Doggies Humour to Cheer Us Up

[Objective One]

We certainly need something after the last few days:

New NRL Star

Steve Folkes, coach of the Canterbury Bulldogs, gets wind of a potential
young recruit who lives in Iraq. The club sends new leader Malcolm Noad on a plane to war torn Baghdad to track down the young fellow.

Malcolm risks life and limb dodging bombs, bullets, landmines and grenades but finally locates the boy, convinces him to come to Australia, and signs him up. He does a full pre-season, showing great potential. He
plays in all the practise matches, and finally gets picked on the bench
in first grade for the first premiership game.

Ten minutes into the first half Braith Anasta goes down with a severe
knee injury. Coach Folkes turns to the boy and says "This is it son, go
out there and show us what you can do..." The boy goes onto the field and proceeds to play the greatest debut game in NRL history.

He scores two tries, sets up another two, tops the tackle count, and
kicks the winning goal after the siren from the sideline. All his Bulldogs team-mates cheer him off the ground, and give him three cheers back in the dressing room. Folkes gathers the team around him and tells the boys that the kid is from Iraq, what he has been through, and says he is a model lesson to all...

Folkes then pulls the kid aside and says "Go into my office son, ring
your Mother and tell her what you did today - She should be very
proud..." The kid calls his Mother and says "Mum, guess what I did today ?" "I don't care what you did today" his Mother replies, "I'll tell you
what happened here today," she goes on, "Your father has been stabbed
and robbed, the house was fire bombed, our car was stolen, your sister
has been raped, and your brother has been abducted..."

"Gee," says the boy, "I feel a bit responsible for what happened..."

His Mother replies, "So you should, if it wasn't for you we would never
have moved to Bankstown !!"

 

[Jimbo]

Never mind about that!! I just heard John Lennon has been shot!! :shock:

 

[Objective One]

yeah but at least I used the up to date name for the CEO

 

[wittyfan]

Apparently JFK was shot dead too somewhere in Texas. :lol:

 

[Objective One]

vicious, vicious bastards...here am I trying to cheer up your rotten, sticking little lives, going out of my way to be a team player, and this is the treatment I get.........it's not my fault I've been living under a rock :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[carcharias]

vicious, vicious bastards...here am I trying to cheer up your rotten, sticking little lives, going out of my way to be a team player, and this is the treatment I get.........it's not my fault I've been living under a rock

thats funnier than the joke.

 

[wittyfan]

There's a Souths version out there too, Objective One.

 

[Objective One]

what the heck, I'm a sucker for punishment, try this one:

Subject: Here's a dilemma for you....

With all your honour and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.

You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):-
Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

 

[Bastard Squad]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even, nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."

 

[Quint]

Ok what about this one

Little Brucie was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the
children what their fathers do for a living. All the typical answers
came up, fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Brucie was being
uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good,
he'll go
out with a man, rent a cheap room and let them sleep with him".
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring
and then took little Brucie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about
your father?"....
"No", said Brucie, "My father plays footy for the Bulldogs, but I was
just too embarrassed to say."