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2011 ROUND 3: Titans -V- Ninjas

Jesbass

First Grade
Messages
5,654
Gold Coast Titans -V- Chuck Norris Texas Death Ninjas


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-V-
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Game Thread:
* This is a game thread only. Only game posts can be made here - team lists, substitutions, and articles.
* Any other posts may result in loss of points and is at the discretion of the referee.
* Only original articles, not used in previous games, will be marked by referees.

Naming Teams:
* 5 -V- 5 (+ 2 reserves for the visiting team, + 3 reserves for the home team)
* No 'TBA' or changing players named
* Captains must stick with original teams named

Rules: http://www.forumsevens.com.au/rules.php
Official Word Counter: http://forumsevens.com.au/wordcount.php

Kick Off: Sunday 10th April 2011 (2100AEST)
Full Time: Wednesday 20th April 2011 (2100AEST)
Referee: Willow
Venue: Skilled Park
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Titanic

First Grade
Messages
5,906
image.php
Welcome back to Skilled, Ninjas. Hands off the Meter Maids, slip-slop-slap and here come the Titans:

1.
Amadean
2. Tittoolate
6.
tits&tans
11. Titanic
13. TITs ANonymouS

Bench
7. Titan Uranus
8. bgdc
12. Coaster
 
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edabomb

First Grade
Messages
7,103
Ninjas arrive at Skilled Park armed with their keyboards.

paulquinn49 (c)
edabomb (c)
gUt
joshie
CobyDelane

Bench
Raider_69
Hallatia
 

gUt

Coach
Messages
16,885
gUt struts onto the field to dazzle his enraptured fan.

Rugby league crowds are slime.

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Forgive the pun but nature throws up some amazing examples of life. Animal, vegetable or other: it’s hard to not be fascinated by a living thing once you spend a minute or two studying it. As strange and wonderful as any individual organism is, there is something truly alien about the oozing mess we call a slime mould.

Observe the slime mould! It looks like a fungus but in fact it’s composed of millions of individual amoeba-like cells. When conditions are right, these separate creatures come together to reproduce, feed and consequently form a single body that can become quite large. These bodies can split and/or merge with other slime moulds as they move about, as one, in search of sustenance. When conditions change, the slime mould will mutate again into a fruiting body to scatter its spores to the wind and repeat the cycle.

Join me now as we wind our microscope back and ponder what we have learned so far. We now turn our attention to the greatest super colony of them all.

Behold the rugby league crowd! In the early afternoon or evening where conditions are right, in dark, cool places with plenty of liquid nourishment available, its individual units begin to clump together as they recognise members of their own species. See the change of behaviour of the individual as it sloughs off the working week and transforms itself into a football fan! Marvel as the super-organism takes shape and begins to move towards its preferred habitat, the local stadium.

It’s swarming motility writ large. The crowd-beast pours into the Petri dish that is the stadium, taking up all available space and never ceasing in its quest to take on sustenance. The individuals subsumed within the whole begin to grow restless as the crowd-beast awaits the time to complete the cycle of its existence.

But what’s this? There seems to be a sub-colony, perhaps a parasite or at least an unwanted guest, that has established itself in a corner of the Petri dish stadium! Although it is generally not a threat to the larger organism, its individual cells can irritate the cells of the host with their perverse behaviour. Time will tell if the crowd-beast’s white blood cells – usually blue or fluoro yellow in colour – will be needed to protect the host and eject the interlopers.

At last, the super-organism’s reason for being is upon us! Two much smaller collectives – called “teams”, have entered the remaining clear space in the midst of the Petri dish stadium and are proceeding to do battle. This conflict seems to be regulated by a number of very special individual cells in pink.

The crowd beast’s behaviour is completely controlled by the war of the teams. Pulsing and shifting; it breathes and swells and shrinks; its individuals mix and continually take on yet more moisture. Its physical appearance is altered as it sends up spiny outgrowths of flags and banners that twitch and writhe. It releases its enormous reserves of energy by roaring huge cheers and jeers in response to the fluctuating battle below. The colony of outsiders’ behaviour is exactly opposite that of its host – when the majority of individuals are on their feet and cheering, the sub-colony is quiet and still, and vice-versa.

Does the crowd-beast have a single consciousness; some kind of meta-awareness that is made up of each individual’s own experience of the battle? Could it possibly be aware that the battle it is there to watch is also being observed by an even greater - although infinitely more diffuse – organism, whose eyes and ears are scattered around the Petri-dish stadium? Are the members of the television-audience-beast aware that they are also part of a singular whole? Such a marvellous ecosystem: multi-layered and complex.

The battle is nearly done. The crowd beast will soon disburse back into its constituent parts. The result of the battle will determine whether the main host or its unwanted subgroup will have had success. The individuals will atomise and scatter, likely to try to find more sustenance or even a mate. The crowd-beast is finished for now but the cycle will repeat when the correct conditions are met again.
 
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joshie

Live Update Team
Messages
3,115
LETS...GET...TROPICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joshie has the ball

Showtime

There is no bigger blockbuster than Rugby League.

Even the best Hollywood scriptwriter could not craft a better finale than a come from behind win in the last minute, or an extra time victory, like when the Titans edged past the Raiders in round 4. Fans are drawn to the unpredictability of our sport.

Like any good Hollywood blockbuster, each game has a major star, one who overshadows all others, taking control, and making their job look as if anyone could do it. For an actor, this skill lies in giving life to lines on a page – taking a role and making it believable, adding conviction and personality to a figment of someone’s imagination.

The best players in our competition face similar challenges. Their script? The coach’s gameplan. Their lines? The coach’s instructions.

While your average Joe may be able to read the coach’s instructions from a piece of paper, it takes rare talent to be able to turn instructions into big plays. For many, a phrase like, “hit the A defender, get a quick PTB, and swing left side, with a cut-out wrap”, means nothing. For a star player, it paints a vivid picture: Luke Bailey draws the ruck defenders, gets a speedy play the ball, Nathan Friend flings the ball wide to Scott Prince, left foot step, right foot step, dummy, no look cut out, before wrapping around to back up in support.

As far as star players are concerned, there are a number of similarities between our elite, and the best Hollywood has to offer.

A player like Darren Lockyer is comparable to Nicolas Cage. In his 2010 campaign Lockyer looked very tired, very weak, and past his best. His ability to bring words to life was not lost, but was not at its awe-inspiring best. Lockyer’s season 2010 was poor by his own standards. Then came Origin, and out came the real Lockyer. He had been hiding away from the spotlight, waiting patiently for the right role.

Origin saw Lockyer spring back to life, catalysing some of the most spectacular tries you would ever see. A strong supporting cast helped his own performance, and being given free reign to use his improvisation skills showed that he could still turn on a show with the best of them.

In 2011, Lockyer looks refreshed and on top of his game, buoyed by the confidence from his latest cinematic masterpiece, “Origin 2010”, and ready to fight off strong competition from the Dragons, Bulldogs and the Storm to win the major awards.

Now how does he relate to Nicolas Cage you wonder? Well, he has looked lethargic and under done in many of his recent releases, making it appear as if he is only there for a pay day. Whether or not this is true, Cage’s choice of roles recently, such as Kick-Ass, show that when he has the right players around him, he is still one of the best in the business.

Michael Ennis, on the other hand, is more like Bruce Willis. Not as flashy, not as pretty, less of the glamour roles – they just get in and get the job done. When these two men are around, there is rarely a dull moment – be it Ennis’ renowned fouls on the footy field or Willis’ notorious role as a cop with too much adrenaline. If a car blows up, Willis is causing it, if a brawl breaks out, Ennis is causing it, if the world is under threat, Willis is there, if the Bulldogs are down by 2 points with one minute on the clock, Ennis is there. They’re messy, and their tactics are unorthodox and often questionable, but they do what needs to be done to solve problems.

And what happens when everything comes together and our star gets it right? Well, there may just be some shiny gold awaiting him when the award ceremonies roll around.

I haven’t even mentioned the supporting actors - the hulking bodyguards like Thaiday and Gallen, the crafty masterminds like Thurston, or the heroes that everyone loves to hate, like Todd “Hancock” Carney. Throw them into the mix, and you’re set for one entertaining feature! I, for one, am on the edge of my seat, awaiting the newest released NRL blockbuster, and the thousands of screaming fans each week make it clear I’m not alone.

Hollywood could learn a thing or two about suspense and emotion from the scriptwriters in the NRL!
 
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Titanic

First Grade
Messages
5,906
[FONT=&quot]
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Titanic for the Titans ... peeking through a hole in the locker room wall to see if it's true that everything really is bigger in Texas[/FONT]
. (750 OWC)
____________

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Rising to the Occasion


You probably know how to function in society. You know how to talk to new people; how to order food in restaurants; chose a reasonable bottle of wine and you know exactly what time you're supposed to show up at parties. You may consider all that normal but there's an entirely separate class of people that doesn't know all of that.

They show up too early to things, they eat full meals they never ordered because they're too afraid to tell the waiter to send it back, and they have no idea how to shake hands with black people. They are socially awkward, they are everywhere, and these are their nightmares.

Of course, no self-respecting rugby league player, brimming with confidence and machismo, would ever admit to such social deficiencies… except in one area.

Massages are really great. Some players rave about them, they go on and on about how beneficial they are, and how they would just get a rub-down every single day if they had the time and the money. On paper, it doesn't sound that awful, but for the socially awkward youth, public demonstrations of nudity, like interacting with the media, should be avoided at all costs.

Getting a massage means being mostly naked while getting intensely rubbed by a complete stranger. You take your clothes off, you get touched for a while to get rehabilitated, and then no one has sex with anyone. Right off the bat, I question the logic of an industry built on coupling relaxation with concentrating absolutely all of your energy on not getting an erection.

Lie down, close your eyes, block out the hubbub of dressing shed distractions and feel those strong, clinical, oil-doused hands, sliding over your body… probing, teasing, violating. This is not a dilemma of masculinity; it’s a battle against naturally conditioned reflexes.


As boys grow up, they enter a phase of developing incriminating erections - in class, at lunch, on the bus - often and for no reason. So, like most healthy, awkward, Australian males, I spent the bulk of my time between ages thirteen and seventeen, stopping my body from sprouting “chocolates” just whenever it wanted. Eventually, my body learned that, while they were mostly frowned upon, there were rare instances when “horns” were okay and, in fact, encouraged. Lying fairly naked while a woman rubs oil over your body is one of those times, my body believes.


Except, that is, during a sports massage, where you must recondition your body and fight all of your instincts which, if you're unfamiliar, is one of the least relaxing things one could do, as far as stiffy-relations go. Mentally willing yourself not to get aroused while someone is administering all of the ingredients for arousal is the clearest example of sexual torture I can conceive. Sensing your tension, your physio will instruct, "Relaaax," and you'll blithely reply "I’m trying to" as you busily combat years and years of mental and physical conditioning. And then they wonder why you won't relax, which puts even more pressure on you.

For me, this extreme level of discomfort evolved from those heady days when I first encountered team support staff - that magical time when match day preparations took on the first trimmings of professionalism. As I raged ever-upward through high school, Mum with her oranges gave way to a sweaty, singlet-clad trainer and the rub-down. Those calloused hands in turn gave way for a professionally qualified physiotherapist. In my case, a lady doctor named Lola who was blessed with a body like Xena the Warrior Princess and the demeanor of a dominatrix.

Because awkwardness, at its core, is all about believing that everyone else knows exactly how to navigate a social situation, and you're the only one who hasn't figured it out yet. Nowhere is this more apparent than in a locker room. This is a situation that, with the oils and the touching and the rubbing and the stroking, is objectively sexual, but that's clearly not a problem for anyone but you. You imagine that your teammates, and certainly your physio, have transcended sexuality. In the same way that people can view nude paintings as art instead of pornography, you're masseuse has reached a point where she can spend an hour intimately rubbing a naked stranger and think "There is nothing at all strange about this."

Call me a deviant, call me old-fashioned, yet even now, those dimming, fanciful, liniment-laced memories can induce a small guilt-ridden rise… on occasions.
 
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Hallatia

Referee
Messages
26,433
Hallatia runs in off the bench for the Ninjas

Oh to be a Sharks fan

Many words have been used to describe Sharks fans. Enviable is not often one of them...

Of all NRL fans, those supporting the Cronulla Sharks have the sweetest deal. It’s true; for the most part the Sharks are a pretty ordinary team. And yes, the only thing worse than their Rugby League team is their ordinary 43 year club history. All those years, and their only bragging rights are that of three grand final appearances and a minor premiership under supercoach Jack Gibson. Not even the legendary Gibson could help them win the big one, and his immortal words perfectly sum up the history of the club - “waiting for Cronulla to win a premiership is like leaving the porch lamp on for Harold Holt.”

So why is being a fan of this club so great?

Firstly, Sharks fans can take comfort in their own mediocrity. Sharks fans, on the whole, are aware of the level of talent in their team, and none of them are deluded enough to be “leaving the porch lamp on for Harold Holt,” no matter how hopeful they are that he may show up. No-one, Sharks fan or otherwise, believes that Cronulla are one of the best sides in the NRL. Realistic expectations are a very good thing, unlike South Sydney fans who are as deluded as a flat-earther! Cronulla supporters know who their team are and they know what their team is capable of, so they don’t expect miracles. You can’t buy that sort of loyalty. It’s born of many years of inevitable lack of success, and the resulting acceptance.

Success has become a relative thing. Sharks fans can enjoy more relative success than any other side because, relatively speaking, the Sharks do incredible things each week. Hypothetically, if every team in the competition is better than your own, then each year you avoid the spoon is relative success. Every victory becomes significant. Sure, the Sharks probably aren’t the worst team in the NRL, but they are certainly not the best either. There’s only so far you can get playing with thirteen backrowers.

I made the comparison to South Sydney earlier. Again, the Rabbitohs may not be the worst club, but they are probably somewhere in the bottom 50%. Try telling one of their fans this. Rabbitohs fans have made a reputation based on their delusions, citing their 100 year history as evidence of their success, ignoring the fact that they have not won a premiership since 1970. Souths have also ‘won’ more wooden spoons than premierships in the last 50 years, and have made the finals once in the last decade. But if you ask a Rabbitohs fan for an honest opinion of their club, then Sandow is the next Andrew Johns, Asotasi is simply untackleable, and Sam Burgess once burped a rainbow.

As a result of these delusions, Rabbitohs fans spend all season frustrated by the performances of their side, expecting the best, but ignoring the realistic capabilities of their side. As a Cronulla fan, this delusion is not an issue, so fans can happily watch all season with a gentle smile on their face, safe in the knowledge that their players are performing to the best of their limited ability.

Conversely, fans of other teams in the competition suffer from the weight of expectation. I would argue that the Melbourne Storm are the best team in the competition, and I think many (especially Storm fans) would agree. They have an impressive win/loss ratio over the past few seasons, have arguably one of the best coaches in the competition, and produce players that make other clubs jealous. However, with this success comes expectation. Due to these heaped expectations anything short of winning the premiership is considered failure. No matter how good an opposition is on a given day, Melbourne are still expected to be win. Cronulla has the rare luxury of not being affected by any false expectations. If they win, it’s unexpected, and they get a cheer. If they lose, well… it was always going to happen, so they get a cheer anyway!

Whilst fans of every other team are faced with frustrating problems of delusion and expectation in varying degrees, Cronulla fans are safe in their insulated bunker of realism, proudly waving their flags and supporting their team. So if you’re interested in all the excitement of supporting an NRL team without the emotional rollercoaster, the Sharks might be the team for you!
749 words
 

TooheysNew

Coach
Messages
1,050
CobyDelaney for the Ninjas. 750 words below the stars


******************************************

It Just Takes One Moment

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There are certain moments in a man’s life that forever change his path. The moment his first child is born, the moment he meets his wife-to-be, or the moment he discovers how to bypass the porn filter on the office network.

Other moments are equally life changing, equally influential, but not nearly as positive. One small slip up, one tiny mistake, and suddenly a man’s whole life can come crashing down around him.


For Micky, this moment would be one of those.


Easily identifiable by their blue outfits, Micky and his gang stand in a rough group, adrenaline coursing through their veins. Not twenty metres away, in contrasting bright red shirts, their rivals congregate, both groups sworn enemies, developing their plan of attack. Micky and his boys know they are on enemy turf, but it’s not in their nature to back down. It never has been. Besides, they knew deep inside that it was too late for that anyway. They’d already crossed the line.

Tension hangs in the air like humidity, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. Both groups of young men begin to ready themselves for what inevitably will to come next. Fists clench and unclench, sweaty palms get dried hastily on shirt sleeves, and forceful stares penetrate from beneath lowered eyebrows, and across the battlefield at the enemy.

At only 18, Micky is not only the youngest member of his gang, but also the newest member. His nervousness was plainly on display; and the enemy can sense it. He is instantly chosen as a target. It doesn’t matter. Micky is just keen for his opportunity to impress.

His first gang war. His concentration so intense that he can feel every inch of his body. He can hear the blood rushing past his eardrums, feel every tremor of nervousness radiating through his hands, and feel the sting of adrenaline as it pumps through his bloodstream.

But not once does he break eye contact with the enemy. His stare is unfaltering, his conviction unwavering.

Suddenly, a member of the other gang makes a move and, as expected, starts sprinting towards Micky. He’s a big man, almost two metres of solid muscle, his face twisted and distorted by his determination and intimidation. Micky’s gang set themselves ready for the attack. Micky steadies himself on his feet, despite his weak knees, with his weapon at the ready.

His attacker approaches swiftly, obviously trying to catch Micky off guard, to get the first move in before Micky has time to react. He’s five metres away. Three. One.

Without warning, Micky’s adrenaline takes control, his reflexes springing him into action. A ear-splitting CRACK resounds across the battlefield. A spray of blood mists from his head on impact and the big man drops heavily to the ground, blood flowing freely from his nose and ear.

Micky stands over his enemy’s body, his chest heaving with every breath, his face stern, his shoulders back, every part of his body projecting a picture of intimidation. Micky’s fellow gang members circle around him in support, knowing full well that once the initial shock of battle wears off, the young man may feel sick at the horrible act that he has just committed.

They’re right. A million thoughts rush through Micky’s mind. He looks down at the man that lies before him, unmoving, the pieces of his broken face as red as the shirt on his back. Micky’s never done anything like this before, and his conviction in his actions quickly fades.

His enemy’s gang are certain in the conviction of their reaction though. Within seconds, the whole group is sprinting towards Micky, some with intentions of checking on their fallen comrade, others with the more sinister motive of revenge in their hearts, and their own weapons cocked for retaliation.

It’s no secret that the situation is about to explode out of control.


From nowhere, a whistle blows loudly, piercing the thickness of fury and friction in the air.

The referee raises his arm and points to the sideline.

“You’re off!” he bellows at Micky. "That was as blatant and dangerous an elbow as I’ve ever seen. High tackle, on report!”

Micky makes no excuses, offers no explanation, and accepts his punishment without protest.

As he trudges from the field, he steals a glance over his left shoulder. At the referee’s feet, his opponent has still not moved.

Micky can only hope he is OK…

Sometimes, it just takes one moment.
 
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edabomb

First Grade
Messages
7,103
edabomb for the Ninjas
-----------------------------------

Katy’s All In

It’s close to 4am on a Saturday morning. Another working week has been and gone, and a very late evening stint of channel surfing is upon me. It is at this hour that Adidas spring their new advertising campaign on me. A host of bright lights and loud noises ensue, pretty harsh at this hour! In my half asleep haze I notice something, in the middle of all this action is – Katy Perry? I figure that it’s just an athlete that is her spitting image, until the final tagline arrives and meshes her name between David Beckham, Lionel Messi and Derrick Rose – apparently each individual is ‘all in’. This is quite a collection of world famous athletes, and a very average pop star, pushing the Adidas sports line. Sports have now completely crossed over with pop culture, and it’s time for our beloved rugby league to embrace the times.


While the NRL may have been growing in strength the past few seasons the pace has been slow. These types of steady growth patterns were fine in the 1950s, but we live in an era where ‘going viral’ is what’s aspired to. The NRL did have a ‘viral’ campaign of sorts in the early 1990s when Tina Turner, a larger than life American star, lent her voice to the competitions theme song. There is currently a train in motion in the western world just waiting for the NRL to jump on board; all that’s needed is a minor re-write.

Kickin' in the front row
Sittin' in the back line
Gotta make my mind up
Which team should I take?


It's Friday, Friday
Gotta see the footy on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the NRL, NRL


I’m no marketing guru, but I believe the NRL's fan base would lap up this re-working of the Rebecca Black classic ‘Friday’. Imagine the working class pubs in Yarragundry singing along to that!


If you’re an NBA fan you would know that Justin Bieber recently took part in the NBA All Star Weekend Celebrity game. He was a massive hit with the fans, winning MVP despite not really contributing to the game at all. It is an easier process to integrate celebrities into a non contact sport, but it could also be done in rugby league. Adopting Oztag rules, where there are no tackles, would surely do the trick. Imagine the drama of a Home and Away reunion match – Alf Stewart and Wally Lewis’s son teaming up against the wily veteran Principal Flat-head! With the free spirited original Flynn in the mix, the ladies would be more than casual onlookers. Throw in Isabel Lucas, Melissa George, Holly Brisley and Isla Fisher cheerleading and you’ve got the number one sporting event of the year!


Of course, where pop culture is involved, you have to give Russell Crowe a mention. The NRL’s most famous man, Rusty would do well to influence the casting of some of his own players if the next Robin Hood movie goes to film. Shaquille O’Neal and Ray Allen set the precedent when they both had starring roles in the early stages of their NBA careers. Rhys Wesser was born to play a young Morgan Freeman, and could surely reprise the latter’s role from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. The Sherriff of Nottingham was very bland in Rusty’s remake, Scott Geddes is anything but. A bloke with a mischievous grin who keeps coming back for more, Scott would shine as a smug, never say die Sherriff. What’s more, with his ability to return from multiple painful scenarios you know that anything short of decapitation and he’d be back for the next instalment. There really isn’t anything that needs to be said about Dave Taylor, the man was born to play a medieval strongman! With a nose that a Viking warrior would bow to, Dave’s acting chops would never be called into question.


As I awaken on Saturday afternoon to read my sleep induced rantings, I am reminded of what separates the NRL from the American world of sports. We don’t need the blinding smiles, swimsuit models and novelty acts of American professional sports. What we have is a product steeped in great tradition that provides all the required excitement on the field. Our game is one that represents modern day tribalism, and it doesn’t need the constant hammering home of the players images and importance. As always, let’s leave the action and drama to the twenty-six players on the field.


-------------------------------------------
749 words including the title
 

Amadean

Juniors
Messages
772
Amadean for Todd and the Titans with 739 below the bar

_______________________________



T is for Todd, C is for Carney: Big Words for Little Leaguies

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[Continuing our ‘Upcoming Excerpts’ series, Titan Publishing is delighted to present a delightfully informative treatise from one of Australian Rugby League’s most spectacular young players. This special pre-publication release will chill, thrill and spill young and old fans of footy and alphabets alike.

How do young superstars think? Is brilliance bred or bought? Can my kid be just like Todd?

This highly edutainmental tool holds these secrets and so many more....]


A is for Apple!

Apples are best in cider or from Goulbourn. Appletinis are ok for chicks, but blokes shouldn’t touch them.

B is for Boot!

Boots are good for running, side-stepping and kicking. There are lots of things you can kick that aren’t balls, try to find as many as you can!

C is for Carney!

That’s me. And my Dad. Maybe his Dad too, I’m not sure. If you have trouble remembering your Dad’s name, try tattooing it on your forearm. Remember, you can lose your phone or your license, but they can’t take your skin.

D is for DUI!

These should be illegal for footy players. And mates of footy players. And my Dad should be allowed to drive whenever he wants too, cause he’s driven after a few drinks loads of times, and nothing bad has ever happened. Its only wusses who can’t hold their beer that need DUI laws. Wait, D is also for Dally M! I won one of these for being the best of the best of the best: if you work real hard you might get one too!

E is for Easts!

Top blokes at Easts! All my mates here love a beer and beating up the missus. Solid.

F is for Fonezone!

I hate these pricks. Go ahead and give their door a good boot next time you’re in Goulbourn, but if the cops come don’t tell them I was with you.

G is for Goulbourn!

Good pubs, but loads of cops.

H is for High-speed Chase!

Right, now you might’ve heard a couple of stories about me and my mates and, like, the Canberra cops or whatever. Let me just set you straight and say that it totally wasn’t me, it was my mate who got caught in the back streets of Bruce driving really awesome and fast and stuff. He took this one corner with the handbrake all the way up, man it was so sick you should’ve seen it. Utes are awesome.

I is for Irwin.

Yeah, he was the mate who was driving in Bruce. I remember not being there and not legging it to get away from the cops after this awesomely sweet turn man, you should’ve seen it. But then Irwin grassed me up to the cops, the bastard. But then the Raiders fired him for not being nearly as awesome as me, even after I admitted I was driving. So kids, if you’re drunk and driving awesome and run away from the cops but leave your mate there, then no worries ‘cause he’ll be unemployed and you can still be top try-scorer!

J is for Jonathan Thurston and Jason Smith!

These guys are awesome like me. JT is like my idol – I keep trying to step up plays like he does, but I think I’ve got a more of a long boot game. Still, if I can set up plays as good as JT one day, that’d be awesome. Jason is the man too. He really showed me how to cope with the change from Jersey Flegg to the NRL. He was awesome at the Raiders, and at the Bulldogs, and at the Cowboys, and at Parramatta and at Hull. He played a heap of Origin and Kangaroos games too. My goal is to play in as many representative matches and for as many clubs as Smithy did. You should have big goals like this too!

K is for Kangaroos!

I’ve played for Australia a few times and it is awesome. I played for the under-21 Kangaroos and scored heaps of points against PNG and then for the real Kangaroos against PNG too! If you look close, you can see a picture of that game on my arm.

L is for League!

I love my footy....

[T is for Todd, C is for Carney: Big Words for Little Leaguies is available from all good pubs, clubs and bookstores. ]
 
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Tittoolate

Juniors
Messages
148
Posing for meditation photos, Tittoolate brings war to the Ninjas!

743

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Sun WayneBennett Tzu and the art of Rugby League


(In his twilight years the taciturn but imposing General Sun W.B Tzu opens up to his humble biographer and bestows simple but luminous observations)

“All warfare is based on deception.”

This is what one of my greatest generals, EmperorLewis, brought to the culture of the Great North. Decent sized warrior but not huge, a bit balding, gappy moustache, mouthy. Looked a bit like the bloke at the newsagent. The southern hoards continually underestimated him as some yokel from the Great North, yet now he is revered by all. He didn’t seem to have a great turn of speed, but that was his strength. He’d show the ball, show the ball, show the ball... and then he was through to plant it over the line. He never used any more pace than was necessary, only took the minimum amount of barbarians over the line with him. He knew that he would revisit such a battle scene time and again and he traded on deceiving the poor losers into thinking ‘they’d get him next time’.

“You see these tactics whereby I conquer, but none see the strategy out of which victory is evolved.”
I have marshalled forces for many kingdoms; latterly schooling Knights in Newcastle and south coast Steely Men. In reality these were tactical forays. My greatest strategic achievement was building a new kingdom in the Great North with HRH John RdeB and establishing a dynasty with a reputation that still fires northern souls. The strategic lynchpin was channelling the passion of my Great Northern brethren behind one major kingdom – the Broncos! The Great North lusted for battle with southerners but had no uniting flag. Witness the genius of the Bronco’s strategy: we tapped the focussed power of all Sunshine Kingdoms! Our start was midweek southern raids. From 1988 we played them at their own game. After lulling them into their believing themselves superior, we established a record over the next 21 years that ripples through all forms of the northern game. I had great generals;
EmperorLewis, WeeAlfie with the 2KK Walters, Gordo the Bull and lately the feared Dazza “Croaker” Lockyer. He even had his voicebox rearranged so he sounds more like our beloved Bufo Marinus. The men and this strategy established the dynasty which motivated five Origins back to back!

“Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys.”
Listen aspiring generals! Warriors win the game. The hallmark of a great winner is absolute focus on the field. In the kingdoms I coach, my warriors know that I have unstinting belief in them and that I have their backs. I may be seen as a father figure, as WeeAlfie will attest, and perhaps it is because of the challenges in my childhood. I hold true to this belief. The club is a family and the members can perform at their highest levels only when their minds and hearts are clear, only when their estates are protected by the family. I practice what I preach, having made a son out of an unruly BenIcon.

“The opportunity to secure against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself”.
Team spirit is bred on defence. Campaigns are planned on defence. Dynasties are forged on defence. Witness my recent campaigns with the Steely Men how the opponents would dash their spirit on the shoals of our defence. Regard how I taught them patience as opponents became increasingly desperate. To hold together; and then to strike and lay them low! These victories are treasures because when the vanquished saw even their best attacks blunted, their vigour next time was diminished.

“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
When I moved from the Great North to lead the Steely Men, I carried 21 years of reputation and many of my finest warriors. The loathsome press helped me in my campaign by raising panic among the opposing kingdoms. In our first clash we very nearly routed the banner-carriers and panic spread. “What is
Sun WayneBennett up to?” they would ask. They’d lie at night in their camps pondering my every possible move until they took the field tired and hesitant: to be crushed by my defence and to see my warriors march on!

I share these principles freely for the good of the game. No pictures thanks....

-

Reference: Sun Tzu 'The Art of War'
 

tits&tans

Juniors
Messages
800
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tits&tans for the Titans cartwheels on to the pitch and does a jig ... well, why not?

748 words (OWC) between the stars

****

A Different Interpretation

It has finally happened. I knew it would. It was, as they say, inevitably foreseeable. It was the moment many young starlets in Hollywood crave for and many young League wannabees aim for. My name in print! What a rush! A mixture of stomach-cramping fear and bone-tingling excitement – not too dissimilar to that memorable first time: balls and posts both.

Wednesday is the only morning I have a chance to lie in and leisurely enjoy myself. I don’t need to be in the office until just after lunch, so I like to get up late, make some coffee, fry some bacon, read my morning post and generally take it easy.

This morning, as I turned to the sports section of the local paper, a slightly crumpled envelope fell out and fluttered to the floor.

Curiously, I picked it up.

There was my name in bold type and underlined. Very intrigued, I opened it and began to read the contents of the sheets of paper contained within:
Peter Price: ISB
Date: 20/04/2011
Between the hours of 1700 and 1742 on 2nd April 2011, I observed the afore-mentioned Mr. Price engaging in the above-mentioned activity with a group of other gentlemen at the location detailed below. Photographic details are provided in Attachment A and B.

What the f***?
The entire stakeout lasted 80 minutes, during which time sufficient evidence of this activity was collected and documented as to allow further action to be taken and prosecution to be considered should the need arise.
According to the regulations laid forth in the Local Ordinance section (Article B0085), the following incidents were reported:

  • The unnecessary, violent and warranted throwing to the ground of a gentleman who seemed unaware of the intended action. The victim appeared stunned on the ground.
  • Reaching, uninvited and invasive, between the legs of another gentleman, in the attempt to touch an undisclosed object.
  • Rough and crude fondling of a gentleman.
  • Actions and lewd celebrations in the semblance of public heterosexual and homosexual fornication.
  • Elbowing a gentleman in the face as he was running past.
  • Public nudity when Mr. Price exposed his posterior to the other gentlemen.
  • Rubbing a leather, ovoid object in an alluring and coarse manner.
  • Violent onslaught of kicking and rage, directed towards an inanimate ovoid object.
At 40 minutes into the stakeout, all the activity ceased and those involved sought some relief from cups of what could have been a drug-laced concoction.
42 minutes into the stakeout, Mr. Price abruptly left the area and was not seen again.
After the gentlemen involved and other onlookers had dispersed, I conducted a survey of the scene but found no items of evidence. I saw no evidence of blood, although the ground had been heavily disturbed during the incidents and there were no items to retrieve or photograph.
I obtained a sworn statement from a number of the gentlemen involved in the above incidents (Details provided in Attachment C) and provided them with the case number and information leaflet ("How to deal with Indecent Behaviour"). I entered the incidents into the station database upon return.
I quickly turned the page over, only to confirm my worst fears:
Case Number: TT05/04/01/3462
Reference: ISB = Indecent Social Behaviour (pursuant to breach of Local Ordinance: Article B0085)
Reporting Officer: Constable Seymour T. Rubble
Location:
28°S 153°E
Location Description: Ovoid metallic and concrete structure. Poor condition.
Suspect Description: Caucasion male wearing a blue, white and gold shirt and matching shorts. Poor physique. Squashed nose. Protruding stubs from ears. Approximately 160 cm.
Action: Suspect to report immediately to address below for rectification.

I was both horrified and confused. Was this a practical joke?

I thought back to the Saturday in question. Where had I been? Ah yes, I had, indeed, been down at the local training ground with my teammates. We had been chucking the pigskin around and practicing tackling and kicking, but engaging in “indecent social behavior”, I think not. I remember I needed to leave early to pick my son up from training. I understand that my mates and I, the Titans are we not, however we do like to wear the kit and for about 45 minutes a week, we like to dream.

My Wednesday morning has suddenly stopped being the relaxation I needed and had turned into one more chore – call the local police station and sort this out.

How could the simple act of playing League be so misinterpreted?

****
 
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Titanic

First Grade
Messages
5,906
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TITs ANonymouS proxy post by Titanic after notifying the referee and both captains. (750 OWC)
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Expect the Unexpected

Don't you just love the English language and its plethora of idioms and colloquiallisms? Does my title "Expect the Unexpected" really require a “please explain”?

John: G'day Billy, whatcha doin’ mate?
Bill: Oh, g'day Johno, I'm expectin’ somethin’, ole mate.
John: Yeah, great – watcha expectin’?
Bill: The unexpected, ya drongo.
John: Yeah right. And exactly what’s this unexpected somethin’ or other?
Bill: Dunno, mate.
John: Then how’ll ya know when it happens, if ya don’t know what it is, ya mug?
Bill: Dunno, mate.
John: Rightyo, I'm off to the pub. See ya on me home then. You’ll still be ‘ere?
Bill: ‘Spect so.

This literal interpretation is hardly dialogue that occurs anywhere throughout the English speaking world, not even out the back of Burke and neither is it what the title is meant to convey.

My title is best summed up as follows:

If you are engaging in an activity, you must prepare yourself mentally and physically to be alert to the possibility that some event you are not expecting to happen, may actually happen. Thus when it occurs you won't be caught with your trousers around your ankles and your derriere hanging in the wind.

A very simple strategy really - great in theory but often found wanting in practice. I will now randomly select an example just to prove that this saying has all the hallmarks of a white elephant.
Let’s see – what could I choose – ah – um – how about rugby league, the greatest on-going event of all time. I will use this great game to expose the naked truth that “Expect the Unexpected” is indeed, a misnomer.

The professional rugby league player of 2011 is no sports dummy. He is a highly trained and disciplined athletic machine. Certainly their club executives and managers would have us believe that anyway.

Coaches and their extensive support staff, spend countless hours ensuring that set moves, tactics and ball control are perfected while maintaining peak physical fitness. They disregard the “expect the unexpected” because their daily routine covers everything you could possibly expect to encounter on the field – nothing is left to chance.

This includes: passing, catching and kicking the ball; tackling and being tackled; scrums, penalties and a million other micro-events that may or may not occur during the course of a game.

Players are human – like the rest of us mere mortals, they make mistakes too. Head high tackles, two man strips and off-sides, along with slowing the play the ball to name just a few of the player discrepancies we see in most matches.

There is, however, one event above all others that occurs all too frequently. It frustrates the hell out of me and from the coaches’ reactions, them as well. Player A runs with the ball, usually this player is a known play maker. He is gifted with silken skills such as putting his teammates into gaps and reading the play. Along comes Player B to support Player A by now is using his dazzling skills to keep the opposition guessing as to his true intentions. Player A then decides to pass the ball to Player B.

Passing and catching is a fairly mundane aspect of the game that each player practices at least a zillion times during their career. Sometimes the pass is wayward or the receiver is impeded resulting in a dropped ball. Even though this is a simple task, please remember, they are human.
My gripe is when a pass is dropped. An immaculately executed pass, a pass that maybe fools the opposition’s defence, dropped not because he misjudged it but because he wasn’t expecting it!

The perfect dummy followed by the perfect pass followed by the perfect idiot now looking at the ball at his feet with that look of perfect astonishment, “you were passing to me”. Yes, you big galah, I was passing to you.

It beggars belief how this can occur so regularly when in fact it shouldn’t happen at all. No player can use the good ole “I wasn’t expecting it” defence because passing and catching the ball was covered during their U9’s training and every training session since.

Expecting the unexpected cannot apply to the professional rugby league field, as every eventuality has been discussed, analysed, planned and practiced by well paid fulltime professionals.

In my example, the only thing Player B could expect from his coach is a verbal thrashing, the kind that would make a sailor blush, and that should not be unexpected.

--------------------
 

Titanic

First Grade
Messages
5,906
That's it boys and girls 5v5 - the perfect equation - good luck one and all.

Over to you, Sir.
 

Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
108,270
Great work on the 5v5 :clap:

Looks like I'm the referee... cool.

I should be able to pass judgement on you all by Good Friday. Be very afraid...
 

Willow

Assistant Moderator
Messages
108,270
Sorry to keep you all waiting.

Marking has begun. Will have it all done by tomorrow.

FTR, I'm using the back o the beer coaster system.
 
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