themanonthehill
Bench
- Messages
- 4,743
In my roving role as an ambassador, diplomat and footy fan I would like to offer some tips to my fellow Tigers brethren about tomorrow night. These 10 things to remember will stand you in good stead:
1. Travel time - be sure to leave plenty of time to get there. These northern beaches mongs think god's country is defined by having one road in and one road out of their godforesaking ku9t of a place and on Friday afternoon it is even worse than usual.
2. The ku9ting Spit Bridge - this is a grand 4 lane bridge that rises in the middle whenever Tarquin Robidoux-Mortlock wishes to drag his yacht out, thereby disrupting 1 million people trying to get to wherever they are going. You will be stuck at Neutral Bay whilst this cretin remembers he forgot his Nautica boat shoes and the bridge is raised again.
3. The northern beaches mogan. The only thing worse than a bogan is a mogan. These people have a $4m house but drive a 1981 Datsun 180B or 1986 camry. This is due to the fact they bought their house in 1954 for 2 shillings 6 when the northern beaches was perceived as the arse end of the world. Due to some murky propaganda, property prices for this isolated bogan infested sh*thole skyrocketed and these bogans have become mogans. Or at least will when they sell their house.
4. The truanting kids. These mogans have offspring and Brookvale has been known to resemble st mary's at 11am when the kids that should be at school are in `the mall'. The flash mogan offspring will have a Reflex skateboard and will be doing ollies whilst impressionable midget bec cartwright clones drool. Tomorrow is still school holidays so I expect them to be there from 2pm onwards as their mum has met a 19yo surfer at the Newport Arms and is getting a seeing to, reliving her youth of 12 years ago
5. Their ku9ting ground - 3 stands that look like they were bought from Ikea in different decades. None of them work together and they obviously had no architect try and integrate the 3 of them.
6. The Eagles Angels - Wendy Harmer is one. She isn't funny. She has a cleft palate. She is one chromosome away from being full mong. Layne Beachley is another. And another northern beaches boge with a lisp/speech impediment. Much like Barton Lynch
7. The Manly `fan' - ............ remembers the fortress but has selective amnesia that lets him forget the days of Gary Winter, Jye Mullane, Jason Ferris and Scott Donald. Remembers the last Manly local junior from 1993 (not counting the superlative Jason King)
8. Grant Goldman - bars up over a steve matai dummy half run or Orford kick out on the full. sh*t DJ, in a sh*t ground at a sh*t club. He is what management would call a `perfect fit'
9. Peter Peters - fat. And ugly. Was there when Manly rorted, bribed and scammed their way to comps in the 1970s under that cantankerous old prick Ken Arthurson. Peter Peters is lobbying the state govt for an injecting room for Brett Stewart. His next project could possibly be a Wall for Ian Roberts
10. Jamie Lyon - fat. Like zorba. But I think zorba at age 72 is still faster, fitter, more agile and has made more line breaks this season than the fat wee waa pig f**ker.
Don't thank me. Just remember it. And if one of their cetinous fans is giving lip, lump them
1. Travel time - be sure to leave plenty of time to get there. These northern beaches mongs think god's country is defined by having one road in and one road out of their godforesaking ku9t of a place and on Friday afternoon it is even worse than usual.
2. The ku9ting Spit Bridge - this is a grand 4 lane bridge that rises in the middle whenever Tarquin Robidoux-Mortlock wishes to drag his yacht out, thereby disrupting 1 million people trying to get to wherever they are going. You will be stuck at Neutral Bay whilst this cretin remembers he forgot his Nautica boat shoes and the bridge is raised again.
3. The northern beaches mogan. The only thing worse than a bogan is a mogan. These people have a $4m house but drive a 1981 Datsun 180B or 1986 camry. This is due to the fact they bought their house in 1954 for 2 shillings 6 when the northern beaches was perceived as the arse end of the world. Due to some murky propaganda, property prices for this isolated bogan infested sh*thole skyrocketed and these bogans have become mogans. Or at least will when they sell their house.
4. The truanting kids. These mogans have offspring and Brookvale has been known to resemble st mary's at 11am when the kids that should be at school are in `the mall'. The flash mogan offspring will have a Reflex skateboard and will be doing ollies whilst impressionable midget bec cartwright clones drool. Tomorrow is still school holidays so I expect them to be there from 2pm onwards as their mum has met a 19yo surfer at the Newport Arms and is getting a seeing to, reliving her youth of 12 years ago
5. Their ku9ting ground - 3 stands that look like they were bought from Ikea in different decades. None of them work together and they obviously had no architect try and integrate the 3 of them.
6. The Eagles Angels - Wendy Harmer is one. She isn't funny. She has a cleft palate. She is one chromosome away from being full mong. Layne Beachley is another. And another northern beaches boge with a lisp/speech impediment. Much like Barton Lynch
7. The Manly `fan' - ............ remembers the fortress but has selective amnesia that lets him forget the days of Gary Winter, Jye Mullane, Jason Ferris and Scott Donald. Remembers the last Manly local junior from 1993 (not counting the superlative Jason King)
8. Grant Goldman - bars up over a steve matai dummy half run or Orford kick out on the full. sh*t DJ, in a sh*t ground at a sh*t club. He is what management would call a `perfect fit'
9. Peter Peters - fat. And ugly. Was there when Manly rorted, bribed and scammed their way to comps in the 1970s under that cantankerous old prick Ken Arthurson. Peter Peters is lobbying the state govt for an injecting room for Brett Stewart. His next project could possibly be a Wall for Ian Roberts
10. Jamie Lyon - fat. Like zorba. But I think zorba at age 72 is still faster, fitter, more agile and has made more line breaks this season than the fat wee waa pig f**ker.
Don't thank me. Just remember it. And if one of their cetinous fans is giving lip, lump them
