the_flight_of_the_magpie
First Grade
- Messages
- 8,666
There are billboards all over Sydney right now claiming that a band by the name of Guns and Roses is playing this weekend. This is a lie. A bandy-legged, lank-haired fellow dressed in spandex dacks and a gay headband is playing. His name is Axl Rose and he has not left the house in 20 years.
There is no Slash, no Izzy Stradlin, no-one to blow the sports whistle which heralds the thumping start of Paradise City, just a few session musos and a chap who spent the past two decades penning the anti-masterwork Chinese Democracy, a concept album so crap in design and execution that it makes Roger Waters Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking seem intelligent. It is unclear whether the relevant sections of the Trade Practices Act covering false and deceptive conduct can be applied to foreign entites - Punch columnist and competition crusader Professor Frank Zumbo would know - but whatever the case the billboard advertising the Guns and Roses concert should bear a large asterisk reading Actual band may not match band shown.
Which brings us to INXS.
There are many questions you can ask about the band that should no longer be known as INXS, such as what in Gods name is going on with Kirk Pengillys facial hair, and how does he still keep pulling such attractive chicks. The biggest question is how the surviving members of this group can claim to be the custodians of Michael Hutchences memory while also turning the lead singers spot into a take-a-number deli counter-style operation for everyone in Australia who has ever been to a karaoke bar.
The initial plan after Hutchence died was to bring in Jon Stevens of Noiseworks fame. Then there was a game show to replace him. At this years AFL Grand Final the band was fronted by a man who looked a bit like the jockey Darren Gauci. The boys turned up on the telly the other night with Christine Anu on lead vocals. Although this was ostensibly a collaboration rather than a formal replacement, you wouldnt put anything past this lot. No-one should be surprised if pint-sized strumpet Nikki Webster is sworn in next year as the new Hutchence; alternately perhaps the guy from Regurgitator could have a crack at re-recording Shabooh Shabah in Mandarin, maybe the husky female jazz vocalist Renee Geyer could sing The Swing in the style of a 1950s swing band. Its just a pity Dame Joan Sutherland is no longer with us, she would have done a great rendition of Just Keep Walking.
The possibilities are endless. While all of the above might be a form of music, INXS it aint, and the band would do well to retire the name out of deference to one of the greatest front men not just in Australian rock history but world rock history, rather than debasing it as stadium rock meets Red Faces.
ACCC Commissioner Graeme Samuel should also turn his attention to the greatest serial offender in the false and deceptive conduct stakes, John Farnham. One of the great ironies of modern Australia is that Farnhams good friend Glenn Wheatley spent time in prison yet Farnsy is walking around scot-free despite fleecing thousands of pensioners by holding his absolute last-ever farewell tour never-to-be-repeated show, once every 12 months. These poor old ducks dutifully turn up and sob - for all the wrong reasons - as Farnsy screeches out his cover of Help for the last time until the next time. It beggars belief that Farnham has not yet been charged as he is to farewell tours what the late Richard Pratt was to cardboard boxes.
I know Mr Samuels is under pressure to act on bank fees and charges and interest rate gouging and electricity prices but these arguably are side issues.
While not strictly a competition issue, a parliamentary committee should be set up to tackle another great unexplored theme of Australian rock, namely how is it that Chisel were so great but Barnesy on his own is so awful. Oh and can someone please jail Glenn A Baker for wearing that hat, he makes Peter Fitzsimmons look sensible.
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/its-time-for-the-accc-to-act-on-crap-bands/
There is no Slash, no Izzy Stradlin, no-one to blow the sports whistle which heralds the thumping start of Paradise City, just a few session musos and a chap who spent the past two decades penning the anti-masterwork Chinese Democracy, a concept album so crap in design and execution that it makes Roger Waters Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking seem intelligent. It is unclear whether the relevant sections of the Trade Practices Act covering false and deceptive conduct can be applied to foreign entites - Punch columnist and competition crusader Professor Frank Zumbo would know - but whatever the case the billboard advertising the Guns and Roses concert should bear a large asterisk reading Actual band may not match band shown.
Which brings us to INXS.
There are many questions you can ask about the band that should no longer be known as INXS, such as what in Gods name is going on with Kirk Pengillys facial hair, and how does he still keep pulling such attractive chicks. The biggest question is how the surviving members of this group can claim to be the custodians of Michael Hutchences memory while also turning the lead singers spot into a take-a-number deli counter-style operation for everyone in Australia who has ever been to a karaoke bar.
The initial plan after Hutchence died was to bring in Jon Stevens of Noiseworks fame. Then there was a game show to replace him. At this years AFL Grand Final the band was fronted by a man who looked a bit like the jockey Darren Gauci. The boys turned up on the telly the other night with Christine Anu on lead vocals. Although this was ostensibly a collaboration rather than a formal replacement, you wouldnt put anything past this lot. No-one should be surprised if pint-sized strumpet Nikki Webster is sworn in next year as the new Hutchence; alternately perhaps the guy from Regurgitator could have a crack at re-recording Shabooh Shabah in Mandarin, maybe the husky female jazz vocalist Renee Geyer could sing The Swing in the style of a 1950s swing band. Its just a pity Dame Joan Sutherland is no longer with us, she would have done a great rendition of Just Keep Walking.
The possibilities are endless. While all of the above might be a form of music, INXS it aint, and the band would do well to retire the name out of deference to one of the greatest front men not just in Australian rock history but world rock history, rather than debasing it as stadium rock meets Red Faces.
ACCC Commissioner Graeme Samuel should also turn his attention to the greatest serial offender in the false and deceptive conduct stakes, John Farnham. One of the great ironies of modern Australia is that Farnhams good friend Glenn Wheatley spent time in prison yet Farnsy is walking around scot-free despite fleecing thousands of pensioners by holding his absolute last-ever farewell tour never-to-be-repeated show, once every 12 months. These poor old ducks dutifully turn up and sob - for all the wrong reasons - as Farnsy screeches out his cover of Help for the last time until the next time. It beggars belief that Farnham has not yet been charged as he is to farewell tours what the late Richard Pratt was to cardboard boxes.
I know Mr Samuels is under pressure to act on bank fees and charges and interest rate gouging and electricity prices but these arguably are side issues.
While not strictly a competition issue, a parliamentary committee should be set up to tackle another great unexplored theme of Australian rock, namely how is it that Chisel were so great but Barnesy on his own is so awful. Oh and can someone please jail Glenn A Baker for wearing that hat, he makes Peter Fitzsimmons look sensible.
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/its-time-for-the-accc-to-act-on-crap-bands/
