L
legend
Guest
This should be interesting.
<center> <table cellspacing=0 width=450 border=0> <tbody> <tr> <td> Big Brother!
Day 1 - Willow admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Ms Storm. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Roopy is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although E.A later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. El Duque creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Brook hits him with a egg beater.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The SCG out of Alphabet Soup. After much persuasion by El Duque, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The SCG task is well under way. However havoc ensues when E.A, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Alphabet Soup. Brook is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The SCG task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when E.A farts and blows The SCG over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Ms Storm cries.
6 - El Duque gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Ms Storm admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a egg beater. Willow says he never wears condoms because they make his donger sore and El Duque agrees. Roopy goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. E.A sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up El Duque.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Willow goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Brook and Ms Storm are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Willow.
9 - Brook and Ms Storm are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Roopy sings them a song - Agadoo - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Ms Storm out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Ms Storm leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Ms Storm's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Roopy has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Brook is visibly depressed and is comforted by El Duque, who tries to touch her on her norks.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of El Duque touching Brook's norks over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that E.A refuses to run because his donger hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. E.A finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Brook calls E.A a lazy donger.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Willow tells everyone individually that he thinks Brook is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Brook and El Duque are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Willow.
16 - The nominations are announced. Brook can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. El Duque is equally stunned and turns to Brook for comfort. E.A is distraught and confesses to Roopy that he thinks he is in love with El Duque. Roopy says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote El Duque out of the house. Brook says she is gutted and even gives El Duque a clipping of hair from her norks to prove how much she cares. E.A is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. El Duque leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Brook clipping the hair from her norks. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Belize in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Belize sounds like but E.A says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Willow as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Willow successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Belize but also God Save The Queen, Agadoo and the theme tune to The a Team. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Willow tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. E.A and Roopy are nominated.
23 - E.A and Roopy take their nominations well and sit down with Willow and Brook to discuss why they voted for them. Willow keeps quiet but Brook accuses E.A of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred donger before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Roopy out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Roopy leaves.
25 - Willow becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Willow's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of water buffalo dung using only a egg beater. Willow is unsure but E.A is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, E.A breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the water buffalo incident from his childhood. Brook tries to persuade him to stay but Willow sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. E.A decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the water buffalo dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Brook from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Willow asks Brook to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Willow nominates Brook to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Brook.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Brook graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Willow is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Willow takes his £70,000 and runs away to Belize. Nobody, including Brook, ever sees him again.
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<center> <table cellspacing=0 width=450 border=0> <tbody> <tr> <td> Big Brother!
Day 1 - Willow admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Ms Storm. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Roopy is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although E.A later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. El Duque creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Brook hits him with a egg beater.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The SCG out of Alphabet Soup. After much persuasion by El Duque, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The SCG task is well under way. However havoc ensues when E.A, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Alphabet Soup. Brook is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The SCG task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when E.A farts and blows The SCG over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Ms Storm cries.
6 - El Duque gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Ms Storm admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a egg beater. Willow says he never wears condoms because they make his donger sore and El Duque agrees. Roopy goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. E.A sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up El Duque.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Willow goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Brook and Ms Storm are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Willow.
9 - Brook and Ms Storm are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Roopy sings them a song - Agadoo - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Ms Storm out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Ms Storm leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Ms Storm's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Roopy has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Brook is visibly depressed and is comforted by El Duque, who tries to touch her on her norks.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of El Duque touching Brook's norks over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that E.A refuses to run because his donger hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. E.A finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Brook calls E.A a lazy donger.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Willow tells everyone individually that he thinks Brook is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Brook and El Duque are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Willow.
16 - The nominations are announced. Brook can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. El Duque is equally stunned and turns to Brook for comfort. E.A is distraught and confesses to Roopy that he thinks he is in love with El Duque. Roopy says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote El Duque out of the house. Brook says she is gutted and even gives El Duque a clipping of hair from her norks to prove how much she cares. E.A is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. El Duque leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Brook clipping the hair from her norks. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Belize in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Belize sounds like but E.A says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Willow as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Willow successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Belize but also God Save The Queen, Agadoo and the theme tune to The a Team. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Willow tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. E.A and Roopy are nominated.
23 - E.A and Roopy take their nominations well and sit down with Willow and Brook to discuss why they voted for them. Willow keeps quiet but Brook accuses E.A of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred donger before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Roopy out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Roopy leaves.
25 - Willow becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Willow's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of water buffalo dung using only a egg beater. Willow is unsure but E.A is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, E.A breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the water buffalo incident from his childhood. Brook tries to persuade him to stay but Willow sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. E.A decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the water buffalo dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Brook from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Willow asks Brook to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Willow nominates Brook to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Brook.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Brook graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Willow is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Willow takes his £70,000 and runs away to Belize. Nobody, including Brook, ever sees him again.
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