 pass wide of the ruck. At the height of his rage he desperately rang Triple M radio to question his teams mentality as they ran the ball on the last tackle twice against the Raiders.
However his masterpiece soon came to fruition. After weeks to near perfection a cold and desolate CTOWN night was all Taylor needed when Wests went down 2-0 to the Cowboys in a flawless Taylor ball display. With the Tigers 2 behind the crowd started rallying behind the time in a frenetic final 5 minutes. However Taylor was seen giving the team a standing ovation when they grubbered for touch with 4 minutes left to avios the off chance of a counter attack Taylor left the ground that night smiling like a cheshire cat and was heard to watch replays of the game until 5am.
Wests had made 0 errors, missed 4 tackles, put up 26 mid field bombs and failed to trouble the scorers but from a Taylor ball perspective it scored 10 out of 10.
B. ANDO's AMNESIA
When The Bullfrog left his Belmore Kennel many thought they had seen the last of a man from another era. Ando was still writing letters when email came in.
After sum wretched winters spent commentating on the Netball for the ABC he hatched a plan to reinvent rugby League.
His one marker policy hatched during calls of the Sydney Sandpipers and Adelaide Vixens defensive structure. He noted their dilligence towards the one marker policy and its effectiveness.
The bullfrogs policy saw him dismissed in record time. However for a short period he did revive the careers for 6 weeks of some of Rugby Leagues slowest numbers 9s including Robert Mears, Darren Senter, Corey Hughes and Cherry Mescia.
C. LAMBS LAMENT
Terry Lamb was already talking about his brewery truck ambitions midways through his first year as a head coach. Craig Field, Matt Seers and Mcguinnes had already sped off the rails and Terry Hill was as wide a barn door out in the centres. Lamb noted fellow bad boy John Hopoate had yet to digress, and needed something urgently to quell the quiet.
The plan involved getting men into tackles, holding the player upright and letting John's fickled finger of fate do the rest. Lamb trialed the tactics at training and even in un-televised trial games. It even survived the first 4 rounds as John became more and more ravenous.
When players reviewed the tapes on Monday Morning it caused much debate, Lamb pausing the tape at times to add to the hilarity. Who would be Hoppa's next victim? Sadly the Cowboys ended the party and John and Terry jetted off into the sunset with infamy for the rest of time.
D. FREDDIES FOOLS GOLD
Freddie talked about the chill out couch he invited players onto in his Chook Pen head quarters. Life was good for the care free new head coach. However Freddie got carried away with the chill out factor. Soon enough it became a place to have a quiet beer, and soon enough after that a rum and coke or three.
Even when the Chooks had a rare quite night on an away trip he made sure he was the last one home, even if that meant knocking on the wrong door. The tropics were the best trips, Auckland was a hum dinger, Freddie fumed when Gold Coast were drawn only at home. He planned his seasons around these benders.
Freddie got so excited he started booking hotels for "away trips" against fellow Sydney rivals, 10 minutes up the road. He simply couldn’t resist a return to Panther nightclub and planned a 3 night stay. This particualar hang over was so bad Freddie woke up in a confused state and started one of footballs bravest runners Braith Anasta at fullback one frigid Friday Night at Penrith. Freddie could be seen in fits of laugher as Braith was smashed from pillar to post, a punishment for not obeying "no blokes home before 4am rule the night before"
E. RICKYS ROULETTE WHEEL
Ricky;s Roulette wheel involves a number of spins, he has his chips on most numbers. These chips might be stale and crusty but they taste great to the average joe.
Now Ricky has not had 1 particular tactic that led to his demise. That would be doing the man a dis service to reduce it to that simplicity. Sure he has had dour game plans, ref persecutions, demise by media and all that hoopla but beneath that you have to admire the mans survival instincts.
Like a starving man lost in the desert without food for a month, Ricky knows his way around, NO it takes more then 1 tactic to survive 10 straight years without a winning record.
Ricky sits down at the start of each year and sets out a clear crieteria. He searches with a fine tooth comb for the most desperate club in the game at the time. He calls the club a shambles, tells them the rebuild will take 7 years, promises a clear out and he sign on the dotted line.
When the heat came at Cronulla, Easts and Parramatta Ricky was always one step ahead, Spinning his wheel of fortune all the way back to the Nations Capital.
Ricky is seen spending most nights playing with clip art on his old apple mac. Here he tips the NRL ladder upside down and sees 6 straight Top 4 finishes. He smirks as he plans his next voyage, he has circled The Gold coast and the Tigers, the next tea to fall foul of the 7 year plan.
--------------------------------------------------------
guys its good to be back on board.
ill be at ctown next week taking notes on the wests and sharks trial game.
for anyone that wants to say hello ill be having the $3 lunch and free keno ticket on offer between 1pm and 1.115 pm at wests leagues.
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