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Light humor about a crab..

blueshark

Juniors
Messages
163
This fella goes fishing up the gulf to catch a barra and a crab, any way he has been out all morning and brings his 1 barra and 2 crabs back to his ute.He is just about to put them in the esky when he gets a tap on his shoulder and turns around to see a fishing inspector.The inspector said well what do we have here and the fisherman said 2 crabs and a barra.The inspector said i am not worried about the barra or the big buck crab but that other crab is a jenny and that is ilegal.The fisherman said no that little jenny is a familly pet so dont worry about it,The inspector smiles and said good try mate.The fisherman said no seriously me and the kids were up here a couple of months ago and the kids picked her up on the mud flat out there and asked me to bring her back so she can have a swim and a run.The inspector was totally stunned.The fisherman said you watch i will put her in the water and she will have swim around and come back to me, so the fisherman lets her go.And about 5 minutes goes by and the inspector said how long does it take for this crab to come back.The fisherman said what f**king crab>>

This is apparently a true story told by a mate of mine very proudly..
 

Macca

Coach
Messages
18,399
I've been told the same JOKE three times. So either this is a common occurrence or a JOKE. Next you'll be telling us about your mate and a bloke in a batman suit.

BTW my mate woke up in a bath full of ice with a note that said "Don't get out of the bath, you have no kidney's . . . . "
 

Macca

Coach
Messages
18,399
ShireShark said:
Next you'll be telling us about your mate and a bloke in a batman suit.

Can I please hear the one about the mate and the bloke in a batman suit? :lol:

Haven't you heard that one SS?

I dunno if you are pulling the piss or not but for those that haven't heard this urban myth here it is. . ..


This mate of mine (not really) was out on the town and smashing it up pretty hard. He meets this gorgeous girl at the Bourbon and Beefstake in the Cross. They hit it off and she ends up asking him to come back to her house.

They are getting down to the horizontal nitty gritty when she says to him, "Are you into kinky stuff?"

He says, "Like what?"

She says, "Can I tie you up?"

He shrugs and says, "Yeah whatever."

She gets him to lie face down and ties him to the bed posts.

Next thing a bloke in a Batman suit jumps out of the closet and f**k's him in the ass. :?

I actually believed it the first time I heard it.
 
Messages
368
WWWWWWAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

this is a true story. Not even the names have been changed to protect the innocent

A duck walks into a bar. He looks like the happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, "Why are you so happy today?"
The duck replies, "I've been playing in puddles all day." The duck proceeds to order a beer and enjoy it at the bar.

A little while later another duck walks in the bar. He looks like the second happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, "Why are you so happy today?"

The duck gives the bartender the same answer, "I've been playing in puddles all day." This duck also orders a beer and enjoys it at the bar.

A third duck enters the bar, the total opposite of the first two ducks. She looks like the saddest duck in the world. The bartender asks the duck, "What's wrong with you?"

The duck replies, "My name is Puddles and I've had a terrible day."

:cry: :cry: :cry:
 

Macca

Coach
Messages
18,399
No it's not that bad. If you are eating KFC, don't read on.

This chick asks them for a fillet burger with no mayonaisse, as she is allergic to it. She get's her food and sits down to eat. Halfway through the burger she sees some white liquid dripping out of the burger. She storms back to the counter and to complain about them ignoring her request for no mayonaisse. The bloke at the counter assures her that they didn't put any on her burger.

She says, "Well what's that then," pointing at the white stuff.

The kid behind the counter opens up the burger to reveal a giant boil on the breast of chicken. When the chick had bitten into it she had released the white puss inside the boil.

I still eat Fillet burgers. :shock:
 

DJDL

First Grade
Messages
5,523
I've heard that sort of thing about KFC before.
Apparently they feed their chickens steroid so they grow faster, which creates sores all over the chicken.
The "grease" on KFC is supposedly pus.

Nice....
 
Messages
15,203
Claim: The mayonnaise oozing from a chicken sandwich turned out to be pus from a tumor in the chicken.

Status: False.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1997]


A woman goes into a fast food restaurant and orders a chicken sandwich with no mayo. She bites into it, tastes some kind of sauce, and looking at her sandwich, realizes that it looks kinda like mayonnaise. She takes it back to the counter where they insist that there was no mayo on the sandwich. Eventually, it turns out that the piece of chicken contained a tumor, and when the woman bit into it it exploded, releasing some kind of pus-like substance.



Variations: When given, the name of the fast food outlet varies: McDonalds, Burger King,Wendy's, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Subway have all been tied to this rumor.

The recipient of the pus-filled sandwich is always female.

The victim is sometimes identified as "health conscious," hence her insistence on no mayonnaise. (I guess the fried part doesn't count if you don't add mayo.)

The method by which the pus is discovered varies: the woman opens the sandwich herself and takes a look, she returns to the restaurant to complain about getting mayonnaise (where she and the clerk together spot the tumor), or she becomes ill and is taken to the hospital (where the sandwich is tested to determine what made her sick).

In the versions where the woman has to be taken to the hospital, her illness is attributed either to food poisoning or to microbes in the cyst that attack her nervous system, sending her into a coma.

This story has been told in Australia, Canada, England, and the United States, always as a local and recent occurrence.

Origins: The earliest sightings of this particular yucky food tale take it back to 1990 or 1991. It's a favorite of high school and college students and says a lot about how we feel about fast food.

Unlike most contaminated food stories, this one couldn't have happened. Fast food chicken sandwiches are made of chopped, processed meat -- chicken is ground then reformed into breast-shaped patties. Even those sandwiches fabricated from whole chicken breast couldn't possibly come through the preparation process with a pus-filled abscess intact -- the meat has to be pounded to spread it out to fit the bun, and to stop it from curving up in the middle the way an unmanipulated chicken breast would (which would make piling on the fixings that much harder). And then there's frying process -- no pus-filled anything is going to survive that.

Not only is this a legend about what yucky things might be lurking in our fast food, it's also a tale that dredges up the spectre of cancer. (In the vast majority of tellings a tumor is discovered in the chicken sandwich, not an abscess or a cyst. This, by the way, also eliminates any remaining credibility the story might have, for tumors are hard masses of cancerous flesh without pus.)

The apocryphal discovery of a tumorous chicken breast in a fast food sandwich is a way of expressing distrust about the nature of food in this advanced age. Are chickens being forcefed chemicals to make them grow faster and thus reach our dinner plates sooner? Are we happy about that? The moral of this legend is that you get out what you put in -- feed a chicken chemicals and end up with tumorous meat.

Barbara "making a clean (chicken) breast of it" Mikkelson

Last updated: 5 July 1999

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/food/tumor.htm
 

Shark

Bench
Messages
3,085
I'm with SS.

A fave site of mine is www.truthorfiction.com . It is a great site that researches and investigates urban myths and internet rumours.

Check it out, ALL of these stories are on there, and plenty of others.
 

Shark

Bench
Messages
3,085
That's nearly as good as the joke where The Invisible Man is rooting Wonder Woman, and Superman flies down thinking he's gonna get one on Wonder Woman while she's writhing around in bliss, (apparently) on her own... :D

Naturally, both the Invisible Man and Supes get a nasty surprise when Supes lowers the landing gear... :roll:
 

carcharias

Immortal
Messages
43,120
true story ;-)


My mates sister married a Sri Lankin bloke , he started up his own authentic Sri Lankin restuarant here in Sydney called "The Doosra" . We all went along had a great big feed for next to nothing... food was terrific. Only problem was I was up all night chucking.
 
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