Hutty sprints onto the field for the Dragons as the crowd (in his head) roars its approval.
2013: what happens next?
I know my Rugby League.
I’m a brilliant tipster, a wizard at Fantasy NRL and with a dash of talent and a hint of size, I probably would have played 300-plus first grade games. Plus, my knees, back and shoulders aren’t real good.
The time I tipped an incredible 28 consecutive matches at the back-end of the 2005 season is etched permanently into the history books (I personally think they need to start typing them up instead of carving them into stone, but I’m sure it’s something the Commission will be looking into). I once even had Brett Morris as my Fantasy NRL captain the week he got over 100 points. That equates to over 200 points from just one player.
Yep, I’m that bloody good.
Now, my devoted fans and avid readers, it’s time for Hutty to lend his expert eye over the rest of the 2013 season. Who’s good, who’s bad? Which side is even worse than bad? (Well that’s easy; Parramatta). Some haters have claimed I am a little bit too biased towards the St George Illawarra Dragons, so to appease those narrow-minded fools, I will be leaving the Saints out of my magical predictions. So strap yourselves in and get ready to feel the G’s.
Once that’s done, take off your seatbelt and read my fearless predictions.
The contenders:
Melbourne Storm: Who’d have thought that a side led by an accountant and a jockey would be favourites to win the premiership? Throw into the mix a doofus like Jason Ryles and you wonder how the blokes in purple could win any games at all! But win they do, and win plenty more they will (Will I continue to write like Yoda? Not sure.)
Manly Sea Eagles: Their halfback might look like he should be wearing thick black-rimmed glasses ironically in a café somewhere, but the ‘Seagles’ mean business. Also, I hope Steve Matai gets a haircut like this:
Sydney Roosters: SBW, MJ, JM, JWH. LOL, FMD there’s some talent in this side! The latte-sippers can defend too. Remains to be seen if the poor coffee available at Telstra Stadium would hurt the Chooks’ hopes on grand final day.
South Sydney Rabbitohs: With Rusty at the helm (or still heavily involved, or maybe the club is too afraid to tell him to p*ss off), the Bunnies should have no shortage of telecommunications devices available in between games. I’m too classy to imply that Souths’ fans are toothless bogans with a life-long affiliation with Centrelink, so I won’t.
Who’s next in line after the ‘big 4’?
Newcastle Knights: Despite the controversy caused by Wayne Bennett cranking ‘Oh When the Saints’ on the PA at Hunter Stadium when he arrived at the club in early 2012, the locals have really warmed to Clint Eastwood’s surly cousin. Strong forward pack and Gidley is always a chance of getting injured, so that should help too.
Brisbane Broncos: Plenty thought the Broncos would struggle when old Laramie-voice Locky retired, but the ‘give it to Hodgo’ mantra seems to be working a treat so far this season. Also, do you remember Scott Minto? He had a funny face.
North Queensland Cowboys: Another side with more big names than an Indian phone book, the Cowboys will be lasso-ing plenty of opponents come year’s end, plus any other rodeo/horse-riding reference you may care to use.
Thanks for coming:
For there to be genuine title contenders to show off their dominance, there has to be some putrid sides for them to use as cannon fodder. Here are a couple of prime examples.
Wests Tigers: Benji’s struggling, thousands of injuries and rumours abound that Robbie Farah can’t even cook. There are some serious issues here. The existence of Tim Moltzen (in any capacity at the club) continues to be a huge concern.
Parramatta Eels: Coached by an angry little bloke that once claimed his New South Wales Blues would be ‘happy to win one game’ in a THREE-GAME SERIES. When your coach has an attitude like that, no wonder the players would rather be at Woolies on game day. To be fair, Woolworths has an excellent bakery section, but that’s probably beside the point here.
So there you have it, the man once voted ‘most likely to succeed’ (by himself) has had his say.
But what’s that you ask? Name the premiers?
I say load up on the side that scores more points on grand final day.
You’re welcome.
748 words, including title
References:
· http://manlycurls.com/blog_new/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/high-top-fade-black-men-haircuts-kinky-curly-hair.jpeg