Just got this from one of my university friends. VERY FUNNY
[INSERT HERE - DEATH MARCH TUNE]
Dearly Beloved
We're here today to mourn the passing of one of Australia's greatest men, Christopher Ronald Skase. We neither knew his middle name, nor ever tried to guess it. But I, as presider of this fanficul ceremony, have pulled it, just like Skase did his millions, from out of the air.
"Chris" as he was known to his most dear friends - which numbered close to pretty much zero at times - was not just a conman, as respectful as the occupation is, but he was a magician. Indeed, this interest in his life was rarely known by others. He admired Hudini of all the great magic artists. In particular, he admired Hudini's act of turning millions and millions of other people's money into an airfare to Majorca, a luxury home, bodyguards, and even fake medical reports that were relied upon in court. As Pixie, his loved wife, once heard him remark - "Copperfield who?...I've screwed everyone over without them even knowing." Ah, our Chris, he was a kidder wasn't he? {insert laughs of love and cherishment}.
"The Defendant", as he was known to most Australian authorities,
particularly enjoyed outdoor sports. He competed several times in the Spanish veteran games, taking delight in his favourite sport of wheelchair basketball. His specially modified chair, which held oxygen masks, oxygen containers and even his "quick
getaway" brief, made him a personality to be adored. We'll never forget the time he took his wheelchair to court and pretended to be Spain's new funny man of comedy "I'm really sick" he said. Haha, that funny man he was!
And what of the failed Quintex Empire and the millions of Australian's taken for a ride on his "Wheelchair of Lovin'"? Well, quite simply, they are allunanimous in their desire to attend today's gathering. The high voltage wire that surrounds his open coffin evidence that all Australian's want, as Bondy once called him, this "Bastian of Society" to remain in his eternal resting
place.
Ladies and Gentleman, personal friends, Pixie - who must remain behind today after today's service to pay, yes pay, her outstanding funeral expenses on her husband's behalf - and the Australian Government I leave you with this: We'll never really know how much this greatly loved and cherished man will be missed. My confidante, and personal friend, the Attorney-General of Australia asks that in closing I read this small statement on behalf of the Commonwealth of Australia.
"Dear Fellow Australians,
You'll be pleased to know that Satin has, as of this date,
officially signed the Extradition Treaty Between Australia
and Hell. We'll still pursue the bastard!"
Thank you ladies and gentleman, that concludes today's service.
("Hey Pixie, you bitch, come back here. You better pay up or we'll send this
stiff on the next plane to Prison County ... Capital - Sodomy City.")
