Game one: Canberra vs Manly

[dubby]

I hope you guys are ready to lose, Manly has Monas, Orford, Kennedy, Watmough, Menzies, Bell, Mattai, Stephenson, Burns, Brookvale(most important player), Robertson, Hicks. Need I go on?

Hmm. lets see.

Monas;hardly a major threat, Linc/Germ will handle him
Orford;most over rated player outside Braith Anasta. This guy hasn't played SOO yet!
Kennedy;absolute champ
Watmough; tough nut, will stick it to Raston and Jones.
Bell;Meh.
The rest are just nuffies who wouldn't get a run in the Ryde Eastwood junior squad.

Manly have it over us in the forwards. I'd feel alot better if Lomu and Williams were in there, just for intimidation and oomph.

It won't be a blow out at all. Manly are still working out their new players and will be a bit disjointed if you ask me. I am quitely confident in the Green Machines ability to win this. Only just though.
It all comes down to how well we start this.

 

[Cletus]

I think Effnic is a bit overoptimistic. 30+ for me, can't see you guys beating us. I think some of you guys have been smoking too much Canberra green if you think you've got any hope .

 

[Raider_69]

I think Effnic is a bit overoptimistic. 30+ for me, can't see you guys beating us. I think some of you guys have been smoking too much Canberra green if you think you've got any hope .

two hands on the keyboard, hairy palms is not an attractive look

 

[woodgers]

Leave the chat for the players boys. Get behind your team!

 

[Raider Azz]

some of the comments in here would make a victory to the raiders all the more sweeter

 

[effnic]

There was no intent to bait you guys but you all must be a hungry bunch. And according to sports betting everywhere you guys are the last people to be saying our team i sfull of nuffies.
Canberra line up:
1. clinton
2. who
3. who
4. who
5. who the f**k
6. old fart
7. i think ive heard of him somewhere
8. who
9. woolford
10. who
11. are you guys serious who the f**k are these ppl
12. tongue (the guy that single handedly won us the game round 26)
13. that old nearly dead.

Seriously if we lose this we have problems.

 

[canberra_raiders2k2]

just about every expert is saying we are wooden material...i honestly feel confident about the raiders (i do every year anyway) but it would be sweet if we made the 8 considering how were expected to finish last.

 

[jed]

just about every expert couldn't give a sh*t about paying attention to our up & coming juniors, they just say we're a bunch of nobodies, and everyone else follows them like sheep. perhaps if they watched the PL team play once in a while they'd know a bit more about us.

 

[Genghis Chan]

Was there a group coming up to the game at all? If so, where abouts and when were you going to be getting there? It's always fun with the Raiders Army.

 

[brettk]

My bedroom is a converted attic accessed by retractable metal ladders.
I fought my brother for this room at the young age of 12, and being the eldest it really was no contest.

You see at this young age I had already foreseen the benefits of being able to pull the ladders up and shut myself away from the world.

Actually, if I may take this chance to say a few things.

My 15,16,17 and 18 year old would like to thank my 12 yr self for providing the freedom to masturbate at will.

My 19, 20, 21, and 22-year-old self, thank my 12-year-old self for giving me the freedom to shag girlfriends in a fully occupied house.

My 23 yr old self however is less greatful and would have no qualms about kicking my 12 yr old self in his pre pubescent nutsack.....and ill tell you why.

Years of striding down my ladders have resulted in a certain degree of schoolboy arrogance and blatant showboating on my part.
4 steps at a time, no hands, 360 degree turns in mid descent, were some of my more daring moves.
I have managed to navigate these ladders in all states of drunkenness, with a broken foot, carrying crates of beer; f**k I could have probably juggled while hopping backwards on these ladders, until the fateful day.

On those ladders, gravity was my bitch.

However this particular morning, Gravity it seemed, was in no mood to be taunted, and had conspired with dyson to teach my sorry disrespectful ass a lesson... quite literally.

It was a Saturday morning. I woke up fluffy haired and blurry eyed following a heavy night out on the town. I had a football match in 1 hrs time and was faced with what has now become a weekly task of playing 90 minutes hung-over, I take my football very seriously.
The awakening of my bladder dictated that the bathroom would be the first stop of the day and thus urged me towards the ladders for the trusty standard 2-step descent with speed.

I'd made this journey many times, 5 strides and I would be on my hallway.

The first 3 strides were uneventful,

The 4th stride un f**king forgettable,

There was no 5th stride,

For at this point, I was almost raped by a dyson.

If I needed any further clarification that inserting anything up my ass was not going to be a suitable lifestyle choice then this was it.

The speed that I was travelling coupled with the all too perfect positioning
of the vacuum cleaner meant that the attempted anal entry was fast and brutal. (Seriously, I reconstructed the scene many times after and there was only one position the dyson could have been sitting at to enter me with the precision it did that morning)

In hindsight, the lack of lubricant, and my heterosexuality saved me.

Any previous tampering with my asshole, KY jell, vaseline, or spittle on that handle and that f**king dyson would have gone so far up my ass I would have been able to wash dishes and vacuum at the same time, if in fact I actually did either.

Such was the ferocity of the assault, man-made materials were no defence for this custom-built ass raping machine masquerading as a household appliance.
The shaft of the dyson tore right through my combats and my homer simpson boxer shorts, finally meeting its resting place in the shape of my tailbone.

The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced.

Let me take this opportunity to tell you what I have learnt about my body's natural defence mechanism to different forms of pain over the years

Punch on the head = Punch the f**ker back
Punch in the stomach = same as above
Kick in the nuts = drop to the floor

To this I can now add,

Vacuum cleaner up the ass = run like f**k with minor terets

This was the first type of pain that my body has ever told me to f**king move, and move fast. Not in any particular direction or to any specific location, just to keep running. Kind of like forest gump.
The desire to run like f**k was accompanied with the desire to swear, and swear continuously.

So I did.

I sprinted down the stairs and must have ran round my kitchen a good 15 times clutching my ass shouting expletives at the dyson

"HOLY GOOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU f**kIN DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"

This was followed by a continual stream of swear words.

As I rounded on what would be my last lap of the kitchen, I found myself slightly impressed with my ability to formulate incoherent sentences purely with swear words.
This brief sense of pride however was quickly overshadowed by the realisation of what had just happened to me

I'd just been anally assaulted by my dyson.

My experience undoubtedly has emotionally scarred me.

You will never now see me descend ladders without a thorough initial scan of the area below, accompanied by a tentative outstretched hand feeling around for any object potentially obstructing my landing area.

You also will never see me do any housework.
Everyday is a struggle, but I have to be strong.

What kind of example would I be setting to the rest of the household appliances? That its ok to sexually assault the occupant and then carry on as if nothing had happened?

There have been times when I've come close to using the toaster, emptying the dishwasher, or clean up the beer id spilt, but you'll be pleased to know these near lapses have only reinforced my determination to never to lift in a finger to help in the house.

I take your applause people.

To Mr Dyson I say this,

You've managed to pay millions to remove the troublesome bags from hoovers, and thus prolong the suction, but would it have really have hurt you to go the extra mile and maybe have foam padding on the handles dipsh*t?

Surely no other man should have to endure the hell having to watch their mother/partner near collapse lifting a vacuum cleaner up 3 flights of stairs.

To confused teenage boys I say this,

If you think you stare just that little bit too long in the communal changing rooms at your male school chums, go squat on a dyson.
Years of hormonal based confusion answered in a painful/gratifying second. (Delete as appropriate)

Beware the Dyson.

 

[jed]

The Army will be standing on the sideline hill, about the 15m mark on the ground, at the opposite end to the video screen.

You'll hardly be able to miss us

 

[dubby]

Give'em heaps Jed! :x

 

[wittyfan]

i think the raiders biggest losing margin is around 54 by parra. My guess is that is going to change come saturday. This is not a threat or a comment to bait you guys i will be actually putting a few dollars on a 50+ scorling to the mighty eagles just had a feeling when i looked at your lineup.

Without a decent goalkicker, Manly won't score enough tries to win by 50.

Money unwisely spent.

 

[thickos]

On a different note...

I think its great to see Terry Martin back in first grade. After missing all of 2005 I bet he's hungry to get out there. Local junior closing in on 100 games, and I think he's a highly under-rated forward. I know he doesn't have many fans but he never lets us down.

Good luck Tez

 

[Genghis Chan]

The Army will be standing on the sideline hill, about the 15m mark on the ground, at the opposite end to the video screen.

You'll hardly be able to miss us

What time will you be getting there?

 

[dubby]

On a different note...

I think its great to see Terry Martin back in first grade. After missing all of 2005 I bet he's hungry to get out there. Local junior closing in on 100 games, and I think he's a highly under-rated forward. I know he doesn't have many fans but he never lets us down.

Good luck Tez

Have to agree Thick-man, i rated Tez very highly after 03, he's never really recaptured that form though, mainly due to injuries i believe. I hope he goes well.

 

[jed]

What time will you be getting there?

Not 100% sure yet, hopefully some time through Flegg.

 

[Chips]

Without a decent goalkicker, Manly won't score enough tries to win by 50.

Money unwisely spent.

Matt Orford isnt bad as a goalkicker Witty

 

[Chips]

There was no intent to bait you guys but you all must be a hungry bunch. And according to sports betting everywhere you guys are the last people to be saying our team i sfull of nuffies.
Canberra line up:
1. clinton
2. who
3. who
4. who
5. who the f**k
6. old fart
7. i think ive heard of him somewhere
8. who
9. woolford
10. who
11. are you guys serious who the f**k are these ppl
12. tongue (the guy that single handedly won us the game round 26)
13. that old nearly dead.

Seriously if we lose this we have problems.

he dude....Manly have never been shy in taking lower grade Raiders players including Robbo, Monas, Williamson and Bryant. Our PL side is making up a decent portion of your first grade side.

And Jason Smith might be an old fart but he is better than any backline player you have :lol:

lets just hope Ben "Diver" Kennedy can rip ya into gear

 

[thickos]

Round 1 match preview
March 10, 2006

CANBERRA RAIDERS v MANLY SEA EAGLES
Brookvale Oval, Saturday, March 11, at 7.30pm
Referee: Shayne Hayne

WHAT’S AT STAKE

After a strong pre-season and with a relatively young side, the Canberra Raiders are hoping to start the year on a good note and topple the Sea Eagles at home in round one.

Coach Matt Elliot has shown faith in his young charges by naming three rookies in his side this weekend, with Adrian Purtell, Ben Jones and Willie Raston all making their first grade debuts. The hard working Alan Tongue has also been rewarded with a starting spot, and will try and cement the lock position for the season.

The Raiders will field a strong side with only Mick Weyman, Craig Frawley, Alan Rothery, Kris Kahler, Nathan Smith and new recruit Dane Tilse unavailable through injury.

The Raiders will be out to prove their critics wrong, with most bookmakers having them at $51 to win the competition. Manly will be a hard nut to crack at Brookvale oval in front of one of the most passionate home crowds in the NRL.

With new recruit Matt Orford ready to steer them around the park they look very dangerous, especially with the representative back row of Menzies, Watmough and Kennedy.

STATS BOX
Head to Head
Overall: Raiders 15, Sea Eagles 20, 1 Draw
At Brookvale Oval: Raiders 7, Sea Eagles 10
Last time they met: Sea Eagles won 36-18 at Canberra Stadium
Recent Form
Raiders: 0pts 1st Round
Knights: 0pts 1st Round
Last Five:
Raiders: LLLLL
Sea Eagles: LLLWL


MATCH-UPS
Lincoln Withers – Matt Orford
Playing in his 100th NRL match, Withers will be keen to continue the good form he showed in 2005. Set to share the number seven with Todd Carney and the number nine with Simon Woolford, Withers will be used as an attacking weapon this season. Orford will be out to prove he is worth the big money the Sea Eagles are paying him. Possessing a strong pass and kick game, the former Storm pivot will be the key to a Manly win on Saturday night.

Alan Tongue – Ben Kennedy
This shapes up to be the battle of the team work horses. Both Tongue and Kennedy love being involved in the game, with Tongue averaging 34.3 tackle and 8.9 hit ups in 2005, while Kennedy averaged a healthy 24.1 tackles and 15 hit ups last season.

Jason Croker – Steve Menzies
Both Croker and Menzies are the veteran players at their clubs, with a total of over 500 matches between them. Canberra looks to Croker as the backbone of the side, with his presence on the field sure to inspire the three rookies on Saturday. Menzies plays a similar role for Manly and is always the go to man when the Eagles need a try in a tough situation.

INSIDE INFORMATION – with Michael Weyman
“The tough back row of Manly will be hard to stop on Saturday with Ben Kennedy leading the charge against our boys. Ben Jones will have his chance to attack the likes of Menzies, Watmough and Kennedy, and we’re all confident he’ll get the job done. It will be interesting to see the role Matt Orford plays in his first match for Manly, and he has former team mate Steven Bell outside him in the centres to help him settle. Hopefully Linc and Smithy don’t give him that chance, with the boys sure to have a few tricks up their sleeves.”

WORTH NOTING:

* The Raiders will have three first grade debutants in the side, the most of any NRL club this weekend
.
* Lincoln Withers plays in his 100th NRL match, after his debut for Canberra in 2000.
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* The Sea Eagles were responsible for ending Canberra’s early unbeaten run last season when the teams last met at Brookvale.
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* Jason Croker begins the season with only seven more games needed to join the exclusive 300 club for first grade appearances.