STATE OF ORIGIN
NSW v QLD
NSW
Rugby League World Cup
griffo346 (NSW)
Word Count 721
Its hard to tell what your point to the article is. I think you were trying to argue the merit of the ‘emerging’ nations on the world rugby league stage, but pretty much all you do is give facts without an opinion. If anything, a good article is one which comprises primarily of opinion, with relevant facts to support the opinion or reinforce an idea.
And always, in this sort of piece, your final paragraph should be a succinct summary of the entire article reinforcing your point.
77
Choose Your Own Adventure
THE RETURN OF THE RABBITS OF OLD
The Piper (NSW)
Word Count 730
A very novel approach to summarise the Rabbitohs season to date. Choose Your Own Adventure stories (or Pick A Path if you read those particular books) are pretty hard to write. I tried once in high school – you really need ten different takes on the one story.
For me, your piece would have been good if at the end of each page the options were along the lines of; Option A) Whatever the Rabbitohs actually did this year, and Option B) What you felt the Rabbitohs should have done to improve the season. And obviously, the story follows the path of whatever the Rabbitohs actually did. Then the ending is leaving the reader/supporters with the options; giving up on 2008 and looking towards 2009; pulling socks up and having a real dig this year; something drastic like dropping high profile players and giving rookies a chance – know what I mean?
Overall – this scores big for ideas, but not so much for execution.
91
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Downie (NSW)
Word Count 750
A very serious piece discussing the issues in league.
It is true, that League’s good guys in the community rarely get the accolades that they deserve, but that’s predominantly because idiots in the media love to trump up sensationalist stories that reinforce the negative stereotypes surrounding players. And it seems to rate/sell pretty well – so they continue to run with it.
It’s a crying shame.
Hopefully people like you will highlight the ‘good’ of our game more and more and our game will have its gloss regained.
89
Time Traveller
Willow (NSW)
Word Count 750
It starts out reading like a Rugby League version of the Captain America story (check your Marvel Ultimates back issues kiddies)! In actuality it is a pretty clever way to tackle the ‘modern league’ v ‘original league’ chestnut. I very much enjoyed reading this, but felt that the ending could have been somewhat stronger. Still loved it though.
State of Origin certainly is bringing out the best in the F7’s players!
95
Don't hurt them too much
Glockers (NSW)
Word Count 748
I really shouldn’t have been made referee for this game. I hate Queenslanders too much. I bet you were smirking something fierce evesdropping on the Maroons in mourning. There’s nothing worse than being envious of someone else’s home state. I’m just glad you are sticking to your blue guns living behind enemy lines.
As far as this piece goes – it’s very tight. I would’ve liked it to be a bit more ‘exciting.’ Like, it’s good, but you could’ve added a bit more tension or showmanship or something. Even if the facts get a bit fudged, I dunno, pretend that the Maroons supporters were big beefy fellers that you confidently smirked over despite your diminutive stature and their ever-angering glances – You know what I mean? Sell your story a bit more with some flair. As a blues supporter, however, I really enjoyed this.
84
QLD
The Camping Trip.
Madunit (QLD)
Word Count 750
WOW! When the rep season rolls round, the cream certainly rises to the top and the top players bring their A-game. I THOUROUGHLY enjoyed this. Lovely use of metaphors. Wonderful summation of the coaching merry-go-round. This is the first article I’ve read this week – and its gonna be bloody hard to top!
Fantastic stuff mate – it’s a shame you were limited to 750 words.
95
Played Strong, Done Fine
A tribute to the late, great Jack Gibson
Big Mick (QLD)
Word Count 752
I never stop loving the “waiting for Cronulla to win a premiership is like leaving the porch light on for Harold Holt” quote!
This is indeed a fitting tribute to the games finest coach. Jack deserves more than 750 words though – it’s a pity, but you do very well fitting an entire career into the limit (almost).
Top read.
93
-2 points for exceeding the word limit
91
My First Origin
Amadean (QLD)
Word Count 748
I liked how you were trying to recap an Origin match from your childhood, especially in the language of the six year old you were at the time, but my biggest problem is that you take forever to get to it. I think this piece would have worked better if you had’ve written a paragraph ‘looking back’ and then followed immediately with a paragraph ‘looking through your six year old eyes,’ instead of the piece being two distinctly separate parts.
The ‘kid’ part is great, and I realise you had to set it up to get to there, but as it is, it isn’t as effective as it possibly could’ve been.
Decent effort though.
84
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
Azkatro (QLD)
Word Count 747
I know just what you mean. For some reason, I always played better in the wet. I miss the muddy old days of wet weather footy, when you’d kick the ball and where it landed was where it stopped, and when you dived, you’d slide for five metres.
As far as the article itself goes, the first two paragraphs are vividly spectacular and descriptively amazing. Just be careful not to blow your wad too early, or if you are going to come out strong, try and remain very descriptive for the entire piece – otherwise it kinda starts to sound like you’ve swallowed a thesaurus and are trying to be a bit too high-brow. If you can keep it up for the entire piece – it sounds like you’re probably a pretty good writer.
Love the Garbage reference too!
91
Immortal Cleared
Titanic (QLD)
Word Count 750
I actually laughed two or three times reading this piece – so that can’t be a bad thing. There’s not much I can say on this – it is what it is: A great little read that happens to be pretty funny.
Wally is a wanker though – expect Fothering-Smythe’s decision to be appealed….
90
NSW
436
Defeated By
QLD
451
aaaah, those were the days.
