I wondered that today when my teenage daughter came home beside herself after she refereed an under 9s game. She said a child tripped over his own feet and stayed down. A male ran onto the field and yelled at my daughter; "You're a f$&g shit ref. I should have refereed this game. ". The child got to his feet and continued the full game with no issues.
When my daughter first told me this she still very upset. I wrongly said to my daughter that it comes with the territory. Unfortunately we live in a society today with people who have no integrity and will intimidate and verbally abuse others including young children without any consideration to how that behaviour affects the person they are directing it to. I did later correct myself and say to my daughter I'm sorry that man spoke to you that way, it is wrong and unacceptable. It has been reported and hopefully there will be some recourse for this person.
Two weeks ago at an under 14 game a coach verbally abused the young ref throughout the whole game. The language again incorporated the F word plus other such words. He could be herd yelling out at the ref from the other side of the field and it was obvious it was intimidating the young boy. Afterwards I couldn't help hearing a parent excusing the behaviour; "Oh that's just him"
Belta, I am very sorry for what your daughter experienced. I know that you will do all you can to encourage and counsel her. I have no experience of refereeing Rugby League though was a Rugby ref through my teens and early 20s when society was much more polite. But now in my 60s I have been a cricket umpire for more than a decade and it it is from that experience I would like to offer your daughter a perspective:
1. Only officiate if you recognise and can accept that you will make mistakes whether through human error or being unsighted.
2. Know the Laws of the Game/Comp as well as you can to minimise errors.
3. Grab any opportunity to help you improve your performance.
4. Take pride in the fact that you are providing the best possible experience for the players - obviously 34 at senior level, don't know the number in U/9s - and know that this is probably their most favoured time in the week. It may be your best opportunity to have a positive impact too.
5. Understand that parents can be even more volatile than Dragons' supporters. Many will be great people and appreciate your efforts but others will look for any excuse other than their own child's performance.
6. Know the process for reporting players or abusive spectators.
7. When you put on your Ref's uniform consider yourself a valued member of a group with a long tradition of valuable service to the community.
The hardest thing I have found as an umpire in dealing with abuse is when you have doubts about a decision you have made. But with experience comes greater confidence and competence in decision-making. With that comes a stronger pride in your performance and the strength to face abuse and recognise it as a problem on the part of the abuser not the official.
