I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). AMA.

Discussion in 'Health, Fitness and Well Being' started by Patorick, Feb 20, 2017.

  1. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Hello,

    My name is Patrick Flynn. I am 33 years old and I work at my mother's law firm. I also sell lego and transformers on ebay. I also have borderline personality disorder (BPD). And depression. And lupus, but that is another story. I was diagnosed with depression in 2003 and borderline personality disorder in 2007. I have learned to manage my condition (somewhat reasonably well) and now want to be as much of a mental health advocate as I can be and and help other people with mental health issues.

    Having BPD is tough. There is lots of internal fear, obligation and guilt associated with what you do, what you say and what you think. Relationships are very complicated especially with people you are very close to. The validation people with BPD get from partners, friends and family is like the greatest. Until they go away and we feel their rejection, we feel let down, abandoned, alone and afraid. I am not perfect, not even close. I have manipulated, emotionally taken advantage of people, and said terrible things to people that I cannot ever take back. I cannot excuse my bad behaviors because of BPD but I can be mindful of the hurt that I caused and the emotional misregulation that went into it. I think about suicide a lot, have threatened friends and family with it and have indeed tried a few times. What keeps me alive is my mother, my sister and my extended family. They all care very much no matter what I put them through.

    My aim right now is to share my experiences positive and negative as much as possible, to raise awareness about BPD in my community aswell as mental health issues in general. By encouraging others to be open and honest about BPD, I would like to help misunderstood people get the help and support that they need, I hope to facilitate a better understanding of people with BPD and to make it easier for those diagnosed with it to cope with it as quickly and effectively as possible. I have more to learn, I've been reading about it for years and am still learning how to deal with emotions, feelings, dramas and conflicts more effectively. I just want to do what I can to help, if you have BPD or know someone who does, please ask me anything. I will do my best to answer whatever questions or comments you have as quickly and mindfully as possible. I very much doubt I'm the only person on here with this, but you never know. I will respect your privacy if you wish to contact me privately.

    Later,

    Pat.

    [email protected]

    ----------------

    Helpful links:

    https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/borderline-personality-disorder

    http://www.bpdaustralia.com/

    https://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-borderline/about/

    http://www.ebook777.com/mindfulness-borderline-personality-disorder/

    https://www.mifa.org.au/images/Documents/Wellways/164942 Borderline Personality Disorder.pdf

    https://www.psycom.net/borderline-personality-test/

    https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.borderline.html

    https://www.wesleymission.org.au/ho...djZucxjLhmVJWnJED4kC3ipKGFGTrq6aIdBoCWxrw_wcB
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2017
  2. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    https://www.elementsbehavioralhealt...-borderline-personality-disordered-loved-one/

    Tips for Loved Ones of People With BPD

    1.

    Recognize the truth in this statement: Feelings are not facts. Your BPD loved one likely has a range of intense emotions which compel them to say things that feel unkind, unfair and even cruel at times.

    Recognize your BPD loved one’s reality: they have a mental disorder and their extreme feelings are highly changeable, as you have seen over and over.

    They are so changeable because your loved one has BPD, and because they are feelings, not truths.

    Try your best to keep this in perspective no matter how emotionally volatile your BPD loved one may become.

    2.

    Recognize your part in disputes.

    3.

    Have a self-check in place for the potential feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) in response to your BPD loved one, and a plan for handling these ungrounded responses.

    4.

    Recognize, always, the degree of reaction your BPD loved one is likely to have in response to perceived or imagined abandonment.

    Because this is the deepest fear of someone with BPD, be careful and wise with potentially abandoning or rejecting words or phrases.


    5.

    Encourage your BPD loved one to learn distress tolerance, mindfulness, and other ways of handling unwanted emotions by taking part in these therapies yourself.

    BPD is called “the Good Prognosis Diagnosis” because although it is one of the more difficult mental health diagnoses to contend with, many people have a high chance of getting better or recovering entirely. If you believe in your loved one and choose to stick by him during treatment, you may see real rewards. Many, many people who once experienced pervasive difficulty in interpersonal relationships as a result of BPD are now healthy and fully functioning after treatment and a lot of self-work. Keeping an open mind, working on some of your own responses and reactions, and being honest with yourself about the realities of BPD may just bring you to a fuller sense of self and happiness in time.


    https://www.elementsbehavioralhealt...-borderline-personality-disordered-loved-one/
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2017
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  3. TiggaPlease

    TiggaPlease Guest

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    I applaud you for sharing your story and for encouraging others to do the same.

    Removing the stigma associated with mental illness and creating a supportive environment for those who need help is so important and needs to be embraced by our society as a whole.

    Thank you, Patrick. You're an absolute champion.
     
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  4. Bgoodorgoodatit

    Bgoodorgoodatit Juniors

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    Good on you mate, sounds like your doing the absolute best you can with the hand that's been dealt... Although I don't experience any mental illness myself I've had to deal with depression a lot with my mother.. Sometimes I struggle to empathise as I don't understand what the other person is going through simply because it not something that would affect me. Thanks for sharing
     
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  5. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Here to help, thanks for the reads and replies.

    There is only so much you can do with regards to stigma and general awareness.

    But, still, I want to do something.
     
  6. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Published on January 14, 2016

    Living with BPD: Behind Every Excuse is the Real Reason

    http://loveonaborder.blogspot.com.au/2016/01/behind-every-excuse-is-real-reason.html

    Tuesday, 5 January 2016

    One of the things that I’ve recognised as a differentiator between healthy and unhealthy relationships is the presence of excuses, whether it’s yours and/or theirs. In the worst of situations where you may be denying, rationalising, and minimising, you may even be making excuses for their excuses which only goes to show how poor the original excuse was.

    Just like how on the other side of a jumped boundary lies disrespect, on the other side of an excuse often not only lies at least some element of disrespect but also the real reason.


    An excuse is a reason that is given to justify an offence or fault but its primary purpose is to lessen responsibility by getting you to overlook, excuse, or even forgive off the back of it. This of course is rather tricky because when there’s excuses it means that any commitment is being lessened, which means everything else tied to it becomes pretty flimsy. You may also be overlooking things that are busting up your boundaries.

    People often get ‘reasons’ and ‘excuses’ mixed up because there appears to be some crossover. Excuses allow people to remain in their uncomfortable comfort zone, dodge conflict by avoiding honesty both with others and themselves, dodge accountability, and cast themselves in a better light.

    ...

    Sometimes it simply boils down to “I don’t want to try” and what’s really important is that you don’t clog up your life with excuses whether it’s yours or theirs because you’ll become a person of inaction that doesn’t make decisions. Excuses, especially when we buy into them make things appear more complicated than they are.

    The next time you’re presented with an excuse, it’s time to ask “So what does this mean?” or “So what happens next?”

    Trust me when I say that when someone is looking to maintain the status quo and keep palming you off with excuses, no solutions are on the horizon, after all, if they’re the one making the excuses, they have to be a part of the solution, which means they have to be responsible in the relationship, which means that excuses become redundant.

    You’ll know you’re in a healthy relationship when you don’t have to listen to excuses or make excuses. Instead of accepting excuses, start accepting the reasons.


    https://bpdpom.org/2016/01/14/living-with-bpd-behind-every-excuse-is-the-real-reason/
     
  7. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Assuming a person has BPD, is it possible that they themselves use their diagnosis as a way to excuse “bad behavior”?

    This question finds deep roots in the disorder itself.

    A good therapist helps a client develop a realistic view of their symptoms. This includes helping a patient develop an understanding of their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and when they need to take responsibility for their actions.

    Of course, responsibility is different than blame. Responsibility and blame may be indistinguishable to the person with BPD and one of the reasons they suffer. Helping a person with BPD understand the difference between threat and discomfort is also important.

    Most people with BPD generally view themselves as inherently no-good, and feel such a deep sense of blame and shame that it becomes easier to avoid all responsibility for behavior by letting it remain unexamined. This is one of the results of the “black and white” thinking that is a hallmark of BPD.

    When patients engage in behaviors such as blaming others for all their problems, abusing/condemning people relentlessly, acting out in anger or hysteria, and so on, they are projecting their shame and blame outwards. The other person becomes irrevocably evil in their eyes.

    Or they self-harm, because they cannot tolerate their view of self.

    Some people with BPD may in fact, find it easier not to control themselves, and then do indeed “let themselves off the hook” by saying, “I have BPD and this is just a symptom. I can’t help myself.”

    A skilled therapist can gently help the patient to understand the complexity behind these issues, and can help them develop meaningful definitions which illustrate the differences between unhealthy blame and healthy responsibility.


    https://blogs.psychcentral.com/ther...ne-personality-disorder-is-it-just-an-excuse/
     
  8. The Charlatan

    The Charlatan First Grade

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    Hats off to you Pat. It's a tragedy when society normalises obesity but still doesn't want to talk about mental illness.

    My cousin had BPD, he is no longer with us unfortunately. He was a very good fella who struggled terribly. It cost him his wife, his kids and eventually his life.

    Keep us posted on your progress and feel free to share your thoughts and articles.
     
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  9. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/dan-v...ife-of-suicidal-thoughts-20170220-gugyiq.html

    If you feel locked in a box, or cannot see your way out, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. MensLine Australia is on 1300 78 99 78. If you sense that someone needs help, tell them you'll be there for them. Let them talk. Look for any sign of light getting into their box, and focus on that. Encourage them to seek professional help. And if you'd like to learn more about how to identify the signs that someone needs support and how to help them, consider becoming a Lifeline volunteer or doing a four-hour accidental counsellor course. You can make a real difference.

    [email protected]
     
  10. Jimbo

    Jimbo Immortal

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    Massive respect Pat. You're a brave man

    Looks like you're dealing with a very difficult illness in the best possible way. All the best with it
     
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  11. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Diagnostic Criteria

    A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects and marked impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and presenting in a variety of contexts as indicated by five or more of the following:

    1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment;

    2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships;

    3) identity disturbance;

    4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are self–damaging;

    5) recurrent suicidal behavior, suicidal gestures, threats or self-mutilating behavior;

    6) affective [mood] instability;

    7) chronic feelings of emptiness;

    8) inappropriate, intense anger; and

    9) transient stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

    http://www.bpdawareness.com.au/about-us/
     
  12. Mr Angry

    Mr Angry Not a Referee

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    I am an old man, I do not get it.

    First world issue?
     
  13. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    BPD is a complex disorder, so it can be pretty difficult for others to understand the diagnosis and the behaviors we exhibit. However, helping friends/family/significant others to understand is often very important in order to establish support systems. Giving them proper resources is one way to go about doing so.

    If the person you’re talking to has any preconceived notions about the disorder, it might be difficult to discuss it with them. Patience and self-validation is going to be key, and that may really difficult to remember in this situation. Your loved one might invalidate (intentionally or unintentionally) the diagnosis or your corresponding feelings, which could be hard to cope with. If this is something that worries you, it might be effective to bring your diagnosis up in a low-key way.

    You could do this by talking about your feelings and experiences in another conversational context. It’s also important that you wait until you can effectively self-validate your diagnosis and what it means to you. You’ll want to be prepared and cope ahead for whatever reaction your loved ones may have.

    The person you’re explaining BPD to might have a lot of questions – some of which you may not feel up to answering. If this is the case, you can guide them to better resources.

    http://borderlinebravery.com/post/122023408437/how-to-explain-bpd-to-friends-family-and
     
  14. Mr Angry

    Mr Angry Not a Referee

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    Again, not something I get.

    They say obesity is disease, my cure, a oneway parachute into the Ethiopian Highlands.

    Might just cure that too.

    Anyway I wish you all the best, enjoy your life, you have it good.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2017
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  15. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    I do.

    Thank you.
     
  16. Vic Mackey

    Vic Mackey Coach

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    Good stuff mate. I'm fortunate enough to have never had any issues with depression/mental illness however some loved ones have and I see the effect it can hold on them. Keep your chin up mate!
     
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  17. Iafeta

    Iafeta Referee

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    Amazing, Patorick. Great posts mate.

    We all have down moments - I know in sales the big thing is perception around results - am I going to get sacked, what do my team mates think of me - why am I not succeeding but X is. Sometimes in sales it's a roller coaster because you can be going through every process, work on your techniques, close with precision, but sometimes it just doesn't come together. Is there anything with your experiences on how to get out of those type of moments. I realise it's not depression but it can be an intense low.
     
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  18. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    I get what you're saying here, but depression is part of it.

    ---

    Depressed Mood in Borderline Disorder

    In borderline disorder alone, depressed mood often occurs as follows:
    - sad, depressed, and lonely feelings are frequently triggered by some life event and are often associated with strong feelings of emptiness, loneliness and fears of abandonment.
    - symptoms readily improve if the situation causing them improves
    - sleep, appetite and energy disturbances (if present) are usually related to an identifiable life stress and stop when the stress is managed successfully.
    - acute suicidal thoughts and self-injurious behavior are usually the direct result of a personal problem (for example, an argument with a parent, boyfriend, spouse, or boss)

    http://www.bpddemystified.com/what-...ession-co-occurring-with-borderline-disorder/

    Is Depression Different in BPD?

    Many experts have noticed that depression often presents differently in patients with BPD than in those without. In other words, the quality of depression seems to be different in BPD. For example, whereas depression is typically associated with feelings of sadness or guilt, depression in BPD has been described as being associated with feelings of anger, deep shame (i.e., feeling emotionally like a bad or evil person), loneliness, and emptiness. People with BPD often describe feeling intensely bored, restless, and/or desperately lonely when they are depressed. Further, depressed episodes in people with BPD are often triggered by interpersonal losses (for example, the breakup of a relationship).

    https://www.verywell.com/bpd-and-depression-425421
     
  19. Patorick

    Patorick First Grade

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    Just to be busy and active during the day and at night. Occupy yourself either with reading, tv, music, pets, collectables or whatever your coping mechanisms are. Whatever makes you happy (and doesn't have a negative impact on those around you.

    I noticed the Macho Man in your sig. I love really good and really fun pro wrestling matches, characters and promos. I really like most WWE shows. But there are certain things they do that I don't like, mainly the Stephanie and HHH segments. And Charlotte, for some reason I don't like the segments and matches she is in. This is nothing against those three people, I know that in real life they are reasonably good people and that they are just playing characters on a tv show, just certain things they have said and done really turn me off. So I watch it on delay and skip the things I know are getting me mad. Or agitated.

    Same with the NRL. I don't normally watch Manly games live because I get so upset when they're not playing really well. Even some games they win, I'm not happy because they've been scrappy or clocked off for a bit here and there. Not just upset with the team, but with the commentators (tv and radio), the producers of the coverage, the talking heads in the studio, the owners, the coaching staff, the referees, the crowd. Pretty much everyone.

    But, I try to keep things in perspective: life is not perfect. People make mistakes, no matter who they are. Bad things happen. Enjoy your successes, but pace yourself and don't get too far ahead of yourself. You can only do so much.

    Just because you feel some people really don't like you, they probably don't hate you as much as you think they do. Just because you feel that someone likes you, hey they might to a degree, but they realistically probably don't like you as much as you think they do.

    Hope all that makes sense, long day.

    Later,

    Pat.
     
  20. Vic Mackey

    Vic Mackey Coach

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    Working In sales is essentially living a bi polar life through your career.

    I had a particularly shit day yesterday and was extremely down. My partner is very supportive but at the end of the day unless you've worked a job that relies heavily on commission you have absolutely no idea the Highs and lows a sales person experiences. I woke up at 3 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.

    I try to explain this to her without putting her occupation (teacher) down. Sure she had shit days, but even after a shit day you still get paid. If I have a shit day and miss a chance that's potentially $20k gone from our bank account.

    For me I find a walk on my own to clear my head helps and also looking for one win in the day, no matter how small it is.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
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