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94: Superthread XVII

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DB

First Grade
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6,400
wow I feel like such sh*t.

My girlfriend and I were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. So I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go the cops or anything. So later I went home and broke down in tears.. My mom came in the room and when she heard about the story she got scared and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror if anything i can say that this cab was rare but i thought "nah yo homes to bel air!" I pulled up to a house for about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my thrown as the prince of bel air.
 

Didgi

Moderator
Messages
17,260
About a bridge? Or about mah hawt ass chick?

Buzz_Killington.jpg
 

Didgi

Moderator
Messages
17,260
Was trolling an AFL forum earlier, found these:

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Eddie was at school one morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry etc, but Eddie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Eddie aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Edward, "He plays football for Carlton but I was just too embarrassed to say."
AFL Season Cancelled!

Newsflash!

It is likely that the AFL competition will have to be cancelled. Under the new Anti Terrorism Laws the Bombers are banned, the new IR legislation rules out the Dockers and the asian bird flu epidemic is wrecking havoc with the Crows, Eagles, Hawks, Magpies and Swans.

Any transfers to the Cats, Lions, Dogs and Tigers must now be quarantined for at least 12 months. Religious vilification laws mean that no one can legally barrack for the Demons or the Saints.
What does a Tasmanian virgin & the Richmond football club have in common?

They are both gunna get f@&$dd by cousins.
 

Didgi

Moderator
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17,260
Richmond Football Club players have all been
given cigarette lighters .... because they have
lost all their matches.

What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I'll have fries with that.

Q: What's the difference between a firefighter and the Melbourne Football Club.
A: A fireman climbs a ladder.


If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?

...Because it's probably your bicycle
----------
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Collingwood supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty dollar note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
A man with tickets to the AFL Grand Final finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says. "The seat is empty."

"That's incredible", said the stranger. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the AFL Grand Final and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Grand Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral
 

Didgi

Moderator
Messages
17,260
Fkn nub goalie let in 4 goals wifout moving his hands :? :x Tbf we were fielding 10 men and missing 2 best players and goalie.
 

Bazal

Post Whore
Messages
99,977
Go you 'Tahs!

Pretty stuffed, sleeping on a mattress on the floor, can't wait to just move and be done with it.
 
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