A fail-safe recipe for world domination: first, snare the bunny
September 12, 2003
With the right will, it takes just three steps to become a superpower, explains Colonel Charles Firth (rtd).
In the post-September 11 world, many middle-ranking countries are starting to ask: "If the United States can be a superpower, why can't I?" This is a very good question. The ease with which the US exercises power should be an inspiration to every aspirational country.
It's not just a matter of unleashing the bully within, or looking the part - although these are important steps - you also have to find the right ally. Do this and you can go from diplomatic irrelevance to being top dog on your bloc overnight.
When it comes to selecting an ally, it is important to choose a country that is not totally pathetic, yet one that will jump to your every command.
Many years ago, the US realised the potential of Australia to become just such an ally and cultivated a close "friendship". Look at the results: total obsequious acquiescence to every wish the US has.
Selecting an ally can be hard work. Pacific islands are generally too pathetic to be valuable allies, as are large countries in Africa. Both suffer enormous internal problems, which mean that when you come to ask them for assistance you'll suddenly find the guy you've been talking to is in jail.
Nowadays, most Latin American countries are also out, mainly because the guy you've been talking to has suddenly become a Marxist anti-imperialist.
Central Asian republics are great in theory, but since the last guy to have any success with them was Genghis Khan, you might wish to start off with easier pickings.
This leaves European countries. Britain is an excellent ally to have and the leader there has sufficient moral flexibility to accommodate all needs. Italy has also shown itself to be a flexible partner. However, caution must be exercised if you are going to use its military for anything more than as place-fillers at awards-night ceremonies.
Poland, Romania and Hungary and, indeed, any of the ex-Soviet bloc countries are excellent choices because they're already used to being pushed around by a superpower.
If you want one of them, you'd better hurry, however, because while you're reading this, the US is snapping up most of them at bargain prices.
Whichever country you've selected as an ally, it is important to communicate to its leaders in ways that seem honest and open but which are, in fact, narrowly in your own national interests.
For example: say you want them to help you invade a little oil-producing nation.
Let's call it, say, "Iraq". First, you should talk about freedom, democracy, the mutual threat that terrorism has on all countries - even the ones that aren't superpowers. On no account mention the oil.
Not only will your ally not understand, it may get weird ideas about having dibbs over some of that oil in the event of a victory over this "Iraq" country.
This, of course, applies to everything, including trade. If you want, say, all the shoes that your South-East Asian ally (let's call it, say, "Thailand") manufactures, then you should talk to its leaders sternly about the fundamental human rights of people to work in a deregulated labour market, with workers able to demand as much (or as little) as they want.
If there are reports of child labour in "Thailand", tell them you are appalled by it but that the way to deal with that problem is not by passing a law against it but through the moral force of consumer demand.
Preach the importance of letting the free market decide whether average income earners can afford food or not. Tell them this makes their country more "competitive" (everyone likes to feel competitive). Then, compare their "competitiveness" to a mutual enemy (say, "Norway"), and label Norway as being "uncompetitive" for having high wages, health and safety regulations and anti-child labour laws.
At no point should you mention to your ally that you just want its shoes as cheaply as possible.
Remember, an ally will generally be prepared to sell its people down the drain but only if it has an argument that holds together during an entire 30-second sound bite on the news that night.
Lastly, don't fret too much over choosing an ally.
Any good superpower will regularly dump its allies and even invade them just to keep everyone on their toes (see the "Iraq" case study).
There you have it. If you've followed the steps you're now a superpower that should be able to rival the US.
Unbridled power is now at your fingertips, so use it wisely.
This is an extract from How to Become a Superpower in Three Easy Steps, from the first issue of the Griffith Review, to be launched tonight at Gleebooks. Colonel Firth is CNNNN'S war reporter ar large.
