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From the "Srange But True" files.

imported_Outlaw

Juniors
Messages
511

Thought you guysmight enjoy this story that was printed in the WeeklyWorld News last week!!It was emailed to me by a mate overseas.
I don't know what to make of it but it's bloody freaky!

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003 -- By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK
Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Streetwiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission (SEC)confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in a meretwo weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at wellover $350 million (US).
Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush,
ongoing investigation.
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."
In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into
the wrong hands."
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.
Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds.
Keep watching for further developments.
 

Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
110,209
lol... I see its sourced from the 'Strange but Bullshit' files of www.weeklyworldnews.com

Other headlines include, 'Space Alien Mummy Stuns Scientists' and 'Super Beer cures Cancer'.

There's also helpful hints like, 'How you can tell your neighbour is a time traveler'.

Top stuff. :)
 
O

ozbash

Guest
go on then, who will stick their neck out and say its not true...
emdgust.gif

 

imported_JoeD

Juniors
Messages
653
Forget about whether or not the guy is a time traveller or not, is it even true that there is a guy getting investigated at all, and did he really make $350M from $800 ? If that part of the story is true (and you'd have to think that it would be fairly easy to find out) then I'll think about whether he is a time traveller or not . . .
 

Infuzer

Juniors
Messages
101
I don't see any reason to doubt the story's credibility. Even though converting 800greens to 350million in two weeksmay not be an every day occurence, I'm sure it's not impossible. This guy did it, right? Plus the Security and Exchange Commission (SEC) seems like it's a US Federal Government division, so why would the Feds get involved with something if it wasn't serious or if it was fictatious?
Is World Weekly News a tabloid? I hadn't heard of them till this thread.
Great story and thankxOutlaw
embeer.gif


 

Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
110,209
Ozbash: "go on then, who will stick their neck out and say its not true..."
LOL...Ok, I think its a loads of bollocks....

Dont get me wrong... I would never eliminate the possibility of time travel in the future.
But I would prefer to hear about it viaan organisation more credible than the Weekly World News. The publication is only good for a laugh.

The people who take it seriously are the same people who think the X-Files is a documentary.

Infuzer: "Is World Weekly News a tabloid? "
Compared to the Weekly World News, the tabloids look well informed, factual and beyond scrutiny in their reporting.

There's a big demand for this sort of publication. The National Enquirer is another one. They claim to base their stories on fact and that they check their sources. What they dont tell you is the other side of the story and the actualcredibility of the source.

A few years ago I bought onein a newsagent just for the headline:

Mind Experiment goes wrong
Scientist's head explodes!

It was a classic.
 

imported_Brook

Juniors
Messages
236
<table width="95%" align=center> <tbody> <tr> <td> just browsing and found this...sounds kinda like believing something printed on theonion.com to me...

Claim: Man arrested for insider trading attributes his financial success to time travel.
&lt;NOINDEX>Status: False. &lt;/NOINDEX>
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2003]

<table width="90%" align=center bgcolor=#000000 border=0> <tbody> <tr> <td bgcolor=#ffff88> <blockquote>
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003
By CHAD KULTGEN
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges &lt;NOBR>--&lt;/NOBR> and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.
"We don't believe this guy's story &lt;NOBR>--&lt;/NOBR> he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."
{Click here to read the rest of this article]
</blockquote> </td></tr></tbody></table>

Origins: All one need know about this article is that it originated with the &lt;NOBR>Weekly World News&lt;/NOBR>, an entertainment tabloid devoted to inventing fantastically fictitious stories while keeping its tongue firmly embedded in its cheek to a depth not measurable by any instrument known to man. Unfortunately, Yahoo!, a primary news source for many people on the Internet, reprints some Weekly World News articles in their TV News section under a heading of "Entertainment News &amp; Gossip," a title that doesn't convey a strong "bogus" warning to readers who don't notice the original source is the Weekly World News (or don't know what the Weekly World News is).
Last updated: 28 March 2003
</td></tr></tbody></table>
 

Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
110,209
LOL.. the SMH slipped into crap a long time time ago.

Another article from one of the ultra-tabloid publications had the headline:

Aliens turned my son into an Olive

Apparently, the distraught woman witnessed extra-terrestials zapping her son and turning him into an Olive...!

Crazy with depair, she telephoned the police and showed them the Olive. She begged the police for some assistance but much to her horror, one of the cops ate the Olive !!!

The story concluded by offering support to the woman in her quest to have the Policeman charged with murder and cannibalism.


I really get a lot of enjoyment from this stuff.

 

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