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Round 6 Dragons v Bluebags 2010

Discussion in 'Forum Sevens Matches' started by The Piper, Jul 11, 2010.

  1. The Piper

    The Piper Juniors

    Nov 7, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Forum 7s - Round 6 2010
    [​IMG] -v- [​IMG]
    The Chook Raper Cup

    Game Thread:
    * Please note - This is a game thread only, therefore only game posts can be made here (Teams, Articles).
    * Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
    * Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.

    Naming Teams:
    * 5v5 (+ 2 reserves for visiting team, 3 reserves for home team)
    * No 'TBA' or changing players named
    * Captains must stick with original teams named

    ALL THE RULES & REGULATIONS: http://f7s.leagueunlimited.com/rules.php

    FULL TIME: Wednesday 21st July 2010 at 9pm (Syd time)
    REFEREE: Non Terminator
    Venue: Kogarah Oval
    **The Referee Blows Game On!**

    Last edited: Jul 14, 2010
  2. dubopov

    dubopov Coach

    Jul 3, 2005
    Likes Received:
    The MIGHTY DRAGONS welcome back the veteran and former Bluebags player, Godz Illa, for the clash with the Comp favourites .. Team is -

    Dubopov (c)
    Murphyscreek (vc)
    St Linnane
    Godz Illa


    Jason Maher
    Dragon Punk
    Dragonz Rule
  3. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    The Bluebags bus arrives at their home away from home... we notice a former bagger in the opposition team and get ready to line him up.

    Newtown Bluebags - Round 6


    Willow (c)
    gorilla (vc)


    Good luck one and all.
  4. murphyscreek

    murphyscreek Coach

    Nov 28, 2008
    Likes Received:
    murphyscreek for the mighty Dragons....full of puff and magic

    749 words between the stars


    Simply The Best

    I call you when I need you, my heart’s on fire…

    Sitting in the bar, star player Holden Statesman was drunk. They’d lost badly, towelled up by the Cronulla Sharks on their home turf. He turned sideways and noted his rookie team mate Maurice Minor was in a similar state, the rest of the guys long gone. He thought to himself what a bloody good kid he was. Stood tall when they were getting belted.

    A plan formulated in his alcohol sodden mind and he pulled out his mobile and sorted through his address book till he located the name he was after.

    He dialled.

    You come to me, come to me wild and wired…

    Maurice couldn’t believe the day he was having. He’d finally made grade and even though they’d lost, it was still the greatest moment of his life when he ran onto the field that afternoon. Now here he was, on the grog with his hero Holden Statesman, living the dream.

    A constant stream of people approached them, wanting Holden’s autograph or a photo. Occasionally they even wanted Maurice in the photo as well. And they bought them drinks. Many drinks. When they were out of earshot Holden called them “the plebs”. It was a hoot, it really was.

    Mmm, you come to me…

    “C’mon Morrie, let’s go.” slurred Holden
    “Where to?”
    “This hot chick I know lives near here. We’ll get some more piss and get a taxi.”
    “Nah mate….I’m stuffed. And three’s a crowd, you don’t want me there.”
    “Pig’s arse Morrie, you’re coming too. We’re mates now.”

    Give me everything I need…

    The girl had been shocked to hear his voice on the phone. It was after midnight, but it wasn’t the late hour of the call that surprised.

    They’d gone out twice a few months ago and he’d been charming, generous, and fun. On the second date they’d ended up back at her place and one thing had led to another. It had ended up being a special experience. At least for her.

    Then she never heard from him again. Until now. She had rationalised those months of disappointment as basically a status thing. He was, after all, Holden Statesman. She was, after all, a nobody.

    Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams…

    A loud knock on the door. The girl opened the door and there was Holden thrusting a bottle of Jack Daniels towards her, as if it was a bunch of flowers. She noticed another guy standing sheepishly behind him. He’d brought the Jagermeister.

    “Hey Darl, this is my mate Maurice.” as he pushed past her and entered the flat.
    Her natural inclination to be polite led her to move aside slightly to allow Maurice inside as well. She followed them up the hall and then into the kitchen where Holden immediately started hunting about for glasses, and having found three, began filling them with bourbon.

    “Get some ice.” he demanded.

    As she retrieved the ice cubes from the freezer she could already see that in this intoxicated state, maybe he wasn’t such a nice guy. And with that realisation, maybe she was now way, way, out of her depth.

    Speak a language of love like you know what it means…

    She openly admits she should never have started drinking. And once started she should never have drunk that much, that quickly. She put it down to her uneasiness.

    Eventually, everything became blurred. Music, stumbling about. Touching, a kiss. Vomiting in the toilet. In bed, the room spinning faster and faster. A weight upon her. No. No. Later, a weight upon her again. Please no.

    Mmm, it can’t be wrong…

    Maurice awoke at lunchtime with a thumping headache. He didn’t remember coming home. He tried to recall yesterday. The match, the bar, the flat……the girl. Oh God. No.

    Take my heart and make it strong, baby…

    He rang Holden who told him to stay calm and say nothing. It was being dealt with. By the end of the week, with rumours abound, Maurice had quit the club. By the end of the year, Holden had won another Daly M.

    You’re simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met…

    The girl wasn’t sure how the lady on the phone knew, or even who she was. She decided not to tell, and agreed to accept the money. The lady sounded nice. Probably just a nobody.

    Like herself.


    "Simply The Best" - Song lyrics by Chapman and Knight
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  5. St. Linnane

    St. Linnane First Grade

    May 9, 2007
    Likes Received:
    St. Linnane rushes into dummy half from the Murphys Creek hit up and goes for a quick scoot, hoping to catch the Bluebaggers offside....

    744 words between the stars.

    When cyber encroaches on reality

    Hi all,

    You may know me as St. Linnane, the guy who takes his name from his first favourite player, the infamous, rather than famous, Steve Linnane. I also have another, less inspiring, name that I go by, Matt.

    You see Matt is my reality, St. Linnane, my cyber alter ego. Matt has a job, works damn hard and attends football games. St. Linnane is an expert on all things St. George.

    Back in April the Dragons played on the Gold Coast and Matt travelled up from Sydney to attend the game. Long story short, the Dragons won the game and Matt ended up back at the Holiday Inn Hotel bar, drinking with a number of other supporters.

    Whilst chatting away to some guys he knew, a booming voice enquired “Linnane how are you?” My alter ego had transcended the cyber world into reality.

    The booming voice had come from someone I will call Bill, to protect the not so innocent; and to ensure that Jagermeister continues to be imported into Australia.

    Bill and I have a quick chat. We had met in Brisbane at the Caxton Hotel prior to the semi final last year. Bill then says “come over here and meet Kashmir* another forum member”. I had to ask Kashmir what his real name was. It seems Bill remember people by their cyber alter egos. (*again the name has been changed to protect the not so innocent).

    Plans were made to have lunch at a pub on the Esplanade the next day. Bill, Kashmir, myself and a couple of others turned up; many tales were told, much beer consumed.

    Through the course of the afternoon and into the evening we got to know each other, as people, not cyber aliases. These were good guys, talented in their real lives, and not just messages on a screen. Even better, I had at least one common interest with them, the mighty Dragons.

    I think in some respects rather than a ‘dotted’ line relationship, it has created a solid line relationship. I pay more attention to their posts now, because I know the mettle of the person behind it.

    It got me wondering about the impact that the Internet has had, particularly in relation to sport. Whilst I can and do meet, Saints supporters at games, the potential to have met Bill and Kashmir, would be like a needle in a haystack. The forum allows us to know just about everything about a person; prior to actually meeting them. I can tell you their favourite players, their musical tastes, their grammatical and spelling abilities, even, in some cases, their political persuasion. This would not be possible prior to the existence of the forum.

    It also appears that journalists will be lost without forums. Only yesterday did a forum member point out that it was the Dragons defence that had improved in 2010, not the attack (at least statistically)[1]; today Steve Gee of the Daily Telegraph makes the same point.[2] Maybe Stevie should donate some of his cash to the upkeep of the forum; it is, after all, keeping him employed. I don’t mean to single Steve out; just his is the most recent example.

    It is apparent also, that different points of view end up with people taking on personas different to their behaviour in real life. The ‘keyboard hero’ persona, if you will. The best recent example of this behaviour stems from the suggestion that AFL was gay.[3]

    At the end of the day, behind every forum name is a real person. In life these people may be people we would cross the road to avoid; alternatively they may be our best mates. Fortunately, or unfortunately, supporting the same team makes us like relatives, people you may not like, but must respect. Treat people as you would expect to be treated in real life is a motto we should embrace when contributing to our cyber community.

    I think I got lucky with meeting Bill and Kashmir, and I look forward to having a beer with them both and a host of other forumites I have met in my travels at the Caxton Hotel on Sunday 1 August prior to the Dragons taking on the Broncos. If you happen to be there be sure you come and say hello. I’ll be the one in the white jersey with the big red V.

    Matt, or for Bill, St. Linnane


    [1] http://forums.leagueunlimited.com/showthread.php?t=365099&f=157

    [2] http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sp...ell-with-defence/story-e6frexnr-1225894796573

    [3] http://forums.leagueunlimited.com/showthread.php?t=365043
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  6. Godz Illa

    Godz Illa Coach

    Nov 20, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Godz Illa ~ Dragons

    D-Day 2010

    Cue Sky News graphic... roll music intro... fade in camera one... roll autocue

    Presenter: Good evening Australia, I’m David Speers, and welcome to a special edition of Sky News Night, live from the national capital on this momentous day, August 22nd 2010. Well it has been quite a stunning weekend here in Canberra, unlike any other we’ve seen, certainly since I’ve been broadcasting. The result took a while to decide but it was, in the end, unequivocal – the town has been painted the colour of Julia Gillard’s hair. We’ll cross live now to our reporter Ashleigh Gillon who is on location at the site of the victor’s celebration.

    Cut to Ashleigh on location... colourful celebration in the background

    Ashleigh: Thank you David and yes, as you mentioned, it’s obviously a jubilant atmosphere down here and they have indeed been painting the town red for some hours now since the final result became clear and the landslide victory was evident. Record numbers turned out today to follow the action live, on television, and on radio, and the euphoria you see behind me is directly proportionate to the extreme tension that took place just a few hours prior as the tally board ticked over.

    Cut to pre-recorded tape... Ashleigh’s voice-over:

    Ashleigh: There was plenty of spin before the event, with both sides staying on message throughout the final days of lead-up.

    Cut to pre-recorded soundbites:

    Terry Campese: We just need to keep moving forward, we have a big pack and we’re playing well so we have to keep it up and keep moving forward down the field.

    Ben Hornby: Line defence is something we pride ourselves on. It’s our border and we like to protect it, we don’t want anyone crossing our border.

    Cut back to tape:

    Ashleigh: The two leaders didn’t have to wait long to keep their promises, particularly the Raiders, who, when it comes to the quota of big, hulking forwards, clearly have a significant budget surplus. Josh Miller in particular, repeatedly ran into the defence like a mad monk, battering himself against the brick wall until his ears were cauliflowered. But the resolute Dragons defence was close-knit and industrious, much like a working family. They are a clinical, patient, strong unit with a balance of quality players across the entire team. Much of the credit for this balance has been paid to the coach Wayne Bennett and CEO Peter Doust, who have engaged in a policy of pursuing a sustainable salary cap with sound economic management. The outcome of this is the clichéd ‘champion team’ as opposed to a ‘team of champions’, which has seen the team operate with machine-like precision, answering any questions thrown at them not with empty rhetoric but with positive meaningful rugby league.

    The lime greens were not without a hope of unseating the incumbent league leaders, however, and through their talented fullback Josh Dugan produced several line-breaks. On one occasion Dugan was denied a certain try only when the desperate chasers grabbed hold of the elastic on his red budgie smugglers. Dugan has been in brilliant form since signing a new action contract with his club a number of weeks ago, his confidence oozing to such great extent that he is now sledging his opponents, with one such sledge picked up by our sound effects microphones:

    Dugan: “Hey Darius, you are to the tryline what Paris Hilton is to celibacy. You remember it once existed but you’ll never see it again”

    Ashleigh: Darius Boyd, himself a known ‘man-of-few-words’, responded in the only way he knew, by setting up three tries for Brett Morris. As Morris flew past the corner post for his third in the 79th minute, the Raiders were dead, buried and cremated. Final score 20-10. Back to you David.

    Cut to David in Canberra studio

    David: Thank you Ashleigh. Incredible result there for the Dragons who never win down here in Canberra do they? In fact one of the few times I do recall them winning was back on the election weekend of March 1993, when Ricky Walford scored a couple of meat pies. Of course that was the night when the bumbling liberal John Hewson lost the unloseable election against Paul Keating, who had become PM after his party dumped the very popular Bob Hawke.

    Uncomfortable pause on air as David looks around

    David: Umm, that reminds me. There was an election last night. Anyone know the result?

    741 words
  7. Drew-Sta

    Drew-Sta Moderator Staff Member

    Mar 22, 2004
    Likes Received:


    Fog of War


    My God Father, Nev, is a pretty erratic guy. At age 84, he’s divorced, deranged and devoted. Vietnam was the reason for all three, and it’s clear that my God Mother, Esme, never blamed him for what happened. She just couldn’t deal with the nightmares.

    “He was a good man before he went away,” she’d tell me. “A good man, honest too.”

    “What happened, Ezzy?” She was Ezzy for as long as I had known her.

    “War does funny things to you,” was her answer, and her sad smile showed that despite the legal proceedings, her heart was never separated from her ex husband.

    See, Nev had what is called ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’ and would routinely wake up screaming from his sleep. Ezzy said she could stand the screaming. It was the patrolling she couldn’t handle.

    Occasionally, instead of waking up howling like a banshee, Nev would instead rise out of bed still in the belief that he was in Vietnam. From there, he’d patrol the house and heaven help if anyone came nearby. It got so bad that Ezzy had to send her kids to our place of a night just in case Nev would come roaring into their room barking orders and yelling at them to get down.

    I have bits and pieces of memories about Nev from a young age. He was never alone with me, as Ezzy and mum couldn’t trust him, but when he played with us in the park he was always happy; a big bright face and enthusiastic smile. He gave me my first footy as a seven year old and showed me how to pass.

    Nev is dying, sadly. His liver is giving way as the nightmares got so bad that he resorted to drinking in his late fifties. I imagine the knowledge that your wife divorced you because you couldn’t detach from dreams was also a factor, but in my own mind I think he knew it was better for her that she left.

    I still occasionally see him and would often visit at Christmas. Last week I spent Friday night watching the Souths vs Saints game on TV. His face lit up as Gasnier went over for the last try and it was still the same face I remember as a child with only more wrinkles.

    He pulled me aside as I was leaving and gave me a thick book with a plastic cover sleeve. In a moment of clarity, he asked that I read it and let his kids know he loved them. I think he knows he hasn’t got long left and Nev knows his son Graham and I still meet up regularly. Graham has a wife and kids now, although Nev has only seen photos of his grandchildren.

    As I read the book, it was an autobiography of his life, the troubles he has been through and the retelling of his tour of duty; the horrific truths were recounted in detail.

    Pictures of he, Esme and his kids were stuck in with glue and stories of his favourite family moments were written with consummate details. This was, to be sure, the unveiling of a life shrouded by the fog of war.

    Right at the end there was a well wishing to his kids and the request that, if possible, the book would be handed to his grand children when they were ready. Nev knew he was a liability around people, especially children, but wanted to play some part in the lives of his grand kids. This book was that legacy.

    I spent the night thinking through most of what he had written. Parts I reread, others I couldn’t. It wasn’t until I opened the last page a tad too much that a photo slipped out. I hadn’t seen it before. It had been wedged in the cover sleeve and wasn’t stuck to the book.

    The photo was one of Nev and I when I was a kid. There, in the photo, was the ball he had bought me and the park he had often taken me to with Ezzy and mum. I must have only been seven or eight in the photo. I turned it over and on the back was written ‘Drew, Thank you for everything. Nev’.

    I just couldn’t stop the tears.

    Word count - 720
  8. Ridders

    Ridders Coach

    Sep 22, 2005
    Likes Received:

    746 words right between the eyes (OWC)​


    The Heat Is On

    “I'm going to take my talents to South Beach”

    Now perhaps one of the most popular phrases in the basketball lexicon. For those not aware of the recent happenings in the basketball world, this is the way that NBA superstar Lebron James announced to the world that he was leaving his team of seven years, the Cleveland Cavaliers, for the Miami Heat. The significance of this was that the Miami Heat had already signed Dwyane Wade, one of the best players in the NBA, as well as Chris Bosh, another quality player. ​

    To give a Rugby League analogy, imagine league was a five man game instead of thirteen, and that the two best players in the game both decided to sign with the same team, along with another player that was among the games elite.​

    Wait on. Haven't we seen this already? Obviously not the five man game. But a collection of the game's best players on the one team? No prizes if you guessed the Melbourne Storm. The Storm are in a pivotal position in their franchise's history. Faced with the decision of how to fit their current roster legally under the cap, the answers lay in doing all they can to keep “The Fab Four” of Inglis, Slater, Smith and Cronk and fill the rest of the team with low-cost alternatives. This is an eerily similar stance to what the Miami Heat are going through at the moment, for different reasons. ​

    While the NBA has a soft cap (meaning that teams can legally go over the cap) the basic premise is still the same. Pay a premium for your top tier talents, and that leaves a pittance to be spread amongst the rest of your squad. ​

    So the question for both the Melbourne Storm and Miami Heat remains; is it wise for a team to spend so much of their cap on its top tier talents? Both teams are facing the situation where next season, their star core will be surrounded with what can be best described as fodder. This would undoubtedly put even more pressure to perform on the the Fab Four in Melbourne or the Big Three in Miami. With such top-heavy sides, there is also the problem that a significant injury to one of the key players would have a greater affect than what it would in a side with a more even spread of talent, and hence more depth.

    While these negatives do exist to the marquee approach, it also has its plus-sides. And here's the major one, and it applies to both the NRL and NBA. Acquiring top tier talent in free agency, or when they come off-contract, is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Sure it's possible for a team to have large amounts of salary cap space at one time, but what are the guarantees that you're actually going to sign a star player within that cap space? There are sixteen teams in the NRL that would love to sign Greg Inglis. Only one side will acquire his services. There are thirty teams in the NBA that would have loved to sign Lebron James (the best player in basketball). Only the Miami Heat have him on their roster.

    The point is the chances of acquiring one of the games top players through free agency is rare. With that in mind, if you're the Melbourne Storm, and you already have four players that are arguably the top at their respective positions (or close), it's understandable why the club would want to secure those players, and then let the rest of the roster work itself out as the Storm shed players to get under the cap. Even if the rest of the roster doesn't look too formidable next season, it's a lot easier to accumulate serviceable talent to support your star players than vice versa. Plus given the possibility of the salary cap increasing in the years to come, adding talent around the star core may be easier than it seems.

    It is yet to be seen whether Greg Inglis will be taking his talents to the Sunshine State or not; or whether the Storm will go down the Miami Heat road of trying to build around their “Fab Four”, or look to possess a more even balance of talent. One is high risk. The other more conventional. One is more marketable. The other more bankable.

    Either way, the Heat is definitely on the Storm.


    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  9. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    *Mr Referee please note, I am posting by proxy for muzby*

    muzby takes the ball for the baggers, but hits it up at half pace, out of respect for the mighty dragons..


    750 words from title to end..



    Welcome back to MasterHalf, the reality TV show that pitches everyday Australians with no rugby league experience up against each other for the grand prize - a contract to wear the number 7 jersey for the Parramatta Eels in 2011.

    Tonight’s episode is the final of this year's series, so thank you for tuning in. We have three contestants left in the competition: Jason from Melbourne, Walter from Sydney and the outsider, Simone from Queensland. These three have seen off the other nine contestants over the past six months to face off in the final tonight. For those of you who have missed any prior episodes, let's take a look back over some of the highlights.

    In May we saw Julian from Sydney leave the competition early when he failed the ultimate pressure test - a conversion from the sideline after the siren to win the game. Fans of both teams at Parramatta Stadium were in stitches when Julian not only missed the conversion, but managed to slip whilst kicking and land flat on his back, knocking himself out.

    The highlight for June was when we had a celebrity challenge - a tackle off featuring Trevor Gillmeister. Trevor was a last minute stand in for our initial guest, Paul Gallen, who clearly misunderstood the meaning of a ‘tackle off’ competition and nearly lost the show our (G) rating on TV. Viewers will remember watching Adrian from Brisbane competing with Gillmeiester trying to tackle a rampaging Wendell Sailor. Gilly showed us that age has not wearied his style, however poor Adrian managed to come off second best. Adrian, if you are watching tonight, all of us here at MasterHalf hope that you are feeling better and that the hospital is treating you well.

    And who could forget last week's mystery box semi-final, where we said goodbye to Gary from Canberra to see who would get through to the final. The four contestants entered a packed ANZ Stadium during half time to line up against four large cartons. The challenge for the contestants was to handle the situation once the cartons were opened. Neither the contestants or the crowd were ready for what was to come next. As the boxes were opened, four crazed groupie fans ran towards our contestants, where Gary ruled himself out automatically by punching a football-mad grandmother in the nose.

    Which leads us to tonight’s episode. A half cannot be a MasterHalf until they can guide their team to a premiership. We have secured permission from the NRL to allow our contestants to play 10 minutes each during tonight’s NRL Grand Final between the St George Illawarra Dragons and the Penrith Panthers. Each contestant can choose who they play for, and the winner will be determined by the number of points scored by their team whilst they are on the field. Double points are awarded if the contestant scores these points themselves.

    First on field is Simone, and she’s been allowed on after 10 minutes of play. She has elected to play for the Panthers, so off comes a dejected looking Wade Graham, disappointed at being taken off stage for the biggest game of his career. Panthers fans around the ground have their heads in their hands. Simone gets the ball, shapes to pass nd is hit in a sickening tackle by Michael Weyman. She spills the ball which is picked up by Soward who races 60m to score under the posts. Simone appears to be in a lot of pain, and is taken from the field. If she does not make it back on, her score will be -6.

    Next up we have Walter, who is running on wearing the red and white of the Dragons. During his 10 minutes on field, the possession is all Panthers until Walter takes an intercept and gets pulled down after running 15 metres. Luke Lewis holds on too long and a penalty is awarded. Soward elects to take a successful shot at goal. Walter leaves the field, leading the competition with two points.

    Finally we have Jason, the competition favourite. He runs on for the Panthers with 10 minutes to go in the game and scores tied 12-all. With only one minute remaining, the ball is passed to Jason, who looks around and takes a shot at field goal. The one point won't win him MasterHalf, but will win the Panthers the game. The ball leaves the boot, looks good in flight, it’s over!

    The crowd goes silent.

    It’s the wrong goal…
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  10. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Willow | Bluebags


    When too much sport is barely enough!


    The Whittle Family

    It was over 25 years ago when I first heard Australian sports comedy. Living in Melbourne in the 1980s, I tuned into a non-commercial broadcaster, 3RRR. They were airing a program hosted by Slim Whittle and the 'Whittle Family'.

    After living in Melbourne for six months, I'd had jack of this so-called sports-mad city. They essentially bashed me over the head with Aussie Rules while starving me of Rugby League.

    Melburnians were rarely exposed to the largest sport in Australia's largest city, my home town of Sydney. To be fair, this was perhaps 15 years prior to the National Rugby League and before Melbourne Storm struck premiership pay dirt before fouling our great game. Nevertheless, I felt a little sorry for these self-proclaimed 'sports nuts' in Australia's second largest city (they hated being reminded of that). In my opinion, they were missing out.

    Suffice to say, any alternative to this blissful ignorance was welcomed.

    In desperation, I tuned into The Whittles...

    It was great radio. Slim Whittle kicked off with a bizarre horse race call. I was intrigued by the lampooning of all sports, including 'rugby' (they didn't know the difference) and they were even having fun at the expense of that sacred cow of 'Australian' Football. Slim possessed a cutting wit and vicious sarcasm that no one was immune to. This was the power of non-commercial radio, a place where boundaries were pushed aside in pursuit of that wonderous world of offending as many people as possible in the shortest possible time.

    It was the start of an era for sports commentary.

    The show, 'Punter to Punter', eventually folded after a boorish attempt at commercial television where the boundaries were tighter. It only served to give a leg up to the incredibly uninteresting Trevor Marmalade. Suffice to say, commercial TV killed the radio star.

    Fortunately, I got out just in time, moving back to Sydney to see the rise of Roy and HG...

    This Sporting Life

    'Rampaging' Roy Slaven and HG Nelson hit Sydney's non-commercial airways in 1986. Riding on the beaten track of success of great comedy duos such as The Leyland Brothers and Flacco and the Sandman, Roy and HG were an instant success on ABC's 2JJJ.

    Their radio show, 'This Sporting Life' was named after the famous rugby league drama of the same name starring Richard Harris. Made in the 1960s, the movie was set in the harsh mining communities of North England. It was all about rugby league, money and sex. Sound familiar? The movie was Harris's first starring role and won loads of awards. I have it on tape - I'm sure Roy and HG have it too.

    The Card Table and suspension of belief

    Boasting a sporting career that included international cricket, football, horse racing (with his steed 'Rooting King'), as well as pulling on the boots for the Lithgow Shamrocks, Roy was a sporting superstar without equal. HG was the anchor man and lead commentator who reportedly had a torrid romance with Olivia Newton-John.

    Without a doubt, Roy and HG's greatest legacy were their radio calls of games. Their commentaries of Grand Finals and State of Origins were legendary. Calling the match from the mysterious 'Card Table', Roy and HG rewrote the book of superlatives when 'ground rooting' graphically described players trying to get up to play the ball.

    There were new nicknames too: 'Drugs' (Adam Macdougall), 'Totally' Ian Roberts, 'Backdoor Benny' Elias, 'Chock-a-Block' (Trevor Gillmeister), 'Praise the Lord' (Jason Stevens), 'FUBster' aka 'Fire Up Bitch!' (Mark Gasnier) and 'The Brick With Eyes' (Glenn Lazarus).

    For a while there, it never got old.

    Commercialism and death

    Often a NRL footballer retires to the goldfields of the European Super League. The money is great and the professionalism is there, but the creative spark begins to flicker. It seems that similar things happen to comedy legends.

    Roy and HG had been on television since the late 1990s and eventually succeeded by breaking into the commercial arena. But their relevance to core fans suffered. 'The Dream' finally came to an end in 2008 when they moved away from 2JJJ and into the commercial radio world of 2MMM. Turns out the Card Table on MMM was considered sport broadcasting, not lampooning. It broke an exclusive commercial broadcast agreement 2GB had with the NRL.

    Alas, the move killed off Roy and HG's signature act, thereby ending an era of alternative sport commentary that had spanned some 25 years.

    |750 words|

    Paul Newton oil painting Roy and H.G. (John Doyle and Greig Pickhaver), 2001. http://www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au/whats_on?eventid=2687
    Roy and HG fansite: http://www.royandhg.com/
    Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_and_HG
    Comedy Groups and Comedy Duos (list): http://www.angelfire.com/co2/aussiecomedians/comedygroups.html
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  11. dubopov

    dubopov Coach

    Jul 3, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Sensing a possible upset, Dubo charged at the Bluebags like a Thaiday on roids ..


    For every action there is an equal and oppostite reaction, or so they say. The first of 'they' was my Year 8 Science teacher 'Bluey' Bell who told me this about four decades ago.

    "This is Einstein's Theory Of Relativity", he told his almost-captive audience in the sweltering, over-crowded classroom at Mt Poverty High.

    "Bullsh*t !", I blurted, before being smashed by one of Bluey's infamous 'crowpecks' - an extended knuckle which shook the cranium when delivered with high velocity. An equal and opposite over-reaction.

    Despite the obvious fault in Bluey's statement of the Theory, I started to check to see if it applied it to everything in life, including my beloved Rugby League. My brain decided it was true - I loved St George therefore I had to hate Souths; I loved Smith, Langlands and Gasnier whilst hating McCarthy, O'Neill and Pittard. Equal and opposite.

    When the bastards beat us in the 1971 Grand Final, I decided that the theory was a crock of sh*t and put it on the back-burner, rarely giving it a thought until the advent of the Courier Mail Fantasy League Comp in 2008.

    I fancied my chances because I poured over stats for weeks and came up with a great team of quality players, stat stars, bargain buys and the trusty Dragons' heroes. Somehow, I managed to do particularly well and at the end of the season had astonishingly achieved a ranking of 25th out of 40,000 contenders.

    Try as I might though, my boss (it's not what you know) and nephew, champion Wilkes Junior, was ahead of me, ranking 18th overall. Not surprisingly, we faced off in the Grand Final of our work comp in the last regular season round. We had a lot of similar players, but there was a key difference - I had remained true to the Mighty Saints and had Creagh, Soward, Morris and Cooper .. their points were going to be vital.

    Coming into the last game, I was in front by 80 points , champion Junior had Billy Slater. My hopes were high and heightened when Slater was put in the Sin Bin just before half time. But the euphoria was short-lived.

    "Stop the merkin .. stop him !! Sutton you f**kwit get him ..

    F***CKKKKKKK !!!! f**k you Slater "

    " Not doing well dear ?", chimed in Mrs Dubo, "You'll have a heart attack one day getting so excited over a game."

    Slater was accredited with 85 points, due mainly to his 2 try effort .. I lost.. champion Junior made a point of rubbing it in for months. I decided that after losing the Grand Final against Souths in 1971 and then the Fantasy by backing the good guys, I would go to the darkside, at least in Fantasyland, and pick arseholes in my 2009 team. This was my equal and opposite reaction.

    I picked a heap of blokes who I thought were A Grade merkins - Slater, Hayne, Hodges, Gallen, Thurston, Marshall and several others. Towards the finals, I felt vindicated, they were leading me to glory. The missus was perplexed.

    " Go Slater, go you bewdy .. TRYYYYYY !!!!!! YEAAHHH !!!"

    " Isn't Slater supposedly a cheating, slimey merkin", my darling asked. "Why the love ??"

    "It's equals and opposites, you wouldn't understand."

    "You mean, Newton's 3rd Law ?"

    "Jeez .. it was Einstein dumbo", I muttered under my breath as I shook my head.

    The finals approached, and predictably, the gloating egomaniac Junior was once again firing. The re-match was on. He started mouthing off and declared himself unbeatable.

    "You've got nothin' Uncle Dubo."

    "Wanna put your money where your f**king big mouth is Junior ?"

    "OK .. $100"

    We shook.

    As expected, the match was close and once again came down to the wire. The pivotal game turned out to be the Dragons v Parramatta clash as he ironically had three Dragons and I had none. One of his Dragons was Brett Morris .. I was torn as he scored early but was devastated as Morris and Soward dominated and gave him a 200 pt buffer, something I couldn't bridge over the weekend.

    "Here's your $100 wanker."


    I couldn't resist. I smacked him in the head - a knuckle sandwich, a murder of crowpecks. Equal and opposite and all that.

    Post Script .. I was sacked and set up my own Prosthetics Company which is now out-selling Wilkes Inc due mainly to our Strap-On line. Additionally, I Googled the Theory and the missus was right, Bluey was full of sh*t ..
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  12. dubopov

    dubopov Coach

    Jul 3, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Late change to the Dragons line-up ..

    According to the Daily Telelaugh, Hornbyslilhottie has been kidnapped by a terrorist group and held for ransom.

    Replaced by Dragonz Rule ..
  13. gorilla

    gorilla First Grade

    Jul 13, 2003
    Likes Received:

    *gorilla switches off the radio, gets out of the car - ("who's car ?") and enters play from the aquiescient line's man's side of the field.*



    I’m a bit worried. It was enough to make me wake in fright when I first realized. I’ve become a little desensitised I guess, but it’s just enough to make me stop and think.

    I’m starting to laugh like Ray Hadley.

    The first few times I noticed it I had to look around – I was wondering where Ray was (could it be that digital radio effect ?). This wasn’t my laugh, it wasn’t a laugh I’d had before.

    My initial thoughts were that some tear in the space-time continuum fabric had launched me back to a Legion cab, circa 1980s, with young Ray driving the Kingswood and practicing phantom race calls, the cab smelt smokingly of kebab.

    As the fragments of my new laughter died away, I had to look in the mirror and accept the semi-awful realization that it was me = laughing, not Ray. Could I have caught it, listening and, perhaps even laughing along ? Could I be just so weak-willed that I have been personality-overwhelmed, or is it this .. laugh .. actually contagious ?

    That’s another part that worries me, this syndrome (now, it needs careful described) – does it get worse or more pronounced ? Could it be something age-related and degenerative, a bit more general and common – in the same way my nose is getting redder or all these tufty hairs are growing out of my ears?

    I’m mostly worried that I might be slowly and inextricably, given Ray’s dominance of the airwaves, morphing into Ray.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that ... ....

    I would, however, be concerned about starting to look like Ray. Have you seen Ray’s photo on the Radio 2GB web-site ?

    To my eye, Ray was starting to look all ‘Lawsie’, with those big teeth and head position in front of the mike. The website pictures have improved recently.

    Truth time: I admire Ray’s work, his professional delivery and projection. I don’t agree with some, even quite few of his philosophies, but that doesn’t matter to either him or me. Ray is at the top of his current game, balancing a rampantly successfully syndicated Monday to Friday morning radio show standing up for justice and the little man and woman, with both afternoons on the weekend ring-meistering a well-seasoned and casual humorous footy show. Ray works harder and achieves more than I do and still has more time for cosmetic dental surgery than I ever will.

    I’m taking some comfort with the hope that noticing the laugh could be a turning point, like when your 10 year-old nephew shouts out that there’s a couple of flies up your nose, with all their little legs poking out ! This suggests at least based on gut feeling, this may be more of self-realisation moment than than a physical morphing.

    The laugh is technically classified as a 'belly-snigger': heheheheh. It’s having a good time without full-on 'belly-laff', a la drunken biker: haw, haw, haw. It's a little bit restrained because you have to keep your cerebrum engaged to function properly and keep it a bit in check for the .. future, without appearing jaundiced or suffering ennui.

    The other guys each have their distinctive laugh. One guy sounds like a helium-balloon affected giggle, but I’m not sure another actually laughs – I can’t hear much of it. I think he might be the sort that sets his face (no rictus please) and jiggles or rocks around without much noise. A bit like Dean Moriarty at the wheel of a cement truck. The last one has an unexpectedly deeper laughing timbre than his speaking voice and, no doubt judging by his photos, shakes and wobbles a lot, more the harder he laughs. Probably gets called ‘jolly’.

    I admit I don’t listen much to either of Ray’s shows but it’s because I’m an inveterate dial-shifter, or button-puncher these days. I hear Ray’s week day show occasionally and the sports show more frequently and I’m always made welcome: a cup of milk Nescafe and a Tim-Tam Monday to Friday, with a few party pies and a sherbet in the garage on the weekend. Visiting is really nice ( “Is Don … Is Good” ) but, really, I don’t want to turn into him.

    I guess the laugh is OK – at least, to date, people laugh along and no-one’s said ”Man, that’s sounds like Ray. you know .. Hadlee ?” It feels comfortable and knowing at the same time – I could get to like that feeling.

    Just as long as no-one notices.

    750 words between the **
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010


    Mar 25, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Upon very late notice, DRAGONZ_RULE has done his best to change into his gear and get onto the field before time runs out.

    With 747 words between the stars, he hopes he has done his team proud with the late effort on the hooter!




    “Overlap, play the overlap!!”

    A bullet-like pass, cutting out two players and hitting Tom square on the chest. An unimpeded run down the sideline. Tryyyyytime … again.

    Bluey received hearty pats on the back from his teammates; adulation from the small crowd. His pet play had come off yet again – the double-pumped cut-out to his best mate, Tom Edwards, saw Bluey rack up his fourth try assist of the afternoon, and Tom his fifth try. The third of Tom’s quintuple had seen Bluey shape to throw a long ball before superbly utilising his fullback in a perfectly-executed second man play, leaving Jeremy to send Tom hurtling towards the line.

    It was a clinic from start to finish, with Renown United’s U16s side piling on 60-plus points for the tenth straight game. It was no coincidence that Bluey had started playing for Tom’s team ten games ago …


    Staring down the barrel of receiving a Wooden Spoon for the first time in years, Coach Edwards (Tom’s father) had turned to his son in desperation one Saturday morning, asking him if he had any friends that could play rugby league. Tom told him that Bluey used to play footy when he lived in Cobar (before his parents separated, of course), and after a quick trip to the Wilson residence that day, Bluey was hastily grabbing his boots from the cupboard, simultaneously trying to tie his bootlaces and pull the Renown United jersey over his head.

    The rest, as they say, borders on history for the club. Bluey’s performances at half-back were the stuff that Mr Edwards’ dreams were made of. A scything run here, a chip’n’chase there, a brilliant short-ball, an exquisite cut-out pass – for all intensive purposes, Bluey appeared to be the complete package as a teenage footballer.

    But something nagged at Bluey’s conscience. Despite finally feeling accepted at school due to his heroics on the footy field over the months prior, Bluey couldn’t help but think that something important was missing. He initially thought it was his mother, but although he missed her deeply and hoped to see her soon, he intuitively knew it wasn’t that. Whilst one match-winning performance after another on the field had attracted the attention of scouts from the two local ARL teams – the Cronulla Sharks and the St George Dragons – Bluey knew it was something more than a desire to impress them in the upcoming semi-final that kept him feeling slightly hollow.

    What is was, though, he didn’t know …


    “Run, Bluey, run! Draw and pass, now, now, NOW!!”

    Tom’s father needn’t have bothered. Bluey knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t even feel the exultation of a semi-final victory, in truth. “I guess it’s hard to feel too excited when you win by 70 points,” he thought to himself. Although his team-mates mobbed him, and the Dragons scouts in the crowds nodded approvingly and scribbled something – presumably his name – down in their notebook, Bluey struggled to feel the emotion of it all. From potential Wooden Spooners to Grand Finalists, and raging-hot favourites to win the Premiership at that, but it didn’t matter all that much to him.

    But then, out of the corner of his eye, Bluey noticed something; someone. A girl standing slightly apart from the rest of the crowd, watching him. As Bluey turned to get a closer look, she blushed deeply but continued to stare, a smile on her face. It was at this point that Tom rushed over to him, enveloping Bluey in a big bear-hug and yelling about how Renown was going to the Grand Final. Annoyed, Bluey tried to extricate himself from Tom’s grip as quickly as possible, but by the time he had escaped and turned back to look for the girl, she was gone. In that instant, Bluey realised that which he had been missing this entire time – a girl to share his stories with, a girl to be his friend; a girlfriend.

    “And she’s the one,” mused Bluey. “She’s the one for me.”

    With the flame now burning strongly inside his chest, Bluey allowed himself to be picked up by his teammates and placed atop their shoulders. Carrying him off the field as if he were a 300 game ARL legend, Bluey knew what he had to do next weekend …

    He knew that he had to win the Grand Final for Renown United.

    And he knew, he just knew, that she would be watching …

    Last edited: Jul 21, 2010
  15. Non Terminator

    Non Terminator Coach

    Jan 15, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Done and dusted. I'll start reffing. Stay tuned.
  16. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Thanks Time Keeper.

    Looks like 5v5 to me... in the Chook Raper Cup :clap:

    Good luck one and all.
  17. Non Terminator

    Non Terminator Coach

    Jan 15, 2005
    Likes Received:
    DRAGONS 443

    murphyscreek - Simply The Best
    749 Words, 86 Points
    Slightly haunting to say the least. It's difficult to write like this, along with song lyrics, but you did a decent job.

    St. Linnane - When Cyber Encroaches On Reality
    746 Words, 89 Points
    I like this one, and do hope to meet some LU members throughout the years. Interesting piece.

    Godz Illa - D-Day 2010
    741 Words, 89 Points
    First of all, welcome back. I must say, very interesting. Lost me for a little moment, but a great read.

    dubopov - You Don't Have To Be Einstein
    748 Words, 92 Points
    Three words. F*cking love it. Great read, filled with the classic sort of twist I've come to expect from your writing.

    DRAGONZ_RULE - Life, Love And Rugby League: A Hellish Paradise (Chapter 3)
    748 Words, 87 Points
    It's still difficult to mark this as one piece, when there is still more to come. Needless to say, I still enjoyed it.

    BLUEBAGS 443

    Drew-Sta - Fog Of War
    720 Words, 94 Points
    I really like reading articles from the heart. This goes into even more depth then that. Bravo.

    Ridders - The Heat Is On
    746 Words, 86 Points
    One of the big topics. I am obviously not a basketball man, interesting to see this sort of thing happen more often then I thought.

    muzby - MasterHalf
    750 Words, 89 Points
    Big MasterChef fan, but would shut it off anyday for this. Brilliant, great humour.

    Willow - When Too Much Sport Is Barely Enough!
    750 Words, 87 Points
    Great read. I'll be amazed to say this, I'm glad I learnt something off this article. Loved it.

    gorilla - LOLZ
    749 Words, 87 Points
    A good laugh with this one. I look like Vautin, any guesses what hair colour? Good read!

    Player Of The Match: Drew-Sta (Bluebags)

    Great game all round, well done all.
  18. dubopov

    dubopov Coach

    Jul 3, 2005
    Likes Received:
    AMAZING !! Marked already !!! Thanks Non Term .. Thanks Bluebags .. great effort by the MIGHTY DRAGONS .. special mention to Dragonz Rule .. filled in at the last minute and didn't let us down ..
  19. Willow

    Willow Administrator

    May 19, 2003
    Likes Received:
    It is indeed a draw! Thanks ref for the fastest of turnarounds.

    I don't know where that leaves the Chook Raper Cup. Hang on... yes I do. The Bluebags retain. Better luck next year Saints. :D

    A tremendous match deserving of a draw. Both teams going at it in the latter stages - no quarter asked and none given. Most importantly, played in the true spirit of the F7s.

    Well done Dragons. Well done fellow Baggers. Special congrats to Drew-Sta on POTM, a real heart tugger.


    Mar 25, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Thanks for marking it so quickly, Non Terminator! I do hope that over time, once there is enough material out in the open for you (and any other markers) to have strong background knowledge about the character(s) before you start reading a new chapter, it will become more a piece about both human strength and frailty, centred around rugby league. I do envisage -and that is perhaps evident in this latest chapter - that Bluey Wilson will end up playing for the Dragons in the NRL .. but that is still some way down the line (perhaps mid-to-late in the 2011 season at the earliest), as there is a fair bit I am aiming to get through whilst he is still a teenager!

    And thanks a lot for the kind words, Dub -- it was tough going but I got in with a couple of minutes to spare :)

    Amazing to get a draw against arguably the best outfit in the competition - the Dragons are hopefully on the rise!!

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