Misty Bee
First Grade
- Messages
- 7,082
Act 1, Scene 1. Jack Gibson is preparing the Eels for the 1981 grand final v Newtown, when he recieves a helpful phone call.....
BBBRRRRRRRIIING
JACK: Hello.
BRIAN: Hello, is that Jack Gibson?
JACK: Yes it is
BRIAN: Hi Jack. My name is Brian Smith. I'm a lower grade coach with Souths, and an avid student of the game. I have some thoughts on a game plan for Parra for the grand final. if you are interested.
JACK: OK. What are they?
BRIAN: Well, first, you need to confuse Newtown, so I'd be changing the backs.
JACK: Yeah, how?
BRIAN: Well, is Guru 100% fit
JACK, Well, er, not really, he was a tad lethargic at training, but that's normal.
BRIAN: I wouldn't use him. Who is your slowest and biggest mistake ridden back?
JACK: Ummm.....Phil Mann?
BRIAN: Good. Play him at 2. Then you need to make sure the Crow isn't there. Yell and scream at him or something, and send him back to the bush to pull beers. He has no heart, remember the missed kick in 77? Get rid of him, Jack.
JACK: Errr.....and if we do that, what then?
BRIAN: Tell Brett Kenny that he's got 15 minutes to get the side a big lead. Then hook him.
JACK: Hook Bert?
BRIAN: Yep.
JACK: Then who do I play at 5/8????
BRIAN: Pricey
JACK: *long pause* Are you a resident of Callum Park, by any chance?
BRIAN: No, I'm in Wollongong, breathing in the clean frsh air from the Steelworks. Anyway, back to the side...
JACK, So you'd replace Brett Kenny with Ray Price. So, who locks the scrums?
BRIAN: That's the beauty of the plan. Price locks the scrums, but plays 5/8 in general play, so he can make 50 tackles!
JACK: So, who is 5/8 at the scrums?
BRIAN: Steve Sharp!
JACK: Steve bloody Sharp????
BRIAN: Yep!
JACK: So, you telling me that in the last 20 minutes of the game, when Sterlo needs to backline to fire, his link man is Steve Sharp????
BRIAN: No, not quite.
JACK: Huh?
BRIAN: You see, this is the masterstroke. After 50 minutes, you haul off Sterlo.
JACK: And who do I replace him with?
BRIAN: Isn't it obvious? Bob O'Reilly!
JACK: Replace Sterlo with Bear? Why on earth would I do that????
BRIAN: So it's harder for Tommy Raudonikis to run around you halfback!
JACK: *pauses for a moment - gathering his words* Look, mate, thanks for the advice, but I'll go my own way, if it's all the same to you...
BRIAN: But you'd be nuts not to use it. It's the best game plan ever!
JACK: Well, my advice to you would be to save it until YOU are the coach of Parra. Use it in, say, round 25, 2004. OK?
BRIAN: OK, I'll do just that!
And the rest, as they say, is history!
BBBRRRRRRRIIING
JACK: Hello.
BRIAN: Hello, is that Jack Gibson?
JACK: Yes it is
BRIAN: Hi Jack. My name is Brian Smith. I'm a lower grade coach with Souths, and an avid student of the game. I have some thoughts on a game plan for Parra for the grand final. if you are interested.
JACK: OK. What are they?
BRIAN: Well, first, you need to confuse Newtown, so I'd be changing the backs.
JACK: Yeah, how?
BRIAN: Well, is Guru 100% fit
JACK, Well, er, not really, he was a tad lethargic at training, but that's normal.
BRIAN: I wouldn't use him. Who is your slowest and biggest mistake ridden back?
JACK: Ummm.....Phil Mann?
BRIAN: Good. Play him at 2. Then you need to make sure the Crow isn't there. Yell and scream at him or something, and send him back to the bush to pull beers. He has no heart, remember the missed kick in 77? Get rid of him, Jack.
JACK: Errr.....and if we do that, what then?
BRIAN: Tell Brett Kenny that he's got 15 minutes to get the side a big lead. Then hook him.
JACK: Hook Bert?
BRIAN: Yep.
JACK: Then who do I play at 5/8????
BRIAN: Pricey
JACK: *long pause* Are you a resident of Callum Park, by any chance?
BRIAN: No, I'm in Wollongong, breathing in the clean frsh air from the Steelworks. Anyway, back to the side...
JACK, So you'd replace Brett Kenny with Ray Price. So, who locks the scrums?
BRIAN: That's the beauty of the plan. Price locks the scrums, but plays 5/8 in general play, so he can make 50 tackles!
JACK: So, who is 5/8 at the scrums?
BRIAN: Steve Sharp!
JACK: Steve bloody Sharp????
BRIAN: Yep!
JACK: So, you telling me that in the last 20 minutes of the game, when Sterlo needs to backline to fire, his link man is Steve Sharp????
BRIAN: No, not quite.
JACK: Huh?
BRIAN: You see, this is the masterstroke. After 50 minutes, you haul off Sterlo.
JACK: And who do I replace him with?
BRIAN: Isn't it obvious? Bob O'Reilly!
JACK: Replace Sterlo with Bear? Why on earth would I do that????
BRIAN: So it's harder for Tommy Raudonikis to run around you halfback!
JACK: *pauses for a moment - gathering his words* Look, mate, thanks for the advice, but I'll go my own way, if it's all the same to you...
BRIAN: But you'd be nuts not to use it. It's the best game plan ever!
JACK: Well, my advice to you would be to save it until YOU are the coach of Parra. Use it in, say, round 25, 2004. OK?
BRIAN: OK, I'll do just that!
And the rest, as they say, is history!