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2012 TRIALS :: F7 All Stars v F7 Marauders

joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
DEAR ALL PLAYERS! for the first time in FORUM SEVENS HISTORY we will be going with a 700 word MINIMUM and NO word limit. I WANT TO SEE NOVELS PEOPLE, ADVENTURES AND MOST OF ALL I WANT A 5 V 5 GAME! Lets get it on! ;)




Forum 7s - Trials - 2012

F7s All Stars VERSUS F7s Marauders
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VERSUS
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Match Preview: The Forum Seven's All Stars proved in 2011 that they have what it takes to score big and lead teams to victory, but each year the Marauders get their opportunity to show who really drives their club squads. With each team being represented, who will come out on top?
The Marauders have never lost to the All Stars but that could change in 2012 as these two teams light up The Front Row Stadium.

Match theme song: The Champ by Nelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhoj43vXGas&ob=av2n)

Game Thread:
* This is a game thread only. Only game posts can be made here - team lists, substitutions, and articles.
* Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
* Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.

Naming Teams:
* 5 -V- 5 (+ Unlimited reserves for both teams)
* No 'TBA' or changing players named
* Captains must stick with original teams named

Rules: http://f7s.leagueunlimited.com/rules.php
Official Word Counter: http://f7s.leagueunlimited.com/wordcount.php

Kick Off: Sunday 12th February 2012 (6:00pm AEDT)
Full Time: WEDNESDAY 29th February 2012 (9:00pm AEDT)
Referee: madunit
Venue: The Front Row Stadium
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Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
108,132
The motley crew that is known as the F7s All Stars have arrived unfashionably early to The Front Row Stadium. Decided by the 2011 BP Awards, these finely tuned athletes have been shoved into the arena and told to play like a team. The crowd cheers loudly, I guess everyone loves an underdog...

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TEAM

Willow
Titanic
muzby
gUt
CobyDelaney

Res:
Drew-sta
Azkatro

Good luck one and all. :thumn
 

joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
The eccentric Marauders arrive ready to once more take down their common enemy!

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2012 Squad:
Joshie (The CO-captain, the peoples captain)
Griffo (CO-CAPTAIN and Official Bunnies spokesperson, but, that is just for media purposes)
Devoid (this guy could be a messiah, or a writer)
Leaguenut (his biggest decision, paper or plastic, but, he has to write something to)
Bubbles ( i know a few blokes who would pull her out of her coloured shell and blow the moisture resulting in a bubbles piece)

Bench
Hallatia (The dynamic cheerleader of many teams, this solid performer is a Ninja, enough said.)
Robster (The man, the icon, he was once a warrior)
 
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gUt

Coach
Messages
16,876
Mark My Words (Formerly Stray Talkin’)
By Big Mark Liar

Player misbehaviour? Scandals? We’re used to reading about our heroes letting themselves down when they’re off duty – in fact you’re wise to stay at home and lock the doors if there’s a chance an NRL player could be in the general area. Was it always thuslike? Big Mark isn’t sure but wants to tell you about:

My Summer of Shame

A blazing sun, a warm breeze. Cold Paddlepops, hot concrete, a dropped Paddlepop melting thereon. A burned tongue and the horror of passers-by. Just some of the images I have leftover in my mind from those heady, halcyon days when I first made first grade.

But there are other images that live with me, like proverbial flies clinging to the piece of shit that is my mind. I was not always so wise and for the first time I can reveal to you exclusively a bunch of stuff that someone else would have made up anyway.

Proverbial Flies

Back in the late 70s and early 80s I was a fresh faced Liar who’d been picked out of obscurity to trial in first grade and I’d made the cut. Keen to make a good impression on the old hard heads that I’d idolised as a youngster, I rode my Malvern Star to my first training session. On a busy street, I saw another young bloke fall off his bike and hit the pavement pretty hard. There were no helmets in those days and he was pretty groggy. However I’d noticed that when he fell, a crisp $10 note had slipped from his pocket. Lightning fast I dismounted and retrieved the note before the wind carried it to buggery. I was about to help the idiot who’d stacked it when I noticed it was now a few seconds nearer to the time I was required at training. If I stayed to help any more than I already had, I’d be late and that would impress no one.

It was a close call but I made it to training on time and got stuck in. Karma rewarded my efforts when mum washed my shorts and found my bonus $10. As I celebrated my good fortune, I watched the local news on TV. Although the hopeless pushbike rider died of a massive injury-induced stroke while I was at training, he taught me the value of punctuality. I’ll never forget whoever he was, and thank you.

Romance

It’s hard to avoid the honey trap of females with their strange powers and lumpy bodies when you’re a handsome, fit young footballer who’s made the grade. At nightclubs girls who would’ve simply laughed in your face the year before, now waited until you spoke before deciding to laugh. The old ego can get a bit engorged. But like so many other firsts in this magical summer of shame, for the first time I fell in love.

One night at the club an intoxicated young lady wandered up to my table where I’d happened to be drinking alone for the past six hours. It had long, blonde hair that framed her pretty face with its soft lips, cute button nose and dimpled cheeks. A revealing top and small, denim shorts suggested this girl was not shy. She smelled of cinnamon and her twinkling blue eyes danced with playful mischief.

She spotted me and stopped. Swaying slightly, she asked me if she knew me. “Definitely not!” I replied firmly and told her to be about her business.

Confused, she moved outside and jumped in a cab. I feared for her safety so I jumped in my Kingswood and followed her home. That night I stayed outside her house in some bushes and I watched as she got undressed and went to bed. Only when I was sure she was safe did I climb down and return home. Every night from then on until I was threatened with a shotgun by her paranoid father I would watch my love through her window as she showered or used the toilet. I still carry a flame for whoever she was to this day. She taught me the value of curtains.

Belly Laugh

As one of the younger players in the squad I was regularly the butt of jokes and pranks on the training paddock and in the locker room. Every day I’d look forward to what new practical joke the lads would cook up for me, such as throwing my entire kit on the dressing shed roof and leaving while I was still in the shower, or writing abusive graffiti on my locker and my car and my mum’s house, or repeatedly punching me in the face: these were great days.

One magically shameful summer’s day I decided to show the boys I could have a laugh too. After retrieving my kitbag from the roof, I snuck one of the team’s drink bottles home. The next day, I surreptitiously returned it with the others. We ran a drill and did sprints under the scorching sun and we crowded around the drink bottles to cool off. I could barely restrain myself as our fullback eagerly popped the top of “my” bottle and greedily squirted it over his face and into his mouth.

I howled with laughter and he howled with pain as the bleach went to work on his eyes, throat and stomach. I was still chortling when the ambulance took his body away but then I felt ashamed. The training paddock is a place of work and that type of tomfoolery has no place there: I had to learn this the hard way. It’s a lesson I carry with me and nowadays I never use my bleach prank at work, except at the Christmas party and Melbourne Cup day.

Misc.

Plus I did a bunch of armed robberies, stood over some local businesses and was banned from going within 300 metres of the local girls’ school for reasons that aren’t important. These taught me many lessons, not the least of which was don’t spit on a judge in his own courtroom.

So why is Big Mark telling you all this? Every day we see some media beat up about this player doing that and that player doing this but we should all remember that we were young, handsome, fit first-grader footballers once and we shouldn’t be so quick to judge or words to that effect. Boys will be boys and we should all be a bit more tolerant of the things that horrify us to our mortal souls. They will learn from the carnage they unleash on society and will one day be productive members of society.

Just like me.

Until then, tell ‘em Mark sent ya!

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Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
108,132
Willow | F7s All Stars

There is no off season

How often do you hear a Rugby League supporter referring to a player as being 'clean bowled' when a ball goes through the legs? OK, not that often but I've heard it a couple of times. How about a 'slips catch' when a support player receives the ball on the fingers tips? Or my favourite, the call of 'catch it' when a tooth goes flying through the air!

When the league season finishes, it's a case of looking forward to the Cricket. On the radio, TV, or a substitute for background music - it's just there. It's not everyone's game but for the majority that's the way it is. One of those little 'facts' that needed to be properly confirmed.

When Paul 'Fatty' Vautin and Peter Sterling played an exhibition legends Cricket game some years ago, they were confirming the connection between football and the bat-and-ball games. It was televised over the footy off-season and featured sporting stars from across the spectrum. When Sterlo tackled a cricketing legend on the pitch, the connection was complete.

Of course, many Rugby League players have turned out to be more than handy at Cricket. The most famous for mine is Ray Lindwall.

Ray Lindwall excelled in both Cricket and Rugby League.

The brother of record-breaking centre Jack Lindwall, Ray was a St George junior who played district Cricket and Rugby League. In 1941 he was described by magazine Rugby League News as a 'fine footballer and a magnificent cricketer'.

Born in 1921 in Sydney, Ray Lindwall had his finest season of league in 1942, scoring 143 first grade points (1 try, 70 goals) over just 14 rounds. He was rated the best fullback in New South Wales. In Cricket, he was rated the best fast bowler in the land.

Lindwall wasn't just a fringe first grader. In the same year of 1942 he played a Grand Final before joining international Cricket, touring with the baggy greens from 1943-46.

He remained an asset to Rugby League when in 1946, following a three year absence from the game, he was recalled and flown back from a Cricket tour of India to play in the New South Wales Rugby League Grand Final between St George and Balmain.

Now a household name in the cricketing world, Lindwall announced his departure after the 1946 Grand Final, essentially forced to give Rugby League away to follow his other passion.

League's loss was Cricket's gain as Lindwall went onto further greatness as the strike bowler in 'Bradman's Invincibles' in 1948, retaining the Ashes in England in what is widely recoginsed as a pivotal moment in Australia's sporting history. The 1948 side are famous for being the first Test match side to play an entire tour of England without losing a match.

Lindwall eventually captured 228 Test wickets (an Australian record at the time), and received the highest accolade when he captained Australia in 1956. His League statistics show four seasons (1940, 1942, 1943, 1946), 31 games, 235 points (2 tries, 115 goals).

Ray passed away in 1996, aged 74. His older brother Jack passed away in 2000.

Of course, there are numerous other League and Cricket players who have crossed this small sporting divide. Graeme Hughes springs to mind.

Born in Stanmore in 1955, Graeme Hughes gave great service to the Canterbury Bulldogs in the 1970s and 1980s. But more than that, he was the last Australian sportsman to represent New South Wales in both Rugby League and Cricket. At the age of 19, Hughes was selected for the NSW Blues, at aged 20 he was selected for the state side in Cricket. The stuff that dreams are made of.

Feel free to add a few more of your own.

So why talk about Cricket in a Rugby League forum? Well, most of us do it over the off-season. As Roy and HG used to say: "When too much sport is barely enough."

Sure, the sport of Cricket has been sullied by gambling issues that would make the Don and Ray turn over in their graves, but it still works for us sport-starved footy fans in the summer months. Plus at the end of the day, Cricket is perhaps the only sport that holds the interest of football followers, regardless of which football code you're thinking of.

There's something to be said about Cricket being being the great communicator, regardless of race, religion or whatever team you support.

You can bet your bottom dollar on that.

Words | 750
 
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joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
*** rookie error! I went to update the match thread after a mistake I made and it decided to post here. Will post my article or any subs here. **
 
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LeagueNut

First Grade
Messages
6,972
LeagueNut for the Marauders

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Joe McClintock P.I.

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It was a dusty, sweaty morning. The sun had just begun to rise, and the fumes from the traffic outside were swimming around in my office, adding to the overall ambience of my surroundings. The ice was melting in my glass faster than I could fill it. And I get cranky if I don’t get my breakfast whiskey.

My name is Joe McClintock, and I’m a Private Eye.

Just then, a tall woman walked past my window. I knew she was tall because my office is on the second floor. As she walked in, I was hit by a smell of stale rum and cheap leather. I took my jacket off my face and asked my visitor to take a seat.

She was a good looking broad, and I knew she had a case. That’s because she had put it down on my desk. She pointed two 38’s at me; and she also had a gun.

It turns out some guy called Gallop had sent her. I didn’t care, I just wanted her to get out so I could finish my breakfast. She spoke in a voice so husky that it reminded me of my Uncle Larry. But he’s dead.

“See this?” she growled, handing me a photo. “It’s been stolen. You’ve got three days to find it”. My nostrils flared at the smell of her perfume as she drew closer to me.

I studied the photo with my good eye. It appeared to be the NRL Premiership Trophy. Or just a couple of muddy guys having a hug. Either way, I knew I was in for a shag, because there’s only one type of woman who wears that sort of fragrance.

“Gotta light?” I asked, while pulling a cigar from my top pocket. I looked up with a glint in my eye and a smile in my pants, but she’d left about twelve minutes ago. I finished off my breakfast and wiped the smile off my face – it was time to get to work.

My first stop was the Goulash Spider Bar. Frank prepared a stiff double as I walked in, then poured me a drink.

“You seen this before?” I asked him, flashing the photo. A gunshot rang out in the distance.

“Yeah, they were in here a few days ago. Good lookin’ group too. Said they were on their honeymoon.”

“Group?”

“Yeah, there were about a dozen of them. Said they were heading up the line, said something about a conspiracy, then hit the ol’ dusty trail.”

Something about what Frank was saying just didn’t ring true. I was never quite sure about Frank, ever since the day he introduced me to his wife and sister with one handshake. But that’s my own fault for fraternizing with Queenslanders.

I hit the road, cursing the blind bloody taxi driver on my way down, before shaking it off and heading to the next stop of my journey.

Mavis Engleberry wasn’t much of a looker but she knew anything and everything that went on in this town. Plus she could do things with her gums that would make you weak in the knees while quietly sobbing for your dignity. But today wasn’t personal – it was business.

“Yeah, I’ve seen ‘em” she drawled, vainly trying to wipe the whiskers from her chin with the palm of her hand. Her warts brushed against her nose like nipples in the autumn sun.

“They was heading for Chuckalongadunny they was, and those two muddy blokes were being held by someone who looked as crooked as my left tit.”

“Didn’t trust them at all I tell ya, only half of the buggers paid me you know.”

Then it slowly started dawning on me, like a warm puddle of Kahlua over a frozen chocolate topping – maybe this was all the work of The Snake. He was one of the real shifty ones, a bloke so crooked he’s swallow a nail and shit out a corkscrew. Plus he’d had it in for Gallop for years, ever since Gallop had decided that getting your finger stuck in a scarecrow is now major front-page news material.

The gnashing of gums snapped me back into reality – I slipped Mavis a tenner and waited for the change.

And then it came.

I left Mavis and headed towards Chuckalongadunny. The sun was beating down like a black rapper on his woman and my arse was sweating so much it looked like a Labour MP. But I knew I was getting close … I could almost smell it.

The Snake and his posse were a tough bunch, full of lowlifes, mongrels, deadbeats and Queenslanders. You could give these blokes every favour under the sun and they’d still kick you in the nuts for the pleasure. They knew if they gave that trophy back they wouldn’t see it again for years, and that was enough to send them into hiding. No-one can take what they don’t give back.

I figured they’d be hiding out in the local saloon in the middle of town. The local pianist switched to a minor key as I pushed aside the swinging doors, striding in with the sort of determination you see with a virgin on third base. The barman quivered as I eyeballed him from across the room – he knew the end was coming mighty soon.

And then The Snake leapt out from behind a barrel and shot me.



904 words including title
 

muzby

Village Idiot
Staff member
Messages
45,708
badge_allstars_200x200.jpg


muzby for the allstars, 750 words (OWC) title to end..


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The Odd Couple

Nathan Tinkler sits at his desk, carefully counting his money and reading the form guide, wondering which horse he’ll buy next. Just as he’s about to pick up the phone and make a call, there is a knock at the door and in walks Wayne Bennett with Darius Boyd following behind him, mirroring every step that Bennett takes.

“Nathan, do you have a minute?” asks Wayne.

“Make it quick. And who’s that?” Asks Tinkler, pointing at Boyd.

“Oh, that’s Darius” says Wayne “Don’t mind him. He just follows me everywhere I go.”

Tinkler shuffles his papers. “Well, what do you want Wayne? I’m a busy man.”

“Well, one of the demands I had before signing to come here was a complete upgrade of the players facilities at the stadium.”

“Yes, and I did that. Including a full refurbishment of the change rooms” says a disgruntled Tinkler.

“Well that’s the thing” says Wayne “I don’t know how to say this, but, you’ve turned the change rooms into stables. 17 little stables to be frank.”

Tinkler looks at Bennett and says “Well, you said you wanted the best facilities to win me the Melbourne Cup..”

“NRL Premiership..” interrupts Bennett.

“Whatever. You said you wanted the best facilities and I’ve provided them for you. I’ve even arranged for the canteen area that you asked for” says Tinkler, pointing across the car park towards a wall which has 17 feedbags hanging from hooks.

“What?” says Bennett “You expect my players to eat out of feedbags designed for horses?”

Tinkler looks at Bennett with a look of confusion “Of course, a meal of wheat, chaff and oats is the perfect high protein diet.”

“Like you’d know anything about a diet..” mutters Bennett.

Tinkler’s face goes crimson with rage and says slowly “What did you just say?”

Bennett shakes his head. “Never mind. And what about the high performance equipment I asked for to help get the extra effort out of the players?”

“Yep, got that” says Tinkler as he hands Bennett a bag of riding crops.

“What am I supposed to do with those?” asks Bennett

“Why, you use them to whip the horses!“

“Players.” quips Wayne.

“Sorry, use them to whip the players to make them perform better. It’s a tried and proven method of improving performance. I‘ve got my best jockeys using these whips and I‘ve won 7 trophies this year.”

Bennett just shakes his head and lets out a frustrated sigh. “You’re out of your mind, Tinkler. I’m not going to whip any of my players.”

“You can whip me Daddy!” yells an excited Darius.

Tinkler and Bennett stop talking and both turn towards Boyd at the same time, with similar concerned stares.

“Err, I mean you can whip me Wayne… Umm… I mean you can spank me Wayne. Err.. Umm.. I mean….”

“Just shoosh, Darius. Pretend you’re at a media conference” Bennett barks. “Now, Nathan, I don’t know if you got my memo, but I need to get a complete new set of football boots for the players ASAP.”

Tinkler reaches under his desk. “Yes, got the memo Wayne and happy to say I’ve got boots for the whole team. Infact, I’ve got one of the assistants giving Jarrod Mullen his right now. And with that he tosses a canvas sack up onto the desk. The unmistakeable “chink” of metal upon metal is heard. A concerned Bennett looks inside and his face turns a bright shade of red.

“These are bloody horseshoes!” yells Bennett. “I can’t use these”.

At that moment, Darius Boyd looks out the window to see a tearful Jarrod Mullen limping across the car park, a horseshoe hanging by one nail from his bloodied foot.

“They’re not just any old horseshoes” says an increasingly annoyed Tinkler “These are the finest bloody horseshoes that money can buy. Honestly, I don’t know what your problem is Wayne. I’m being very bloody generous and all you're doing is complaining. Sometimes I question if you are the right man to help the Knights win the Melbourne Cup.”

“It’s the NRL bloody premiership!” Bennett growls, barely opening his mouth.

“Whatever.” responds Tinkler, “Just win it or I’ll send your boy here to the glue factory and find another trainer for the Knights.”

With that, Bennett stands up, tosses his chair back and slams his Newcastle cap on Tinkler‘s desk and yells “That’s it, I’m out of here. Follow me, Darius”.

“As always, Daddy. Umm. I mean Wayne”.
 
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Bubbles

Juniors
Messages
416
Bubbles takes the field for the Marauders, confused and a little disturbed by her introduction!
_________________________________________________
On your Marks; Get Set...

So, here we are once more, poised on the brink of a new NRL season, our toes having skimmed the surface with a few pre-season teasers, ready to plunge headfirst into the season proper. It’s that magical time of the year when anything seems possible. When the disappointments (for most) of last season have been sun-bleached by the summer months and are now but a pale shadow and once again, hope’s tentacles have a hold of the average League fan’s heart and soul. It is as such every year, however, I would venture to say that this year there is an altogether new optimism gusting through like a blast of fresh air on a still, humid February night, as the game itself appears poised on the brink of great change.

Of course the cynics and pessimists will remain true to their nature and continue to bitch and moan, but me, I see a glass and not only do I see it as half full, but I see that cup runneth over. It took a lot longer for the promised independence of the game to form into a semblance of unity and authority, however, given the previous convoluted structure, I liken the process to the reintegration of split personalities, Sybil style, with the QRL being the angry child who utters profanities and throws its own faeces!

However long it took to get here, here we stand and before us, a vista of possibilities. 2012 will bring the expected triumphant TV deal and its ensuing fiscal benefits that will raise the salary cap and fortunes of the 16 existing clubs, as well as lending promise to the anticipated expansion of the game. We finally see the back of the McIntyre finals system and instead, adopt the AFL model, a system most fans would agree is a fairer and more superior one.

Of course with the good, comes the bad. For one, I now have to lay eyes every week on Mr. Ray Hadley, surely a head made for radio if there ever was. Coupled with this new addition to the Channel Nine commentary team, I will have my ears assaulted once more by the comedy stylings of the two old Muppets, otherwise known as ‘The Rabs and Gus Show’ and I dare say I’m not alone when I say that I would like my money back!

But, before we draw a line under the year 2011, I’d like to just briefly fill you in on what was truly a year of excrement in Bubble’s house on Lake Mac. The first half of the year saw my husband working away from home for the most part, leaving the woman of the house with an active three year old boy with attitude and a penchant for the old Batman TV series; holy camp TV Batman!

The year appeared to take a turn for the better mid-year when Mr. Bubbles returned to work locally and promptly knocked me up; long absences, after all, tending to lend the swimmers that extra bit of potency and oomph! This happiness was short-lived, as four months later the baby was lost, upon the heels of which my husband took a tumble down a stairwell at work and ended up with a dislocated shoulder, twenty-five staples in his head, a broken neck and his knee cap shattered in rather spectacular fashion.

After the initial shock and danger were passed, I did what any League fan would do, I dutifully submitted an injury report to friends and family, referring to his injuries as ‘season ending’, to which all fellow fans nodded in grave comprehension. I then proceeded to torture him mercilessly by addressing him as Brett Tate, one of his most hated players, before disappearing from his non-existent peripheral vision as he strained to glare at me from within the confines of his neck brace.

After surgery was performed on his knee we were told that my husband would not work again in 2011, but the Surgeon failed to take into account a few important factors. One, Mr. Bubbles has a condition commonly known as ‘ants in his pants’ and this, coupled with his being a determined bugger, ensured he was never going to take that diagnosis sitting down (pun intended!). Further, there is such a thing as too much togetherness, as we were to discover about four weeks into his forced relegation to the sideline, otherwise known as the family sofa. Add to this the fact that our respective football sides failed to rise above mere mediocrity and it was a sad state of affairs indeed. However, true to form, it was indeed a season ending injury as Mr. Bubbles resumed work on the Tuesday after Grand Final weekend, a full three months ahead of schedule and the Bubbles’ household did indeed exhale in relief and the divorce papers remained unsigned!

And so, at the stroke of midnight New Years Eve we sat on our balcony overlooking the lake and saluted the passing of 2011 with our middle fingers and in the case of my husband, a protracted flash of buttocks and more; sadly, a lot more!

So, here we are, poised at the very brink of the 2012 NRL Season and our hope has been restored and our optimism has been polished and buffed to shining. Who knows how the greatest soapie in the world, Rugby League, will unfold. Inevitably it will bring its share of tears, joy and laughter, not to mention hair pulling and worry lines. Whatever it brings, whatever it gives and whatever it takes, I’m thrilled to be here, toes at the starting line, ears straining to hear that first sharp whistle blast, and most importantly, with only one sleep to go!
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Word count: 962
 
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devoid

Juniors
Messages
1,401
devoid enters the void for the Mighty Marauders:

Great Expectations – a twist of the Dickens
A tickle-type sensation refuses to settle after the recommended application of ointment; at least the
tube is appealing. It is a pleasant surprise to realise the feeling is no affliction. The tingle that is ‘footy’
has returned, without any fungal itch.
The memory of 2011, while still relatively fresh, has begun to dissipate. Just on the horizon awaits...well
who knows what exactly. As fans of our NRL clubs, we all know there will be highs and successes, and
possibly some (insert antonyms here) too. But what in this offseason has stirred the most attention, or,
has perked the proverbial masculine parcel to the highest heights, so to speak?
Manly and Canterbury-Bankstown fans got treated/punished early on, as their clubs started straight
after the Grand Final with a hiss and a roar. It was their own version of a soap opera, and worthy
of scripted television. The dynamics of the fallout drew upon themes mastered by long ago writers,
including what to some outsiders appeared as the death of a club, still hung-over from a triumphant
season. Then rumours of betrayal emerged, with many said to be jumping ship with Captain Des,
including a host of star players. Soon, haughty words of revenge and resurrection by players, staff, and
administrators of both clubs littered newsprint and cyber pages; like the least virtuous girl in church, I
couldn’t get enough.
While things have simmered slightly, there is no escaping the promise of what should be the most
spiteful clash of the season, and it now sits tantalisingly on the horizon – who knows just how this one
will end? While the title of this piece alludes to great literature, I shouldn’t confuse the reader. Watching
Coach Hasler’s performance from the instant my beloved Warriors fell to his former Sea Eagles, and
right throughout this saga, I feel it has been anything but a classic read. Instead, at times it has looked
more akin to Mrs. Mangle yelling ‘wrack off’ to Bouncer. But the story will ultimately be judged by
results. Will Des, who has lifted expectations within the kennel, inspire his new dogs to re-find their bite,
or will they again perform more like an overweight Golden Labrador, or worse still, like Daphne?
While many will argue the Des vs. Manly debacle has been the most intriguing off-season story, there
have been other notable happenings. The Sydney Roosters made some waves when Nick Politis posed
for some delightful pictures with the right honourable gentleman, Sonny Bill Williams (a onetime rugby
league God, a present day rugby and boxing spastic -- choke), and also by the astute signing of James
Maloney for the 2028 season; such foresight and development stratagems should be applauded. This
has led to much speculation about the future for the Roosters’ current captain and stand-off. But, luckily
for Braith Anasta he has started his media career already by adding thought provoking comment to last
season’s NYC Toyota Cup broadcast. I’m sure we all agree that he is a natural, and equally as crap as the
more seasoned callers, but with a hairier eyebrow/slug; I would think his future is secure.
The official formation of an Independent Commission has caused (insert apathy here), headed by the
very same great turtle impersonator who ran the previous governing body, Mr. David Gallop; this is a
significant step, but toward where, I am presently uncertain. What I am sure of is, with Wayne Pearce
involved, we can expect anecdotal mention of Mitchy Pearce passed into new law, which will both
benefit the game, and increase the twinkle in Daddy’s eye, with one foul swoop.
As appealing as the Pearce story is, for this fan however, I was slightly taken aback by a different Father/
Son story that broke just last week in The Sydney Morning Herald – c**k-a-doodle-do-you really, Mr.
Chicken?
A curious story emerged about one referee, and his public declaration about his sexuality. Well, I’m as
interested in the inclinations of our game’s officials as much as the next rugby league fan, but just why
this was news confused me. Having been a season member of the Warriors club for the past couple
of years, I had been persuaded by those around me that all ref’s are gay. In fact, most fans within my
proximity take great delight in pointing out to the on-field ref (and occasional flag waver) that their
preference for the male species is duly noted, even from the distance of the stands. At first I thought
some of neighbours’ outbursts were questionable, but now I see it all as something like a conversation
of fact, albeit at a higher volume, and perhaps with a more aggressive tone – we do tend to get a little
excited at the park.
I suppose the greatest anticipation I have for 2012 is not the witty fans, who will think it humorous
to continue to point out the obvious to Mr. Cecchin, but the potential embarrassment that the
network commentators will cause themselves in ‘educating’ the viewers at home, as to the off-season
declaration: hearing Sterlo, Vossy, Gus, and Rabs, awkwardly mention how the ref has declared himself
homosexual, after being inspired by Ian Robert’s autobiography. But instead of leaving the comment as
an informative gift-box, with the positive side note of a Father timing his announcement to protect his
Son, they will inevitably go on to affix an awkward little bow and sign the card ‘...and there’s nothing
wrong with that – in fact I know lots of androtops.’ And, in a perhaps less than subtle segue-way, I think we
can safely assume that Mark Braybrook, Gary Belcher, and Simon Woolford will be too busy pleading
for a Canberra/Newcastle victory, and noticing how the ‘big Warriors’ forward pack is tiring,’ than to
embarrass themselves by passing queer-comment.
With only the Charity Shield, the World Club Challenge, and two painful weeks of trialling to negotiate,
the off-season is nearly dead. It wasn’t quite the best of times, nor quite the worst, but I hope it will rest
in peace.
 

joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
SUB TIME: Griffo takes an Arrow to the Knee as joshie looks to avenge him!
 

joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
A history lesson with Joshie

The Marauders and All Stars match has become a trial for the ages on the Forum Sevens calender. People want to be involved and the players who work their asses off are rewarded by being placed in an interesting game. But there has only ever been ONE winner! In 2008 the Marauders came up trumps 427-423 over the '08 premiers, the Titans! The Dragons fell in 2009 by 268 to 180 but the two most recent matches are more relevant to what we are talking about in this article.

In 2010 the people that be set up the Forums Sevens All Stars. They are the hardest working, highest achieving and highest ranking players of the previous season. They are ranked off the BP points system, a system used in the Forums Sevens regular season to determine the greatest player of the season by allocating points according to how they fair in the match, and their counterparts are the players who closely finished behind the winners. The Marauders are historically made up of those underrated players who do their bit for their clubs and play hard every week. So one would expect a victory to the All Stars almost every year, right? Wrong. In 2010, the Marauders pipped the All Stars by a point, the result finalized at 339-338! All Star fans cried out to not be worried, they would claim victory in 2011! But 2011 came and the All Stars fell to the Marauders 443-442. They now boast a 4-0 record heading into the 2012 match and they are keenly looking to extend. But where could it take them? Well history will show it will take them to GREATNESS!

A professional wrestler named Mark Calloway who portrays his famous character the 'Undertaker' has one of the scariest records to date. The wresting event, Wrestlemania, is the pinnacle of the World Wresting Entertainment's (WWE) Pay Per View calender and only the best fight on this night. It is virtually our Grand Final, won by the Ninjas in 2011. Stretching back to 1991, the much younger Undertaker defeated Jimmy 'Superfy' Snukka. At last years Wrestlemania 28, the Undertaker defeated a valiant Triple H to extend his streak to 19-0. Scripted or not, that is pretty damn fine!

Let us now talk about Rugby League! The longest streak since the interception was the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs racking up 17 consecutive victories on their road to a wooden spoon. The thing is the year they won their 17 matches, they were also over the cap by one million dollars. They were caught, lost everything, but they still played some entertaining football! But where do we go now? Let us try and find a legitimate streak in the National Rugby League, one that involves zero cheating.

In 2006 the Melbourne Storm....Oh Wait, Silly me! All bias aside I will get back on track. In 1999, from round 11 to 23, the Brisbane Broncos stretched their winning run to 11 matches. They were defending premiers and played some brilliant Rugby League football! They missed the grand final and the Melbourne Storm went on to claim their maiden title over the Dragons.

Just a few seasons later the Newcastle won their way to 11 victories stretching from Round 25, 2001 until round 6 2002, and this streak included some wonderful matches. Their biggest and best match during this streak would undoubtedly be their six point victory over the Parramatta Eels in the 2001 Grand Final. 90,414 turned out to witness their sixth victory of their famous 11.

The streaks went cold for a while. Well the winning streaks because the South Sydney Rabbitohs managed to claim 13 straight losses from round 1 until 14 of the 2006 season. The Knights, Cowboys and Sharks also secured the same statistics over different courses of time, frustrating their fans! But 10 years since the beginning of the Knights run, the Melbourne Storm came from no where to claim 12 straight wins through the middle of winter. This amazing feat included a period of time when the Storm played in Sydney, New Zealand, Adelaide and back to Sydney. They won these matches from round 11, 2011 until round 24, 2011. The Storm after all their dramas with the salary cap, now hold the longest winning streak in National Rugby League history.

But their is one streak that probably cannot, and will not ever be beaten. Whether or not that is due to the closeness, fairness or just better play, the Bluebags undefeated run of 2007 will not long be forgotten. Their record of that season 9-0 as they claimed the grand final with a 448-440 victory over the skilful Warriors. The 'Bags have been one of the most dominate and revered teams of the F7s and it is a no brainier that they should be ranked with the best streaks.

With that being said their are just so many more instances of success! But, I will just leave you with the best for now. Now as we turn towards the Front Row Stadium, can the Marauders make it 5-0? Well, only time will tell. Ciao.
 

TooheysNew

Coach
Messages
1,047
CobyDelaney for the AllStars - shit-tonnes of words between the stars

***
Cliché
For as long as he could remember, Andrew had lived in other people’s shadows. At Preschool, he was always the last to be handed his lunchbox, and the last to get a turn at finger-painting. In infant’s school it was the same story, thumped aside roughly by the bigger, more aggressive kids – leaving him to use the stubby, half-used coloured pencils, the flattened textas, or the pot of paste that the weird kid had been eating for the past half hour. He just never seemed to get anything his own way.

He guessed that was in part due to his size – he’d always been smaller than everyone around him. Not tiny, not even small to the point where you’d point and stare if you saw him in the street, but small enough that it rendered him a background player. A bit part. And where a lot of small kids had a presence about them in spite of that, Andrew couldn’t even boast that. He was the opposite. He had a presence that suited his stature – diminutive. He was shy of attention and public speaking, quick to apologise, and nervous about confrontation. As his parents would always tell people – Andrew liked to keep to himself.


Not that he really had a choice, mind you. His way of life was in way forced upon him. He was never the most popular kid. His weekends consisted of staying in, watching the football on TV and thinking to himself about how they would never have an issue with popularity, or a struggle to get the girl. Listening to their cliché filled speeches about how well the boys performed, and how it was a team effort. Their lives seemed so simple. Have stacks of mates, play football, get paid, and get women. Everything about his life was confusing to him. He had a million questions. Why was life so hard? Why didn’t he get his fair share of good luck? If it weren’t for bad luck, he’d have no luck at all. He just didn’t understand.


You lead me through this life of complication and delusion
So you drop it in my lap and slap me back towards confusion
When it's so hard to decide whether to live or to die in this destiny
Tell me what would you say if at the end of the day it was just you and me


If there was one major positive to Andrew’s life, it was that he was a worker. He was the kind of guy you’d go to when you just needed something done. Nothing was too much trouble, nothing was impossible, and he didn’t mind just putting his head down and working towards something. He wasn’t the smartest kid at school, but his work ethic had ensured he got decent grades. Decent enough to keep his competitive nature satisfied anyway.


Hard work wasn’t everything though. There were a thousand cliché’s, and he’d heard them all. “Good things come to those who wait”. “Hard work and perseverance is always rewarded”. None of them seemed to apply to him. Throughout his final years of school he got himself a part time job – not a glamorous job, but he didn’t need glamorous. He needed to pay the bills. Every afternoon, from the time he finished school until dark, he’d be standing in a supermarket, stacking can after can onto a shelf. It wasn’t fun, but at least he gained a sense of accomplishment from each section he completed. However it soon became apparent that even his work ethic seemed to conspire against him. The harder he worked at his job, the less time he had to devote to his studies. And the less time he studied, the less he understood his schoolwork. Slowly but surely his grades began to slide away. Sure, you couldn’t have your cake and eat it too, but Andrew felt like he wasn’t even allowed to taste the icing.


And the harder I try the more I slip and I slide through this fantasy
All by myself I need your help to perservere
But the same conclusions always greet me at my door
Wouldn't it be nice to fade away
And maybe one day you will show me what went wrong
How did I become the unchosen one


Andrew kept his head down, kept battling through, fingers crossed – hoping his luck would change. Hoping karma would send things his way. But every time he looked to catch a break, something would beat him back down again, and his already waning self-belief would take yet another hit.


Then Sarah came into Andrew’s life. At first, they were just in the same project group at school, forced together by an uninterested wave of the teacher’s hand. But as they spent more time together, Andrew felt himself liking Sarah more and more. She was pretty, popular, and most of all, she seemed to be interested in him as well. For the first time in his life, Andrew felt like his luck was changing.


Valentine’s Day came around – the first Valentine’s Day Andrew had ever actually looked forward to. With the last of his hard earned cash, he headed towards a florist and mumbled his way through purchasing a single red rose, and a small box of chocolates. The next morning at school, flower in hand, chocolates tucked under his arm, he headed across the schoolyard, towards where she was sitting with her friends. As he got closer, he noticed something that dropped his stomach – the dozen roses in her hand, and the massive box of chocolates on her lap. Yet another cliché – she’d chosen the guy with the car, the chiselled jawline, the rich parents.


God why you want to play with me
Can't you see I'm tumbling down
And like your favourite toy
Boy I'm tired of being thrown around

Smile away the fears that only seem to run me around
So you open up the door then the floor came crumbling down
I've only one or two dreams there worth losing
But they're unravelling, traveling down the road to ruin


Anger and confusion replaced his feelings of helplessness. He was angry that his life was off track, angry that nothing seemed to happen the way he had planned it, confused as to why his best laid plans had gone awry. Andrew made the decision to do something about it.


From that moment on, each morning before school, Andrew would visit the local gym – working his body until it ached. His work ethic aided him in his pursuit of a more imposing figure, and over the next few months his skinny body began to transform into something hard and solid. He discovered a love of running and sports that he had never known before, and with this came a new outlet for his competitive nature. Rugby League.


He’d always considered himself too small to play in an actual competition, but playing against other students at lunchtime was less of an issue, especially now that he was no longer the scrawny bloke in the corner. So one day, Andrew decided to join in. At first, the boys were taken aback when he lined up to be put into a team. They thought he was showing a sense of humour they didn’t know he had, or that he was dumber than they gave him credit for and simply didn’t have a clue where he was. Either way, those thoughts soon disappeared.


As it turned out, Andrew was made for football. He had found his place. Almost every aspect of his life that had once been a negative was starting to turn in his favour. His short stature helped his defence, enabling him to get in and drive tackles up under the rib cage. His time spent dropping and having to catch cans in the supermarket had increased his dexterity and coordination, enabling him to catch and pass effortlessly. Even the repeated thumpings he had taken as a kid had had a benefit – leaving him able to endure a hit better than someone twice his size. He was still somewhat shy of public speaking, but as a Rugby League player, these were not uncommon traits – and his eagerness to apologise was even seen as a worthwhile ‘talent’ in Rugby League circles.


With every lunchtime football game his confidence grew just a little bit more. By the end of that season, he had bitten the bullet and was playing regularly in the local competition. From there, his talents were recognised still further, as he got drafted into an off season training camp with an NRL club. And the rest, as they say, is history. So began an illustrious career as a Rugby League player. Mates, money, girls, popularity – none of these were an issue any more. He had each of them in abundance.


So when the rain is just around my corner
Throw some sunshine down my way
And I'll hit you with a smile all the while my worries melt away

Andrew wore a massive grin, previously unseen on his face. I guess it’s true - patience is a virtue.
***
 

Titanic

First Grade
Messages
5,906
badge_allstars_200x200.jpg
Titanic for the All Stars
One can judge the worth of a club by the amount of ridicule it attracts ... good luck one & all (1255 OWC between the stars).

*************************************
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16.jpg


The Lollies

[hushed behind the scene commentary]

… it’s that time of the year when the glitterati of the rugby league world descend on Homebush for the awards night to end all awards nights. It’s a night of festivities, of celebration, of pomp and ceremony bedecked in red and green. On this night of nights when Redfern men of great mettle and their achievements throughout the previous season are acclaimed, every rugby league fan from Doomagee to Devonport and from Broome to Botany Bay is transfixed to their TV screen.

Film stars, politicians and footballers, kindred souls of the Souff Sydney Rabbletohs are gathered here once more for a night to remember… yes, that’s right, it’s The Lollies.

In a setting that has been likened to a mixture of Disneyland, Willie Wonka’s and the Land of Oz wrapped in tinsel, the who’s who of rugby league royalty have gathered to be feted with gourmet Aussie party fare and a frightening selection of children-themed cocktails.

Ex-NSWRL supremo John “Stuffed” Quail was spotted earlier sipping what appeared to be red cordial but in fact was the dangerously volatile Fire Engine. He was chatting amiably with Georgie-Porgie Pigskins who was downing fluted glasses of Passion Pop faster than Jason the Tailor could fall down a set of stairs.

The media are well represented too. That maestro of journalism, Daniel “Pencil” Wielder, was overheard explaining to Women’s Monthly rag’s Peta “Pecker” Wilson, that he had only been ordering a custard slice and had not called her a “bastard” tart.

The celebrity audience has been seduced by a combination of intoxicating beverages and an overdose of sweeties. With high spirits prevailing, there was a heavy emphasis on the sublime with Johnsie Joe and Ding Dong Dell both trying to outdo each other cramming a variety of candy up their noses.

Never too far from the action, those shadowy doyens of rugby league critique, the LU Forummers, and their rapier-witted sect the LOL@5(c)uff$ mob were spotted scurrying here and there, giggling hysterically whenever they encounter a graded player. And now let’s tune back into the main event …

[dapper gentleman with microphone emerges from stage left … a hush descends]

“Ladies and gentlemen, in conjunction with the masters of confectioneries, the Souff Sydney Rabbletohs present the 2012 Allen’s Lollies …“

[thunderous applause]

“… Please welcome tonight’s host, club owner, chief selector and international megamouth Rusty Raven.”

[further, if somewhat more subdued, applause]

“Good evening one and all … thank you Andrew. Please give it up for Andy Dentedarse everyone! What a night! What a spectacle! Without further ado and considering we have no trophies to gloat over, let’s kick off with our beloved CEO “Shiny Pants” Russellson taking the first hit with his rendition of Peter Cotton Tail.

[“Shiny”, looking more like a living commercial for 4&20 pies, holding center stage with a grin reminiscent of a boy caught with his hand in the candy jar, sings song]

“Wow Shiny, how I love that bit about his cute little furry arse … that reminds me so much of my Kiwi roots ... yep, certainly had my share of those. Moving right along, I would like to recognize the combined media who are in attendance. Thank you all so much for your support throughout the season. I'm sure those envelopes you were given as you entered will come in handy.

This year, supported by our friends from Allen’s and with all proceeds going to the Diabetes Foundation, it is obvious that The Lollies have become a truly international event. Tonight’s extravaganza is going live to Bangladesh, Somalia and many parts of outer Micronesia.

The Lollies have undoubtedly become the most coveted sporting awards in Australia,” Rusty continued, “and I will now ask our spiritual leader and number one ticket holder the Daily Llama to outline the award categories. Let’s hear it for the orange robed-one … oh and while he’s making his way to the microphone I would like to send a very large thank you to the team at League Unlimited who gave us this concept.”

[hushed anonymous commentator whispers]

While Rusty and Shiny hold court and await the big DL’s shuffling appearance, it is hard to ignore the significance of this blend of Australian rugby league history and classical confectionery being held at the same time as the new governing body of rugby league makes its debut.

[back to the proceedings]

“There will be a variety of categories that make up The Lollies,” the old Llama states, rubbing his shaven pate and Buddha-like belly in opposite circles.

The All Day Sucker, in recognition of the club’s most penalized player. Bookies are considered closing betting on this option as they had taken unprecedented money on Lucas Zachariah but then a rush on mid-season signing Millie Wasteon and the ensuing confusion between him and Matt Wingking because of their hair allowed punting to continue.

The Polly Waffle – the club’s media darling. Sam “the Mule” Burgers headed a short list in this category although the smart money is on Arsi Tarsi whose 2011 quote “we have the best pack in the world” has been used in print over 5 billion times.

The Jaffa – the player who toughens up most in the testicular department. This is a special award dedicated to that former great Eeny-Weenie Boberts. Front runner is that returning limp-wristed pivot Sutto Buttoon who is showing real signs of growing a pair although he will be pushed hard by the club mascot.

The Choo Choo – although the candy from which the name is derived is now discontinued the players all completed their hill runs with rousing choruses of “I think I can, I think I can” but at this stage Dave Coltrane is the closest thing to a sure thing. Coach Dizzy Lizzy put his money on IGgy who responded by spraining an ankle while skateboarding to his favorite bakery in Clovelly for his infusion of meat pies. It is rumored that he hid his obsession from his previous coach by using rhyming slang when placing his daily order for 4 dogs' eyes with dead horse, please.

The Minty – this award has been a part of the club’s gala night since the 1980’s. The recipient will have been judged as the best dressed … a difficult job when everybody wears Armani but the shortlist is short.”

[and so the night moved on … in all there were twenty-seven categories, each reflecting the efforts of the members of the great-ish club. The attendees were unanimous in their praise of the event with particular interest surrounding the Retro Party Mix award; a family award that celebrated those halcyon days of the 1970’s. Club legend Spotty Stattsler commented that anyone who can remember the 70’s was a wows-er.

The feature of the night was the announcement of the controversial multicultural award, Liquorice All-sorts. Given the clubs history and geographical location the organizing committee had labored hard over the decision whether to include all the players or not. Fueling the flame was the announcement of the recipient, captain of one fifth of the team, Mick “The Crocka” Effluentti.

Capping the evening was the presentation to the club of the Violet Crumble Shield by the ARLC chairmen, IT Guru, in recognition of the club’s continuing run of choking failures to make the final eight.

In closing this secret podcast, ladies and gentlemen, please just take a moment to join hands, sing Kumbayah and say a few words on behalf of these bunnies.]

LOL@5(c)uff$*

image.php


* http://www.urbandictionary.com/autho...LOL%4050uff%24

*************************************
 
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joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
Good work everybody! 5-4! being in Queensland, I farked up and told a player the wrong time. I will put my hand up.
 

madunit

Super Moderator
Staff member
Messages
62,358
All-Stars - 443

gUt - Mark My Words - 89
Bloody good article! Very amusing and cleverly written piece, taking a light hearted swipe at the media beat-ups over player misbehaviour these days.

Willow - There is no off season - 88
A good piece linking Rugby League and Cricket. Some would also argue that the two sports have even been linked further through the betting scandals lol. A good piece with some good research as well.

muzby - The odd couple - 86
A satirical look at the possible downfall of the Knights. I'm curious as to whether Tinkler's madness pays off. Looks like we'll just have to wait til the first Tuesday in November.

Coby Delaney - Cliche - 91
Abeautifully constructed, heartwarming piece about the little guy, the underdog, finally getting a break in life. I'll get all artsy here and say that maybe it wasn't him giving a rose and chocolates to the girl, but Rugby league giving them to him. Great work!

Titanic - The lollies - 89
Brilliant piece on a social movement that has taken the interwebs by surprise. fantastic piece and very very funny. lol@5(c)uff$ indeed!

Marauders - 349

LeagueNut - Joe McLintock P.I. - 89
A well written piece, using approximately 37 541 double entendres and quips. Loved every word of it. Damn that snake!

Bubbles - On your mark, get set... - 88
It's sometimes funny (in hindsight I might add), just how much life mirrors Rugby League. A few years ago I broke my ankle just 2 weeks before Taniela Tuiaki did the same thing. Lets hope 2012 is a good year for the Bubbles household!

devoid - Great Expectations-a twist of the dickens - 87
A look back on the events that unfolded over the 2011-2012 NRL Off-season and how it has read like a soap opera.

joshie - A history lesson from joshie - 85
A look back at the history of the All-Stars v Marauders Forum 7's contests. The link between the Marauders F7's winning streak with that of the Bulldogs 17 straight (which is the second longest winning streak, behind the Roosters 19 in 1975) is somewhat flimsy, but understandable. A little more work would have helped this article be a lot better.

Player of the Match - Coby Delaney (All-Stars)
 
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