ST. GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS CONFIRM LANDMARK SIGNING OF HUMPHREY B. BEAR
KOGARAH, NSW – St. George Illawarra Dragons CEO Ryan Webb has today confirmed the club has secured the signature of free agent and iconic entertainer Humphrey B. Bear on a one-year "Development Player" contract, effective immediately.
The signing comes after weeks of rigorous scouting in the Magic Forest, with the Dragons’ recruitment team identifying Humphrey’s elite physical presence, legendary durability, and unparalleled ability to remain calm under pressure without ever uttering a single word of dissent to match officials.
“Humphrey brings a unique skill set to our forward pack,” said Webb. “He is a big body who knows how to find his way to the line, and frankly, his tackle efficiency is through the roof—mostly because once he hugs you, you’re not going anywhere.”
However, the CEO addressed the significant "Special Provisions" section of the contract that has been the subject of intense negotiation with Humphrey’s management.
“We have reached a mutual agreement regarding the NRL’s strict uniform policy,” Webb confirmed. “While Humphrey has traditionally preferred a more… minimalist approach to his lower-half attire, we have inserted a mandatory ‘Lower-Body Textile Clause’. For the first time in his 59-year career, Humphrey will be required to wear official Dragons-branded playing shorts during all on-field activities.”
“We believe this is a win for the fans, the sponsors, and general public decency standards at Netstrata Jubilee Stadium.”
Humphrey B. Bear reportedly nodded three times and performed a celebratory somersault upon signing the deal.
While the club is confident in his ability, Humphrey is expected to miss several mid-season training sessions due to "scheduled seasonal hibernation lethargy" and an ongoing endorsement deal with a local honey co-operative.
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