Best 'Family Guy' ever!

[Knightmare]

Surely I'm not the only person here who loves Seth McFarlane's creation 'The Family Guy'. I want to hear everyone else's favorites, can be what they think is the best episode, the best lines, the best character, anything. Fire away! Giggity giggity giggity, alllllright!

 

[Paullyboy]

"say, have you ladies ever been penetrated? ha,ha,ha all riiiight!"

I almost choked on whatever it was I was eating at the time when I heard that line, I laughed so freakin hard.

 

[Phillips]

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World

 

[Samwise]

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!



Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.




Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.




Social worker: "Glen honey, I got a question for you. What do you do for a living?
Quagmire: "I got a question for you. Why are you still here?"




Quagmire: "Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side."
Woman (man voice) : "Sure."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off! Wait a minute...pre-op or post-op?"
Woman: "Pre-op."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off!"




Lois Griffin: This can be a great opportunity for you and Stewie to bond.
Peter Griffin: Bond ... James Bond. I'll do it.

 

[Phillips]

Chris: Dad, what would you say if I told I didn't want to be in the Scouts?
Peter: I'd say, 'Come again?' and I'd laugh as I said, 'Come.'

Peter: I got no idea how to be black ... y'know, except for not smiling when I get my picture taken.

[Peter and Lois are dumbfounded after they find Brian masturbating]
Lois: Was he just ...
Peter: Do ... do I rub his nose in it?

Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait a second. You're tellin' me that I came all the way to Kentucky to get some of your fried chicken, and the Colonel isn't even workin' today?!?

 

[Phillips]

How do you know my language?

 

[Sun_Down]

The episode where he goes hunting with his son, the remembes how it took so many go's to pass grade 4(?).

Okay you have now passed
Gee thanks, now I have to go hunting with my son


That was f'n hilarious!

 

[shadow grinder]

the episode where peter has to be drunk to play the piano ...when the cops catch him at the party drinking...and says "look , run!" then the cops run and then peter and lois stay standing....mauahahahahaha...




Peter: Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no tv? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that one time when I was 19.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

 

[Everlovin' Antichrist]

Peter: Hey kids, you know that birthday present you always wanted but didn't get?

Chris: A Bike?

Meg: A Pony?

Stewie: A Dead Lois?

 

[Sir Biffo]

Auctioneer: Our first item is a set of panties taken from a prostitute.
Quagmire: 50 bucks
Auctioneer: She had nine STD's
Quagmire: 45 bucks
Auctioneer: When we caught her she wet herself
Quagmire: 50 bucks

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted cause I've been up all night drinking.


Crazy old newspaper guy (To Chris): I got some candy here for you, its in my pocket, but my arthritis is playing up so you'll have to reach in and grab it
Crazy old newspaper guy (To Chris): Do you like popsicles? Because I have a whole freezer full of popsicles in my basement.

 

[Red Bear]

Love that show

Missile goes through roof
Quagmire - To answer your question something like that

Peter - Hey chris whats up with your leg? Oh My God thats not your leg!


Death - Imagine a world where Hitler wasnt alive today
Today on Hitler we will be talking to Hollywood heart throb Christian Slater...

Brian(when talking about Peter n alcahol) - And remember the time you had that Irish Cofee before we went n saw Philadelphia
Peter - *claps hands* The guy from Big, Tom Hanks, funny guy, everything he says is funny
Tom Hanks - I have AIDS
Peter - ahahaha


The best bit i reckon is the episode where Meg gets the meat thrown at her when she is the flag girl, then Stewie throws meat at her and she runs out crying
"Come talk to me sometime honey, i know what it takes to be cool"
And then rocketman

 

[Booyah]

I love Family guy. Where to start with my favorite lines?

One that sticks out for me was when Peter was above the law because he ceded from the US and made his own country.

'Just like the bad guy, in lethal weapon 2, I've got diplomatic immunity!...'

 

[fat_mike]

stewie and peter are classics but one moment that i pissed myself laughing over was when brian was somewhere panting and a women looks at him all disgusted. brians line was hilarious. " Don't flatter yourself lady, i havent got any sweat glands"

cant wait to see the new series 4 that is killing it in the states at the moment.

 

[Godz Illa]

Currently the best show on TV imo. Better than The Simpsons and South Park. Rather than choose just one quote, I'm gonna post this link for your enjoyment.

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/

 

[Knightmare]

PETER: Okey, who would you all have sex with if you weren't married?
QUAGMIRE: Taylor Hanson!
CLEVELAND: Uhhh....Taylor Hanson is a guy...
QUAGMIRE: Uh huh, uh huh yeah, really funny guys, let's pull one over on the old Quagmire by pretending Taylor Hanson isn't a chick!
PETER: No it's true, Taylor Hanson is a guy, even I know that!
QUAGMIRE: What are you serious?.....Oh no! Oh God no! All those magazines I've got and.....NOOOOOO!!!

(In the office at Peter's work, there's Peter, his boss and a ball-busting career woman)
MISS IRONBOX: Mr Griffin I'm Miss Gloria Ironbox from the Women's Coalition. Sarah Mcallister is filing a lawsuit against you for sexual harrassment.
PETER: Sarah......Sarah?.........Oh, is that the one we videotaped taking a dump!?

CLEVELAND: Peter, we couldn't be your friends and not come with you.
PETER: Ohh thanks guys, you don't have to!
QUAGMIRE: Well Peter, I can remember a time when you saved all our asses...
(Flashback, there's a redneck guy and a Police Officer with no trousers on, Cleveland and Quagmire are bound, gagged and bent over a desk with their pants down. Suddenly Peter busts into the room with a samurai sword and kills the redneck and the Policeman.)
PETER: Oh yeah. I'm sorry I didn't get there until after the sodomy!

 

[NZ Warrior]

PETER: Okey, who would you all have sex with if you weren't married?
QUAGMIRE: Taylor Hanson!
CLEVELAND: Uhhh....Taylor Hanson is a guy...
QUAGMIRE: Uh huh, uh huh yeah, really funny guys, let's pull one over on the old Quagmire by pretending Taylor Hanson isn't a chick!
PETER: No it's true, Taylor Hanson is a guy, even I know that!
QUAGMIRE: What are you serious?.....Oh no! Oh God no! All those magazines I've got and.....NOOOOOO!!!!

That was gold!!!

 

[Meanie]

PETER: I'm gonna jump of that tall building!
CLEVELAND: Could you please repeat that again? I believe I had something crazy in my ear.
QUAGMIRE: Wait hold the phone! You took me away from a Swedish girlie girl and her paralysed but trusting cousin for this?

GIRL: Stewie, come complete our rainbow!
STEWIE: I've got a better idea, why don't we play 'Swallow the stuff under the sink?'

TRICIA TAKANAWA: "I'm standing in the bedroom of Judy and Glen Issac: 10 years married and still in love. What's their secret? Judy has an inoperable brain tumor the size of my fist, and that just happens to be Glen's fetish."

DIANE SIMMONS: "Our top story tonight, I will be playing Anna in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I. Tom."
TOM TUCKER: "Thanks Diane, In other news, I wont be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy."
DIANE SIMMONS: "Tom, I am getting word that you are a petty jealous closet case."
TOM TUCKER: "In a bit of breaking news, We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?"

PETER: Ok kids, I don't want any of you swimming unless there's a lifeguard on duty *Laughs* Ahaha Duty... *Laughs* Ahaha diarrhea
*Lois walks out with iced tea*
PETER: Hey Lois, diarrhea
LOIS: *Laughs* ahaha Peter I'm holding iced tea!

[Family is trying to hide from mobsters.]
Peter: "Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... Arguments..."
[Meanwhile, in England.]
Englishman: "I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?"
Jeremy: "Why yes, I daresay it is."
Englishman: "Oh, let's get him!"
[They drive up.]
Englishman: "Oh Reginald!... I disagree!"
[speeds off]

 

[Sun_Down]

PETER: Okey, who would you all have sex with if you weren't married?
QUAGMIRE: Taylor Hanson!
CLEVELAND: Uhhh....Taylor Hanson is a guy...
QUAGMIRE: Uh huh, uh huh yeah, really funny guys, let's pull one over on the old Quagmire by pretending Taylor Hanson isn't a chick!
PETER: No it's true, Taylor Hanson is a guy, even I know that!
QUAGMIRE: What are you serious?.....Oh no! Oh God no! All those magazines I've got and.....NOOOOOO!!!

That episode was hilarious

 

[Red Bear]

Peter - Gays don't vommit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France

 

[Red Bear]

Brian: Peter, are you sure, you've never had much luck telling jokes.
[Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns]
Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
[Apes c**k shotguns]