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Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Tigerm

Coach
Messages
10,831
A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250, and the farmer agreed to deliver it the next day.
The following day, the farmer arrived at Chuck's house and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad newsโ€”the horse died."
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "I canโ€™t do that. I already spent the money."
Chuck said, "Okay, then just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with it?"
Chuck said, "Iโ€™m going to raffle it off."
The farmer said, "You canโ€™t raffle off a dead horse!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just wonโ€™t tell anyone itโ€™s dead."
A month later, the farmer ran into Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Chuck said, "I raffled it off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars each and made a profit of $2,495."
The farmer asked, "Didnโ€™t anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back."
Chuck grew up and now works for the government.
 

Tigerm

Coach
Messages
10,831
Two old stockmen are sitting on the verandah of their outback townโ€™s pub having a beer when they get to talking about the merits of their cattle dogs - and which was the better, more intelligent, dog.
They decide to settle the matter. The younger drover, Bluey (so named because of his red hair), says to his mate, โ€œWatch thisโ€. He then addresses his dog, โ€œJack, Iโ€™m hungry !โ€ Jack looks at his master briefly and then takes off. Out into the street he runs, turns right and lopes down to Mrs Jones house, into her back yard and wriggles under the chook-house fence. Jack carefully takes a henโ€™s egg in his mouth and heads off. Arriving back at the pub, Jack gathers some wood, a billy and some water, he lights a fire and boils the egg exactly for 2 minutes for his master. Jack takes the egg out of the water and lays it at his masters feet. โ€œWhat dโ€™ya reckon about that ?โ€ says the proud dog-owner, Bluey.
โ€œNot badโ€, drawls his older mate, Bruce, as he sips his beer. He turns to his dog and says softly, โ€œSam, I need something to eat tooโ€. His dog immediately runs off down the street. About 5 minutes later he is back, also carefully carrying a henโ€™s egg. He, too, gathers wood, boils the billy and produces a perfect two-minute cooked egg which he lays at Bruceโ€™s feetโ€ฆโ€ฆ.and then he stands on his head. โ€œPerfectโ€, says Bluey, โ€œExactly the same as my dogโ€ฆโ€ฆ.. but why is he standing on his head ?โ€
โ€œOhโ€, says the older man, โ€œHe knows I donโ€™t have an egg cup !โ€
 
Messages
23
Fascinating documentary on SBS last night...

After discovering a secret chamber via sonar in the Great Pyramid some years ago, archaeologists finally gained access, and filmed what they discovered.

The chamber was empty, with the exception of a giant stone sarcophagus.

With great effort they removed the lid of said sarcophagus, and were ecstatic to find mummified remains.

Carefully, the archaeologists removed layer upon layer of bandages, until they exposed a final layer of what they believe to be nuts and chocolate.

They think they may have found the remains of Pharaoh Rocher.
 

Tigerm

Coach
Messages
10,831
๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ.

๐˜๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ, ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ 1,000-๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ค๐˜บ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ค๐˜บ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ.

๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฎ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜ข ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ต-๐˜ฐ-๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ-๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ด. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜‹๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ธ๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ญ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜น ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฅ: "๐˜ˆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ? ๐˜๐˜ต ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด!" ๐˜ˆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ.

๐˜š๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฅ:
"๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ, ๐˜'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต."
 

Tigerm

Coach
Messages
10,831
I bought a new ute but took it back to the dealer the next day because I couldnโ€™t get the radio to work.

The technician kindly explained to me that this was a โ€œSMART UTEโ€ and the radio was โ€œVOICE-ACTIVATEDโ€.
He turned the radio on and said, โ€œNelsonโ€ to the radio.
The radio replied, โ€œRicky or Willy?โ€ โ€œWillyโ€ he continued and โ€˜On the road againโ€™ came on the speakers.
Then he said โ€œAC/DCโ€, and in an instant, โ€˜Highway to hellโ€™ took the place of Willy Nelson.

I drove away happy and for the next few days every time I said โ€œPink Floydโ€ I would get classic Floyd or if I said โ€œBeatlesโ€ I would get one of their greatest hits.

Well, yesterday, a fella ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new ute but luckily I swerved in time to avoid it.

I yelled out โ€œYOU f**kING IDIOT!โ€
And the radio said, โ€œDaniel Andrews or Anthony Albanese?โ€

I love my new ute!
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”-
Note: if youโ€™re a labor fan, you can change the names hahaha
 

Tigerm

Coach
Messages
10,831
An elderly man is cruising along at 80mph in a 30mph zone when he gets pulled over by a cop.
As the officer approaches, the man rolls down his window and says, โ€œI know I was speeding, officer, but Iโ€™ve got a really good reason.โ€
The cop sighs, โ€œIโ€™ve heard every excuse there is, but go ahead. Iโ€™ll listen, even though Iโ€™ll probably still arrest you.โ€
The man points to the woman sitting in the passenger seat and says, โ€œSee her?โ€
The officer glances over and sees a woman staring straight ahead, her expression cold and fiery.
โ€œUh, yeah,โ€ the officer replies.
โ€œNow look in the back seat,โ€ the man continues.
The cop looks and sees an older, even more stone-faced woman, her eyes blazing.
โ€œAlright, I see her too,โ€ the officer nods.
The driver explains, โ€œThe woman in the passenger seat is my wife, and the one in the back is her mother. She came to visit for three weeks... nine months ago.โ€
The officer raises his eyebrows.
โ€œThis morning, they had a huge argument and swore theyโ€™d never speak to each other again,โ€ the man says. โ€œSo Iโ€™m speeding to get my mother-in-law home before they start talking again.โ€
The cop straightens up, nods solemnly, and says, โ€œI didnโ€™t realize it was an emergency. Iโ€™ll clear the road and get you an escort. Letโ€™s make this happen before itโ€™s too late.โ€
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”-
Note:I love my mother in law, itโ€™s so sad she lives 400kms away. Hahaha
 

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