A handy guide to the NRL grand final for Victorians
Article from: The Courier-Mail
By Mike Colman
October 03, 2008 12:00am
ON Tuesday a Sydney newspaper reporter put Melbourne to the test. He walked down Bourke St Mall with photographs of Billy Slater, Greg Inglis and Israel Folau.
Not one of 20 locals approached could name all three.
One got close. She thought Billy Slater was Kelly Slater, the surfer. Another thought they were TV game show hosts and a third asked if the Melbourne Storm was a basketball team.
Yet for all that we've been assured in recent years that the grand final attracts a Victorian TV audience numbered in the gazillions, give or take the 20 in Bourke St Mall.
That being the case, one can only assume that many of those Victorians glued to their sets on late afternoon-early evening Sunday will be a trifle confused about the finer points of rugby league.
Maybe they'll think they are watching basketball. Or surfing. Or a game show.
But fear not Sporting Capital of the World, help is at hand. The following is a Victorian viewer's guide to watching Sunday's grand final. Keep it close by when tuning in to Rabbs, Gus, Sterlo and the boys and you can't go wrong. Well, no more wrong than the rest of us anyway.
Let's start with Rabbs, Gus, Sterlo and the boys shall we?
Now don't be concerned when they don't mention your team for long periods of time. It's just that the Melbourne Storm is not from New South Wales, a problem coincidentally shared by the Queensland State of Origin team. You'll get used to it. Queensland supporters have.
Also, if you hear strange noises coming from your set, do not adjust the sound. This will just be Gus and Sterlo choking on their words when they have to praise the Manly players. Like just about everyone else who follows the game they dislike Manly, but the way your coach and CEO have behaved in recent days, they now dislike Melbourne more.
As for the game itself, there are a number of things to be aware of.
For instance, that bit of wood between the two goal posts is the cross bar. If the ball drops below this bar after being kicked, or passes on either side of the posts, this is referred to as a "miss". Note: the kicker does not receive a point.
Likewise, when the ball is kicked in the air. Players must catch the ball with both hands and this might seem strange then hold on to it.
Also, when the ball is on the ground, players must not run along behind it trying in vain to pick it up as they fumble it forward time and time again in the process. This is called a "knock-on". It is not a good thing.
Which brings us to a part of the game known as the "tackle". This is when one player puts his arms around the man with the ball and actually brings him to ground, thus . . . oh forget it. Life's too short. Let's just concentrate on the big picture.
Look out for the Melbourne No. 11. His name is Mick Crocker and he is a highly trained specialist with a very crucial role to play. Namely to maim the Manly No. 1Brett Stewart. Should he succeed, as was the case this time last year, Melbourne will win.
There's also the "fairytale finish" element, with Manly's Steve "Beaver" Menzies and your bloke Matt "Boof" Geyer both hoping to go out a winner, but don't worry about trying to remember that. Ray Warren will remind you. Over and over and over.
Let's see, what else is there? Oh yeah, the coaches. When the camera pans up to the glass boxes and one coach is writhing around like he ate a bad curry, that's your guy Craig Bellamy. The one sitting motionless like a Madame Tussauds wax model of Shaggy from Scooby-Do is Manly's Des Hasler.
And apart from remembering that it's called rugby league and not rugby and your team is the one in purple, that's pretty much all there is to it.
It's really a very simple game. It must be. After all, the Melbourne Storm CEO Brian Waldron has only seen a handful of matches and already he wants to run it.
