Raw - Part One
Raw opens with a bang as pyros go off and No Chance signals the swaggering entrance of WWE General Manager, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Taking a microphone in hand, Vince addresses the big crowd on hand in Chicago this New Years Eve.
Vince throws his weight around
Vince: Well, well, well
I think its safe to say that I didnt get my Christmas wish this year. If I did, the last place Id be is Chicago. (Crowd boos) But thats neither here nor there. Im not going to let the crappy weather or the form of the Chicago Bulls get me down!
The crowds boos continue. Scattered Y2J and Triple H chants.
Vince: You know why it cant get me down? Because tonight, were all going to witness history! Tonight, were going to witness the end of an era! Tonight, were going to witness the end of Ric Flairs career!
The fans booing reaches a high.
Vince: Now, now, now I know hes a battered old has been fighting on well past his prime, but try to be civil, you ungrateful idiots. Ric Flair was an icon in this business. Ric Flair was one of the best. And tonight, Im going to make sure Ric Flair is relegated to being a footnote in wrestling history. And
The Game by Motorhead hits to the cheers of the crowd, and its Triple H who is out to silence the Chairman of the Board. Vince seems unphased.
Vince: Ah, youre here! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the man who will tonight end Ric flairs career!
He pauses for cheers, but there is instead an asshole chant.
Triple H: I dont know if you heard that, Vince, but it sounds to me like ten thousand people calling you an asshole.
The fans cheer
Vince: (To the fans) SHUTUP! (To Triple H) Youre disrespecting me!? I give you the opportunity to end one of the greatest sporting careers in history and you disrespect me? (Paranoid) I know what it is! Youre not going to do it! Youre going to lay down for your friend, Ric, arent you? Youd do that, just to spite me!
Triple H: I dont lay down for anybody
Vince: (Not really listening) Oh, I see how it is! Well, how about I sweeten the deal? How about I make you an offer too good to refuse? Tonight, in our main event, its going to be Triple H against Ric Flair. If Triple H wins, Ric Flairs career is over.
Triple H: Thats not sweetening the deal, Vince
Vince: Im not finished! Oh, no! I have much more!
Because, if you win, youll enter at #30 in this years Royal Rumble. Think about it, Triple H! Youll come in fresh and be in the box seat to win the Rumble and book your place at Wrestlemania. Would you like that?
Triple H: You know I would
Vince: (Not listening) Not good enough!? Alright, if you cant be bought, how about I bully you? You want incentive?
If you lose, youll be entering at #1
Vince throws down the microphone and stares off with Triple H, who manages a smug grin and a shrug. The crowds boos become cheers, however,
as Ric Flair emerges from the crowd and enters the ring behind Vinces back.
Triple H points and laughs. Vince begins to turn, but Ric buries a forearm in his nether regions, sending the chairman to the ground. The fans cheer and woo as Flair struts around the fallen McMahon patriarch.
JR: By Gawd, what a main event weve got tonight!
Lawler: Call it off! Call of the main event! Somebody get help for Mr. McMahon!
JR: Are you kidding? He brought this on himself by trying to end that mans career!
Lawler: The man is almost 60 years old! Its time to let go!
JR: Hes only eight months older than you, King
Lawler: Do you see me beating up my betters and strutting around the ring like an idiot!?
The Last Ride of London & Kendrick?J.R. declines to comment, as we cut backstage to where Paul London and Brian Kendrick can be seen preparing for their tag title match against Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly.
London: Youd better have your head in the game tonight, Brian.
Kendrick nods.
London: Are you listening to me?
Kendrick: Yes!
London: Look, maybe last week was just bad luck, but Im beginning to think Im the only one here who gives a damn anymore.
Kendrick: I give a damn.
London: Good, because I had to beg for this match tonight, and if we lose this were toast.
William Regal enters the frame with a smug grin.
Regal: You dont know how right you are, my agile friend. You see, I forgot to mention one trifling detail in our arrangement. You see, London and Manchester
Kendrick: Its Kendrick
Regal: (Louder) You see, tonights match isnt just a title match its a career match. If you dont get the job done tonight, lads,
you wont be getting it done as a team ever again.
He smiles mischievously and leaves the two to ponder their predicament.
COMMERCIAL
New SensationWe cut back from the break as Santino Marella and Carlito (accompanied by the edible Maria) are already standing in the ring. Marella, much to the dismay of Lawler, has the microphone.
Santino: Ladies and a-gentlemen, I give-a to you, the hottest new tag team in the WWE!
Maria shows her support with a cheer, whilst Carlito looks less impressed.
Santino: Tonight, I bring-a you a very special-a treat for all of you here in the blustery city!
(
J.R. interjects: I think he means the Windy City)
Santino: Tonight, my new friend Carlito and I will take on two men who like to wear the dresses! (He laughs) Did I say men? I meant-a the lady-boys!
These men who like to wear dresses turn out to be The Highlanders, who dont look overjoyed at Santinos derision of their cultural dress.
Match 1: Santino & Carlito (with Maria) vs. The Highlanders
Carlito starts things out here and controls things well, isolating Rory and working on his right shoulder. Its clear already that Carlito looks more motivated now that hes got something to do on the show. Things turn a little sour for the heel pairing when Carlito tags out to Santino, who very nearly undoes all of Carlitos work when he is taken down with a clothesline that allows Rory to make the hot tag.
Robbie controls things against Santino and, with a flurry of tags, the Highlanders look set to record the victory after Robbie is able to hit a double underhook powerbomb. The cover only gets two, but Santino finds himself whipped hard into the ropes. Carlito makes the blind tag and Marella eats a hard suplex from Robbie.
Carlito has vaulted the ropes in the meantime. He leaps nimbly over Robbie, who is busy attempting the fall, and shoulders Rory off the apron. Robbie has stood in the meantime and attempts a clothesline, but Carlito ducks it and gets behind Robbie. BACK-STABBER!
Cover! 1-2-3! Thats all she wrote!
WINNERS: Santino & Carlito by pinfall after 6:27
JBL's Arrival
We're headed to commercial when the cameras throw back to the parking garage, where a limousine sporting JBL's trademark long-horns can be seen pulling in. J.R. And The King speculate as to who is inside.
COMMERCIAL
The Resurrection
The limousine has continued its drive during the commercial, and it noses into view and down the ramp as JBL's music plays. The fans alternate between booing and calling for Jericho as it finally comes to a halt and JBL steps into view.
He takes his time stepping into the ring, soaking in the boos before lifting the microphone to speak.
JBL: Finally, greatness has come to Monday Night Raw! It's been a long time coming, I know, but at long last Monday nights have the class, intelligence, and quality they have so long lacked.
Boos.
JBL: Just like Babe Ruth's arrival at the New York Yankee's revolutionised the sport of baseball, so too will my arrival on Monday Night Raw revolutionise the entire sports entertainment industry. Chris Jericho says he is here to save wrestling? The kid is a blip on the radar. He's a flash in the pan. He's the answer to an obscure trivia question. But I... I am a wrestling God!
The fans boo and JBL again soaks it up.
JBL: You can boo all you like, but it doesn't change the fact that even before I announced my return I was making a bigger impact than half of the nobody's on the roster. I shattered Chris Jericho's WWE Title dream as a side dish to giving the best damn call Armageddon has ever received.
JR and King take offence.
JBL: But why, JBL, why? People keep stopping me in the street and approaching me at expensive New York restaurants to ask me that. Why did you do it, JBL? And I put down my glass of thousand dollar a bottle wine and I stop eating my $500 steak and I look them in the eye and answer: Because I could.
The fans are practically begging for Y2J now.
JBL: Because...I...could... People don't ask God why he causes a tornado or floods a city and expect an answer so why do you expect one from me? I do what I want, when I want and there's not a God damn thing anybody can do about it.
The count-down begins and Chris Jericho is on his way out. JBL looks enraged at Jericho's interruption.
Jericho: Hold it right there, jerky. I'm sorry to interrupt your sermon, but some of us came here tonight to see some wrestling. This isn't Wall Street, Gay B L, and you can't talk your way out of things here. You return after eighteen months of sitting behind a desk and expect us to take you seriously? Forgive me if I don't head for the hills at your scary announce voice or your ability to sit on your fat ass and read from an auto-cue. Spouting 'under the lights so bright' isn't going to win you any matches here on Raw, sunshine. So if you're a wrestling God, what I'm about to do must be deicide.
He drops his microphone and charges towards the ring, and JBL is quick to bail out.
JBL: Hold it right there, Jericho. If you lay a hand on me outside of a match in that ring, you're going to find yourself back playing rock-star in front of crowds of seven faster than you can say 'Nobody gives a damn about Fozzy'. I'm a deal-maker, I've said that before, and I made another deal as part of my arrival here.
If you touch me without physical provocation you're fired. If you interfere in one of my matches you're fired. Hell, if you so much as look at me wrong in the hallway, you're fired.
Jericho: I can't hit you and I can't interfere in your matches, huh?
JBL: That's right!
Jericho: What about name-calling? If I was to call you a glorified, washed up, desk jockey with a fancy car and a man crush on Michael Cole, you'd be fine with that?
JBL: You...
Jericho: Just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2! A little less South Africa and a little more Brokeback Mountain, but I can see the look you're going for! Very nice, JBL. Obviously there's more under that ten gallon hat than a rapidly balding head and the first signs of a double chin!
JBL: You can spout your immature insults all you like, Jericho I'm not going to fall for it and hit you.
Jericho: You came all the way over to Raw and interfered in my business and now you're too much of a spineless coward to suffer the consequences. I see how it is.
JBL: You don't see jack, partner. I interfered in your match because you laid a hand on me. I've had better men than you killed for less. I got my revenge and now it's time for you to move on, Jericho.
Jericho: And if I don't want to? If I want to beat you from pillar to post and put you back behind your desk for good?
JBL: Then you go through this guy...
Umaga has emerged from the crowd and he slides into the ring, leveling Jericho with a stiff clothesline before knocking him out with a Samoan Spike. To add insult to injury, Umaga goes to the top and crushes Jericho with the big splash.
JBL: It always pays to have protection, Jericho.
Lawler and J.R. comment on what a powerful debut JBL has made as we go to the back.
Kennedy's Demand
We're in the office of William Regal as Mr. Kennedy enters.
Regal: Mr. Kennedy, what can I do for you?
Kennedy: It's not a case of what you can do for me, Mr. Regal, it's a case of what I can do for you.
Regal: Go on...
Kennedy: At Royal Rumble, you've got Jeff Hardy up against Randy Orton for the WWE Title...
Regal: Go on...
Kennedy: Well, Jeff Hardy has had the Intercontinental Championship sitting around his waist and collecting dust for weeks now. I mean, when was the last time he even defended it!? I came in here to get a match tonight for his Intercontinental Championship.
Regal: You're right, Mr. Kennedy. That long haired hooligan has been enjoying life on easy street for too long and it's time he put the gold on the line.
Kennedy: Excellent, I'm going to warm up!
Regal: BUT... he won't be defending it against you, Mr. Kennedy. You will have a match against Randy Orton tonight.
Kennedy: What? Why!?
Regal: Because, Mr. Kennedy, I do not take kindly to boorish Americans telling me my business. Mr. McMahon didn't make me General Manager of Raw because of my astounding good looks or my eloquence he made me General Manager because I know how to run a tight ship. So, you'll get your wish, Mr. Kennedy
Jeff Hardy will defend his Intercontinental Title tonight in a match against... Shawn Michaels.
Kennedy: Un-freakin'-believable! Old man river gets a title shot and I get jack?
Regal: Now, now, Mr. Kennedy there's no need for cursing and crying, you're not getting nothing out of this arrangement.
That match against Randy Orton tonight? It's for the WWE Title.
Kennedy goes from livid to overjoyed in a matter of seconds. He shakes Regal's hand vigorously and backs out of the office.
Regal settles back onto his desk only to jump up with a girlish cry as a loud, wet farting sound comes from his seat. He gingerly retrieves the woopie cushion and throws it against the wall.
Regal: HORNSWOGGLE!
COMMERCIAL
The commercials end and we're back with J.R. And Lawler as they discuss the two huge matches that have just been added to the show. Jeff Hardy will defend his Intercontinental Title against Shawn Michaels while Randy Orton faces a title defence against Mr. Kennedy.
J.R: Alongside Ric Flair vs. Triple H, that makes tonight's card something you'd expect to see on pay-per-view!
Return of the Diva
Their verbal ejaculation is cut short by the arrival of WWE Women's Champion, Beth Phoenix. The Glamazon cuts an imposing figure as she steps into the ring and surveys the crowd.
Phoenix: Since October I have cut a swathe through the WWE Women's ranks. The Glamazon has not only beaten all challengers to her title I've destroyed them! Candice Michelle got put onto the shelf for months. Mickie James won't be back any time soon, either. Who's left? Nobody.
Scattered chants for Maria. They don't take.
Phoenix: That's why this year I've got a very important New Year's Resolution. This year, I want some competition.
The booing/indifference suddenly turns to cheers as 'Time to Rock and Roll' hits and non other than
WWE Diva of the Decade, Trish Stratus emerges from the back. She's looking better than ever and fighting fit in gear.
Trish: Beth, Beth, Beth... I couldn't help but overhear your New Year's Resolution and I thought I'd come out here and give you a taste of what you're in for in the New Year. Consider this me officially coming out of retirement.
The fans go nuts as Trish sprints down the ramp, slides into the ring, and takes down Phoenix with a Lou Thesz press. She beats on Phoenix until the champion is able to squirm loose and escape the ring.
We go to commercial as Trish and Beth exchange hate filled looks.
COMMERCIAL
Match 2 Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly © vs. London & KendrickJ.R. Is quick to remind us that this match is a career match for London and Kendrick, and he runs down their impressive history as a team and states that Holly and Rhodes will be rank outsiders in this title defence.
Things start off well for the challengers, with the pair showing all of the chemistry and invention that saw them hold the Smackdown titles for a near record length of time. Rhodes is twice nearly pinned following some great team-work from the challengers.
But things go awry when Kendrick gets a little over-confident, getting caught by Holly coming off the top rope and buried with an Alabama Slammer. London, who is still on the floor after being slapped off the apron by Holly, scrambles in but can't make the save. The 1-2-3 sees Holly and Rhodes retain while London and Kendrick are over as a tag team!
WINNERS AND STILL WORLD TAG CHAMPIONS: Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly by pinfall after 5:33
END OF PART #1
