Wedding manners

[Wizardman]

A couple of things I want to discuss here.

1st....a person I know is in the process or organising a wedding. The lady wants to have this particular wedding where the costs are about $80 a head. They have decided to charge the guests that they are inviting to their own wedding. Am I on another planet or is this the most ridiculous idea ever regarding weddings? Im not being a tight ass here. I would not want to pay even $10.
My theory is that you are celebrating your big day and that you should not be expecting your guests to chip in...I certainly would not expect family and friends to do such a thing.

2nd...I get mildly annoyed when a couple asks guests to give them money instead of gifts. I consider it quite rude to do so. A mate of mine even put it on their engagement party invite. Needless to say, I made myself busy that evening.

Am I right in these beliefs or am I off the mark?

 

[Parra]

Right both times.

 

[Misanthrope]

I've been to a wedding where the couple getting married asked us to pay for our own meals etc, but we were all poor ESL teachers in Korea - so we understood.

We just made the cost of attending the weather our gift to them. If you're going to charge people to come - that's fine - but don't expect them to also give you a gift. That's just being greedy.;

And I don't think asking for money instead of a gift is a problem. We're in a pretty affluent society. I don't know many people who are getting married who don't already own plenty of stuff.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

1st one is a bit steep. 2nd one I always give money. I think it is more beneficial for them as they can put it towards what they need to get their lives together started, as opposed to getting multiple copies of the same homeware gifts.

 

[dogslife]

Unless I was really close to the people getting married, I just wouldn't go if they asked me to pay my own way. I think this couple are going to find that out too.

Asking for money instead of gifts happens all the time though, you can only fill your house with so much shit, and money could always go towards the cost of the wedding or the honeymoon

 

[KeepingTheFaith]

Absolutely agree with no 1, not so much number 2. I'm probably biased though because we had a wishing well at our wedding. When the house is fully furnished a load of random gifts really doesn't help you as much as a bit of cash.

We didn't do it for our engagement though, and even told people we don't care about engagement gifts, just come by and have a party (some bought gifts anyway.)

Our wedding was only $40 a head I think and that was more food than people could eat in a lovely outdoor country setting. $80 a head sounds a bit over the top to me, and charging other people sounds like wanting everything but getting everyone else to pay the cost.

 

[soc123_au]

I don't have a drama with either. I will usually give cash instead of a gift anyway. Much better than the 10 sets of champagne glasses that turn up on most gift tables that have been doing the rounds since 1975.

I would also pay a "per head price" to go to the wedding of someone I was close to. Then maybe reduce the cash I would have given them anyway. If it was a prick relation I didn't like I just wouldn't go.

 

[Wizardman]

Some people here are missing the point. The THEORY of telling people what to give you is what I find off. Gifts / money should not even be in people's heads when planning a wedding / engagement. Get what you are given.

You are celebrating your union. Expecting people to fork out for your special day is just plain wrong.

 

[BunniesMan]

1st point is fair enough.

2nd point, I'm 100% with the wedding couple. When I have a wedding one day it's what I'm doing. It's illogical for a guest to be willing to spend X money on a gift just for the couple to end up with 5 toasters when they already have one, but then not willing to spend the same amount on giving the couple cash if that's what will do them so much more good as they build their life together.

I'm all for cash wedding gifts, I hope it becomes the accepted norm in the future.

 

[urban eel]

no drama with giving cash. most people are marrying later and in already established households

asking for cash to fund their own extravagance is a bit rude.they should consider downsizing or inviting less people


and i have no idea why i am posting my opinions in here

 

[Wizardman]

1st point is fair enough.

2nd point, I'm 100% with the wedding couple. When I have a wedding one day it's what I'm doing. It's illogical for a guest to be willing to spend X money on a gift just for the couple to end up with 5 toasters when they already have one, but then not willing to spend the same amount on giving the couple cash if that's what will do them so much more good as they build their life together.

I'm all for cash wedding gifts, I hope it becomes the accepted norm in the future.

When you marry Phil Hughes, I'll give you a "Shane Warne Spin Kit" so you can teach your husband how to play spin.

 

[HowHigh]

How much money do you think is enough to put in the card?
Last wedding I gave $100, wondering if I can get away with $50? lol

As for the original post, asking guests to pay to come is stupid imo. If you can't afford such a huge wedding then don't have one like that. I'm happy to give money as a gift but not pay for the 'privilege' of attending the wedding. It's the principal.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

$100 is fair I reckon

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Some people here are missing the point. The THEORY of telling people what to give you is what I find off. Gifts / money should not even be in people's heads when planning a wedding / engagement. Get what you are given.

You are celebrating your union. Expecting people to fork out for your special day is just plain wrong.

Whenever Ive had an invite, there often is some poem or phrase which basically says "we dont want gifts, but if you are cash is preferred".

 

[HowHigh]

If i get invited to a wedding I don't want to go to or don't particularly like the people getting married I'd definitely give them a toaster.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

If i get invited to a wedding I don't want to go to or don't particularly like the people getting married I'd definitely give them a toaster.

From Kmart?

 

[HowHigh]

I'd try Woolworths or Aldi first

 

[Parra]

If you need the cash then don't piss you dad's money away on a rip-off wedding.

FFS people are f**king dumb.

 

[Dragon2010]

1) You're right 100%. Pay to go to a wedding. It's not a special function dinner for charity. It's a wedding, guests should not have to pay. If they can't afford it that's their loss. Either downsize, get a personal loan or get their parents to help find it. If I had to pay to go to a wedding I simply wouldn't go. That's a joke. Might as well charge people to attend birthday parties for food/drinks, kitchen teas for the tea bags and so forth.

2) Somewhat their choice, if it's money they desire then so be it. Tell them to use a myer gift registry. That way they get what they want. No f up's, no doubles and they choose what they want.

Call me crazy. But I reckon they're conning their guests. $80 per person and money as a gift? I reckon they're trying to scab money. For all you know price could be ~$65 and they're being stingy. Seen it been done before.

 

[butchmcdick]

I am happy to pay for my own meal etc at a wedding if there is no present expected

Why should the bride and groom have to pay for every man and their dog to stuff themselves ? If figure I would pay $80 for a present anyway so it is pretty cost neutral for me

As for the wishing well idea that is cool with me too

I think $100 is about right