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Lame jokes

Discussion in 'Firkin Fun Bar' started by ggmu, Mar 26, 2014.

  1. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta
     
  2. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    Why can't you trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything
     
  3. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    Have you heard about the explosion at a cheese shop in France? The area is covered in De Brie
     
  4. Coaster

    Coaster Bench

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    Why did little Suzie fall off the swing?

    She had no arms.



    ----


    Knock knock
    Who's there?

    . Not Suzie
     
  5. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
    Everyone chuckles, and the vendor makes the dog. The Buddhist hands him a twenty, the vendor pockets it & moves on to the next customer. The Buddhist complains, “Hey where’s my change.” And the Vendor replies, “Ah, change comes from within.”
     
  6. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!” The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “hey, aren’t you that rope I just kicked out?” And the rope replied “no, I’m a frayed knot.”
     
  7. Rhino_NQ

    Rhino_NQ Immortal

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  8. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    tried to catch some fog. I mist.
    •When chemists die, they barium.
    •Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    •A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
    •I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
    •How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
    •I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    •This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    •I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
    •I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    •They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
    •This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
    •I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
    •A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
    •When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
    •What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
    •I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
    •Broken pencils are pointless.
    •What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    •England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
    •I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
    •I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
    •I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
    •Velcro – what a rip off!
    •Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
     
  9. Red Bear

    Red Bear Referee

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    Two guys in a bar. First guy say "I'll have some H2O." Second guy says "I'll have some H2O, too." He takes a sip and dies
     
  10. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    Enough with the cripple jokes. I can't stand them!
     
  11. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me
     
  12. Rhino_NQ

    Rhino_NQ Immortal

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    was watching tv last night and saw an ad that had a starving African kid covered in flies that was available for adoption and I jumped straight on the phone.

    Works so much better then the fly traps you can get at bunnings
     
  13. elbusto

    elbusto Coach

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    A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
     
  14. Jason Maher

    Jason Maher Immortal

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    Q: How do you fit 4 elephants into a red Mini?
    A: 2 in the front, 2 in the back.

    Q: How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
    A: There's a set of footprints in the butter.

    Q: How do you know if 2 elephants have been in your fridge?
    A: There's 2 sets of footprints in the butter.

    Q: How do you know if 3 elephants have been in your fridge?
    A: There's 3 sets of footprints in the butter.

    Q: How do you know if 4 elephants have been in your fridge?
    A: There's a red Mini parked outside.
     
  15. soc123_au

    soc123_au Coach

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    How do you know if there is an Elephant in your bed?


    He is the one with the E on his pyjamas
     
  16. Jason Maher

    Jason Maher Immortal

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    Q: How do you sink an Irish Submarine?
    A: Knock on the hatch.
     
  17. soc123_au

    soc123_au Coach

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    What is the difference between an apple & an orange?

    A biscuit, cause motorbikes dont have doors.
     
  18. kia ora storm

    kia ora storm Coach

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    What do call a Lawyer walking down the road drinking a coffee ??...

    A barrista.
     
  19. Jason Maher

    Jason Maher Immortal

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    Latest new release book titles:

    The Yellow River - I.P. Daly

    A Shot in the Night - A. Gunn

    Russian Escape - Ima Nickinoff

    10 Years in the Saddle - Major Bumsaw

    Over the Edge of the Grand Canyon - Hugo First

    The Art of Sitting - Stan Dupp

    The Runaway Bride - Sheila B. Gone

    The Wonder of Spaceflight - Astra Naught
     
  20. Rhino_NQ

    Rhino_NQ Immortal

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    what do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

    full
     

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