Another gag.

[Pierre the Horrible]

Old couple go to the docs and he examines the old man. After he finishes he writes out his script and the old man sits down next to his wife in the surgery and the doc looks at him and says:
" I need you to supply me with a urine, faecal and sperm specimen."
The old boy looks nonplussed and says:" What I can't hear you."
So the doc says a little louder:" I need to have a urine, faecal and sperm specimen from you."

Again the old boy fails to hear the doc.

This time he yells at the old boy:" I NEED A URINE, FAECAL AND SPERM SPECIMEN FROM YOU."

Once again the deaf old boy says "What, what are you saying?"
So his wife leans over and says straight into his lug hole:
"Dear, the doctor wants to look at your pyjama pants!!!"

 

[wittyfan]

:shock: :lol:

 

[spirit of league]

:-&

 

[coolumsharkie]

:lol:

Girl goes to heaven and God meets her before the gates...
"Whats all that drilling and screaming?" she asks God
God replies "Thats just the angels getting they're wings fitted"

They walk on for a bit and she says...
"I can hear MORE drilling and screaming!!"
God replies "Thats the Saints getting they're halo's fitted to they're head"

"Stuff that" says the girl "I'm going to Hell"
God replies "Dont do that you will be sodomised and raped!"

She says "Yeah but I already got the holes drilled for that"
:shock:

 

[Macca]

:lol:

 

[Jimbo]

Q. What's got 26 legs, but can't climb a ladder?

A. Manly

 

[Macca]

That is an oldy but a goody, Jimbo. :lol:

 

[Pierre the Horrible]

What's 4&1/2 foot long and hangs round a penis????

John Howards tie!!!! (after the next election it may be Mark Lathams tie!!!)

 

[Quint]

Whats 3 feet long and f**ks Chickens??




An Axe.....

Whats long and Hard and f**ks Kiwis???





Primary School.......... :lol:

 

[Jimbo]

Q. How does a Kiwi shepherd find his sheep in long grass?

A. Delightful...

 

[DJDL]

McSharkie, I gotta say, your avatars keeping getting better.
Outstanding young man! 8)

 

[tUp]

Q. What's got 26 legs, but can't climb a ladder?

A. Manly

Q. whats the diffrence between manly and a triangle?

A triangle has 3 points.

 

[Tadpole]

i will probably get murdered for this one...but ill give it a go!! (i apologise in advance)

why don't females wee in the morning?



have you ever tried peeling apart a toasted cheese sandwich :shock:

 

[King of the Hill]

:shock: :shock: :shock:

 

[King of the Hill]

I dont know if I can go that low, but lets see:

There was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his dad and says "Bet you cant guess how old I am today!"

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet you can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his genitals for about 20 minutes, takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

 

[Special K]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Macca]

That is really quite a bit lower but hey, I laughed.

 

[Shark]

Little Johnny... :twisted:

Little Johnny returns to school after the July holidays.

In class, the teacher decides to ask the children what they did on their holidays.

Little Stephen puts up his hand, and the teacher asks him to tell the class about his holidays.

"Well miss, it was really cool!" Stephen exclaims. "Me and my dad, we went to the Zoo and I got to pat all the animals in the petting Zoo!!!"

"Wow Stephen, that sounds like fun!" The teacher responds.

Next, Little Mary raises her hand and asks to speak.

"Yes, Mary?" enquires the teacher, "what did YOU get up to?

"Well miss, my grandad came to stay, and he took me to the pet shop and he let me bring him my very own puppy!" Mary gushed.

"Ooh, that sounds lovely Mary!" says the teacher. "Tell me class, did anyone else do anything involving animals over the holidays?"

Little Johnny raises his hand.

Fearing the worst, but hoping that even Little Johnny might have something nice to say about animals, she gives him permission to speak.

"Yes Johnny, what dod you do in the holidays?" she asked nervously.

"Well miss", states Johnny, "me and the kid next door miss, well we rounded up ALL the cats in our neighbourhood miss!"

"Oh, cats hey Johnny? That sounds like fun!" Miss sighs.

"Yeah miss, then we got some firecrackers miss, and we lit 'em. Then we shoved 'em up their @rseholes, miss!" gloated Johnny.

Miss quickly corrects him: "Rectum Johnny, rectum"

"Farkin' oath, miss!"

[Miss faints, joke ends]

 

[Pierre the Horrible]

Ahh little Johnny!!!
The next episode....

All the kids are in class and the teacher says to the kids:
"If you could cover yourself in anything what would it be and why?"

Little McSharkie raises his hand and the teacher asks him to answer.

"Well miss, I'd cover me self in silver miss" he says.

"why would that be McSharkie"

"Well miss. I'd be able to scrape off some silver and buy meself a nice car like a BMW miss!!!"

"Ooh very good McSharkie." responds the teacher.

Next it's little Beekers turn!!!

"Miss I'd cover meself in gold so I can scrape off the gold and get a better car like a rolls royce miss!!!"

"That's very good Beeker" responds the teacher.

And there's little Johnny up the back, throwing his arms in the air, stamping on the floor and yelling out. The teacher knows better than to ask him but the pressures on so she relents....

"OK johnny what would you do?"

Johnny says" Well miss I'd cover meself in pubic hair!!!"

The teacher thinks to herself why did I even bother to ask. Then before thinking any further she says to Johnny...
"And why would you cover yourself in pubic hair Johnny?"

To which Johnny replies...

"Well miss, my older sister has this much pubic hair ( not much).... and you ought to see all the cars parked out the front of her place!!!!"

:shock: :shock: :shock: #-o #-o #-o

 

[Jimbo]

Little Johnny Wars - Episode III

Teacher asks the class to use the word 'lovely' in a sentence.

Mary at the front sez, "My Mummy and Daddy bought me a puppy for my birthday, and it's lovely"

Timmy sez, "Last weekend my family went to the beach for a picnic, and we had a lovely time"

Little Johnny fires up. "Well last Sundy, me and the old man were sittin' around the house watchin' the footy, when my sister comes in and tells Dad she's pregnant. And he sez "Well that's just f*ckin lovely..."