Willow Cup :: Titans vs Bluebags - Round 1

[Monk]

vs

Game Thread:
* This is a game thread only. Only game posts can be made here - team lists, substitutions, and articles.
* Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
* Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.

Naming Teams:
* 3 -V- 3 (+ 4 reserves for each side)
* No 'TBA' or changing players named
* Captains must stick with original teams named

Rules: http://www.forumsevens.com.au/rules.php
Official Word Counter: http://www.forumsevens.com.au/wordcount.php

Kick Off: Sunday 2nd of March 2014
Full Time: Monday 17th of March 2014 (9:00pm Sydney Time)
Referee: Monk
Venue: Robina Stadium

Best of luck to all involved.

 

[afinalsin666]

Baggers to scrape it in. Bench? We don't need no bench!

BLUEBAGS

afinalsin666
Danish
MickyJ

 

[afinalsin666]

afinalsin666 busts out onto the field for the Baggers for the first time as captain, already feeling the sunburn through his stress thinning hair.

741 according to our Overlord of Word Counting.

---------------------------------



THE UNDERDOG WEEKEND


There are many facets of the underdog label. Here are four that played out this weekend.



Manly Sea Eagles v South Sydney Rabbitohs: Underdog against the officials

Manly Waringah Sea Eagles were up against it big time this past friday night, with a colossal battle of the titans against the South Sydney Rabbitohs. The Bluetongue Stadium crowd was loud all night, and grew increasingly raucous as the Rabbitohs were given a number of so called “leg up” penalties.

Pubs and crowds watching at home across the nation were outraged, and many were cheering on the Manly outfit in spite of the poor officiating. Such is the way when the audience perceives the powers that be are against a team. Public perception rarely goes the way of those receiving the upper hand by no way of skill, and people will back the other team to try to rebalance the fairness scale.



Penrith Panthers v Melbourne Storm: Underdog against class

Down in the heart of Melbourne amidst the fury of torrential rain, the class of Cameron Smith and Cooper Cronk, two of the “Big Three” won out the day against the Penrith Panthers in a thrilling contest of determination from both sides. The Panthers are definitely no slouches in 2014, with many star recruits tipped to push the side right up the ladder. The underdog status comes into play here with the difference in class between the sides. The “Big Three” have been there and done that many times before, to mention none of mastermind Craig Bellamy’s hand controlling all on the field.

On paper all seemed even, and the game certainly turned out as close as many were predicting early in the week, but a couple of clutch plays by the superstars of the Melbourne outfit was too much for the relatively inexperienced Panthers to handle.



Parramatta Eels v Sydney Roosters: The grim reality of the underdog

The Parramatta Eels. Ranked sixteenth out of sixteen on the ladder in 2013, with a -414 points differential and notching only 5 wins, winning the wooden spoon.

The Sydney Roosters. Ranked first out of sixteen on the ladder, with a for and against of +315, dominating the competition with 18 wins in total, winning the Telstar Premiership.
Everyone knew what to expect coming into this contest of the best versus the worst, despite Parramatta notching an impressive win against the New Zealand Warriors last week, and Roosters sinking to the South Sydney Rabbitohs. The premiers were going to be angry, and the Parramatta would resume their role as cellar dwellers. Then, the first half happened.

Trailing only 16-4 by the end of the first stanza, Parramatta had destroyed all expectations. The audience had their David to slay the Goliath in the Roosters. It was the ultimate underdog story, but a tale that sadly ended the way one would expect, isolated from all expectation and knowledge of story-telling tropes.

The fact is the 5’6” guy with no training does not beat the 6’3” Muay Thai black belt without some insane luck and constant determination on the part of the minnow. The game ended at 56-4 to the Roosters. Reality killed our stories, but it is what it is.



Knights v Raiders: Battle of no underdogs

This is the game that we all should be salivating after. Neither team had a discernible advantage prior to the game; both looked as strong as the other on paper. It worked that way on the field, with Canberra in front at 7 minutes, then the lead switching back to Newcastle in the 19th.

The Raiders locked the scores up minutes later, and they kept it even to go into the halftime break. It had been a slightly sloppy affair with occasional touches of brilliance up until this point, but it was still an evenly matched contest.

Raiders went out ahead in 13 minutes into the second half, before the armoured men from Newcastle stole it back 5 minutes later with a try to James McManus. The Knights compounded the lead by four points in the 64th minute, missing the conversion. The missed kick would bite the knights as the Green Machine rapidly rolled in for a try, taking the final lead of the night. Newcastle scrambled and clawed toward the chalk, but the Raiders clung on before finally putting paid to the match with a last minute try.


With a game like that, who needs an underdog?

 

[Titanic]

Titans - Willow Cup - Round 1

Titanic
bgdc
Misanthrope

Bench
Hoggmaster

 

[bgdc]

bgdc shakes her tail for the Titans (746 officially)

*****

Penile Dysfunction

There is probably no worse indictment that a man could be delivered than being deemed impotent by their partner … I suppose, even the Brokeback Mountain type.

I feel it is my duty as a loving wife and caring mother to report that I have now uncovered not one, not two, not even ten but a whole nest of seemingly testosterone-pumped macho rugby league men who have all contracted flaccidity. Yes, dear readers, the Gold Coast iSelect Titans have all gone soft.

It all started with a few celebratory beers in 2007 when with spirits high at being accepted into the NRL one Michael Searle blew his wad prematurely so often that he nearly bankrupted his man-vault and headed to the Cayman Islands for spiritual reckoning.

Those beers evolved into surreptitiously sipped scotches with tinkling ice cubes as the club scaled the lofty heights of semi-final football. A quiet arrogance descended on a club constructed like a patchwork quilt, lovingly restored from Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard.

As the sun and moon continued their eternal chase across the heavens, the Titans star crashed and burned under a deluge of “unfortunate” affairs. The centerpiece being the Centre of Extravagance which drove the club to gulping great gobs of cheap plonk as its founders wrestled with a fiddle borrowed from Nero. Searle played a tune to make even the strongest of us weep in sympathy.

The cub then took a deep breath and after sampling then spitting out the martini-like David May, he swallowed the slightly tart Pinot Noir Graham Annersley. Meanwhile, the status quo was retained by the meat and three vege’s Horse Cartwright … salt of the earth, a man amongst men and a beer guzzler to boot.

But I ramble. The point of this piece is enshrined in our youthful days at school. As we all remember sweating over seemingly irrelevant tomes of the great bard Shakespeare, there was one relevancy that no bashful young lady could forget … alcohol: it builds up the desire and takes away the performance.

That, dear readers, is the root of the problem. Like an over-aged wine, the Titans have gone sour and are on the nose. Those hands, once steady as they were raised in toasts, are now shaking with tremens normally reserved for old men … although Bull Bailey could be forgiven on the count of his age and the fact that he still rips-in like a young buck. No complaints from his household, I would shamelessly suggest. His colleagues’ partners would not be so fortunate.

Old poopy-pants Nate Myles is playing like the groin strain he suffered is still very much “under construction”. His front row mates are faring no better: Iron Dax Douglas seems to have swapped trousers for blouses while the Hair Affair James has been banished back to little leagues to do penance for daring to use a shoulder against the raging beast that is the no-wins Warriors.
Srama, Falloon, Irwin and Keating make up the club’s coxless four. This has created a phenomenon where no self-respecting hooker will come near the team, something previously unheard of on the Glitter Strip … just ask lardbutt Idris who now walks with the Panthers. Ladies, wouldn’t you just love to get a hold of those not so cute bangs and rip them out?

Ashen Harrison has taken on an even more cadaver-like persona as he lurches from one tackle to another with the demeanor of something escaped from Plants versus Zombies, although I cannot tell which of those teams he plays on. Certainly Mrs. Harrison must beside herself with frustration, as it is blatantly obvious that the man of the house wouldn’t pass the salt at dinner if required let alone the “rebel yell” that we girls all like to hear to our ear from time to time.

I suppose I could go on and on, however, one redeeming factor would be that the sponsor may well be making a fortune from the sale of small-ish battery-operated devices to the female ‘fraternity’.

Certainly no amount of Viagara or Cialis will fix the dysfunction of Wee Willie Zillman slippery fingers or the impotency of the left-sided Maurice (that’s French you know) Blair playing with his right or the right-sided Brad Tighe-me-up please and beat me, playing with his left.

This ladies advice for our eclectic bunch of shirt-lifters is to man-up. Throw away the designed shades, for some get a haircut, a beard trim and a decent bottle of self-respect.

*****

 

[Titanic]

Titanic for the Titans - good luck one and all (748 OWC)

__________________

WWRLCC or Players in Panties

This week our focus is on the World Women’s Rugby League Club Championship where the HTC Desire Cup, a double d-sized extravaganza, entered its penultimate weekend with the planet’s top femme foot-als battling to secure the coveted trophy and $250 worth of Billabong vouchers.

The tournament, which is bankrolled by that doyen of Australian radio Alan Jones, has undergone numerous changes to attract new fans over the past few weeks. Unlike men’s league, the WWRLCC is played during the mornings to avoid clashing with Underbellyhair and to allow players to still make their school pick-ups. There is also a no indiscriminate hooking rule for obvious reasons.

Reigning champions, Baby Shower of Auckland, look unlikely to repeat their 2010 heroics after a 12-12 draw with midtable Samoa Sea Cucumbers kept them two wins off the top of their Pool with only one more game. Baby Shower’s Jean Windass opened the scoring, poking through a gaping hole after a defensive balls-up, but just two minutes later the Cuke’s Creamy Peacock finished-off with a delightful chip ‘n’ flake over the fullback assisted by some fine support from recently suspended Bertha Juggs, silencing her knockers. There was still time for Suey “Gooey” Moymoy to burst right up the middle after receving the ball in an unforced turnover. Baby Shower later finished off as rampant pro’ Linda Leftlace’s deep penetration deceived the Islander’s wing when she came inside.

Over at Queef Street Mall, Glenice Stewart was presented with her Girl of the Month award for her finishing style. The Sex in the New York City flyer scored twice to defeat the King’s Kross Karesses, both times getting over the KKK’s fullback Clammy Hands. The win secures the Yankee club an adventure in next season’s 2 Girl’s 1 Europa Cup, providing they can overcome Italian side Garlic Gnocci in the preliminary round. Gnocci finished 2nd in La Donna Summer (Italian Women’s League) behind Florence Nightingale.

Despite baking conditions, Shanghai Strumpets preferred to play uncompromising rugby league over making cakes, and safely progressed with a 22-0 basting of the Kobe Coquettes. Elsewhere, the Virginia Wolves ran riot at The Vagina Molineux as Sylvia Ebanks-Blake and Georgina Elekobi both bagged hat-tricks in a 64-10 destruction of Glee Club.

Pool B was all but sewn up at the Gold Coast as Post Natal De Preston put last season’s disappointing campaign behind them to clinch victory over Zydney Zumba, much to the delight of their perma-tanned manager Phyllis the Gorilla Dilla. Next week the triumphant glitter strip side, nicknamed the “sand mums”, can move one step closer to receiving the trophy from bad boy prison heartthrob Carne Toddie as they take on the below average Size Zero of Seoul.

Meanwhile, the last rrrround of French Rugby Treize started this week. Things were frenetic on the field, with big wins for Zizou Zazzle, Leyton Lorient and Gay Paris.

The undoubted match of le day came in Bordeaux, where a full-bodied and fruity performance from the Vintage Reds was served up alongside a medium-rare display of attacking from the normally standoffish Franck Leboeuf & Frites. Critics said both sides complemented each other delightfully, finishing in a mouth-watering 23-23 draw.

In the capital, Gay Paris – whose revolutionary menage a trois set-up of head coach Guy Guivarc’h, assistant Louis Llama and executive director Johnny Ribot de Raconteur has caused a stir even among liberals– snuck four tries past Le Pen et Pals, who don’t like it up ‘em. Elsewhere, table-toppers Zizou Zazzle took advantage of Vichy Clichy’s outdated Maginot backline to run out emphatic 18-6 winners at Stade de Stadium.

Leyton Lorient, sponsored by Barry Hearn’s new leisurewear range Le Cockney Sportif, comfortably outscored mid-table rivals L’Equipey-Uppy, who displayed unacceptably low arrogance levels going into the match. On-loan Darryl Lockierre scored a hat-trick in the 32-12 win, which his team-mates celebrated by making him eat something disgusting cooked in goose fat.

Elsewhere, it was Clouseau but no cigar for Les Pink Panthers, who also lost 10-0 against General De Goal. Whilst in the south, there was disappointment for fans of Don’t Want Toulouse and Battiston-and-on after a dispute over match bonuses meant a postponement. Philosophy periodical Sartre’s Left Foot questioned the internal paradox of loose heads going on strike by refusing to strike, while supporters amused themselves by setting fire to the local banlieue.

That cancellation will mean extra work for the fixture ordinateur, but also means the FRXIII moves up three places in France’s bureaucratic league table.

 

[Danish]

Danish for the Bluebags

(745 including title)
-----------------------------------------------------------

What a Difference a Weekend Makes
Whenever the argument of “which superpower would you choose?” comes up with my friends, hindsight is the one I always choose. It’s not as wonderful as flight, or sexy as super strength, or even as perversely fun as invisibility, but to me it is the pinnacle.

Just imagine, you walk towards the pub on a Friday night and know full well that once you hit 5.7 schooners it’s time to switch to water and avoid that killer hangover in the morning. The late night kebab does not lure you in with its siren smell, as you can picture clearly just how bad it’s going to smell sitting half eaten on your bedside table tomorrow morning. Most of all, when the poor receptionist who knows nothing about league asks for your help with her tips for the weekend, you would immediately be hit with tremendous insight in which teams are going to do a complete 180 on last week’s form and avoid that awkward conversation Tuesday morning when you come up with a duck egg.

Think I am kidding? I present this genuine email chain between yours truly and one of my co-workers;

From: Poor Naive Girl
Sent: Friday, 14 March 2014 4:24 PM
To: Alleged Footy Guru
Subject: Footy Tips – HELP ME!

Hi Football genius

They’re asking everyone for their footy tips this afternoon. I only got 3 last week, so do you think you could help me?

My tips are below. I really don’t follow rugby so I just tip the home teams, except for the dragons because they’re my dad team and the tigers because I like Benji Marshall, haha –

BRONCOS
MANLY
STORM
DRAGONS
ROOSTERS (I assume you’ll agree here LOL)
TIGERS (Benji Marshall is hot!)
KNIGHTS
BULLDOGS


Regards

Poor naive girl

From: Football tipping Genius
Sent: Friday, 14 March 2014 4:45 PM
To: Unfortunate receiver of nonsense advice
Subject: Footy Tips – HELP ME!

Hi naive girl

Boy am I glad you came to me before submitting these!

My tips are below, you can shout my lunch on Tuesday as a thank you

COWBOYS –
I know you probably think that the Broncos are the best team in Queensland, and for a long time this was true but the torch has been passed now. The Cowboys changed coaches over the off-season and the new guy Paul Green has a big future. I predict a big win to the cowboys to stamp their authority on this year’s competition.

SOUTHS –
This one has me conflicted as I really hate souths, but logic says they’ll win this comfortably. Manly are a good team but they have a lot of players missing this weekend including Brett Stewart, a few forwards you probably don’t know, and I am hearing that Glen Stewart is only a 50/50 chance to play as well. This is one of those games that look close but with injuries it's really not

STORM –
You got this one right. Everyone is going on about Penrith like that are a dark horse this season. Personally I don’t see it. Penrith won’t get within 20 points of them.

WARRIORS –
I know the dragons are your team, but seriously reconsider your pick. The dragons are coached by Steve Price aka the chinless clown (see attached pictures, they are hilarious!). Your dad will tell you how bad he is. Pick the warriors, trust me.

ROOSTERS –
We’ll skip over this one as needless to say I think you are indeed correct! I will say however that I think Parramatta will give us a real fight and will be big improvers this season.

TITANS –
Benji Marshall doesn’t play NRL anymore! The tigers got absolutely thumped by the dragons last week (who are terrible), so the titans could do a real number on them.

KNIGHTS –
I’m with you on this one. The knights were very unlucky last week because of injuries, and the raiders are also having problems with their fullback who wants to leave. I reckon its causing friction in the team and it will start to show on the field.

SHARKS –
Real coin toss this one, but the bulldogs attack was non-existent last week so I don’t see too many points. Cronulla are missing Gallen but I think they’ll win.

Cheers

In hindsight an absolute moron

Yep. You can keep your laser vision and and go go gadget arms. Just give me some of that sweet and simple 20/20.

 

[Monk]

Thar she blows!

I'll be marking this one, will hopefully get it done tomorrow when I get home from work.

 

[mickyj]

bugger sorry guys. had something come up this afternoon and only just got back online.

 

[Titanic]

Well 2 v 2 at least makes for a fair contest as we all dust the pre-season cobwebs out … some good reads there … over to you Ref.

 

[Monk]

Titans vs Bluebags : Willow Cup Round 1 Results

Bluebags

afinalsin666 – The Underdog Weekend
OWC 741
Although it's one of the better recap articles that I’ve seen, the article really needed to have someone error check it before posting, as there are a few rather noticeable mistakes. Some recap articles can come out rather dry and robotic but your style of writing kept me reading right up until the end which is definitely a credit to your ability as a writer.
Mark :: 86

Danish – What a difference a weekend makes
OWC 745
This article certainly hits a soft spot with me, as I watched my older sister beat me in our family tipping competition year after year. The earlier parts of the article teased that your inspiration came from the South Park Captain Hindsight episode, which you perfectly blended into your article. If this is actually a true story I am so sorry for you. Also, although she is a poor naive girl, she should still have proper spelling and grammar.
Mark :: 88

Titans

bgdc – Penile Dysfunction
OWC 746
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone slam a team while being so articulate. While the article was littered with visual imagery which shook my body to the core, it also contained an abundance of cheeky remarks which I very much appreciated. I truly hope you had as much fun writing this article as I had reading it, an early contender for article of the year.
Mark :: 92

Titanic – WWRLCC or Players in Panties
OWC 748
I’m going to assume this entire article was an excuse to write the line “Linda Leftlace’s deep penetration deceived the Islander’s wing when she came inside”. I don’t know if bgdc and yourself went with a theme this week or if it’s a coincidence, but the articles work off the back of each other very well. I enjoyed the variety of cheeky anecdotes and it’s slightly concerning that all of this came from inside your head. Also 2 Girl’s 1 Europa Cup? Really!?
Mark :: 89

Result - Titans 181 DEF Bags 174

POTM - bgdc

 

[afinalsin666]

Cheers monk, though I still can't see the errors in my article. Edit: oops, Telstar. Motherf**ker.

Doesn't matter, the penile dysfunction article was next level. Crack up.

 

[Danish]

Congrats titans on the win

Enjoyed reading all of the other articles and happy enough with he result.

Cheers to Monk for a quick turnaround with the marking as well!

 

[Titanic]

Thanks for the remarks and the marks NT … it's not often that my wife betters me in things rugby league so I can expect some recompense over the next few weeks.

Good game guys and we'll all be the better for it.