Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after
> > > >downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and
> > > >much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the
> > > >road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late
> > > >realizes that there is yet another tree directly in
> > > >his path. He swerves again and discovers that his
> > > >drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing
> > > >him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
> > > >Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and
> > > >brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches
> > > >Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.
> > > >Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when
> > > >the officer stops him mid sentence and says,
> > > >"Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and
> > > >each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender
> > > >hands them over, three flies buzz down
> > > >and one lands in each of the pints.
> > > >The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away
> > > >and demands another pint.
> > > >The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a
> > > >long swallow.
> > > >The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly
> > > >between his fingers and shakes him while yelling,
> > > >"Spit it out, ya little bastard! Spit it out!"
An Irish Fight
> > > >Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like
> > > >he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a
> > > >sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
> > > >and he's walking with a limp.
> > > >"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
> > > >"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
> > > >"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "he
> > > >couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in
> > > >his hand."
> > > >"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
> > > >and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
> > > >"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself.
> > > >Didn't you have something in your hand?"
> > > >"That I did!," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
> > > >beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Irish Miracle
> > > >
> > > >An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
> > > >city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over
> > > the
> > > >road. A cop pulls him over.
> > > >"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
> > > >"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > > >"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> > > this
> > > >evening."
> > > >"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> > > >"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
> > > >across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
> > > >your car?"
> > > >"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Irish Predicament
> > > >Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan)
> > > >staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
> > > >box, sits down but says nothing.
> > > >The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but
> > > >the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds
> > > >three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no
> > > >use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.
Irish Last Request
> > > >Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his
> > > >Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says,
> > > >"So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?"
> > > >She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My
> > > >husband passed away last night."
> > > >The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
> > > >She says, "That he did, Father..."
> > > >The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
> > > >She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"
you got any?
> > > >downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and
> > > >much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the
> > > >road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late
> > > >realizes that there is yet another tree directly in
> > > >his path. He swerves again and discovers that his
> > > >drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing
> > > >him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
> > > >Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and
> > > >brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches
> > > >Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing.
> > > >Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when
> > > >the officer stops him mid sentence and says,
> > > >"Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and
> > > >each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender
> > > >hands them over, three flies buzz down
> > > >and one lands in each of the pints.
> > > >The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away
> > > >and demands another pint.
> > > >The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a
> > > >long swallow.
> > > >The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly
> > > >between his fingers and shakes him while yelling,
> > > >"Spit it out, ya little bastard! Spit it out!"
An Irish Fight
> > > >Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like
> > > >he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a
> > > >sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
> > > >and he's walking with a limp.
> > > >"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
> > > >"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
> > > >"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "he
> > > >couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in
> > > >his hand."
> > > >"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
> > > >and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
> > > >"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself.
> > > >Didn't you have something in your hand?"
> > > >"That I did!," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
> > > >beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Irish Miracle
> > > >
> > > >An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
> > > >city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over
> > > the
> > > >road. A cop pulls him over.
> > > >"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
> > > >"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > > >"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> > > this
> > > >evening."
> > > >"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> > > >"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
> > > >across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
> > > >your car?"
> > > >"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Irish Predicament
> > > >Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan)
> > > >staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
> > > >box, sits down but says nothing.
> > > >The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but
> > > >the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds
> > > >three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no
> > > >use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.
Irish Last Request
> > > >Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his
> > > >Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says,
> > > >"So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?"
> > > >She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My
> > > >husband passed away last night."
> > > >The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
> > > >She says, "That he did, Father..."
> > > >The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
> > > >She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"
you got any?
It's great to have a person around that you can genuinly say "I'm better than him" 
