"The Swamp" is my newsletter and the title of a series of books, the first of which was published in the United States in July. Now that we've got the introduction out of the way, I just had this notion of springing the latest chapter on you worthy people. Comments both negative and positive are always appreciated. 
In order to be able to do some of the things I do, I need to be in a
definite frame of mind. Think of fighting with your accountant over last
years tax return. Its not the sort of the thing that makes you want to
run out and have a wank.
Likewise, if Im trying to convey a particular message, I need to get in
the mood of the message. In other words, before I write much of what I
write, I have to build up a certain amount of what it is I want to
blurt.
Why then would I pick on psychoanalysis for a subject about which to
write?
Because frankly, the whole field strikes me as a load of bollocks.
Why?
Because people change and people sometimes change rapidly. What may be
an accurate assessment of a person one day may be totally off the beam
one day later. And Im not about to credit a shrink with being either
the cause or catalyst for the change principally because shrinks
themselves are not anxious to take the credit for this change either.
Like the old joke, the light bulb has to want to change.
People who rely on psychotherapists are merely looking for a medical
excuse to give validity to their own laziness and avoidance of personal
responsibility. Thats my opinion anyway. There are, of course, those
who are actually mentally fulminant and therefore need protecting from
themselves and the natural reactions of the unfinished novels with whom
they interact.
All of which brings me to the point of this edition of The Swamp.
Who am I?
Well I am who and what I am today, but tomorrow, I could be different.
And chances are, what arrives home tomorrow after work is going to be
different from what left for work in the morning. The point is, while
Im alive, its not really prudent to try to discern who or what I am
because its very likely to change. When Im finally feeding the worms,
people can say of me that I was such and such and probably everyone who
does so will be wrong because theyre all going to focus on one aspect
or point in time of my life.
I like these amateur diagnoses more than those provided by
professionals, I have to admit because whatever Joe Public thinks of me,
Im bound to end up in good company. Joe Public has a very limited range
of labels. Professional shrinks, on the other hand, have a mind boggling
arsenal of labels and pigeon holes which narrows the chances of me being
a member of an esteemed or especially notorious group.
This latter group, the professional shrinks, are by their static nature,
always going to be wrong. I mean, lets have a look at it from an
outsiders perspective. Harry Hobbler goes to a shrink, tells a few
stories how he wants or is able to tell them and Doctor Plonker makes an
assessment based on what hes heard and seen of Harry Hobbler. The
assessment is likely to be precise in nature because thats the only way
Doctor Plonker can put a label on Harry Hobbler and deal with him
according to the designated label.
Call me old fashioned, but isnt that what stereotyping is?
This is the kicker though. If Harry Hobbler bamboozles Doctor Plonker,
he gets the almighty panacea for every shrinks inadequacy: a diagnosis
of Borderline Personality Disorder.
To you and me, Harry Hobbler is just a disagreeable merkin. Give him a bit
of the good old treatment of the cold shoulder or a smack in the gob and
hell either mend his ways quick smart or piss off and find his niche
somewhere else. As long as somewhere else isnt part of a small band of
well armed malcontents, who cares where he ends up.
Think about it though. What the hell does Borderline Personality
Disorder mean?
Dont strain yourselves to find an answer, there isnt one. Harry
Hobbler is either going through a phase or hes just a prize winning
arsehole who doesnt know how to behave in company in a manner which
doesnt cause offence or unpleasantness. By this reasoning, all babies
have a borderline personality disorder. They shit themselves in public
then scream their heads off until theyre changed; they point, they
interrupt, they grab things that dont belong to them and theyre
fabulously selfish. They usually get over it by the age of 23. The rest
end up in mental asylums, prison or parliament.
Am I right? You know I am. Youre smiling that smile of the insiders
knowledge being revealed right now arent you. Doctor Plonker disagrees
because, as he would say, a baby doesnt know any better but Harry
Hobbler should because hes an adult.
The fact Harry Hobbler doesnt means either he has issues with which
he has to deal before he can move on; which as I explained before is
nothing short of a lie, Harry Hobbler is just being too lazy to take
responsibility for himself. Or Harry Hobbler has a predefined illness,
in this case, Borderline Personality Disorder.
In both cases, Doctor Plonker is wrong and will always be wrong because
as the title of this edition of The Swamp suggests, hes trying to
second guess a work in progress. By saying Harry Hobbler has something,
Doctor Plonker is making a conclusion. Harry Hobbler could be developing
something much more interesting like Paranoid Schizophrenia or just
be in a bad mood for an eccentrically long period of time.
What Doctor Plonker should be suggesting and I have to admit quite a
few plonkers are beginning to suggest this type of thing is a bit of a
methodology for Harry Hobbler to follow in order to avoid getting
smacked in the gob so much. What pisses me off is the likes of Harry
Hobbler pay self-righteous narcissistic f**kwits like Doctor Phil
hundreds of dollars to hear what Id say in eight words:
Pull your f**king head in you stupid merkin.
In order to be able to do some of the things I do, I need to be in a
definite frame of mind. Think of fighting with your accountant over last
years tax return. Its not the sort of the thing that makes you want to
run out and have a wank.
Likewise, if Im trying to convey a particular message, I need to get in
the mood of the message. In other words, before I write much of what I
write, I have to build up a certain amount of what it is I want to
blurt.
Why then would I pick on psychoanalysis for a subject about which to
write?
Because frankly, the whole field strikes me as a load of bollocks.
Why?
Because people change and people sometimes change rapidly. What may be
an accurate assessment of a person one day may be totally off the beam
one day later. And Im not about to credit a shrink with being either
the cause or catalyst for the change principally because shrinks
themselves are not anxious to take the credit for this change either.
Like the old joke, the light bulb has to want to change.
People who rely on psychotherapists are merely looking for a medical
excuse to give validity to their own laziness and avoidance of personal
responsibility. Thats my opinion anyway. There are, of course, those
who are actually mentally fulminant and therefore need protecting from
themselves and the natural reactions of the unfinished novels with whom
they interact.
All of which brings me to the point of this edition of The Swamp.
Who am I?
Well I am who and what I am today, but tomorrow, I could be different.
And chances are, what arrives home tomorrow after work is going to be
different from what left for work in the morning. The point is, while
Im alive, its not really prudent to try to discern who or what I am
because its very likely to change. When Im finally feeding the worms,
people can say of me that I was such and such and probably everyone who
does so will be wrong because theyre all going to focus on one aspect
or point in time of my life.
I like these amateur diagnoses more than those provided by
professionals, I have to admit because whatever Joe Public thinks of me,
Im bound to end up in good company. Joe Public has a very limited range
of labels. Professional shrinks, on the other hand, have a mind boggling
arsenal of labels and pigeon holes which narrows the chances of me being
a member of an esteemed or especially notorious group.
This latter group, the professional shrinks, are by their static nature,
always going to be wrong. I mean, lets have a look at it from an
outsiders perspective. Harry Hobbler goes to a shrink, tells a few
stories how he wants or is able to tell them and Doctor Plonker makes an
assessment based on what hes heard and seen of Harry Hobbler. The
assessment is likely to be precise in nature because thats the only way
Doctor Plonker can put a label on Harry Hobbler and deal with him
according to the designated label.
Call me old fashioned, but isnt that what stereotyping is?
This is the kicker though. If Harry Hobbler bamboozles Doctor Plonker,
he gets the almighty panacea for every shrinks inadequacy: a diagnosis
of Borderline Personality Disorder.
To you and me, Harry Hobbler is just a disagreeable merkin. Give him a bit
of the good old treatment of the cold shoulder or a smack in the gob and
hell either mend his ways quick smart or piss off and find his niche
somewhere else. As long as somewhere else isnt part of a small band of
well armed malcontents, who cares where he ends up.
Think about it though. What the hell does Borderline Personality
Disorder mean?
Dont strain yourselves to find an answer, there isnt one. Harry
Hobbler is either going through a phase or hes just a prize winning
arsehole who doesnt know how to behave in company in a manner which
doesnt cause offence or unpleasantness. By this reasoning, all babies
have a borderline personality disorder. They shit themselves in public
then scream their heads off until theyre changed; they point, they
interrupt, they grab things that dont belong to them and theyre
fabulously selfish. They usually get over it by the age of 23. The rest
end up in mental asylums, prison or parliament.
Am I right? You know I am. Youre smiling that smile of the insiders
knowledge being revealed right now arent you. Doctor Plonker disagrees
because, as he would say, a baby doesnt know any better but Harry
Hobbler should because hes an adult.
The fact Harry Hobbler doesnt means either he has issues with which
he has to deal before he can move on; which as I explained before is
nothing short of a lie, Harry Hobbler is just being too lazy to take
responsibility for himself. Or Harry Hobbler has a predefined illness,
in this case, Borderline Personality Disorder.
In both cases, Doctor Plonker is wrong and will always be wrong because
as the title of this edition of The Swamp suggests, hes trying to
second guess a work in progress. By saying Harry Hobbler has something,
Doctor Plonker is making a conclusion. Harry Hobbler could be developing
something much more interesting like Paranoid Schizophrenia or just
be in a bad mood for an eccentrically long period of time.
What Doctor Plonker should be suggesting and I have to admit quite a
few plonkers are beginning to suggest this type of thing is a bit of a
methodology for Harry Hobbler to follow in order to avoid getting
smacked in the gob so much. What pisses me off is the likes of Harry
Hobbler pay self-righteous narcissistic f**kwits like Doctor Phil
hundreds of dollars to hear what Id say in eight words:
Pull your f**king head in you stupid merkin.
