Laughter Is The Best Medicine

[Tigerm]

Feels true to this day hahaha

 

[Nutz]

Feels true to this day hahaha

That's so funny.
Did you know Ronald was a Hollywood actor before going into politics.
I don't rate him as a great actor but he was very good in King's Row. Worth watching if your into the old classics.

 

[Tigerm]

A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. One evening, she asked if she could take a bath. The woman of the house explained they didn’t have a proper bathroom, but she could use the tin bath in front of the fire. “Monday’s the best night,” the woman added, “when my husband’s out at darts.” The girl agreed, and the following Monday, the woman filled the tin bath for her. As the girl undressed, the woman noticed something surprising—she didn’t have any pubic hair. Curious, the woman mentioned it to her husband later that night. He didn’t believe her. “You’re making that up,” he said. “Well, next Monday, leave for darts a little early and watch from the garden. I’ll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself,” she suggested. The following Monday, as the girl prepared for her bath, the wife casually asked, “Do you shave?” “No,” the girl replied. “I’ve just never grown hair down there. Do you have any?” “Oh, plenty,” said the woman, lifting her nightdress to show off her abundance. The girl, unbothered, finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when her husband returned, the wife asked, “Well? Did you see?” “I did,” he replied. “But why on earth did you have to show her yours?” “What does it matter?” she said. “You’ve seen it plenty of times.” “I know,” he groaned, “but the dart team hadn’t!”

 

[Tigerm]

That's so funny.
Did you know Ronald was a Hollywood actor before going into politics.
I don't rate him as a great actor but he was very good in King's Row. Worth watching if your into the old classics.

Agree, not the greatest actor, but for some strange reason, I always remember the footy movie, where he says "do it for the gipper" though I can't remember who the gipper was hahaha

 

[Nutz]

Agree, not the greatest actor, but for some strange reason, I always remember the footy movie, where he says "do it for the gipper" though I can't remember who the gipper was hahaha

That was Knute Rockne when Regan played George Gipp.
Regan used that phrase during one on his campaign rallies.

 

[Nutz]

I'm a big romantic sook when it comes to the old black and white classics.
Some of the ladies were soooo classy.

 

[Nutz]

@Tigerm

This would've been in your era too mate.

 

[Ned Kelly]

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

 

[Tigerm]

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

Do you realise you go down faster than go up?

 

[Tigerm]

Daddy, how was I Born?
'Well, Son, Your Mom and I first got together in a Chat Room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a Date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a Cyber Cafe.
We sneaked into a Secluded Room, and Googled each other.
There your Mother agreed to a download from my Hard Drive.
As soon as I was ready to Upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a Firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the Delete Button, nine months later a little Pop Up appeared that said,
*’You got Male." 🫢
—————————-
For all the computer geeks hahaha

 

[Tigerm]

It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted

Moral:

There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes

 

[Tigerm]

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.
It was a fine spring day in his new parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was . . . a pig lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
“And the best of the day te yerself.
This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a pig lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . .. .
Father O'Malley then replied:
"Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

 

[Nutz]

RLMD chairman Adam Wright today confirmed the two Townsville clubs (not NRL) had indicated their intent to join the Mackay competition, with talks ongoing to also include a representative team from the Central Highlands.
That's a big deal for those lads up there. There will be some future stars unearthed from the north for sure.

 

[Tigerm]

My neighbor came banging on my door at 2.30am......

Lucky I was still up, playing my bag pipes.

 

[Tigerm]

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby where he met the U.S. President Trump.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America" The President said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will"
The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show Star Trek and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is African and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Muslims”
“My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians or Pakistanis on Star Trek”
The President laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador and whispered back "That's because it takes place in the future"

 

[Tigerm]

Two old men are sitting in a bar.
One of them looks at the other and says,
"You look familiar... where are you from?"
The second old man replies, "Ireland."

The first old man looks astonished and says,
"No way, I'm from Ireland myself, what a small world!"
The second old man then looks at the first and asks, "What city?"

The first old man says, "Dublin?"
The second old man looks astonished again,
"No way, I'm from Dublin meself! What a small world."

The first man looks at the second old man, "What school did you go to?"
The second old man replies, "Saint Mary's, class of '69."

The first old man is absolutely baffled,
"No way, Saint Mary's class of '69 myself! What a small world!"

At this point, another man comes into the bar and says to the bartender,
"Hey, Joe! Anything interesting going on?"

The bartender says,
"Not really... but the Murphy twins are drunk again."

 

[Nutz]

Where do you send a rainbow who commits a crime?
To Prism.
So he can reflect on what he's done.

Yeh yeh, it's for the little ones ok.

 

[Nutz]

A vistor walks into a pub and sits on a bar stool next to Paddy.
He notices paddy has an imposing looking German Shepard sitting beside him.
The vistor says "hey mate, does your dog bite?"
Paddy says "No, my dog doesn't bite."
So the visitor bends down to pat the dog and suddenly he gets his hand nearly bitten off.
"I thought you said your bloody dog doesn't bite, you idiot"
Paddy says "not my dog " and continues to drink his pint.

 

[Nutz]

Did you know dogs can't have xrays?
But catscan.

 

[Tigerm]

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated she asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you Ausralan people too."