2014 FFB Awards Night

[Misanthrope]

Chicken Hunter, fresh from throwing eggs at little old Muslim ladies (and one unlucky Greek woman with a slightly too prominent femstache) is on hand to present the award for Most Improved Poster.

umina panther, conspicuous in his presence, seems quietly hopeful that his decision to stop posting will put him in good stead.

"To the surprise of everybody," announces CH, "BunniesMan has been voted Most Improved Poster".



"Now, if you don't mind, I've got Halal food to boycott".

------

"This next award is one very close to my heart," Misanthrope announces as he holds eye contact with his reflection while methodically stroking his gear shaft, "It's the award for the mos - uhhhh- UHHHHHH".

"We're gonna need a clean up," Apey shouts from the crowd, but his calls are not necessary. Ms Anne Thrope seal slides on her sizable belly out into the centre of the stage, her tongue out like the blade of a bulldozer to collect the offending material.

Her gulp induces winces, and many miss the fact that the award for Most Narcissistic Firker goes to Bulldogs Force.



------------

Dani and Alba, both looking absolutely shagtastic and in dire need of a good rogering, hit the stage next to announce the nominees for the next two awards.

Best Newcomer - 2014

Drew-Star
Hoggmaster
SeeJay
muzby



Most Likely to be Nude Now - 2014

Dragon2010
adamkungl
Misanthrope
muzby
Dutchy
Drew-Sta
Twizzle
Chicken Hunter

​

 

[umina panther]

At least i lost to the best

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

I won't be nominated for anything...

Got nominated, lost out to BM. My LU life is over...

 

[Twizzle]

well f**k me, I got a nomination and I'm not wearing any pants

 

[Misanthrope]

well f**k me, I got a nomination and I'm not wearing any pants

I was naked when I received the PM with my nomination. I believe it was from Drew.

 

[Dragon2010]

I was naked when I received the PM with my nomination. I believe it was from Drew.

Longest awards ceremony ever.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

Not sure. The winner is actually a bit of a landslide too.



You say this like you weren't nominated for an award :lol:



That must hurt :crazy:

I'm not am I? Besides the naked one only because I made you feel bad.

 

[Misanthrope]

I didn't nominate you for Most Likely to be Naked. It was GKD about a week ago.

 

[Misanthrope]

Dani and Alba blush profusely as they read out the winner of Most Likely to be Naked, and why wouldn't they?

Sex God and occasional fantasy football player, Dutchy has been voted Most Likely to be Naked.



In defiance of tradition, he struts out onto the stage wearing a pair of stubby shorts and a wifebeater.

"'S'goin' on merkins?" he asks the two tittering femme fatales of the FFB. They swoon in response.

-----

Dragon2010 has been flown in from the US at the tax-payer's expense to hand out the award for Best Newcomer, and he's got a pair of borderline catatonic sorority girls clinging to him like sailors in rough seas.

"The winner for best newcomer is muzby".



He wastes no time in quickly leading the girls to a dark corner with a bed of discarded jackets and hoodies so they can 'play doctor'.

Derpiest Firker - 2014

SGLC
BunniesMan
Drew-Sta
Bulldogs Force



Meltdown of the Year - 2014

BunniesMan
Cliffhanger
Frederick
AlwaysGreen

​

 

[God-King Dean]

I request for the 2015 we have a 'Most Racist Poster' award. Just so I can win something.

A think another good addition would be 'Biggest Left Wing Dog' & 'Biggest Right Wing Dog'.

 

[Bazal]

Maggie would beat you to most racist. And no one wants to lose to Maggie.

 

[God-King Dean]

I didn't nominate you for Most Likely to be Naked. It was GKD about a week ago.

 

[Misanthrope]

We bring out a clearly wounded GKD to present the award for Derpiest Firker.

"Although Misanthrope is a betraying, back-stabbing son of a bitch," he begins, "I've opted to continue my participation in this awards ceremony due to my immense esteem for the proceedings. The award for Derpiest Firker goes to Bulldogs Force".



The man in question is presently being changed by his burly, chain-smoking 60 something year old nurse, Agnes.

"Who's a big boy?" she growls in between hacking up fist sized chunks of phlehm and lung lining, "Who's a big boy?"

Evidently BF is, and he rewards her inquisition with a steaming pile of brilliance that would be on par with his most intellectually stimulating post were it smeared across the screen.

-----

"It's been a year for remembering meltdown's past," Misanthrope intones as he resumes his MC duties, "With both BunniesMan's retirement and Cliffhanger's menstrual rage drawing nominations this year".

"Frederick's periodic mafia rages and AlwaysGreen's autism also made for interesting tirades; but there can only be one winner. Congratulations BunniesMan on winning melt-down of the year. Your tearful promise to move onto bigger and better things must surely have been ironic, because the only thing Melbourne is bigger and better than is Geelong".



BM is conscientiously objecting to these awards, but was last seen sipping a latte and having Christmas decorations woven into the hipster beard all male Melbourne residents are forced to grow.

------

We next bring out Paul 'The Most Boring Man in the Universe' Jobdog alongside Springs 'The Second Most Boring Man in the Universe' Springsley to present the hotly contested awards for the Sexiest Male and Female Firkers.

Sexiest Female Firker - 2014​

​

​

Alba
Dani
Twizzle

​

Sexiest Male Firker - 2014​

​

​

Pugzley
Misanthrope
adamkungl
Hoggmaster
madunit
NQ Rhino

​

 

[Dutchy]

Nude was never in doubt.

 

[God-King Dean]

Paul Beigedog.

 

[Dutchy]

Seabass.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

If you added the sexiest appendage of each of those male nominees together to form a single person you wouldn't even come close to achieving anything remotely sexy.

 

[Misanthrope]

If you added the sexiest appendage of each of those male nominees together to form a single person you wouldn't even come close to achieving anything remotely sexy.

I knew I should have added you to the list. So much bitterness.

 

[Bazal]

Once again, I miss nominations for everything. Just gonna go cut myself.....

Maybe I should have an epic staged meltdown next year. Or surgically steal Kungls face.

 

[Misanthrope]

Once again, I miss nominations for everything. Just gonna go cut myself.....

Maybe I should have an epic staged meltdown next year. Or surgically steal Kungls face.

Given the meltdowns with the most votes were from last year, it would be pretty easy to top the meager efforts made by AG and Fred.

Just do it around voting season. People have short memories unless it's colossally messed up.