Melon's Matchups RND 13 Chooks -V- Bullkebabs
Following the victory over the Static Electricity down at Kambrook Stadium, no less than 7 Chooks have been rewarded for their great efforts over 2002 and thus far in 2003 with Shite of Origin Jerseys. This Friday we see a heavily depleated Chooks take on the Video Ref's favourites, the underachieving Bullkebabs. Have the Reserve grade Chooks got what it takes????
1. Ryan Cross V Luke Patten - "Quentin" is starting to find that confidence with his last couple of appearances indicating as much. With improving defense and the return of that "In and Away", this week he fills in for SOO debutant, "The Moth" in the fullback position, a place he has been unfamiliar with for a couple of seasons. Im not sure how he'll handle the peppering from the Bullkebab halves, but Coach Sticky has "Quentin" taking bombs and grubbers, and is using some techniques to assist "Quentin" transform into the playing style of "The Moth". Old Chalk Bones was seen at training defusing towering kicks with fine grilled sieves strapped over each eye for that extra "Moth Vision" he will require. Was also practicing barking orders to his novices in the backline, when the unusual call came through of "it DOES get in!!" after stepping in a giant puddle. In contrast, "General" is chiefly renowned for his cluttered return kicking and head butting divots in the turf. Not known to be the safest bomb defuser in the game, as his definition of defusing a bomb is pulling the pin on a grenade right before stuffing it in his socks.
2. Lelea Paea V Matt Utai - SOO provides a brief return to the top grade for "Milli Vanilli". Is charged with marking explosive tree trunk legged "A Yellow Ribbon". Should suit the rappin' coconut, as he's been bitchin' to get it on with a fellow homie. If its wet can always "Blame it on The Rain". "A Yellow Ribbon" sealed the victory last time with a last minute effort that caught the Chooks out and will need to be marked like a Hyde Park Urinal. One nugget deserves the other so this should be a beaut matchup.
3. Eric Grothe V Ben Harris - The long awaited return of "Lil' Guru" again filling in for Origin bound "The Mouth". Has been out of sorts and struggling for consistency due to a combo of injuries, and laziness, but hopefully can produce some powerhouse form....c'mon son, do it for dad. Facing the up and coming rookie "Rolf" who complete with wobble board, seemed to grow an extra leg last time out against the Chooks. Will have to avoid the lifting in tackles this time, as the video ref may be watching the replay instead of the Adult Channel on Optus. Trust British Paints?????
4. Todd Byrne V Nigel Vagana - The fact that Coach Stuart has moved "Carpet" back to the centre to bolster the defense indicates the quality of the enforcers missing from the Chooks regular lineup. No slouch himself he has been performing solidly in defense in recent weeks and faces the once prolific tryscorer "No Friends". On the outer with the Bullkebabs for not accepting that his "other job" as an Oasis bricklayer is now void....along with his recent contract offer. Will join fellow Flightless Bird "Free" at St. Girl's Name next season.
5. Steve Skinnon V Hazem El Masri - Former Henson Park Boy and Bluebag making his NRL debut for the Chooks is "Skivvy". A big powerful unit, is capable of playing in the forwards and has speed and weight to match it with anyone in this game. In contrast with his opponent, who was a little unlucky to be duped for an Origin spot by the reselection of duds, "Sir Turnstiles" and "Droppsies" brought about by the moaning from Captain "Pack Horse". "X-Box" is dangerous in the air and a has a radar boot and knows the Bullkebab attack/kicking game well.
6. Brad Fittler V Braith Anasta - Controversy corner here with the dropping of "Chequebook" from the Roach team, replaced by "Spectator" who has a grand tally of 1 game in the 5/8th spot. "The Messiah" will be rallying his depleated Chooks, and his match experience will be valuable as should be his increased workload and contribution. "Chequebook" will definitely be out to prove NSW "Coach Potato Head" wrong but he faces The Lord Almighty to do so.
7. Brett Finch V Brent Sherwin - No excuses this week for "Budgie" as without "Cleo" there to help out, alot of the kicking responsibility will be put on him. Must be spot on to match the resently signed for life "Sherbet", who again will carry his side with the only real effective weapon (besides the referee), his arsey kicking game.
8. Jason Cayless V Mark O'Meley - Oogha Boogha!!!! The biggest load on "Captain Caveman's" young shoulders since winning the local dino raffle at the Paleozoic RSL and carting that leg of Stegosaurus back to the cave. Will need to take it to the Bullkebabs pack in light of the Chooks missing leading Meter Eater "Moondoggie" and defensive sex symbol, "Stud for Life", but his workload of late has been good and should keep it going. His opponent was once Origin forward "Shrek". Regarded as another meter eating oaf, this blockhead has been struggling recently with a string of niggling injuries and hasn't made the impact he once did. The Onion eating Ogre epitomises the Bullkebabs, he even looks like a bulldog.....chewing a wasp.
9. Michael Crocker V Adam Perry - In the starting lineup this week is the mudguts known as "Barry". Looks to be recovered from recent shoulder problems, and is playing hard when coming off the bench at Hooker or second rower. Is having a good season and should take the opportunity to enforce his selection in the starting lineup. He faces the once popular "90210" who had an unhappy game last week, with some options as bad as his early 90s nueve slick back and sides, baseball cap quiff hair do.
10. Todd Payten V Willie Mason - Battle of the do's. "Mullet" has started of late in the number 10, and faces another Bullkebab dropped from rep honours who'll be out there to prove a point. Will need to go hard and try and assert the dominance over the once big and tough, "Golliwog". Still big these days, but the only time he'll show hardness is if you leave him out in the sun for a week like his namesake biscuit. Soft as they come he'll crumble under the pressure of the underestimated Chooks pack, and will show why he was dropped and may join a team that suits his brand of Big Talk No Walk play, The Guppies.
11. Adrian Morley V Glen Hughes - Its a good thing "Pommie Backpacker" doesnt qualify for Shite of Origin, as he'd be the first picked. But he'll still be there smashing and bashing the opposition for the Chooks. Hard as nails, this quietly spoken nutter takes his tea with one sugar, but NO MILK. And what better way to start by cleansing the gene pool of unwanted hybrids like "Dud Clone 1".
12. Ned Catic V Andrew Ryan - Interesting times for the Chooks with the appointment of "Croatian Gippie" to the second row. Should work well with his fellow tradesman "Yak", and the combination of the two will be like a Trade Convention at Darling Harbour. Can handle his tools as well as anyone, but will do a better job for caaaaasssshhh. Faces the only asset left after the fall of the Oasis project, a flat tyred clapped out, used "Bobcat". Apparently had a blinder last time out against the Chooks, even scored a beautiful try from an offside position, but I missed it as I was tuned into the Nature Channel with the video ref.
13. Fred Peterson V Travis Norton - Another NRL debut in the Chooks jersey this week with the promotion of fellow Neanderthal Boy, "Flintstone". Gets his chance to create some serious "rubble". Speaking of wrecks, "Cycle" returns after yet another unscheduled service. Cant stop himself usually due to brake failure, let alone stop the Chooks rollon.
The Bench
Yak V Dud Clone 2
Laxative V Great
Varicose V "Meenie Mynie Mo"
Spiderman V Town
Following the victory over the Static Electricity down at Kambrook Stadium, no less than 7 Chooks have been rewarded for their great efforts over 2002 and thus far in 2003 with Shite of Origin Jerseys. This Friday we see a heavily depleated Chooks take on the Video Ref's favourites, the underachieving Bullkebabs. Have the Reserve grade Chooks got what it takes????
1. Ryan Cross V Luke Patten - "Quentin" is starting to find that confidence with his last couple of appearances indicating as much. With improving defense and the return of that "In and Away", this week he fills in for SOO debutant, "The Moth" in the fullback position, a place he has been unfamiliar with for a couple of seasons. Im not sure how he'll handle the peppering from the Bullkebab halves, but Coach Sticky has "Quentin" taking bombs and grubbers, and is using some techniques to assist "Quentin" transform into the playing style of "The Moth". Old Chalk Bones was seen at training defusing towering kicks with fine grilled sieves strapped over each eye for that extra "Moth Vision" he will require. Was also practicing barking orders to his novices in the backline, when the unusual call came through of "it DOES get in!!" after stepping in a giant puddle. In contrast, "General" is chiefly renowned for his cluttered return kicking and head butting divots in the turf. Not known to be the safest bomb defuser in the game, as his definition of defusing a bomb is pulling the pin on a grenade right before stuffing it in his socks.
2. Lelea Paea V Matt Utai - SOO provides a brief return to the top grade for "Milli Vanilli". Is charged with marking explosive tree trunk legged "A Yellow Ribbon". Should suit the rappin' coconut, as he's been bitchin' to get it on with a fellow homie. If its wet can always "Blame it on The Rain". "A Yellow Ribbon" sealed the victory last time with a last minute effort that caught the Chooks out and will need to be marked like a Hyde Park Urinal. One nugget deserves the other so this should be a beaut matchup.
3. Eric Grothe V Ben Harris - The long awaited return of "Lil' Guru" again filling in for Origin bound "The Mouth". Has been out of sorts and struggling for consistency due to a combo of injuries, and laziness, but hopefully can produce some powerhouse form....c'mon son, do it for dad. Facing the up and coming rookie "Rolf" who complete with wobble board, seemed to grow an extra leg last time out against the Chooks. Will have to avoid the lifting in tackles this time, as the video ref may be watching the replay instead of the Adult Channel on Optus. Trust British Paints?????
4. Todd Byrne V Nigel Vagana - The fact that Coach Stuart has moved "Carpet" back to the centre to bolster the defense indicates the quality of the enforcers missing from the Chooks regular lineup. No slouch himself he has been performing solidly in defense in recent weeks and faces the once prolific tryscorer "No Friends". On the outer with the Bullkebabs for not accepting that his "other job" as an Oasis bricklayer is now void....along with his recent contract offer. Will join fellow Flightless Bird "Free" at St. Girl's Name next season.
5. Steve Skinnon V Hazem El Masri - Former Henson Park Boy and Bluebag making his NRL debut for the Chooks is "Skivvy". A big powerful unit, is capable of playing in the forwards and has speed and weight to match it with anyone in this game. In contrast with his opponent, who was a little unlucky to be duped for an Origin spot by the reselection of duds, "Sir Turnstiles" and "Droppsies" brought about by the moaning from Captain "Pack Horse". "X-Box" is dangerous in the air and a has a radar boot and knows the Bullkebab attack/kicking game well.
6. Brad Fittler V Braith Anasta - Controversy corner here with the dropping of "Chequebook" from the Roach team, replaced by "Spectator" who has a grand tally of 1 game in the 5/8th spot. "The Messiah" will be rallying his depleated Chooks, and his match experience will be valuable as should be his increased workload and contribution. "Chequebook" will definitely be out to prove NSW "Coach Potato Head" wrong but he faces The Lord Almighty to do so.
7. Brett Finch V Brent Sherwin - No excuses this week for "Budgie" as without "Cleo" there to help out, alot of the kicking responsibility will be put on him. Must be spot on to match the resently signed for life "Sherbet", who again will carry his side with the only real effective weapon (besides the referee), his arsey kicking game.
8. Jason Cayless V Mark O'Meley - Oogha Boogha!!!! The biggest load on "Captain Caveman's" young shoulders since winning the local dino raffle at the Paleozoic RSL and carting that leg of Stegosaurus back to the cave. Will need to take it to the Bullkebabs pack in light of the Chooks missing leading Meter Eater "Moondoggie" and defensive sex symbol, "Stud for Life", but his workload of late has been good and should keep it going. His opponent was once Origin forward "Shrek". Regarded as another meter eating oaf, this blockhead has been struggling recently with a string of niggling injuries and hasn't made the impact he once did. The Onion eating Ogre epitomises the Bullkebabs, he even looks like a bulldog.....chewing a wasp.
9. Michael Crocker V Adam Perry - In the starting lineup this week is the mudguts known as "Barry". Looks to be recovered from recent shoulder problems, and is playing hard when coming off the bench at Hooker or second rower. Is having a good season and should take the opportunity to enforce his selection in the starting lineup. He faces the once popular "90210" who had an unhappy game last week, with some options as bad as his early 90s nueve slick back and sides, baseball cap quiff hair do.
10. Todd Payten V Willie Mason - Battle of the do's. "Mullet" has started of late in the number 10, and faces another Bullkebab dropped from rep honours who'll be out there to prove a point. Will need to go hard and try and assert the dominance over the once big and tough, "Golliwog". Still big these days, but the only time he'll show hardness is if you leave him out in the sun for a week like his namesake biscuit. Soft as they come he'll crumble under the pressure of the underestimated Chooks pack, and will show why he was dropped and may join a team that suits his brand of Big Talk No Walk play, The Guppies.
11. Adrian Morley V Glen Hughes - Its a good thing "Pommie Backpacker" doesnt qualify for Shite of Origin, as he'd be the first picked. But he'll still be there smashing and bashing the opposition for the Chooks. Hard as nails, this quietly spoken nutter takes his tea with one sugar, but NO MILK. And what better way to start by cleansing the gene pool of unwanted hybrids like "Dud Clone 1".
12. Ned Catic V Andrew Ryan - Interesting times for the Chooks with the appointment of "Croatian Gippie" to the second row. Should work well with his fellow tradesman "Yak", and the combination of the two will be like a Trade Convention at Darling Harbour. Can handle his tools as well as anyone, but will do a better job for caaaaasssshhh. Faces the only asset left after the fall of the Oasis project, a flat tyred clapped out, used "Bobcat". Apparently had a blinder last time out against the Chooks, even scored a beautiful try from an offside position, but I missed it as I was tuned into the Nature Channel with the video ref.
13. Fred Peterson V Travis Norton - Another NRL debut in the Chooks jersey this week with the promotion of fellow Neanderthal Boy, "Flintstone". Gets his chance to create some serious "rubble". Speaking of wrecks, "Cycle" returns after yet another unscheduled service. Cant stop himself usually due to brake failure, let alone stop the Chooks rollon.
The Bench
Yak V Dud Clone 2
Laxative V Great
Varicose V "Meenie Mynie Mo"
Spiderman V Town
