PARRAMATTA EELS
Why you'll be wearing your jumper to work on mufti Fridays:
Make sure you wear it in the first few rounds, because you might cop a bit of grief after that. The Eels will improve under new coach Ricky Stuart but they don't have the cattle to warrant wearing it every Friday until next season.
Why you'll be regretting buying those satin underpants covered in club logos:
You aren't going to get much wear out of them this year, but don't throw them out just yet. You will spend plenty of time gallivanting around in them over the next couple of years, as long as you stay on Chris Sandow's new diet. Patience is the key.
So will I be seeing photos of Jarryd Hayne dressed up like Lady Gaga doing the Harlem Shake and hugging the premiership trophy on Mad Monday?
You are likely to see Hayne's rendition of the Harlem Shake but it won't be with the premiership trophy. Coach Ricky Stuart has already admitted it will take at least 10 weeks for the team to gel. This year for the Eels is all about setting up for next season.
Who's a chance to be the next Hindmarsh?
You'll see a little less bum crack than Hindy but Matt Ryan has the potential to make the Eels back-row position his own for a few years to come.
Why they'll be trending on Twitter:
Chris Sandow's dietary tips and Jarryd Hayne's FIFA tournament results will be popular but contract rumours for next season will get the biggest workout.
Word from the clipboard:
''Anybody [who] thinks we're going to rebuild this place in two or three months doesn't know the extent of the job. This is a huge, huge job.''
- Ricky Stuart
You're a Parra tragic if you can answer this:
How many players from the 2009 grand final team are still at the club?
Answer: Five.
Michael Chammas