New Westie Scientific Report

[tigger]

The Decline of the Native Westie Species > Save the Westie ( Maximumus tightblackjeanus with > mulletus ) > First identified as a sub-species during the > mid-70s, the Westie > is thought to be a close relation of the Bogan in > Melbourne, the > Booner (found in Canberra's eastern suburbs ) and > the Bevan (spread > throughout Brisbane). > > It is believed the initial Sydney population was > introduced to > habitats such as Parramatta, Granville and > Strathfield from the early > 1950s. However by the Mid-80s, the species had been > somewhat > driven from their natural but dangerous homes and > multiplied to plague > proportions in the more breeding friendly areas of > Blacktown, Campbelltown > and Penrith. While authorities considered a culling > program, they need not have > bothered, as the regional population began rapid > decline from the early 90s > onwards. > > The situation has now reached a critical point, with > Westies > rarely sighted in the inner Sydney suburbs, and > those remaining cling to > the region's outskirts. In the year 2001, the > species is now officially > endangered. > > Some scientists claim identifying the Westie is > genetic, while > others argue it is a product of nurture. The nurture > theory is > supported by even extremely young males being > co-erced by parents to adopt > the junior version of the growth of the mullet - the > "rats-tail". > > Other distinguishing male characteristics include > tight black > denim covering on the hind limbs and bright > flannelette markings > on the forepaws and belly. > > Males adopt a dominant status within the community, > with a vauge > sense of rank defined by the ownership of a aging > Ford or Holden > motor vehicles. > > Female Westies are entrusted with the raising of > multiple > offspring the males of which are usually called > "Wayne" and the > females "Sharon". > > This is a role they perform from a young age and > often without > the presence of the male. Female westies do not > follow the 'one > partner' mating rituals of other closely related > species. > > Females may be similarly identified through > distinctive denim > "markings" though the pattern is usually > "Stonewash". In warmer weather, > females have been known to shed the lower layer of > denim to just > below the genital area, resulting in a "a cut off" > effect. > > Both males and females have been known to cover > their lower hind > limbs with furry pouches called " ugg-boots". > > While the wild population of Westies is dwindling, > it is still > possible to view them in their natural environment. > The species > have been known to congregate around regional " > shopping centres", > where family units often come to settle domestic > issues using high-pitched > wailing sounds. > > After sunset, younger males and females meet in > small dark > enclaves known as "RSLs" or "Rissoles" and consume > large amounts > of liquid called "Bourbon". > > There are numerous factors attributed to the decline > of the local > Westie population. Scientists have identified the > popularity of > the "protective sheath" as a contributing cause, > while the > development of adequate social infrastructure ( > i.e.. schools, medium density housing) > in traditional Westie enclaves may have fragmented > the species. > > More controversial theories suggest many Westies may > have > removed their mullets, purchased " Cargo Pants" and > attempted to > integrate themselves into Sydney's mainstream > population, but those claims > are yet to be substantiated. > > At present there seems little hope of restoring the > Westie > population to it's previous levels. Recent attempts > including the > development of a new artificial habitats such as > "Albion Grove", > but it seems this area may be too far from Panthers > Leagues Club > to attract large numbers of the species. > > More successful is an enclosed breeding program > called > "Macarthur Square". > > The program has proven highly effective combining > aggressive > behaviour, beer and occasional displays of female > sexuality. > > Authorities recently have attracted Westie elders > AC/DC for a > brief visit in early 2001 and hope to encourage > further breeding > of new yearlings within the population. The effects > of these efforts > have yet to be realised. > > As you have read above, the Westie is really in dire > straits. So > please dig deep and purchase a flannelette shirt for > the cost of > only $20 dollars at any of the participating > "bottlos" or pie shops > and Lowes.

 

[SpaceMonkey]

Endangered Species More Widespread than Previously Thought

Concerns about the declining populations of the Westie ( Maximumus tightblackjeanus with> mulletus ) in it's endemic Western Sydney habitats have been allayed by the discovery of a lsrge hithero overlooked population of an apparently identical species some 1500km south-eaast in New Zealand. This species (also known as the Druff or Bogan) exhibits all of the characteristics of the Australian Westie, down to its pereferred habitat in the Western suburbs of large urban areas with the NZ population being centred inWest Auckland's Henderson area. The NZ species however is also widely distributed in the smaller towns of NZwithparticularly thriving populations in the far southern towns of Gore and Invercargill.Scientific opinion is divided as to whether the New Zealand Westie population is descended from migrants from the Sydey population or actually a separate species formed by parallel evolution. Weight of evidence points toward the latter, as it is doubted that these dim witted and water-shy creatures would have the means to cross the large expanse of ocean between the two populations, with their preferred mode of transport, the Australian V8 sedan (Fordus Falconia or Holdenus Kingswoodii) being particularly unsuited to long sea journeys. Further evidence cited is that the NZ population displays more variation in colour than the Australian, with a skin colour varying from a sickly looking white to a dark brown. The differences in skin colour seem to produce few behavioural differences, although like coloured individuals tend to associate together and the darker skinned individuals often substitute the AC/DC worship common amongst the species with a devotion to the god of marijuana (which is widely consumed amongst all NZ populations), known as Bob Marley.
However like their Australian cousins, the NZ Westie has declined in numbers in recent years, with many individuals succumbing to the Dance music epidemic and abandoning their traditional way of life. Other individuals seem to have mutated into a similar species characterised by dreadlocks, cargo pants and skateboards. However the small town populations have been insulated from these noxious influences and remain healthy.