LeagueNut (Panthers)
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I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse
Dear Mr Grant,
I know you’re a busy man these days with the new Commission taking up a lot of your time so I’ll try to keep this brief.
Rugby League needs more money. Any fool can see that – the shameless way the game is whored out for every possible income stream has made it a laughing stock.
This shameless whoring, inevitably I suppose, has now attracted the attention of some bigshot Hollywood type producers who see this game as the next big cash cow to be milked in multiplexes all around the country – and even the world.
Therefore I’d like to offer my services in a consultant capacity to make sure Rugby League makes as many dollars as possible. Rugby League has a chequered history of big screen dealings but my fantastic ideas are each well worth the investment it would take – each movie idea a potential blockbuster. You can just picture the crowds rolling in…
Kill Bill: A murder thriller focused on the NRL’s unofficial 17th team – those men in pink. It unravels as a classic “whodunit” tale where the identity of the killer is completely secret until the final credits are just about to role. You’ll be cecchin your closet every night before going to bed…
How To Train Your Dragon: A nearly washed-up nobody with delusions of grandeur finds a Dragon that’s fallen on hard times. The Dragon just wants to reclaim its position at the top of the food chain but the comically inept “Coach” (played beautifully by Rob Schnieder) ends up unintentionally thwarting his own efforts at every turn.
The Princess Bride: The beautiful story of a fragile little princess that gets to live her dream – by playing in the second row for NSW. You’ll laugh and cry as she tries to instigate a brawl in the last few minutes of an Origin clash only to backpedal away at the speed of light.
Double Indemnity: A political / legal thriller set amongst the murky world of player contracts, cheating club officials and incompetent managers higher up the food chain. You’d think it would be easy to prove Player J was receiving two salaries from two different contracts at the same time, and our heroes have a remarkably hard time trying to convince anyone that they were innocent parties in all of this – but will they escape punishment?
Cronulla Sharks And The Holy Grail (a.k.a The Neverending Story): It’s the feel-good story of the summer – the handicapped sports team that just can’t quite crack it for the elusive championship prize. You’ll have tears of happiness welling up inside as you watch them fall at the last hurdle again, and again, and again, and maybe even again.
Raging Bull: A sombre tail of a lonely man who becomes progressively older and significantly less hairy. He’s just trying to make a buck after getting too old, bitter and twisted – will his complete lack of tact, knowledge and humour stand in the way of the rest of the team coming up?
Once Upon A Time In The West: A tale of camaraderie amongst the war. Three competing Lords join forces to crush the spirit of the latest interloper, although on closer inspection it turns out there is no threat and you can continue to work as normal. This new threat is no more stressful than seeing your half-disabled fourth cousin in a wheelchair trying to shoot hoops.
Strangers On A Train: A beautiful love story unfolds between two young thugs who take time out from pointless vandalism and petty crime on city trains until they bump into each other on the way to the footy.
One Swam Into The Eels Nest: A small time wannabe “Rock Star” ruffles some feathers when he arrives at his new club only to find he’s inadvertently landed in a genuine nuthouse with a bunch of mentally geniused footy players. There’s only one way out, and it ain’t pretty…
So there you go – each one a potential classic. They would all leave the possibility of a sequel up in the air (Kill Bill – Volume Two has a nice ring to it) and the merchandising sales would be through the roof. What better way to make money for the great game? – obviously providing you can put these so called “athletes” through a bit of acting training first.
Thank you for your consideration.
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737 words
Source:
http://www.imdb.com/chart/top