OT: Dear Miss Jemima

[JemimaPuddleduck]

well, some strange things happen around the traps but I was taken aback when I received this email via the forum!

now as pleaseant a duck as I may seem i sometimes don't have the patience to deal with these types. my counselling skills are not ever exactly flourished.

here's the email, from someone called Lonely Lass

Dear Miss JPD

I've picked you out to talk to as for one thing you seem to be one of few girls on this wretched forum and I thought you may have some empathy for me. Ever since we moved down to the Shire I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend to football. He's become involved with some new friends he met on the internet and looks forward to marathon drinking sessions and football games with them more than he looks forward to a night of cocoa, Bette Midler films and canoodling with me. What's worse is he lost his license for being above the PCA, 2.8 and makes me drive him to the pub or the footy.

He's not been terribly supportive in terms of being in a new area where I have no supports around either. How can I get him back?

Lonely Lass

 

[JemimaPuddleduck]

My reply

Dear Lonely Lass

What's wrong with football and drinking? What's wrong with the bloke having an away day from you, you bitch. Geez you've got a car and a license so why can't you go driving back to whence you came to see your old support systems? Or why not go to the football with him? FMD girl if you threw a Bette Midler tape into the video in fron tof me I'd have you see a psychiatrist! Cocoa vs beer? I think not. And why would he canoodle with you when he can go down and get head full of visions of mermaids so when he closes his eyes on top of you he thinks he's with a real woman!

Shut up you whinging skank.

Miss JPD

 

[millersnose]

that wasnt very ladylike miss duck

 

[Special K]

How helpful!

 

[PJ]

that wasnt very ladylike miss duck

But accurate

 

[Mr Angry]

Well it ain't cheese's women.

My answer: start putting out, problem solved.

 

[JemimaPuddleduck]

that wasnt very ladylike miss duck

perhaps I am no lady. maybe i am biduckual! i was quite close to the boy who stuck his finger in the dyke once. i think i knew the same dyke.

anyway, i'm a footymoll duck and have no time for whinging tarts who've never strapped on a boot as I have when i ran out with those Windemere Anglican girls.

NEXT! WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

P.s. my counsel is free, come one come all. tt

 

[Macca]

How 'bout you quit the dumb duck act. You are carrying on more like a turkey anyway.

 

[DJDL]

Dear Lonely Lass,

How selfish of you. You have only just moved to a new area and your boyfriend is obviously feeling vulnerable and needs support. This is why he is spending time with his new-found friends, as they obviously appreciate him for the man that he is, and do not question his motives.

I am sure he could do with the same sort of support from you.

So, next time he goes out with his new-found mates, be a good, dutiful girlfriend and stay at home. Then when he comes home, cook him a nice meal and give him a blow job

 

[JemimaPuddleduck]

How 'bout you quit the dumb duck act. You are carrying on more like a turkey anyway.

now now Mr McSharkie, don't go taking it out on the duck bevause you're upset with other aspects of the forum. Good news though! yopu're in the right place. formalise your angst in a Dear Jemima letter and I'll help. or try to

and remember

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
Ralph W. Sockman (1889 - )

 

[millersnose]

you leave the duck alone mcsharkie

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

 

[PJ]

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

So she is a man :?

 

[Macca]

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

Well, I guess I am either courageous or stupid because I am definitely in the minority.

 

[blacktip-reefy]

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

So she is a man :?

:lol: :lol:

 

[JemimaPuddleduck]

no alas i am indeed a girl. My father Mr Jeremiah PuddleDuck is a drake but he is firmly under the thumb of the dear Missus Jacinta WoodDuck-PuddleDuck, me dear ole mum

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

this is a worrying statement as I have nothing to keep up

I do however have access to the new female form of Viagra. its called Niagra and it gets you pretty wet.

Mr Don Juan de Lotto - simply superb counselling skills.

duck flash - Shannon Hegarty asks for release from the Roosters

ANY COCKLE DOOOOOO

WWWWWAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

 

[wittyfan]

:shock: I think Pigland Bland has turned Jemima into a bitter old tart!

 

[wittyfan]

you leave the duck alone mcsharkie

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

The odd post lately hasn't been overly ducky. ;-)

 

[JemimaPuddleduck]

PMS

 

[millersnose]

you leave the duck alone mcsharkie

i am interested in how long miss duck can keep it up

The odd post lately hasn't been overly ducky. ;-)

shhh

 

[Special K]

How 'bout you quit the dumb duck act. You are carrying on more like a turkey anyway.

¿usted justo llamó la cogida un burro? Ése tiene que ser el muchacho atractivo más cojo de la historia de los pollos hiperactivos del hombre.