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MAJOR SEMI FINAL. Bluebags v Titans

Discussion in 'Forum Sevens Matches' started by Pistol, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. Pistol

    Pistol Coach

    Aug 21, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Newtown Bluebags v Gold Coast Titans
    [​IMG]-v- [​IMG]
    Game Thread:
    * Please note - This is a game thread only, therefore only game posts can be made here (Teams, Articles).
    * Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
    * Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.
    * The loser will not be eliminated but will take on the winner of the elimination final. The winner of this game will advance to the Grand Final.

    Naming Teams:
    * 5v5 (+ 2 reserves for both teams. SEMI FINAL CONDITIONS)
    * No 'TBA' or changing players named
    * Captains must stick with original teams named

    ALL THE RULES & REGULATIONS: http://f7s.leagueunlimited.com/rules.php

    FULL TIME: Wednesday 23rd September 2009 at 9pm (Syd time)
    REFEREE: The Colonel

    **The Referee Blows Game On!**

  2. Titanic

    Titanic First Grade

    Feb 20, 2007
    Likes Received:
    [​IMG]The Gold Coast TITANS

    Once more we lace up our boots, pull on our jerseys and prepare for the ultimate challenge: finding the door out of the locker room. Hi 'Baggies, anxious to get a finger on the Sandy Crack (Cup), here come the Titans:

    The Run-on Team

    1 Amadean
    2 Tittoolate
    6 tits&tans
    7 Titan Uranus
    11 Titanic

    The Bench

    8 bgdc
    TITs ANonymouS

  3. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    The Bluebags bus has arrived onto the hallowed turf of The Front Row Stadium. The players are looking surprisingly sober as they head straight to the sheds.


    Willow (c)
    Black Kitty

  4. muzby

    muzby Village Idiot Staff Member

    Dec 8, 2006
    Likes Received:
    muzby for the 'bags..


    muzby catches the kickoff, pulls up his shorts, salutes the crowd and charges towards the titans..

    750 words.. title to end.

    Flash Forward

    The length of time spent in the public eye for a rugby league star is relatively short, in the grand scheme of things. Some manage to continue their run of publicity through a number of different means. The great players etch their way into sporting folklore, ending up with trophies cast or medals named in their honour, others continue to be household names through roles in the media or in public office.

    As the sun begins to set on season 2009, there has been much publicity surrounding Wendell Sailor’s imminent retirement and subsequent move into the media – so we can expect that he will be one whose star continues to shine for many years to come. For many other current players, their careers will come to an end over the next five years and will fade slowly out of public view, to be barely remembered in a decade.

    As a special treat for League Unlimited readers, the Bluebags have been able to build a time machine which will can check in on the post NRL careers of a number of players. The time machine will not be as sophisticated as the DeLorean from ‘Back To The Future’ with it’s Flux Capacitor and nuclear reactor. Instead we have secured a purple Datsun 180b, strapped 3 copies of Big League to a leaking microwave and thrown it into the boot. According to Wikipedia, it should work the same.

    Lets start by taking a small leap forward to 2010 (done by adjusting the AM radio to that frequency). Realising that his best playing days were over, Anthony Minichello retired mid season 2010 and took up his second biggest love – figure skating. During one training session, a scout for a big production wanting to tour Australia thought he could become professional. Finally, after years of being taunted as ‘the count’, Mini could finally trade on his unfortunate looks and went on to become a crowd favourite in the show “Sesame Street On Ice”.

    Flash forward now to 2023. We arrive in a run down bar in the outer western suburbs of Sydney. An episode of ‘Where Are They Now?” screens on a TV in the corner. We observe a grumpy old man listening in on a conversation between two younger guys discussing two of the former c-grade celebrities on the show – Candice Falzon & Erin McNaught. The old man wanders over to the table “Bet you gents would like to hear stories about those two? I dated them both and could tell you things that would make you blush.” The two young guys looked at this withered old man and laughed. “Sorry gramps” said one of them, “Looking at you, somehow we don’t believe it.” Braith Anasta simply put his head down, and went back to his beer, thinking about days gone by. Why is it that no one would ever believe that someone who looks like him could get girlfriends like that?

    Jaunting back a couple of years to 2021, the management of Westfield Parramatta were ecstatic. No, the Eels hadn’t won their first premiership in 34 years. For weeks they had been searching for the perfect candidate to play Santa Claus for Christmas 2021 and had just signed a gentleman called David Taylor. The man didn’t appear too bright, however he could smile & nod, but best of all, could fit 13 kids across his giant thighs. Christmas photo sales would be booming that year.

    Time to travel through time again – now heading back to 2016 to review the AFL career of Karmichael Hunt. It’s Brownlow Medal night and Karmichael is about to win his sixth Brownlow medal, in his last year of playing the sport. AFL chief Sam Newman announces that Hunt has won! As part of his press conference, Hunt was asked why he originally wanted to join AFL – to which he replied “I wanted a sport where drinking the night before a game was accepted. A game where co-ordination, ball control and tackling skills were not required – thank you to the AFL for accepting me.”

    As fun as this ride has been, it’s time to jaunt back now to 2009, please ensure you are strapped in. Hmmm.. It appears the petrol gauge in the 180b is faulty and we are out of petrol. Looks like we’re stuck in 2016. It could be worse, we could have ended up as part of the NRL TV rights deal and be stuck in 1983.
  5. Black Kitty

    Black Kitty Juniors

    Jun 17, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Black Kitty for the Bluebags... blinks back a tear, straps on her boots and runs out of the locker room ready to fight...


    Goodbye to a true Hero

    In the time I’ve been playing Forum Sevens, I have written about my grandfather a few times before. I’ve written about him because of his unending passion for the game he loved and the devotion he possessed to his old team, The Tingha Tigers. Then many years later to his beloved grandson, my cousin Brayden, who was well on his way to donning the black and orange. As soon as age caught up with the youngster.

    Now I write in the past tense of a man that has meant more to me then any words could ever describe. A man who left this world on the 1st September, and left us wondering why? A man who could not be replaced by a hundred ‘sporting heroes’ no matter how big their paycheck. A man with a passion for the game that could not be surpassed by a million coaches screaming from their glass boxes. A man who will be missed at every school game in a tiny little town in the middle of no-where New South Wales. My Grandfather. Adrian Vickery, better known to most as Stumpy and forever to his grandchildren as Fardie.

    He was a man, who on the death of his beloved first wife, fought the laws of the time to maintain custody of his five young children. His life, as you can imagine, would have become a never ending cycle of hard work at his labour and hard work at his home. But yet, no one can ever recall him second guessing his decision. Not even when having to fight child welfare to prove he could raise his children on his own. Though truth be told a man loved so much by the community was never alone, and small towns being what they used to be, he had the backing of everyone that had the pleasure to know his name. So for a time I think football took a back seat, though it never seemed to argue its place.

    It must have seemed like forever, but then a grandson came along that had footy fever. Not that he cared any less for the rest of us, but it was being able to go out every weekend and watch his grandson play. It became obvious to everyone that this was one of his proudest moments. I remember watching games with him in these past few years, they were always the best games to watch. You couldn’t get anyone better to watch a game with than Fardie. Swearing at the telly for all the world, like if he yelled loud enough they’d hear him, and obey.

    Fardie was a true football devotee. Every weekend, since my step grandmother's passing, he would pack his picnic and thermos of tea and head off to local Tigers games or school comps. He would be there, shouting from the sidelines. Offering his sage wisdom and words of advice, like, ‘just hit ‘em harder’. He was so loved by them all that at his funeral a Tigers team member managed to find a jersey from the era in which he played. There it sat on his coffin, nestled beside the flowers from his beloved family and a picture of his smiling face. At their semi-finals that weekend, the team wore black armbands and stood for a minutes silence in his memory. He wasn’t sitting in his normal spot by the sideline, but he would still be cursing them with every mistake and cheering every try. He’ll always be doing it from the best seat in the house.

    He was man that ever only played for a local team, but who showed his passion for life and his family so strongly that it could not be denied or ignored by anyone that ever knew him. A man that is a true hero, not a magazine cut out labelled hero for scoring a winning try, though win he did. He won by leaving behind him a legacy of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren who will never forget him and who are all better people from having had him in their lives.

    I wish my unborn child could have meet their Fardie, it’s one thing that will break my heart forever. Though I promise him this, even though my baby will never meet him, they will hear stories of this wonderful man for as long as I have the breath to tell them.

    R.I.P Fardie. My Hero.

    ***745 words***
  6. Tittoolate

    Tittoolate Juniors

    Mar 13, 2009
    Likes Received:
    (trumpets blare, fireworks explode) Tittoolate trundles onto the paddock for the Semi, a steely glint in his eye....

    747 words follow

    In Review....

    Well blokes, it’s monsoon’s end in Mumbai and finals time at home. Wistfully I recall the luxury of catching a game in front of the tube in a Friday night or Saturday afternoon with health food (pizza) and energy drinks (XXXX). Here it's cricket, cricket and more cricket.

    I’ve been in a retrospective mood recently from: turning 50 this year (bugger), surviving a year in Mumbai, seeing my maturing kids are getting on beautifully with their lives (time for a role revision), my aged mother turns 90 (and still gives us all the sharp edge of her tongue), and a few family tragedies which uncomfortably pop up more and more as youth fades.

    My retrospection was piqued, and this is the point of the personal intro, when I dropped into Singapore for a family birthday this weekend. I had the rare pleasure of going to a kids’ footy game on Saturday morning. I watched the boys, including Nephew, running around in 30deg heat with varying degrees of commitment, skill and interest and three
    things struck me.

    Firstly the coach had bugger-all idea of technical coaching but he was a wonderfully encouraging, positive and engaging bloke. The lads won’t end the season knowing much more technically but I’m certain they’ll front up next year. He had the right amount of praise for a well-executed move that didn’t encourage glory-men. He had the right amount of approbation for the disengaged, but didn’t ridicule or demean. Mostly he reserved his nasal Queensland encouragement for those that had a go, whether the ‘go’ succeeded or not. The boys clubbed together after the game as a team should, a sign of cohesion brought about, I felt, through the Coach’s leadership. So, who cares about the technical stuff?

    Secondly the mums and dads behaved like reasonable people, not spectators at the annual charity ‘Lions v Christians’ bash at the Colosseum. I did note the odd mum being restrained from dashing onto the field when the little darlin’ came a cropper and had to hide my smile on recalling doing the same thing years ago.

    Thirdly, standing on the sideline sent me back to when my son was playing footy and then further back to my youth. I really loved those times when my boy was running around the field, getting stuck in. Catching (and sometimes missing), tackling (and sometimes missing), passing and getting involved. Well, most of the time unless something particularly interesting
    was happening on the next field, or the road, or behind the dead ball line……. You get the idea. Honestly I was proud when he axed some bigger kid in a tackle, caught a high ball or did anything of note really!

    Perspective is amazing. Someone else’s boys running around look just like kids trying but having fun. One can see them with clarity. They are not quick, they drop the ball so often, they play as a mob and rarely hold to position (despite coach’s exhortations). When my son played it was tinged with concern, pride, empathy and joy for me in a way last Saturday
    was not. I felt he was bigger, quicker, stronger and (naturally) more handsome than the lads on the weekend. And then I remembered how serious I took the game as a lad. My mates and I made schemes to ‘get’ the opponent's stars. We planned how we would swivel like Johnny Gleeson. How our pack would dominate the scrums, and how 'our punt high (it seemed high to us!) and follow through' strategy would have the others in disarray. When I tackled it was for real and my breaks were spectacular. If I saved a try, it had the import of a middle-east ceasefire. I can still remember what it felt like to win and to lose, and how valuable those lessons were.

    And then it struck me: this is what it’s all about with footy.
    Generations playing the game and learning about themselves. Learning about the concept and power of team, what it means to really ‘have a go’, what concentration means and what it brings. Facing and coping with fear and nervousness, and doing so in the gaze of your family and mates. Generations having common bonds developed through sharing granddad, father and son experiences.

    Who’d have thought that watching someone else’s kids gallop around a steamy paddock would lead me to the realisation that, regardless of the antics of some overpaid buffoons, I’m a lifelong and trans-generational leaguie.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  7. Titan Uranus

    Titan Uranus Juniors

    Mar 18, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Titan Uranus back to full fitness charges on for the Titans somewhat unhappy at having his wordplay hampered by not being able to use the abbreviation of cockerel.

    Oh well 744 words in the OWC


    Ins and Outs

    Plenty has been written about the teams in the NRL play-offs but what about the hearty souls competing in lesser known championships. Well, after hours of trawling the Net, I can reveal to you this exclusive report published in little-known tabloid The Daily Spurt about how the Effsevens Premiership play-off teams have faired over the season so far.

    Titans Still Breast Men?

    Mammaries of 2008 Last season saw the Effsevens new boys the Titans win the Grand Final against the games previous giants the Bluebags to become the game’s best.

    This was done with a small squad and going into the new season, captain Titanic decided that small was beautiful and only brought in two new players to strengthen the team.

    It is rumoured the mammary fixated captain only signed Tittoolate and TITs_ANonymouS because their names reflected what he thought the Titans should be all about. On the way out was team founder Robster, who headed south to the Bunnies.

    Meanwhile Beave’s registration was kept for a further season, but has only played for the reserves this year mostly because, as his name reflects, he is not focusing on the right area to be a true “Titty”.

    That Sinking Feeling At first it seemed that the Titanic skipper had steered his team straight into an Effsevens iceberg, with the team losing 100% of their opening two games.

    The team stayed calm though and refused to man the lifeboats, knowing that it wasn’t so much of an iceberg as an ice cube.

    Since then, they have won 100% of their games with the new “Tits” proving their worth.

    New Cockerels of the Walk? 2009 saw old-but-new franchise. the Roosters. gamely challenge all-comers led by rookie captain Non-Terminator.

    Despite going hard at it, the newbies were not able to displace seasoned challengers, such as fellow blue boys the ‘Bags, and fell at the first play-off hurdle finding themselves mauled by the Panthers.

    The Bluebags, pride hurt by their Grand Final loss at the end of 2008, severely roughed up the Titans in the opening game of 2009 despite losing GF POTM Dave Q to the Souths.

    Many said that this game created a hangover effect that caused them to fail the following week against the Warriors.

    However, having been present at the celebration party that followed the Titans’ defeat, The Spurt knows that it wasn’t so much a hangover effect that saw them lose, as actual hangovers.

    Monkey Business The Bluebags number 69 and vice-captain, Gorilla and Everlovin’ Antichrist, were dropped for the following two rounds following a party punch-up resulting from Gorilla’s insistence on offering to show why he has his shirt number to EA’s secret lover and fellow team mate.

    Rumour as to who the said player is rife but nothing has been proven.

    Eventually the two made up and the Baggers went from strength to strength and won the minor premiership.

    They are now looking forward once again to grabbing a hold of the Titties again and rubbing their faces in it.

    Penrith Just Pants? After not making the play-offs last season, the team from Penrith were more determined than ever to prove that they weren’t just a team of showmen, all style and no substance, and that Panthers are not just big pussies.

    Following the trend among teams near the top, they kept their numbers to a minimum, eschewing long-term crowd favourites [Furrycat] and Glockers for two other players.

    Influential player Madunit realised that playing in sunnies wasn’t helping, but the team needed a certain something, a certain pizzazz, a certain WOW factor.

    It was this that led to Big Mick signing two Broncos to the team who proved to be solid squad players that helped power the team into the play-offs and comfortably take the Cockerels.

    West Island = Best Island? The in form team of the early season was unquestionably the NZ Warriors led by the evergreen Jessbass. Although being able to make use of a fairly large squad it would seem that the Warriors may have finally run out of juice after losing two of their last three games.

    The Panthers are looking to capitalise on this and show that not only can they entertain the crowds week in, week out, but are also a force to be reckoned with.

    Crunch Time The Cockerels have wilted leaving just four teams battling to see you will come out on top. Who it’ll be, only time will tell.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  8. tits&tans

    tits&tans Juniors

    Dec 13, 2007
    Likes Received:
    tits&tans for the Titans strides competently and confidently on to the pitch, and promptly falls over a particularly long blade of grass

    749 words (OWC)

    What is it good for?


    China has brought the world many inventions: compasses, paper, printing process, wheelbarrows, gunpowder, and kites. As influential has been the development of international military strategy that has its origins in China’s Spring and Autumn period.

    In the 6th century BC, one of the most significant military and business management texts was written by the famous general Wu Sun more commonly known as Sun Tzu. Seen by many throughout the ages as the ultimate guide to war and, revered by many today as an invaluable manual for politics, diplomacy and business, the Art of War can only have been written with a single goal in mind: to enable the ancient Chinese rugby league teams to emerge triumphant from their inter-kingdom tournaments.

    1.Laying Plans
    A win is the culmination of the consideration and assessment of 5 factors:
    Purpose of the team (team spirit, shared values, common commitment)
    Quality of the pitch
    Team leadership
    Management of the club (management’s goals in line with the team’s?)​
    2.Waging War
    Finances are a key aspect of how competitive a team may be and how successful a club is, not just over the season but beyond it with the intention of creating a dynasty. Success, as is understood, by the players and fans requires making the winning move, which in turn, requires management to limit the cost of competition and conflict. Salary caps, ticket revenues and sponsorship deals all affect the team’s chances of success.
    3.Attack by Stratagem
    The whole being greater than the sum of the parts could be the perfect mantra for all teams and, indeed, this unity is the source of a team’s strength. To succeed, a team needs to:
    know when to attack and when to not
    know how to deal with underdogs and favourites.
    instill a team spirit
    be able to surprise the opposition
    be unmolested by outside interests.​
    4.Tactical Dispositions
    A team can always secure itself against defeat, but cannot make certain of defeating the other team. Opportunities can rarely be created on the field, but rather can only be recognized and acted upon. You cannot force your opposition to stand off-side or to tackle high, but you can react quickly and decisively.
    Momentum slowly builds over the course of a match, and can be an unstoppable ally when harnessed correctly. To do so, requires the use of a coach’s creativity and players’ timing. There are two ways to orientate this energy and moment towards your opposition: directly through hit-ups and indirectly through subterfuge, such as dummy runs.
    6.Weak Points & Strong
    You can be sure of succeeding in your attacking plays if you attack the areas of the opposition’s defence that are the weakest. The other team’s mistakes should be exploited harshly and decisively.
    When faced with a physically and/or technically superior team, to be able to emerge victorious you need to be able to remain agile and flexible. Blindly charging headfirst back at them will simply not work.
    8.Variation in Tactics
    Successfully responding to shifting circumstances can be enhanced by avoiding five key faults: recklessness, cowardice, a hasty temper, delicacy of honor and over-solicitude (over-coaching).
    9.The Army on the March
    The away match often causes a team’s defeat, something which can be minimized by careful evaluation of the “enemy territory”.
    An overview of the different types of grounds by considering:
    Proximity of the crowd
    Potential dangers
    Field dimensions​
    11.The Nine Situations
    There are nine common situations that all matches can be grouped into. These range from the confident home game (dispersive) to the last minute scramble for points (desperate).
    12.The Attack by Fire
    Explains the use of weapons generally and of the environment as a weapon specifically. It examines the five targets for attack, the five types of environmental attack, and the appropriate responses.
    13.The Use of Spies
    Information is power. All teams need to keep a close eye on the performance of their competitors. Indeed, there are five common sources of such information, each of which requires a specific management style, varying from the club’s local fan base to the fickle media.
    Philosophers have extolled that history repeats itself but I suggest that in fact history is a continuum. It is therefore understandable that over the last century of turmoil China has slumbered, awaiting an auspicious sign to emerge. 2010 is the Year of the Tiger and China is beginning to bare its teeth.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  9. Titanic

    Titanic First Grade

    Feb 20, 2007
    Likes Received:
    [​IMG]Titanic rushes out for the Titans (750 OWC)

    Non-Lethal Weapon

    In a scandal set to rival the infamous Fine Cotton horse-racing dupe, recently vanquished Rugby League team, the Gold Coast Titans, have moved to deny conspiracy theories that their star halfback and playmaker Scott Prince passed away last year and has been replaced by the winner of a look-alike contest, supposedly the unemployed actor Bruce Willis.

    The rumours have built momentum after Titans fans pointed to a number of clues in their team's football, matchday programmes and warm-up routines in recent months.

    Suspicions were first aroused when footage of the Gold Coast attacking combo, the so-called 'Fab Four' of Campbell, Rogers, Friend and Prince, crossing the road to their training ground showed Prince to be out-of-step with his teammates, and the only player with bare feet.

    Many Titans fans saw this as a hint by the players to Prince's fate, but Gold Coast CEO Michael Searle explained that Prince is just a very big fan of the controversial ‘winged’ character Paul McCartney from the Sixties pop band The Beatles and often plays without boots in honour of his hero.

    However, fans' suspicions were raised further when popular radio presenter Ray Hadley accidentally broadcast Gold Coast coach John Cartwright’s post-match press conference from last Saturday's game against the Parramatta Eels backwards. Radio listeners were astounded to clearly hear the words "Scott is dead man, miss him, miss him. I buried him, and whatever happened to Martin Bella?" coming out of their speakers.

    Conspiracy theorists claimed that "Prince's" performance against the Eels was the clearest sign yet that the iconic halfback had been replaced by an imposter. "Did you see how he backed off Hindmarsh for their first try?" said Titans fan Midget Farrelly. "If he weren't dead already he's clearly committed defensive suicide."

    The other personality at the centre of this controversy is aging actor Bruce Willis who is better known for his starring role in the seemingly never-ending series of epic action movies, all entitled Lethal Weapon.

    Hollywood insiders were quick to proclaim that the Scott Prince look-alike competition, won by Willis, was first mooted at an evening soiree at the Beverly Hills mansion of movie star, co-owner of the South Sydney Rabbitohs and Rugby League tragic Rusty Crowe.

    Our source who wished to remain anonymous said that after viewing an NRL promotional DVD at a private session for some of Hollywood’s A List, it was pointed out that it would be timely to have a fresh prince in Hollywood. The position has remained unfilled since the demise of the ‘90’s sitcom Prince of Bel-Air. The gathering was a part of Crowe’s drive to gather support from financiers to fund a legal bid to change the Bunnies name to the South Sydney Gladiators.

    The competition was reportedly held in the main ballroom of the MGM Grand Hotel at a US$1,000 per plate, black tie affair. Although details are scant it seems that other contestants included Mel Gibson and Will Smith who in fact had a cameo part in the original production starring Andy Borowitz.

    So, fact or just Hollywood fiction? Is it possible for an actor to prepare to the levels required to be an NRL star? Titans’ supporters argue that this is exactly their point: the real Scott Prince could not have been as inept as the individual wearing his jersey over recent weeks and that his arm guard is in fact a sheet of the Titans’ plays.

    Historian to the celebrities John “Clawed” Van damned the gossip as “preposterous” quoting very reliable sources that Willis in fact has been drying out in a Nevada sanatorium. Furthermore, in refuting The Beatles connection Van turned the corner of the debate by stating that a similar rumour involving Paul McCartney was quashed in the late ‘60’s. Then all four Beatles were required to shave and have haircuts after a class action was brought on them by a large section of their fans. It was argued that they were not the original Beatles, presenting recordings of “Love me do” and “I am a walrus” as evidence of the disparity between the ’63 Beatles and the implied impostors of 1970.

    Prince himself, surrounded by friends and family, denied the growing claims that he is dead in a post Mad Monday press conference with Titans TV. "I am not dead," he said before denying that he is not leaving the Gold Coast to form a new high-profile combination, as his idol McCartney did, with three far less talented players and his wife.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  10. Amadean

    Amadean Juniors

    Jan 10, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Amadean slides into the Front Row car park, spraying pointy gravel all over gorilla's slick Beamer with 748 for the Titans, below the bar.



    Of Cabbages and Coaches

    The media spotlight has been unusually focused on coaches over the past month or so. Granted, coaches are always the first to take the blame for a slump and usually are smart enough to not try and take credit for a streak, so they’re always in the public eye to some extent. Yet recently we’ve seen SuperCoach Wayne “Smiles-a-lot” Bennett being lauded to the skies and then questioned to the coast; we’ve seen Jason “Lucky” Taylor get the boot for being king-hit down a flight of stairs and then, two days later, being replaced by John “My Son Suffers from Permanent Concussion” Lang.

    The list continues, with Ivan “Not Interesting Enough for a Nickname” Henjak being accused of devious double-play by naming a 20-year old halfback for a semi final match and Freddie “Whut?” Fittler standing accused of being slightly less intelligent than his shoes. We could throw Craig “I Remember Everything Wayne and Tim Said” Bellamy into the ring, with his intriguing dichotomy of wins with Melbourne and losses with Cockroaches.

    It was Bellamy who forced me to think about this whole coaching deal. I mean, with varied performances from identical performers to consider, is the coach all that important?

    What really got me thinking about the issue was the recent bit of weather we’ve had down in Canberra. I live at the end of a fairly long dirt road which is a bit potted and twisty at the best of times. Last night we had 60mls of rain (yeah! Alright! Frickin’ sweet bloody rain! Raingy-raingy-rainy-rain! Hell yes, you little beauty! So wet, so cool, so bloody good! Ahhh yeah!) which was rather welcome in terms of dams, tanks, grass and cattle. It did, however, turn my normally polite dirt road into a muddy twister of doom.

    To go back another step, I don’t have a perfect record with moving vehicles. Should you ask my friends, family or (more’s the pity) relatively distant acquaintances about my history with motorised machinery, you’re more likely to get giggles than respectful nods. Basically, if I’ve driven it, then I’ve crashed it; electric scooters, petrol scooters, motorbikes, quad bikes, small cars, large cars, utes, 4x4s and I’ve even dinged our tractor.

    I honestly don’t believe this moderately horrific record stems from a lack of skill, but rather from misplaced confidence. I was wrong to believe that I could slalom a scooter on a clay-pan. I was in error to believe that large rocks are reliably visible in long grass. I was most certainly mistaken to think that I was the Stig. For the record, should you be reading this (and not be the Stig) then learn from my experience last month and refrain from trying to power-slide a large, underpowered, front wheel drive Volvo around a downhill corner on a dirt track.

    Anyway, back to coaching metaphors and rain. This afternoon I was heading down the hill towards the house, worried about Vetinari the Volvo’s handling. It’s decent sized hill and, when 2 inches deep in fresh clay-mud, then you lose a little control. “No worries”, I thought, “I’ll just keep the power off and start to turn 10 yards in front of the corner.” After all I do have a car specifically designed by boring Swedes to be able to handle icy fjords where moose lurk, ready to pounce upon the unsuspecting motorist. Well, the car began to turn well before I moved the wheel, and by the time the corner had arrived we were approaching it from side-on. This allowed me to caress the throttle, add some lock, and get home safely.

    This is really the crux of the argument: had I been in a rear wheel drive Falcon the fence would’ve stolen even more of my paintwork. Had I been in a 4x4 Landrover I would currently be writing about how horrifically unimaginative New South Welshman are, as the drive home certainly wouldn’t have served for inspiration.

    I’m not sure that coaches have any more control down the finals slope than I did today. They can choose a car, select tyres, fuel regularly and not hit the throttle too hard, but in the end it’s the car that drags them over the line, not the other way around.

    Bellamy has greater success with the Storm than NSW because the Storm are a better team (more Queenslanders?). Wayne struggled with St. George because they are natural chokers.

    A good coach can help, but players bear responsibility.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  11. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Willow | Bluebags


    You know it makes sense


    The tabloid community is in mourning today following the passing of Unnamed Source.

    Following years of speculation regarding his whereabouts and state of health, the 'well known close friend' to many reportedly collapsed after visiting columnist Sport Correspondent yesterday. It is understood Source had been suffering a long illness.

    Yeah, I just made all that up. Unnamed Source has just become old and hackneyed, meaning he is alive and well and living at a newsstand near you.

    When it comes to highly regarded publications, readers hold certain expectations. Facts should be meticulously checked and confirmed with multiple sources. Editors and writers are expected to conform to journalistic standards, and work towards maintaining an overall sense of objectivity.

    But tabloids don't seem to follow any of these rules.

    In rugby league, we have seen a spate of gutter journalism. The issue has been compounded with the NRL being half owned by News Limited, thereby allowing an apparent conflict of interest to develop inside the corporation's largest Sydney newspaper, The Daily Telegraph.

    While there are indeed some excellent sport writers in the wider media, there are others that in no way live up to the true definition of journalism. We have in league our own pop-bitch hacks that are without compunction when it comes to making up stories out of thin air.

    Of course there is nothing new about this, Unnamed Source has been around for a long time. Be it Scriptus of Ancient Rome or the notorious sex and gore tabloids of the 1950s and 60s, countless generations have been entertained by these scandalous scribblings. But sadly, the current crop of muck doesn't come close to imaginative scribes of yesteryear.

    How do they get away with it?

    Short answer: reality is whatever you perceive your reality to be. What 'sounds reasonable' is not always 'sound reasoning.'

    The brain re-assembles signals transmitted by our sensory organs to create perceptions. The brain has the ability to lie to itself and others. People sometimes believe what they're told.

    Even the most inquisitive child will usually believe their parent's explanations without question. Whether or not their beliefs are true, is irrelevant. The bottom line is that the individual believes it to be true. In most cases, this is harmless enough. But what about those who take advantage in order to profit from these human failings?

    To make people believe you, you only have to make it sound slightly plausible, and select a subject enough people will want to believe.

    In some cases, you don't even have to say the lie, you only need to put the seed in the mind. It is the comfort level up from lying and a style well known to drug dealers. Why commit crimes when you can get someone else to do it for you? It's a true analogy... if you are willing to believe it.

    A comical example of this was the 'Dragons Premiership T-Shirt' story hatched last August. A tabloid writer grabbed a small portion of gossip and created a tale. By the time it hit the press, the tabloid suggested, 'the Dragons could have a warehouse full of unsold shirts'.

    Their source? It was none other than 'an NRL insider' - close relative of Unnamed Source.

    The pushers added an artist's impression of a shirt, put together by caricaturist Scott "Boo" Bailey, featuring coach Wayne Bennett winking at the 'camera'.

    The story teller then bemoaned: "This is the ultimate arrogance!"

    The seed had been planted.

    By the time the story was done, a junkie readership were convinced that the t-shirts were real and stashed away somewhere.

    The fact is, there were no t-shirts. In a club media release, the Dragons announced: "Contrary to certain assertions today, Grand Final T-shirts have never been discussed or ordered, such a product is managed by the NRL and their licensees."

    But sticking to the facts just isn't controversial enough. In a perfect world, writers think about the good of the game. But honourable notions simply don't make enough money.

    Sadly, it took a former Aussie Rules player to best lampoon the shenanigans of Unnamed Source and his cohorts. Sam Kekovich is known for his unrelenting 'crusade' against pedophiles, bikie gangs, drug dealers, immigrants, teenagers. Deep down, Sam knows that the real enemies of the freeworld hide in the boardrooms of tabloid enterprises, the drug dealers of literature that feast upon the meagre earnings of the lower classes while despising their very presence.

    You know it makes sense.

    |750 words |

  12. Rexxy

    Rexxy VideoAdmin

    Jan 8, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Rexxy for The Bags

    The March of Rugby League

    What a century it's been for rugby league. One word for it, absolutely magnificent. If you took every player who ever played and arranged them by class, and marched them side by side, back to back - the procession would stretch down the street and into the next suburb.

    And there's no guessing where the destination would be. The pub.

    Commentary would go something like this.....

    PA Announcement: Presenting the Hairies

    Commentator 1:

    Coming into the straight in front of the commentary position is the Beards. And they are beards you could throw a dart at. Zero Penetration. The competition is as thick as the facial hair itself.
    There are the Cleal Brothers together. Originally fromWarialda, New South Wales they're Mountain men who loved mountin' women.

    Commentator 2:

    What about the original bushranger, Kirk Renyoldson, the most feared prop for the Storm, only to shave off his beard and couldn't knock the skin off a custard for Newcastle.
    And David Williams who painted his beard pink for breast cancer awareness. Next year, after a request from the prostate Foundation, it will be brown.

    Commentator 1:

    To complete the spectacle, the Warriors paying tribute to their man they named the encyclopaedia after, Rubeun Wikipedia.
    And the Panthers team of 09 with a beard on every player, ballboy and phsyio - and she's a chick.

    Commentator 2:

    But that’s Penrith for you.

    PA Announcement: Build Like Brick S**t Houses

    Commentator 1:
    Here are the Salad dodgers. Scale smashers - the heavy weights of league.

    Commentator 2:

    Big Billy Weepu clocking in at over 120 kg. A rumble of the pavement means Darryl Broman in a Size XXXS Tracky from Lowes is nearby. And there’s big Artie Beetson and Cliffy Watson from the 1970 Ashes Winning English team.

    Commentator 1:
    And at the rear is Peter Peters, not so much walking but waddling, in his best Mr Creosote impersonation

    PA Announcement: The Flash Rats

    Commentator 1:
    The pretty boys. This is what the girl’s have paid to see.

    Commentator 2:

    Led by the great Stan Gordon, who rumour has it used to carry a comb in his footy sock, and would give the brylcreamed hair a quick flick when walking back after scoring a try.

    Commentator 2:

    Then comes the pretty boy himself, ET who at 50 still has the 1980 girly haircut made famous by Leanne Edelstein.

    PA Announcement: Men Who Don’t Care about Hair

    Commentator 1:
    Chrome domes and Skid Lids The Manscapers. Tireless hours with a razor. So smooth to the touch

    Commentator 2:

    It’s hard to pick this section of the march up because of the glare coming from the collective heads. The folliclly challenged are led by Mad Dog McDougall who is running faster without hair than he did with. Behind him you can see TV Ted Ellery who led the Western Division team to Amco cup glory in 1974? Followed by Sterlo, the ghost of the great poppa clay, and flanked by Hazim El Masri.

    Commentator 1:

    Fresh from his final club appearance, Hazam sold out ANZ stadium not by appealing to fans by giving a ticket to each of his wives.

    PA Announcement: Larrikins

    Commentator 2:

    We’ve waited all day for this. The jokers, the pranksters, the guys who touring groups rely on to break the monotony.

    Commentator 1:
    Not to mention pulling the chicks.

    There’s Billy Smith the St George half back who hijacked the team bus, jumped into the water and ran back claiming to have driven the bus into a dam. There are some of his mates from the Penfolds era, who made the winemaker cry when they put port into glasses of Grange to “smooth out the flavour.

    And next to Billy is no prouder man than Julian ONeill. Fresh from leaving a fresh one in Jeremy Schlosses show, he tried to set fire an entertainer in a Dolphin Suit. Had the material been flammable, Julian would have done the people onboard a favour. And been able to sell the remnants to a Japanese trawler.

    PA Announcement: The Gazza’s, Bazza’s and Dazza’s

    Commentator 1:

    Here are the Bazzas - Ward, Gomersall, Beath, and Barrett.

    Commentator 2:

    The Gazzas, Schofield, Pethybridge, Stevens, Gasnier and Freeman. And The Dazzas, Halligan, Mather, Lockyer, and Senter.

    Commentator 1:
    And to prove Rugby league is nothing if not multi cultural, bringing up ther rear is another Azza: Michael Azzopardi from Souths

    Commentator 2:
    Well that’s about it. 100 years of rugby league on display and that’s just a sample. We haven’t got time to bring you the Bent Brigade and the jailbirds, the footballers who became lawyers or the Wild men like dallas Donelly and Les Boyd who’d go in windmill style without a question asked.

    Commentator 2:
    It all goes to prove no matter what banner you march under, it doesnt matter who you are.

    Commentators 1 and 2 (together)
    Rugby league is the greatest game of all to watch and to play. That’s what its for Australia.



    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  13. gorilla

    gorilla First Grade

    Jul 13, 2003
    Likes Received:
    *checks the peugot convertible after some lout makes it 'ting', before picking nose and checking crotch-strap, and lumbering on*


    Spit ! See if you can walk on it.

    Each day I walk from home to a railway station to get to work. I’ve a set route that is direct and quick – a focussed walk I take with intent. It’s the most efficient and effective way to make the journey. I walk hard, with straight lines, even taking the diagonals across streets to lessen the distance otherwise required. This is my day-time walking that sets up my simple ‘game plan’ for the day.

    I go for occasional walks at night. This is a very different time and activity, although the mechanics are the same – legs and arms moving and, usually, some form of set route to cover. There’s a difference in what I expect from this walking, this is when I tend to ‘walk on the wild side’. I investigate new approaches and try new routes, gathering experiences and keep on the look out for anything interesting or exciting or out of the ordinary – beyond the daily grind of the regular routes to and from the railway station.

    Although this is not as direct as the regular grind, there is a different intent and focus – on adventure and effect as opposed to the efficient, but grinding, daily walk. I get the whiff of jasmine vine, the loom of a huge tree, even the isolated passing of a Crumbesque woman, all dressed in black walking a black dog and a reward of “good evening” with a hint of a smile.

    The league season is long – 26 weeks of hard slog, grinding toward the top four and the promise of a home match during the finals’ series. Teams have to be efficient and effective – practising simple routes and methods in a focussed and concentrated manner. Safety-first football helps toward the priority outcome. I have to catch the train and teams play a specific brand of football to get them where they need to be when the time runs out, or the carriage doors of the top eight close.

    Another type of football is required come September – a walk on the wild side. Teams have to suddenly move to another sphere. The mechanics are similar – they play the game and know the motions, but they play with another intent altogether. The finals’ series is when the collision turns into an act of extreme violence, and the push to the line becomes a drive or an assault . They are not doing the football equivalent of my smelling the flowers or smiling at the young women, the teams have to experiment with a different manner to get the extra reward.

    The finals’ series games require a heightened sense of attack and defence, which is intense and vibrant, and those teams that can’t match it fall away. The four teams left in the current matches, before the grand final, have made this jump and are now walking on the wild side.

    The Dragons, Titans, Manly and even the Knights to a lesser degree all stayed within their ‘day-time walking’ approach and, although they focussed and strived to be effective and efficient as they could, they were done over by teams that were ready to walk on the wild side in September.

    The four teams that fell out of the finals, between Minor Premiership and finals’ matches, didn’t or couldn’t take the time during the season to have the ‘evening walks on the wild side’ to experiment and test different approaches. The Dragons, in particular, kept a single style of play that apparently left them without imagination come the finals series.

    Parramatta, Brisbane and even Melbourne experimented with varying styles through the season, forced or by choice as they might have been, by injury and suspension, and were able to play in a another league when the series took off. They might have wandered a little ‘at night on their wild side walking', but they got the experiences down and dusted by September and could then come out with something special.

    These teams might have struggled or faultered along the way but they managed to get their styles and game plans developed during a struggle, so that when they came up against the ‘grinders’, they had the wild side skills and attitude which, when combined with an increase in intensity, eventually has left the other four teams behind. It’s arguable whether it was design or destiny. The last four teams continue to walk wide and handsome.

    748 words between the stars
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2009
  14. Pistol

    Pistol Coach

    Aug 21, 2004
    Likes Received:

    Thar She blows
  15. bartman

    bartman Immortal

    Aug 31, 2003
    Likes Received:
    5 v 5, for the first place in the grand final.

    Best of luck to both teams, I'm sure this match has 10 pure quality reads. *licks lips*
  16. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Thank you time keeper. Good luck one and all.
  17. Titanic

    Titanic First Grade

    Feb 20, 2007
    Likes Received:
    It should come as no surprise that it's been an excellent 40 minutes or so reading the contributions in this thread. Congratulations to you all for providing probably the one thing that could have stopped me answering the call to dinner.

    Titans, the Sandy Crack Cup beckons and whatever the result you've certainly given it your all. Thanks for the effort.

    Willow and his 'Bags, what can I say? Another epic encounter, sparkling with humour, interest and intrigue. Good luck to you but not too much of it.

    The Colonel, splitting these should keep you busy and away from those pesky NRL distractions.
  18. The Colonel

    The Colonel Immortal

    Sep 9, 2003
    Likes Received:

    Amadean - 90

    Coaches, are they really in control? Very true that the players hold their jobs in their hands.

    Tittoolate - 91

    League crosses all ages, good to see the good experiences.

    tits&tans - 89

    An interesting look at the "Art of War" and its relation to rugby league.

    Titan Uranus - 89

    A good and somewhat satirical look at the F7's finals.

    Titanic - 90

    Will the real Scott Prince please stand up? Maybe next year?

    Total 449

    Lost to


    Willow - 91

    Where would we be without "Unnamed Source"? Seemingly better off perhaps.

    gorilla - 89

    A good summation of the difference in styles and what has worked in the finals.

    Rexxy - 90

    A great take on the current VB ad. Nice work.

    muzby - 89

    A good look ahead at what could be in the future of some current stars.

    Black Kitty - 93

    Thanks for sharing a little about Fardie....

    Total 452

    POTM - Black Kitty - Bluebags
  19. Black Kitty

    Black Kitty Juniors

    Jun 17, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Thank you for the fast marking Colonel, and for the POTM.

    Congrats Baggers
    Fantastic fight Titans, very much the nail bitter.
  20. LeagueNut

    LeagueNut First Grade

    May 26, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Wow, what a match. Congrats one and all. :clap:

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