How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups /leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced - leave on for 5 minutes
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
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How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake dick at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Suggest a quick pomp...Wait for a barrage of verbal abuse and definitive explanations of love, tenderness, romancing and spending time together.
Scratch your head totally confused.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your dick and scratch your arse.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing dick and arse hole.
Soap your arse, leaving coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Piss into the catch drain from furthest point of the shower
Consider a wank.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor and leave the shower door open.
Admire dick size in mirror again It looks bigger than before.
Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake nob at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Pick up remote, put TV on sports channel, fall asleep within 5.5 minutes.
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
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