Marshall Magic on for Souffs
The New Head of the Dragon
Over the past few hours several candidates have been interviewed by Doust to take over from Steve Price as the Dragons coach. I've been given some transcripts to help make provide clarity of who may take the reigns. I've also been told that Pricey copped the decision to sack him on the chin (actually, there is no confirmation of this, I just wanted to get a chin joke in there).
Candidate 1, Ricky Stuart
Doust: Welcome Ricky, why do you want this job?
Stuart: I think my job in Canberra is completed.
Doust: Really? In all seriousness I find this tough to believe, the Raiders are sitting 14th on the ladder.
Stuart: Look, the refs don't give us a chance, we get hammered every week by them, they just don't like us. Also look at our last game against the Cowboys, we trashed them without Josh Papalii who is in origin camp, that's a huge effort. The boys just try so hard every week and the results haven't been showing that.
Doust: To be fair Ricky, the Cowboys also have players in origin camp.
Ricky: Well that's not an excuse, anyway, I am the reason Tamou is now an origin player, I picked him there to begin with, so it was still good work by me.
Doust: Okay, if you get the job what is your first action?
Ricky: Benji, he's a good player, but he left the Tigers whilst under contract, I would sit down with him and talk to him about loyalty, he needs to hear it from a loyal guy like me.
Doust: Okay, thanks for coming in Ricky, don't call me, I'll call you.
Ricky: Of course you will.
Candidate 2, Tim Sheens
Doust: Welcome Tim, how's it going?
Sheens: I'm good thank you.
Doust: No problem, why do you want the job?
Sheens: Well I've learnt a lot in my current position about coaching and...
Doust: Coaching the Australian team?
Sheens: No, at the Tigers, I get paid to come in and think about how I can coach a side and I've come up with some good ideas.
Doust: Enlighten me please Tim.
Sheens: Well you know how teams stack their bench with forwards, I think I'll stack mine with backs, let my forwards go 80, and we'll play the game out wide. Other teams won't be able to keep up as they won't have backs on the bench to rotate.
Doust: That seems very much out of left field.
Sheens: Gus doesn't call me Shifty Sheens for nothing, I'm noted for doing things differently.
Doust: Can you work with Benji Marshall again?
Sheens: Of course, I just have to play him at lock, he will kill it there, he has some of the skills of a good lock, and other skills that most locks don't have, it's a genius play, he will be unstoppable.
Doust: Thank you for your time Tim, I'll be in touch.
Candidate 3: Wayne Bennett
Doust: Wayne, do you want to coach the Dragons again?
Doust: Only a maybe?
Doust: Okay, well lets go with that, how would you handle a troublesome player like Dugan?
Bennett: Won't play him
Doust: Really, then who is your fullback?
Doust: Are you sure he'd come back?
Doust: Who else would come back?
Doust: Okay, thanks Wayne, I'll be in touch
Candidate 4: Phil Gould
Doust: Welcome Gus, after years out of coaching why would you be a good fit here?
Gould: I know football
Doust: Are you that confident?
Gould: Yeah, I know the game better than anybody. Would you argue with that?
Doust: You have a very impressive resume, I'll give you that.
Gould: Impressive, name 5 people with better resumes.
Doust: I am supposed to be asking you the questions!
Gould: That's not a question.
Doust: I know but....
Gould: Deary deary me
Doust: Will you step down in your post as Panthers GM if we offer you this job?
Gould: No no no no no.
Doust: Will you resign from commentary duties?
Doust: Can you balance it all whilst still giving the Dragons your best efforts.
Gould: Look at my resume, it's flawless, now make the decision.
Doust: Thanks for your time Gus.
Gould: I'll be expecting your call tomorrow.