Give 'em heaps. Knuckle dragging dopes.
I like the old 'play it up like you're drunk' routine, BUT make sure you're sober as.
Here's the script:
1. Be on your own, but with a clued-up mate looking on from afar (reason for said mate will be apparent soon).
2. Make sure said mate has some jelly babies or something his his/her pocket (reason for jelly babies will be apparent soon).
3. Stumble alot, slur your speech and approach complete strangers (ie security guards) asking them to help you. Dribbling alot at this stage is good.
4. Trip over. Again.
5. Guards will by now be abusive and looking to manhandle you to an exit.
6. Collapse.
7. Stutter stammer and dribble some more. Do not get up off ground.
8. Cry. Say you want to go home. Repeatedly call your mate's name.
9. CUE: Said mate now enters stage left.
10. Mate blasts thug security guards for treating you so poorly. Make statements along the lines of:
"Surely with your super-high entry requirements for your wonderful industry, not to mention your supposed security licencing requirements, you have SOME basic knowledge of first aid?"
"My mate is having a diabetic episode."
[Said mate berates thugs some more.]
"He needs a lolly or something. Go any buy us an orange juice"
[Gives you a jelly baby. Picks you up and takes you back to the safety of bar/club/corporate box.]
"I'll look after him now, thanks."
[Administers insulin, in an amber-coloured liquid, which is Lucozade, if security asks!]
Naturally, the above prank works well on dopes. It is not meant to offend anyone with diabetes or anything. It does, however, highlight how bloody DUMB most of these clowns are. After all, St Johns Basic First Aid ensures that our junior high school kids are aware that someone who APPEARS drunk (incoherent, stumbling, comfused) is NOT necessarily ShireShark, and that the person may be a diabetic.
How come hired neanderthals can't be taught that? :?:
