It’s that time again folks, April 1. Universally acknowledged as the day for recognising stupidity and ineptitude in all its forms, today we recognise the most significant concentration of the above in Rugby League.
Welcome to the second annual ‘Dragons Day’
Yes, today’s the day we look back over the past year to date and reflect on all of St George Illawarra’s cringe-worthy incidents and thought to ourselves, ‘jeez, how stupid are these guys?’
And what a year it was:
Exhibit A: The club finally gives Illawarra some recognition for their Round 4 clash at WIN by playing in commemorative Steelers jumpers. This disgusts the heritage St George supporters and drives another wedge into an already polarised fanbase.
Exhibit B: After managing to win three games in a row for the first time in years, are infamously labelled “benchmarks” by the incomprehensibly stupid Red V. Didn’t we get some mileage out of that!!
Exhibit C: The club, also delighted with their new-found ability to fluke a three game streak, duly extend Coach Slappy’s contract for a further two years. They are now stuck with the dumbass waterboy until the end of 2006.
Exhibit D: At a time when the NRL was doing everything it could to improve the image of the game to women, Mark Gasnier rings a woman anonymously at 3:00am, declare that he is a “toey human” and instructs her to “fire up” due to her perceived status as a “sad merkin.”
As a result, Gaaaz becomes the first player in Origin history to be sacked before lacing on a boot. He attempts to blame Anthony Minichello, resulting in him being sacked as well.
Exhibit E: Gasnier duly breaks his collarbone during Origin III, and subsequently stitches up a deal to pay in England in 2005. The Dragons pay overs to keep him, and are forced to cut Riddell, Perenara, Kite and Withers as a result. Meanwhile Gasnier will play out his contract at the Dragons under sufferance, while his mind is 17,000km away
Exhibit F: The club decides that since depth in the halves has never been a problem for them, they will only need one halfback for 2005. They proceed to pick Matthew Head over Brett Firman. Head subsequently develops a mystery illness which could threaten his career at any moment
Exhibit G: Gasnier falls out of a car, re-breaking his collarbone.
No, that’s not a typo. He fell out of a car. I’m serious...
Exhibit H: The Dragons eventually finish 5th, provoking much hysteria among their fans and predictions that “this is the year,” and proceed to hand the Panthers a 24 point head-start in their first final. They think to themselves “it’s all good, we’ll just start better next week.”
Subsequent wins to Melbourne and North Queensland make the evening of Saturday September 5, 2004 a truly memorable one for Dragons and Sharks supporters alike...
Exhibit I: Amos Roberts, universally condemned as a player by Dragons supporters in 2002 and 2003, finishes the 2004 season as top tryscorer for Penrith. In doing so, Amos joins the likes of Gorden Tallis, Jason Stevens, Luke Patten and Craig Fitzgibbon as players whose careers have flourished after escaping the mysterious curse of ineptitude brought about by wearing red and white
Exhibit J: Timmins, Ryles and Cooper are all selected for the Kangaroo tour, and all manage to hurt themselves.
Exhibit K: Gasnier injures his wrist in a ’training mishap’ late November, requiring surgery which keeps him out until the start of the new season. New purchases Ennis and Torrens are already doing ‘sheet-time’ at this point, despite being four months away from their first appearance for the club
Exhibit L: Jason Ryles also has shoulder surgery in December, ruling him out of the opening games of the 2005 season
Exhibit M: Barrett injures himself again in pre-season, this time it’s a ‘torn quad’
Exhibit N: Prior to the Charity Shield, Peter Doust reiterates to the press how important the game is to them, and that it is far from ‘just a trial.’ The Dragons ultimately get their arses handed to them by the Wooden Spoon favourites, to the tune of 30-6.
Fan’s reaction? “It’s only a trial”
Exhibit O: Head tears his hamstring during the Charity Shield, and Cooper breaks his nose.
Exhibit P: After conceding 110 points in three games, the team slumps to an 0-3 record, the worst since it’s first season in 1999.
Fans’ reaction? “Um, well, we made the Grand Final in 1999, so that means we will make the Grand Final again this year.”
Finally, let’s revisit a couple of select musings from one of the more cerebrally disadvantaged trolls during the off-season. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the pre-season works of Ribs:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ribs
You guys are rubbish next year, I cant wait!!!!!!
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YOUR TEAM IS A JOKE.
Quote:
Panic?
I'll honestly say that its the best we have looked for a long time.....
The moves in our ranks have mostly been 1st division players with the exception of Riddell, Kite and Withers. We have more front row depth than any club in the comp and Ennis is a great buy.
Your team is sh*t, plain and simple. Was this year and is worse next year.
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You cant hassle us, we are so far above you in every aspect of the game of rugby league thats it like arguing with a 5 year old.
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The fact is, everyone with half a football brain knows bloody well we are a force in the comp and it seems to be the ones most concerned about that who cant admit it.
After three rounds:
Cronulla Sutherland Sharks: 2-1, 58 for/70 against. 4 points, 7th place.
St George Illawarra Dragons: 0-3, 48 for/110 against. 0 points
STONE
MOTHERLESS
LAST
Thankyou St George Illawarra, for keeping us in stitches as no other club can. As you fumble your way through another year of gaffes, rest assured we will be looking on thinking, “what a bunch of f*cking idiots. I’m glad that’s not my team”
We salute you!!
